ITT: get it off your chest
this is a no-judgment, anonymous thread where you can say any of the weird shit that's on your mind
i want to hear your venting and confessions
please tell me
my therapist is a very pretty woman in her early 30s and she is probably not the most qualified or helpful person I could be seeing but I keep going because she's very sweet and protective and makes me feel good
I feel like I could easily be a Chad if I didn't have mental illness. I feel like a defective human, and as if every day my mind is just spinning its tires in the mud. I hate that feeling that it's so close. I try to push through it but no amount of effort makes me functional.
I'm straight but very subby and girly and I shave my legs and pubes because I like the smooth feeling
i tell everyone i hate women and i'm never gonna get married but i secretly want to do so
i even want children
>Dated a girl for 2 months with giant DD tits
>Actually really liked her but she isn't looking for anything serious
>Starts giving me the cold shoulder
>Break things off because I stopped feeling anything due to infrequent contact
Man I'm really going to miss those tits... and of course the companionship. Whatever, 5 more years till I see if I should off myself.
My ex-gf (6/10) has been with this dork for a couple years. It was an open relationship, so we banged every once in a while.
The dingus she was dating dumped her for someone on one of those shitty dating websites or apps. A couple days pass, and he realizes it was a mistake and tries to get back with her.
She pretty much says, tough titties.
Here's where I come in. She is my oneitis, been pining over her for years.
She says she still loves me, but she doesn't want to settle down. She wants to give polyamory a shot. Pretty much indirectly tells me, I'm not good enough.
I don't hate her. I still miss her. But at the same time I'm ready to move on, if pussy just falls into my lap I'm good to go.
These last 5 years have really fucked me up though. I transitioned from Chad, to robot.
I've done a complete 180 since 5 years ago. I went from chad to shut-in. I don't like people, I don't like meeting new people, I don't like talking to people. I just quit my job last week.
I can't sleep longer than 3 hours. I have no drive to do anything. I don't even find joy in playing vidya anymore.
I'm not suicidal anymore either, I just exist, it doesn't matter why or what-for. I stopped caring.
I'm a normie.
Me too, only I switch
My legs are kinda prickly/itchy against my pants after I shave, especially if I have goosebumps. Do you know how to prevent this? Moisturizer maybe? I use coconut oil based lotion and it seems to help but it's annoying still.
For years my inner autism and desperate desire for social acceptance that I didn't realize existed lead me to self destruct and worsened my bipolar.
I started smoking cigarettes for the sake of looking cool. When I realized they gave a nice kick I did it for the kick.
My family isn't too bad but I throw hissy fits because they try to control every aspect of what I do and micro manage my schedule, can't self destruct in peace which is even more aggravating.
Deep down I know I'm fucked in life but I wish someone would validate this train of thought and help me find a job I can slave away at for 50 years and then kill myself.
The deepest desire I've had was for someone to validate my feelings, go say that I was a person and that my complaints or thoughts or pain and suffering mattered. Self validation brought me no joy. I tried becoming a boxer tried getting a job in construction tried being Chad tried being a leader but I was never seen as a respectable man, just a Bill Dautrive or a Meg, someone who babbles, is emotionally insecure, and pathetic. Less than a person. After the bipolar and autism diagnosis and dropping out of Uni its only been down hill. Tried to commit sudoku but failed.
I just wanna push papers and do drugs.
I secretly love being sad and depressed. I love the feeling of listening to heart wrenching music or watching dark animations and just connecting to them and being to understand them on another level. It's been like this for the past 3 years with varying degrees of darkness.
Though, lately since I've started taking SSRIs, I've become quite happy. I haven't had a grey day since and it feels way too fucking weird. I try to feel sad and sorry for myself but I almost can't anymore.
Liberals are so fucking annoying. They seek validation for their opinions just for the sake of being a "good" person and fitting in with everyone else. "Look how progressive and tolerable I am! I'm such a good person" They never shut the fuck up either. Everything you say or do hurts their feelings somehow
>go to see therapist
>tell him about how it is difficult for me to talk to people and make new friends because of social anxiety
>tell him have not made any friends at uni and have hung out with the basically the same group of kids since middle school/early high school
>he looks at me in shock and says wow you havent made any friends in like 10 years?
Like wtf, I know it might sounded strange but shouldnt a therapist be more subtle than that?
>talking to therapist about how I am bad with women because of low self esteem
>he tells me I should ask any female friends that I have for pointers and what not
>look at the ground and tell him I dont have any female friends to ask
>mom has been in hospital for the past week
>know bill is going to be absolutely fucking ridiculous
>found out I may be loosing my house in a couple of years
On the brightside school starts monday and I'm sure Ill have a great time adjusting after being out for a semester due to depression (sarcasm)
parents threatened to kick me out if i didnt get a job but nowhere wanted to hire me except some minimum wage retail job
just the thought of starting soon makes me want to drink myself to death more than usual
>tfw be a robot
>start dating trap
>start fucking up and straining the relationship
I want this ride to end ;_; I can't even seem to not piss off someone who cares so much about me. This is the worst feeling. Disappointing someone else is terrible. I can hardly eat anything I feel so bad. I'm just venting.
funniest thing I've read all day
I am entirely aimless, the only reason my parents don't flip shit at me and kick me out is because I go to school. I have a four inch penis and I am so worried and self conscious about it that I never approached any women even just to talk to. The few friends that I had have moved on and the only people I talk to are you guys and other people online. I have tried to find jobs, I even spent over a hundred hours volunteering because I heard that being able to say that you volunteered at X during an interview will get you the job. Every single place has turned me down for having no experience, even grocery stores. I see the worst in people, and have spent my entire life since Elementary school trying to blend into the background and never speak to anyone. Sometimes when I'm alone in my car I'll grip the wheel and scream as loudly as I can because that's the only time when I can yell without anyone hearing me
After being told that I was so smart and that could succeed in everything I set my mind to, as an adult I have fucked up every single job I have had. I'm a fucking brat with no career skills and want to put a bullet in my head every time I think about my career prospects.
