Me. Got it from smoking weed when I was 16. Had a "bad trip," life went down hill from that point. 19 now and nothing has gotten better. Still deal with it everyday. I've probably had 2 occurrences that lasted briefly of when I did not feel like I do, and in those short minutes I actually broke down and cried a little because I was so overwhelmed. If any robot has advice or recovery stories would be cool. :^ )
Consider the idea of whether the "self" as we commonly think of it may be something in-between an illusion and carefully fabricated construct.
All neuroscientific evidence points to consciousness being a phenomenon caused by the brain and the rest of the nervous system and its reaction to its environment.
This means that our concept of a "self" doesn't really make sense. We are conscious chemical soups, but ultimately we're not the "same" people we were yesterday, nor are we the same as we'll be tomorrow. There will be subtle differences. As time goes on the differences will get bigger and bigger.
Just think about this for a while and I bet it'll make you feel better about your depersonalization...or at least, it might make you feel different about it.
My advice to you would be to stop worrying so much about living life from a "first person" perspective (I'm speaking figuratively here). Don't focus too much on your "self", because from what we can see now, it doesn't really even exist anyway.
>>25950580 Well, the thing is I talked to people before I smoked weed about what I felt, and I definitely had it before then, probably from frequently absent father and just bad relationships, but weed definitely made it a lot more protruding.
>>25950484 I had a psychotic episode from smoking weed. Lasted like 3 months, I believe it was skunk weed but it was never confirmed because it was thrown away, the hospital threw it away and never confirmed what it was. Could've been synthetic weed for all I know, I bought it from the dark web.
I tried indica weed before the episode and I was fine. Sativa or maybe skunk just fucked my shit up.
>>25950880 Delusions, thinking the FBI and CIA were watching me for doing illegal substances, thought they could see me on my webcam so probably covered it up at one point. Delusions of grandeur, thought I was a god at one point, thought I had healing powers and could revive someone with my bare hands. I had many sleepless nights, would go many many days without showering. I spent most of my time doing fuck all, probably just bothering my family but they were trying to comfort me so it was ok. I was lucky I wasn't hospitalized, they would've drugged me up to hell.
I've become so depersonalized and derealized and fucked up by anxiety, that that fact disturbs me for some reason. Just think, I'm so fucked up that not even the acknowledgment that others out there share my pain reassures me.
>>25950995 I'm scared of doing it again, but surely if I don't touch skunk I'll be fine, r-right? Or maybe I could stop being a weed-smoking degenerate and take it as a sign I shouldn't do it anymore? I tried LSD after I had the psychotic episode and I was fine.
>Britain's surveillance agency GCHQ, with aid from the US National Security Agency, intercepted and stored the webcam images of millions of internet users not suspected of wrongdoing, secret documents reveal.
>GCHQ files dating between 2008 and 2010 explicitly state that a surveillance program codenamed Optic Nerve collected still images of Yahoo webcam chats in bulk and saved them to agency databases, regardless of whether individual users were an intelligence target or not.
>Delusions of grandeur, thought I was a god at one point, thought I had healing powers and could revive someone with my bare hands.
Okay. Now I see you really did go to crazy town (no offense).
>>25951078 Oh yeah, forgot to say. I would just make no sense when speaking to my family, my thoughts were fucked up and racing. Also thanks.
>>25951099 I have but they just offered generic advice like they don't condone drug use. Talked to my doctor and psychiatrist and they said just don't touch the stuff, I guess it doesn't help that we don't know what it was for definite
not sure if it's derealization, but weed has definitely brought out the worst of my obsessive compulsive disorder. one time i smoked i had a fucking awful anxiety attack and afterwards spent nearly three weeks in a persistent hell of negativity. I honestly think I've never recovered from that, because my obsessions have gotten worse since then. now i obsess over trivial and inconsequential things, but I won't dive into that.
>>25949938 i think i got something like that. i've been playing an mmorpg for literally 16-18 hours per day for the last half year. i don't even know what my irl personality is like, because i don't live irl. i also wake up at like 10pm and go to bed at noon, which isolates me even more from the world.
i don't know if this is depersonalization, but i feel extremely weird when i'm outside of the game. (taking a piss, getting food or whatever)
>>25951258 Shit doesn't feel real, as in you don't feal real. It's like sounds underwater compared to hearing in air. It's like when you're super tired and you are almost on autopilot, like when you can't remember the last two turns because you spaced out.