I'm unsure if I am capable of feeling love
I'm unsure if I'll ever be able to test that hypothesis
My mom died when I was 15 under weird circumstances. She was in an unhappy marriage with kids that didn't appreciate her, and died from cardiac arrest from taking a wrong combination of a bunch of medication she took every day for years.
I've never been able to shake the idea that she killed herself and that I attributed to that. She was really the only parental figure I had in my life, the thought that I helped make her life so unbearable that she just ended it tears me apart.
I have been in love with my ex for four years. She broke up with me. She's dating other people, but the only reason I haven't killed myself out of cuckdom yet is because she's a lesbian. I've stalked her constantly and she doesn't know. I have multiple fake accounts that are her 'friends' and I learn about what's new in her life through them. I live off welfare and am pretty much ready to die.
I'm bisexual and came out to some friends about a year ago but now I think I might be gay. Men interest me more than women, who I find attractive but honestly don't feel much connection with even when I do approach them. But I am also afraid of a gay relationship because I am so out of touch with the gay community and scared of STDs and don't like clubbing. So I'm wondering if I'll ever be comfortable being single or what woman or man will pull me out of this mindset.
OP here, I'll share one
one time I wore really tight girls' panties out in public because I thought it would be exciting and erotic
all it did was make me extremely nervous that some freak event was going to make my pants fall down or require me to remove my pants and my entire life would be ruined
thankfully no such event happened but I would not recommend this. wear panties in the comfort of your own house. don't wear them out in public.
>misread sentence in thread
>feel smug because you think you got something great to reply with
>reply to it with huge mistake because you misread sentence
>try to delete post over and over
>"This post is too new to be deleted." or whatever
>just leave thread and never open it again out of embarrassment
Fuck man, why is it so fucking hard to find an autistic gay femboy who's a weeb for a bf?
I WILL NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT LIFE AGAIN IF I'M WITH ONE
I think I'm finally losing it robots. I've lost the plot. I've gone fucking mental.
I constantly talk when I'm alone cause I'm terrified of how I sound.
I constantly change stance because I'm terrified of how I stand.
I barely weigh much and I'm terrified that I'm fat.
I started going to gym in the hopes that testosterone among other things helps me grow because I'm terrified of my height.
And to top it off, I want to leave my country, and emigrate to America to try and meet a woman who has no idea I exist.
I've lost it.
I'm so tired of being the goddamn third wheel amongst my friends. They all ask me why I don't hang out as much well it's because I'm the third wheel all the fucking time
I appreciate it. Just hurts, I feel like I'm personally responsible. I didn't realize how much she really meant to me before the incident, and that if I did realize it she'd be alive fucking eats at me sometimes.
I never had a gf or kissed a girl so I made a big mistake and decided to give some signals to a girl that I liked and we've been texting for a few days. But I'm good friends with her brother and I cannot see myself being with her for that long or even bringing her to meet either of my parents. So I think I made up my mind to stop pursuing it and ignored her texts from the past day but now she just called me a few times and texted me that I'm stressing her out. I want her to stop texting me and get the message that I'm not interested anymore but we never stated feelings for each other so what if she uses plausible deniability and I just look stupid. I told her brother that there's nothing going on between his sister and I but now I feel like a liar. I just want it to go back like it was, I think that I like being alone.
It's more like extreme anger management and shit which my mom never got her on meds for, family's a fucking mess what can I say? My mother always favored her over me, kinda just don't know where to go from here
My boyfriend becoming rich and succesful scares me cuz I feel he'll leave me. But I only like guys who seem like they WILL get rich and successful eventualy, who seem like they need support and love to get their potential unlocked. What do?
I have so much I need to do, but I can't leave this place. People are just so interesting here. I can't help but want to know about some of them. I fear that I may miss out on a good story or an interesting thread if I don't come here every hour. I can't break this routine. I can't stop caring
You can't ride it out for two years and avoid your sister? Just curious because the US adoption and foster parent system is terrible for teenagers.
Do you have any other relatives who are willing to take you in? What state are you in? Runaway laws vary state-to-state so they might try to call police if you stay with someone else.
The three of us live in a studio, with the exception of school and other stuff no. My grandparents are dead and my uncle is in the military who knows where. I'm in NYC if that helps and got no one to run to
You can try to find some place to runaway but you might have better luck finding someone to help you out if you emancipate yourself or get your mom to agree to it. Good luck, also I'm sure you'll be banned soon.
i fucking hate winters so god damn much.
>in order to save money, parents install a wood burning stove
>everything is great, keeps it hot in here even upstairs in my room
>2 years ago the motor in it broke so it doesn't shoot the air out so it's just a shitty fireplace now
>the pipe leading the smoke out is super makeshift and shitty
>it's constantly hit when they bring in wood and toss it behind it
>in order to blow the air outwards they sat a plastic fan on top of metal grating above it
>walked in a few days ago and the cord fell down and was nearly burnt all the way through
>carbon monoxide detector goes off like 10 times per winter since the motor broke
>they refuse to call someone in to fix it and keep saying it's fine
i'm 100% sure that the longer i stay here, the least likely it is that i end up living. this is just stupid and i shouldn't have to worry about just dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.
I'm black and I feel inferior to white people. Whites have higher IQ than blacks, have created better civilizations, invented all modern tech, discovered all developments in mathematics sciences etc. I already hate myself but I also hate the fact that my race is shit.Fuck
I really like servicing women. Cooking, cleaning, housekeeping, doing chores, massaging, listening to them, just making them feel good and happy.
All I ask in return is a roof over my head and a little bit of attention. Maybe some cuddling.
I've been having intrusive thoughts of killing my friends. I genuinely think everyone hates me because I'm quiet. I do talk to old friends (most of whom are girls) on occasion. I've got every reason to be happy (strong religious belief, money, roof over my head, spaghetti in my belly, etc) but I'm still unhappy.
Can anyone help? I kinda need it.
This is the second time I've long distance dated an underage girl but this time instead of being a 4 hour drive away I'm a 10 hour flight away. It'll only be a couple years until she's old enough for me to see her, but I really can't wait to fuck her. She's too cute and sexy.
If you tell a therapist or psychiatrist about your intrusive thoughts, they will commit you to a ward.
So, uh, if you don't want that, don't tell anybody. If you DO want help and you're willing to stay in a ward, please tell someone.
im trans and i want an older sister type either girlfriend or just friend to be my emotional support through transition and teach me girl things like fashon and makeup
also if they do end up being my girlfriend to dom me in the bedroom
Conservatives are so fucking annoying. They seek validation for their moral beliefs just for the sake of not being a "degenerate" and fitting in with everyone else. "Look how conservative and responsible I am! I'm such a good person" They never shut the fuck up either. Everything you say or do hurts their feelings somehow
It's almost like EVERYONE that decides to challenge others' opinions is annoying isn't it?
>tfw Stacey gf
It is fucking EXHAUSTING to be with her. I don't know why we're dating, but she is constantly trying to mold me into someone I'm not. I am constantly pushed into social situations where I can't stand the people around me. Pic related.
I really really really like it when I get called a pedophile for fapping to loli. It turns me on so much and I really wish someone who also liked loli would tell me how sick and wrong it is that I fap to little girls.
You realize fapping to loli is a meme right? It's fuck ups like you, that actually do it, that are the most degenerate trash on 4chan. That's worse than being a trap or a faggot, you're looking a LITTLE GIRLS while you stroke your dick. You sick freak you should be ashamed.
Trim your leg hair before shaving it if it is too long/thick.
Shave with a fresh razor, don't press too hard, and use shaving cream and water only when you shave.
Gently pat your legs dry and then massage lotion into them (I prefer Victoria's Secret brand lotions but use whatever). Cocoa butter works wonders as well as aloe lotion.
Don't use bar soap, use shower gel that's liquid and massage it on your body. Put lotion on after you are out of the shower.
That's the best advice I can give you. I have very thin leg hair since I'm
xD a normie grillso I might experience less stubble issues than you are experiencing.
If it's getting to the point where the leg hairs are getting caught in your denim, just shave again. Most people do it every 2-3 days.
I-I fap to loli panty shots on a daily basis. Multiple times a day even. I really am a sick fuck. I can't help it though, little girls are so hot and cute...
To add, use safety razors, they're cheaper than disposables in the long run and in my experience they give a cleaner shave. Just let it glide down with the grain using the weight of it to cut the hairs.
On the outside my life looks pretty normal. Have good friends and chad roommates, not a bad looking kid. But I've got really low self esteem when it comes to dating. I can't think of any reasons a girl would be interested in me.
I really don't wanna die a virgin
I'm scared of real life, I don't want to have to get a job and work and pay bills and be responsible. I don't want to have to save money and move out, get my own place, and live for myself.
I thought about it a little bit before posting this and my eyes got tears in them and I started getting real panicky. I'm going to have to actually do it soon. My parents are getting sick of me doing nothing.
>getting that triggered about someone fapping to 2D lolis
I bet you're one of those idiots who think that 2D girls have rights and should be protected with 3D laws.
I shouldn't have thrown myself into my current relationship so soon because I'm falling in love with my friend who my boyfriend introduced me to in the first place. If I had just taken it slower, I may have been with him instead of my current relationship of two years.
I tried to get my dog to fellate me when I was a young child.
My first wet dream was
me fucking my dog (different dog many years later) Now I am trying not to succumb to the temptation of getting a big boy dog to fuck me.
I can't get a fucking job because I can't leave the house I'm so freaked out by people and it feels like I'm about to die just walking to the mailbox. I have this horrible sense of impending doom every time I exit a room and I'm pretty sure at least one person wants to murder me. Sleep is difficult
I have no idea what to do desu lads
Oh jeez, I didn't think I'd get this far.
I'm a hard worker, seeing someone else satisfied is satisfying to me.
I'm kinda girly, not gay but I like feeling cute and I get emotional and clingy. I'm 5'10" and sort of broad so I'm not very cute
I'm pretty shy, I probably won't say a lot at first but I love listening to people and I get more comfortable the more I'm exposed to someone
I've never had a roommate before, let alone being a weird live-in maid but it's always been a fantasy of mine
I like human contact but I'm satisfied jerking off into tissue if that's preferred
I just like the feeling of helping someone and being useful while they simultaneously help me out by keeping me company
I've only ever massaged one person but she liked it enough to request it multiple times, so I guess I'm decent at it
She's also the only person I've ever cuddled, I didn't ask for a performance evaluation but I feel like I'm okay at it
Not in a formal manner like this. I basically ran the house while my mother worked though
i dont, i live in the midwest but you're only a plane ride away
i have had an arrangement like this before where i was a live-in maid/chef for about a year and that went pretty well
>she'll leave me because I'm boring
Oh my god, this terrifies me regularly.
I'm just so boring. All I do is browse the internet and listen to music, and play videogames sometimes. I need hobbies, I need to diversify myself, but nothing interests me.
Tribal girls turn me on to inhuman levels. It doesn't matter if they are black or white or even good looking they just make my cock so fucking hard I can even cum while just fantasizing about having one raise my child.
i could probably leave this week or the next if i liked you enough and you wanted me to, plus paying for my own ticket isnt that big of a deal
but meeting with him is a lot easier, i get that
I desperately want to have a romantic relationship with my cousin because I develop feelings for any female that pays me the slightest bit of attention. pic related.
>"This post is too new to be deleted." or whatever
>come back very shortly later
>"This post is too old to be deleted." or whatever
I want my oneitis but I know he browses 4chan so I've creeped him out because I make dedicated posts to how much I've wanted him for years now. These posts have been lewd and...questionable. God will not send me a new oneitis, so I'm in total hell.
>Though, lately since I've started taking SSRIs, I've become quite happy. I haven't had a grey day since and it feels way too fucking weird. I try to feel sad and sorry for myself but I almost can't anymore.
Pharmajew shill detected
I feel like I'm a spoiled piece of shit
But I can't take all the blame
My parents raised me like that
They did much worse than simply spoiling me, they raised me well until I was 7/8/9 and then they went soft
So now I am a fucking entitled piece o shit, literal manchild that can't handle anything
I feel weak and unexperienced
And even tho a lot of people tell me I'm smart (why they tell me that I really don't know) I feel really stupid
I just want to die.
This living thing isn't working for me.
Too much headache and bullshit.
I didn't ask for this stress.
I didn't ask for this loneliness.
I see cool people, that everyone loves, get cancer way too young and die.
I see people getting shot or dying in accidents.
I pray every fucking day that I'm next to go.
My biggest fear is that I might be immortal.
My second biggest fear is that I'll become my father.
But I'll never attract a woman, so I'll probably be ok.
I also can't die before my cat. She's the only thing I love and I know she'll be miserable antisocial without me.
I just want it all to end.
I have no more tears.
I barely have the energy to think anymore.
I used to be the best fucking kid in my school, legit #1. Had thousands in scholarships and an amazing career in my future.
But I got addicted to the internet, which brought back depression, which brought shit grades, which brought SSRIs, which led to weight gain, aneurysm, and my defeat.
>Sometimes when I'm alone in my car I'll grip the wheel and scream as loudly as I can because that's the only time when I can yell without anyone hearing me
I'd give you a hug desu
It sucks how no one thinks black guys can have depression or be suicidal.
Everyone expects me to be happy, charismatic, and talented in arts or sports.
I just want to die.
Sure there's the whole new hip hop wave of young black kids talking about depression like Earl and the Underachievers, but it's not really the same.
I just want people to stop expecting me to live up to their stereotypes.
I'm a virgin loser who wants to die.
My voice is LITERALLY a monotone. I've been asked to voice for Stephen Hawking for some faggot's animation project.
I can't smile.
I cant make eye contact.
When I'm done wageslaving, I hide in my house with my cat and xbox.
Kill me when
I came here out of boredom cause I'm bored and the internet has become a cancerous haven of shitty memes and unfunny thing to lurk on.
Also I don't know what the fuck I am doing with my life but I could care less at that point. I'm just very bored in general.
I'm so sick of work
Tired of school
Hate my current life
I get a little sad being alone all the time
When I'm with people I just want to be alone
Want to give so much love to a girl
Have no girl to love
No idea how to love, never loved before
I hate the idea of having to work nearly all my life just to retire and die.
I think that's all right now.
I wish everyone would stop ignoring me
nobody every fucking acknowledges me and I want to die
I'm so lonely :^(
I wish my mom would stop yelling at me all the time.
It's scary until you actually do it anon, paying bills isn't hard at all it's literally automatic if you want it to be.
Also if you're on neet bux it's even easier, it's just liking living at your parents house but you're alone and can do whatever the fuck you want.
I have. The conversation usually ends in more yelling.
I'm currently residing in Canada. Not sure if community college are available in my area. There's what we call ''Cegeps'' that are equivalent to college but I haven't graduated shit. I'll mostly go on hoping to get a GED diploma to be able to find a formation about something.
A bit of both. Sometimes it's stuff like school, sometimes stuff like housework. Sometimes it's just completely inane bullshit. Sometimes she just can't handle having a serious fucking conversation. I haven't seen a doctor in years because she never wanted to get my dad's insurance stuff, and I've really needed to go recently, so I've been pushing her to do that and it feels like the conversation ends in a shouting match every single time.
Are you me?
I'm sorry to say that I'm a little glad that there is somebody else with the same problem and fears.
What are you even like...?
This problem has fucked me up so much that I come up with reasons to hate women so I don't have to face the fact that I can't have sex.
God must hate some of us...
I can't get enough through neetbux to live alone.
Also it's not just the responsibilities of being an adult, it's that I'm going to have to work, I'm going to have to work with other people, I don't know what these people will really think about me, I don't know if they'll like me or hate me, I don't know if they'll make fun of me behind my back, I don't know if how much I'll fuck up, I don't know how anxious I'll get, I don't know how scared I'll get, I don't know I'll feel while working again. I'm scared of people, I'm scared of everything. I have panic attacks thinking about it all, I don't know what will actually happen if I'm put into that situation.
Fuck you. I had phimosis u til I was 16 then I manned up and went to the doctor. Did surgery and that was the best decision I made.
Now man the fuck up and go do something worth, or chemically castrate yourself then.
Did your mommy pay for your doctor visit kiddo?
Some people can't afford a visit because they don't have insurance, and can't get insurance because they have phimosis. Does that make sense to you champ? You'll understand better when you're a big kid
Wannabe cool kids that adhere to the social norms of whatever subcultures they're in on a complete superficial basis.
Dreamers turned to weekend alcoholics and junkies all chasing a fleeting hope, as the sands of time and the liquor leaves strands and creases on their faces while scaring them, reminding them of the time spent wasted, ending nowhere, going somewhere and now broke demoralized and rotten. Some turn into parents and politicians, or lawyers or doctors. But all unified in their delegation to enjoy a good time in sinful inhibitions till the age comes where now they have to have to hide their demoralization behind a veil materialized out of death and despair. The human error, lust and entertainment till the day we all dematerialize into dust.
Hoping we have a purpose after death, while arguing with other souls who accepted that life is all probalestic shit and we end up with our corpses fertilized into the dirt to spring forth new life, crop and space for neophytes to enjoy so they can fill their life with the same degradation and existential criseses that we occupy our time with.
I'm terrified that I have erectile dysfunction and I don't know why or what to do about it.
I can't get a properly hard erection. If I focus really hard I can manage an erection, but it's not spontaneous from looking at porn (still images and hentai) anymore. I need to be watching actual videos with sound to even be remotely aroused. At the same time, I don't feel horny at all. I more or less just masturbate because it feels good and I'm bored.
I want to jerk off but I physically don't/am incapable.
I don't know why either, and this is the worst part.
Do I have low testosterone?
Is it my type 1 diabetes?
Is it my stress, anxiety, or depression?
Is it because I watch porn? (I took a long break and it didn't help my libido or erection firmness, so I doubt it)
Is it my diet? (I take zinc and a multivitamin, so once again, I doubt it)
This is further compounded by my performance anxiety now that I have a girlfriend. I want to satisfy her and I'm uncomfortable talking to her about this because it makes me feel like a defective human.
I want to die, honestly
i want to have a relationship with a woman, but i have alot of issues i need to solve that are really debilitating.
i think with all my hate to normies and woman its best to just not try and interact with woman at all, all they did was giving me a hard time in everything, the only time a woman said anything good to me is out of pity or just senseless blabber, i don't know if i can even find a woman that can see through stupid alpha/beta roleplay bullshit, because lets face it alpha/beta is only archtype and got nothing to do with ability attitude or character, its just a shitty facade you project onto people that you don't want to meet anyway
i mean you don't have to be particularly smart or sophisticated woman to understand this, then why woman simply refuse to differ between attitude and actual personality/ability
I posted this in another confession thread but thought I should post it here too
>in high school, said I lose my virginity to this girl
>she died in a car crash in the summer before senior year
>thus no way to disprove what I said, I invented a huge story that we were seeing each other in secret that summer
>had a lot of people feel sorry for me including other girls
>fucked four different girls before high school was out
>it was a horrible thing to do but it temporarily advanced me to normiedom
>sadly it didn't last
>reverted to robotdom and have stayed there for the past eight years, no sex aside from the odd prostitute
no likes me or cares that i exist and everyone leaves me
I secretly jerk off to mlp, while preaching how much it is shit.
The same goes for furry porn.
I also jerk off to degeneracy such as a white man and black woman, and trannies. I often fantasize about sucking a trannies dick, and getting fucked...
I then in public am extremely rightwing, and act like a chad...I am such a sick fuck...
its like /pol/ and /d/ reside in me.
I'm white, straight, male
I give up man. I'm as evil as they say I am. I don't care anymore. I did it all. The slavery the jews the micro agressions whatever the fuck you're calling it now I'm guilty. I just dont care anymore. It's not an argument I will ever win so I just like....Yeah.
I'll try to stop being less whitey-depressed or something and crying my white male tears. I've given up my hobbies and passions, I'll never be good, but I'll try not to feel bad because slavery.
Same here anon. Former liberal.
I have oneitis for a nurse at work I've never dated.
She doesn't give a damn about me/ probably never thinks of me when I'm not around/ indifferent to me existing at all.
I'm thinking about killing myself again. I hate feeling this way, but whenever I mention my depression to my family and some of my close friends, they grow annoyed with me and tell me "you'll be fine."
I went through all of this a few years ago. I saw a shrink, got a prescription, and life went on. I really, really wish all of this ended with that. But it hasn't. I don't want to seek help anymore, because I don't want to be a bother.
Or, maybe I should just off myself for thinking all of that in the first place.
If I'm trying to listen to more than one person talk at the same time I wind up not understanding either person; in some cases I outright lock up.
Like I went through high school marching band no problem with this notorious band director that would yell at people and I never incurred his wrath, then one time I wasn't making a formation and people were yelling at me to fix it I didn't see what it was they were yelling at me more than he started running down the hill at me and that's probably the closest in my life I came to fainting between the heat and three people yelling before he even started running oh god my head was spinning I'm surprised I didn't faint I kind of think I would have saved face if I had been having a heat stroke
WHY DID YOU CALL ME ON SKYPE AT 2AM IN TEARS TELLING ME HOW DRUNK AND SAD YOU WERE ONLY TO STOP RESPONDING ALL OF A SUDDEN AND TELL ME YOU'RE FINE WHEN THINGS ARE CLEARLY NOT FINE
I FUCKING LOVE YOU PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU AND PLEASE STOP DRINKING YOU'RE TEARING ME APART
43 times I have been rejected. I'm 22 and I'm a kissless virgin. I've been lifting for three years, and it's done absolutely nothing for me, since I'm 5'6.
Seeing her walk away today with a fat 6'1 fuck and laughing at me ruined me. I've been laughed at a total of 9 times when asking someone to lunch, or on a date. this, coupled with my parents disowning me made me finally do it
I just downed a shit ton of Lunestra and Benadryl. I finally learned, bros. In half an hour I'll either be dead or extremely fucked up
It was a pleasure being alongside you guys. You were my true friends.
Sorry for the blogshit
I fucking love little girls. I want to touch them and hold them and teach them and kiss them.
How did I end up like this? Why did this happen to me? I can't even get aroused by any girl who isn't completely flat or looks like she's older than nine. I tried with a whore nda it was just humiliating when I couldn't stay hard. How can I claim to love them while wanting to fuck them? My life will always feel empty without having a little girl to love and care for, but it can never happen without putting her in danger from me. I wish I were never born. I'm tempted to come out and hope some normies kill me, but I'm worried they would do something painful, and I hate pain.
I'm scared. I know that things won't be alright. I know that I need to do something to fix my life, but I feel so powerless. So unable to do anything, even if it is just to help my own self. No. It's worse that it's me the one that I need to help. I feel powerless, scared and disgusting. I'm so disgusting. I hate myslef so much. If I hate myslef a lot, it doesn't matter if others don't like me, amirite? :DD I just can't completely accept that I'm not "normal". I know I'm fucked up. I know it better than anyone. But why do people see I'm "weird" so easily? That feeling when normalfags say "lol you're such a weirdo no offence XD". It feels bad, to be honest, my family. I just don't get it. Why are dumb, noisy and shallow normalfags so happy? Why am I so sada and empty? Am I too edgy to hate them, but feel envious too? Why are they going to have a nice, successful life, while I want to kill myself? At least lately life wasn't that bad. I owe a lot to this man, even if he doesn't know it. It's better if he doesn't know I'm scared. Scared to be happy, to enjoy things. I know this happiness won't last long. He is going to hate me soon. I hate myself, why would anyone else like me? I'm a pathetic and disgusting creature. Proof is that I'm sitting here and writing this whole bunch of bullshit at 9 am. I should be waking up by now, after a nice sleep, to study for my fucking exam. But all I do, is sit here, feeling miserable. I shouldn't feel bad. But I shouldn't feel happy either. Should I just be empty? I do feel empty. I think I should just go to sleep.
Same here. The main reason that I like Trump is that liberals are so booty-blasted about him that they're going full censorship-mode, and acting like the most rabid SJW's. It's making me consider voting for him and not Gary Johnson again. The thing is, most of his policies aren't extremely outlandish, it's basically:
1) Just enforcing the immigration laws currently in the books,
2) Taking actual steps to make sure we fully and accurately screen the group statistically most likely by far to be terrorists.
3) Staying out of wars in the middle east if we can help it or letting russia deal with it,
4) Being protectionist on trade (not sure why they're angry about this, that's canonically a Democrat platform),
5) Reducing taxes while cutting out all the loopholes.
I don't get it, are they mad that they aren't going to be running against another Bush/ Dem-lite? They can't stand that he's not cowering when they randomly scream racist? Or do they just listen to what Huffington Post writes and not look at his actual positions? I really don't get it.
I almost never pick up on when people are hitting on me until it's far too late.
This time is was a friend I've always had feelings for but I never thought they would ever see me in a romantic light. I've been kicking myself for weeks about it.
What dead white men of the past did doesn't mean shit about you and what you can do in the present.
Dont buy into /pol/ tier garbage. The reason people like them put so much stock into what famous people of their race or nationality did is because they themselves haven't done jack shit and they need to ride on the coat tails of their ancestors in order to feel important.
>No friends or Family which give a shit about me
>Living off of $900 a month from SSDI and some additional food stamps
>Crippling non-verbal learning disability, ADD/ADHD/ and an extreme temper and general hatred of people.
>Couldn't work up the will power or ability to get through college if my life depended on it.
>Have no talents or abilities, only a slightly above average IQ despite coming from a family filled with extremely talented/intelligent people.
>Bullied throughout school/middle school, ignored in high-school.
>Betrayed/shunned by friends when they went to college.
>Live in a city filled with Ivy League students and trust-fund yuppies assholes. So the competition for women is fierce and I don't stand a chance.
>A complete loner, spend nearly all my time indoors playing video games because my only choice for employment is working a minimum wage job washing dishes/making coffee for the aforementioned trust-fund yuppies assholes. As such, I would rather die or at the very least remain unemployed than stoop that low.
>Life is an endless cycle of waking up, playing videos games, browsing 4chan, maybe going out to eat, then returning to fap/sleep. Which isn't too, too bad but still rots the soul.
Living in such an affluent city while so poor drives you insane with hatred/envy/jealousy. It's like being placed in front of the gates of heaven to behold all it's splendor and beauty but never being able to touch it or partake in it. Nearly every time i go out to get food I have to listen to well-to-do over achievers and nepotistic rich brats talk about how fun their vacations to exotic countries were, how much money they have in their special bank accounts, and what type of amazing project they are working on in their high-tech jobs that I am barred from having because I wasn't born in the genes to find doing math anything but a torturous chore. I am like a shade, a hate filled, bitter shade.
How long did it take you to get approved? I'm waiting on a hearing right now. Average wait time is 14 months here. 13 more months to go, I guess. In the meantime, I'm getting 200 or so in SAGA a month.
I think i have an eating disorder but I don't want to deal with it until I'm not fat anymore. Lost 40lbs in the past 6 months, but 10 of those are within the last month because I'm still a fat fuck & I've decided to just stop eating any more than the bare minimum to survive. Also I talk shit about Trump because my friends do but I secretly like him and am planning to vote for him.
Not really. You usually need antipsychotics for intrusive thoughts, but standard antidepressants can work.
If you go to a therapist you can get a referral to a psychiatrist, and they can get you some. You can tell them you're suicidal BUT don't tell them that you have a plan or about hurting others. Those are the 2 red flags for therapists: desire to hurt others or active plans to hurt yourself. Steer clear of those and they can't lock you in a looney bin without your consent.
Why am I such a fucking loser. God dammit. Even my friends who I always thought as losers are less pathetic than me. Everything I do, I imagine looking at myself from a third person perspective and thinking "god damn what a fucking loser". I keep my head up because I'm smart and good looking and every now and then something good happens but I wish everyone else would just die so I'm not reminded of how much I suck every time I interact with another person.
not an overview of my life but just something i wanted to say
>was enlisted in army back in my early 20's
>my job was to maintain light aircraft
>qt solid 6 in the chem lab always looking at me
>i brush it off
>she looks at when i eat lunch and don't care if i catch her looking
>one day says fuck it and write her a letter asking her out
>they were making letters for free in valentines so i had to try
>wait a week for a reply
>heard from a friend of mine she told him the letter was sweet but we don't know each other well
>thinking to myself what the fuck is that supposed to mean, we are on half blind date anyway
>apparently she was just ok with looking at me
>few years later she hooks up with some fat guy
>Be at recess
>Playing a game called runaway with tons of friends
>Goal was to stay away from me, if I get you, you lose
>Autistic friend is looking down the firepole on a jungle gym equipment piece like 9 feet tall
>Think it'll be funny if I nudge his foot. He'll just grab the fire pole, look up and see me, and know that he lost.
>mfw he didn't grab the pole
>mfw he landed on his face
>mfw he cried like a bitch
I went around accusing people of the deed so he wouldn't know it was me.
>mfw I realized that I was, "That kid"
i look really young for my age like a teenager or some shit man and ppl have always treated me like a cute kid my whole life and i have a cute pinch-able face :( so i have kind of a mommy fetish and i wish some tall girl would pamper me and call me a good boy and tie me up occasionally 8) and
i look like a 15 y/o boy and everyone at my college gives me weird looks like "should you even be here??" also i'm drunk af rn
Remembered this quote earlier today:
>The saddest thing in life is wasted talent.
I see this in people and I see this in me. Wasting away time and opportunity.
That's all I have to say.
Strangely enough this gives me a feeling of peace. Now I know that as a manlet I don't need to make an effort to improve myself anymore.
Thus begins the journey of the wizard
I wished/felt like I was a girl since early adolescence. I'm 21 and 6'2. I actually understand this probably comes from a combination of poor parenting and fucked up relationships as a child, but even rationally knowing this doesn't help. It's taken me a decade to accept I will never look how I feel, but that won't stop it from affecting me.
The only sexual experiences I've had were with other men, yet I'm not attracted to men.
I also have had difficulty relating and empathizing with other people for as long as I can remember.
I lovery fighting games yet I seem to have some form of online social anxiety.
I just don't understand. This shit doesn't happen to with actual people. Sure I'm shy but I can easily talk with people and I can post online easily.
Yet when I'm in a fightan lobby, I fucking freeze up worse than windows, reject challenges like a faggot, exit the game and then hate myself afterwards.
>I fucking freeze up worse than windows, reject challenges like a faggot, exit the game and then hate myself afterwards.
Yes I'm the same way with online games, except I'm like this irl as well. My social anxiety is bad the only friend I have is one online friend I met at age twelve.
I am the embodiment of failure. I am absolutely nobody. It feels neither good nor bad. I have accepted my boring meaningless life.
I'm an agoraphobic with no friends or family. I haven't left the house in years.
From 2011 to 2015 I listened to music for 14-20 hours a day. I learned all about the world of music and found some great stuff. I still love music but it's nowhere near as exciting now to listen to thousands and thousands of albums. My musical hobby that was a means to distract has paid off indirectly with a vast sea of knowledge. Now that it's no longer interesting to me I have moved on to anime. I now watch anime 14+ hours a day and strive to watch as much as possible. I am learning a lot and enjoying it. Eventually this too will become stagnant. Maybe I'll eventually develop an attention span capable of film or literature. I don't really care what I am occupying myself with as long as it sufficiently distracts me from my independent existence and consciousness. The faster the time passes the closer I am to an ending. It's not my goal to die, but I don't mind speeding up the process nonetheless.
My completely meaningless NEET life continues. Nothing interesting happens. It is within my power to change my fate, but I reject it. I recognize and accept that I will play no part in this world. The standard that human beings have set for normality, their coexistence, their ambition that propels them forward to achieve their desires, I do not understand or share that desire. I have no identity, no personality. I am a blank slate. A mistake.
I'm on the verge of death and could have a heart attack or die in my sleep any day now. I feel neither good or bad about this. It just is. I will never entertain the notion of breathing more life into my daily routine than the bare minimum. To kill myself would imply that I have any feeling, I don't value myself that much.
And so my meaningless existence unknown to all and soon to be forgotten by all continues. Goodbye.
I've been catfishing a girl for over a year now, she wants to meet up and live together but she thinks I'm a guy. She's in love with me and finds out the truth she'll kill herself. If I leave she'll kill herself.
The more I browse /r9k/ and the more I observe my normalfag coworkers I realize the only difference is /r9k/ doesn't get out and socialize.
Love exists, romance exists, I'm not meant to live such a life and that's okay. Anyone else who can and will deserves their joy, I'm gonna live out the rest of my life clapping for them and entertaining myself with other things until I die a virgin.
My greatest fear is that I will finally find someone I am comfortable talking to.
I will tell them everything that is important to me, but they won't care.
They'll just look at me funny, and we'll slowly drift apart.
I secretly get blamed for everyones problems with no involvment whatsoever.
Someone will hit me then call me abiusive
Someone will ay they love me then call me Hertless/ pedophile
someone iwll lie to me then tell me im a liar
ill donate to chaity and get robbed because someone else feels im stealing their thunder/jobs
ill literally stay in the house giving good advice to friends and someone i dont know will blame me for thier breakup
i have a problem with making friends\
i have a problem withmaking enemies.
An enemy will lie about knowing me and get me in trouble with mafia / etc.
without ever knowing speaking meeting acknowledging my existence
and though i literally can prove my innocence
somehow im still called the most disgusting things they can barf up at me online.
though everyone that meets me says they love me and im a good guy.
it really mentally disturbing and tiring.
but it feels good to express it to someone else ... noone likes to be called a liar and a pedophile for telling the truth and not touching kids.
I've always had this fantasy where i jerk it off the side of a tall building. I don't know why but i think it has something to do with the load being in freefall before splatting on the hard pavement below.
And honestly it makes me sad knowing that i'll never do that.
Fuck, I've been a shut-in for way too long.
I used to be somewhat outdoorsy from the age 10 and up to 17. Then I distanced myself from the world. Don't know why. Like all of a sudden a lighting made of apathy hit me.
I leave house like two times a month for 20 minutes at best.
Since the year 2009 all I'm doing is staying at home and playing vidya/watching movies/reading books.
Smoke a ciggarete.
Eat while reading some fantasy trash.
Play vidya and drink a lot of tea. And smoke.
Sleep for 12 hours.
Rinse and repeat.
The world outside my computer screen feels like a dream - extremely unnatural. The people I see while going out for my monthly grocery trip look like ghosts to me. The wind, the sounds, the movements, everything feels unreal and like it's about to collapse.
Shit. At least I still have some sanity to understand that in fact I am the only ghost and I am the one on the verge of collapsing.
The anger. I'm angry all the time. For no reason. The only time my blood is not boiling is when I sleep.
The darkness. The thoughts and images my mind creates. They come from out of nowhere and send shivers down my spine.
And I feel the emptiness inside.
And this overwhelming hunger that's eating my heart out.
What have I become...
Forgive me, dear mother. Forgive me, dear grandparents. I never ment to fail you.
Something just broke in me along the way. I've lost something somewhere and I can't find it.
God save my soul
I've never been in love with anybody before. It bothers me that I've never experienced this basic emotion. The closest I've ever gotten is being happy to talk to someone/appreciating them. Ws that love? What is love like?
I've been going to school for a while now. I thought I had managed to make a decent group of friends here, but they quickly started drifting away once they realized that I was quiet because I'm a boring fuck, not because I'm some deep, mysterious character.
The shitty thing is that I'm happy with myself. I know I'm boring, but I'm just fine with that. I don't want to keep up with sports or the newest pop music or whatever's on TV.
It feels terribly lonely, knowing that if I want friends I have to put on a facade, and even then I can't be around them too much lest they get tired of me.
I'm happy with myself as I am, I just wish other people were too.
I'm 20 years old, I have a waifu and I'm afraid to ask if 2D will ever stop being effective when I get older
That's good. Never put on a facade, or try to pretend to be another person.
I know it must be lonely, but you'll just become even lonelier if your facade fails.
At least you're content with the way you are.
>comes and judges
OP says "you can say any of the weird shit that's on your mind". I did.
What exactly is edgy about my post? I didn't say anything deep either. Is it the choice of words, perhaps? Too complex for you?
Of course I could've said "i feels bad as fack desu senpai" but that doesn't reflect what I feel at all.
>telling anyone on r9k to get a life
found the fucking normalfag.
You need to exfoliate! Mix salt and oil to make it at home, massage your legs with it till it kinda hurts then wash off with soap, then shave using the tips from the other person who responded (though fyi you can use hair conditioner instead of shaving foam).
I'm 25 now, have been a failure in every single way (no point in elaborating; you can probably imagine it). Came very close to suicide, but talked to a doctor instead, which was hard because SA, and ended up seeing a psychiatrist.
It turns out I was diagnosed with a whole bunch of shit as a child: adhd, dyspraxia, autism. So I'm a genetic abomination. Nobody ever told me, and I never got any help with it. No therapy, no meds - nothing. I confront family, and their reasoning is "we didn't want you to feel different"...
I feel so shit knowing how different things could have been
>tfw gf broke up with me after two months of not seeing each other
>already had a trip planned so it's our last time together
>constantly reminds me she is not my girlfriend, attempts to reject me
>know what turns her on and almost gets somewhere but she stops me
>tfw I'm seriously considering overpowering and impregnating her.
No judgement chat:
feel free to join
Having grown up in a highly disfunctional family, I can't function without chaos. I work as a social worker but the clients aren't enough so every month or so I fuck myself over somehow just to make me feel safe and turn down the crippling anxiety
> Spend every day lamenting about every chance I had to get with a girl and was too pussy to go for it
> Am constantly surrounded by equally infantile people who only share a common interest in drugs
> I live vicariously through the relationships of my friends because at least I don't feel so fucking lonely when I'm around couples
> Perpetually a fatass; even when I was 30kg lighter I still saw myself as obese and wasted a lot of time because of some stupid body dysmorphia
> Addicted to porn the past 5 years; so very little to no libido to speak of
> Can't help but feel like I'm squandering my whole life
I hate that I'm so heavy and have such broad shoulders.
I want to be short and skinny and shave my legs and wear a wig and be a little
I just woke up from a sex nightmare that I was Darth Vader just after he got put in the suit (could feel my raw skin and shrapnel and horrible burns) and Emperor Palpatine was torturing me to further my training. It was hyper-realistic and it actually felt like everything was happening to me. After what felt like weeks of enduring extreme physical and mental agony, I started torturing other people myself and saw everything in graphic detail and could feel everything. I was semi-lucid the entire time- I couldn't tell that I was dreaming but I could manipulate my surroundings to a small extent, so I was using it to fuck with people and fight back against Palpatine. It was incredibly bizarre, the times when I was torturing people were extremely sexual but all of my interactions with my master were weirdly paternal.
I feel absolutely sickened now that I'm awake. What the fuck was that?
I had a dream last night that I went to the movies and my high school crush was there and I talked to her but started going bald in the middle of our conversation and she laughed at me and the whole theater started laughing
the first time I fapped to anything on the internet was moot fucking snacks (the flash file)
I guess my uncle left his laptop on 4chan (how I found it at 11, lol)
and he FUCKING CAUGHT ME
I have never told anyone until now.
I was crunching away loudly at some chips when I read this and slowed down and frowned.
No matter what I do everything goes to shit, always. I can't take this anymore, I want off this ride.