I have OCD symptoms (no formal diagnosis). I made a thread about it but didn't get many replies.
I have a fixation on flaws in glassware. I love glass but get very frustrated by nicks, scratches, or cracks in any glass things I own.
Glass is perfect when it's a smooth monolith. The slightest flaw fundamentally alters its nature...it's hard for me to describe my feelings about it. I don't know if you'll understand but maybe you will.
I also worry about the flaws in the glass enabling tiny glass particles to fall out and lead to disease. This brings the issue of health anxiety into it--which doesn't make that much sense because I don't really care if I die to be honest. I have a lot of long-term health issues already and life isn't very fun for me, so I wouldn't mind if I died. But...potter's rot would be a bad way to go I guess.
Has anyone ever gotten potter's rot from flaws in glassware? Of course not...at least such a case doesn't exist in the medical literature.
all I remember, much vividly, is one night being driven home from some wedding, and having some kind of fucking psychedelic mind fuck (without drugs) as we were going down the highway. It was definitely bad trip-ish, like reality was all a blur. didn't help that i was listening to a song that gives off derealized vibes
>>25951240 I'll look into that. Occasionally. I ordered some off the deep web, one was skunk and one wasn't I think. I smoked some of the non-skunk and I was fine, smoked the skunk and then literally the next day I started having strong symptoms of drug-induced psychosis.
>>25951360 it was this song btw >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eltn_nyOPh8 To be honest it perfectly describes the sensation I was feeling. I'm not in the best mindset to describe it through words, so just listen to the song. Particularly the refrain with the glitched drums.
>>25951408 Dude, I don't even hear actual written songs. My head just makes tunes up that I can pick apart in layers because I listened to music at every possible moment with mp3 players and cds since I was six. I don't understand how songs can get stuck in peoples heads and haven't had it happen in like 5 years. Like, I deliberately can change the tracks in my head or make up new ones.
>>25951415 death grips is so derealization inducing i just got into death grips like 5 days ago after hating it for months, and it's just a complete mindfuck
i have this feeling now that there are two worlds. one world which is basically the normie world, getting a job, being happy and communicating with people. and the other world of just being a complete degenerate, doing crack, being homeless and killing myself. this fucking music seriously makes suicide look like an option to me.
>was depersonalized all my life from starting elementary school to finishing it, with a few gaps when I was comfy at home >started chugging cough medicine erryday at 18 or 19, depersonalization on the whole (not just when tripping) skyrocketed for about a year or two, felt like I was halfway between here and the void at all times, good feels >suddenly tolerance begins kicking in, depersonalization waning over the course of a year or so >mfw never depersonalize anymore, even when I go outside, feel like I'm trapped in reality with no way out
I can't believe it actually ended up "fixing" me but desu I didn't want to be fixed. Either that or I just got so used to it that now it seems normal.
>>25951013 I only think in pictures. This wasn't always the case though. I recall a time when I thought with an internal dialog. After I fell from a tree and hit my head, that ceased. My memory is eidetic and photographic. While it does have its perks, it's probably the worst hell you can imagine. If you recall everything visually, you never forget the smallest details. I recall what people looked like even if I've only seen them once; I learned my lesson never to talk to them about it anymore though. I can pinpoint what they were doing, wearing, time of day, etc. This goes back as far as from when I was a child. It freaks everyone out. I can also remember building layouts, patterns, and literally everything else.
The only positive thing about this is when I get obsessed with topics, I never forget anything. That's legitimately the only saving grace.
>>25951713 we weren't talking about what happens when we die but you're right. i don't think anything will happen when we die either. but i was talking about how that music just makes me embrace death. like i don't even care about my life anymore. it's not pretty music but it really does something to your state of mind. at least for me.
>>25951713 I had something of an NDE and this is mostly true I felt my entire body fade away, and I was left with no sense of time or thoughts Just a blank field of "vision". I did hallucinate a mushroom cloud exploding though, and then I came to to find out I had fallen over and was seizing.
I dunno about actual death but the approach to death seems like an approach to either nothingness or something so completely alien from this that you could hardly call it heaven or hell
>>25950484 Holy shit! EXACTLY the same story. I balled so loudly that the random's house I was at's mother forced us to get out. I ended up throwing up over a fast food restaurant table as the workers and everyone around as looked in horror. I was so out of it I don't really remember much.
I remember 3 symptoms of my high though 1) total depersonalization like you described. It was as though I was watching a movie or something it was surreal. 2) something I call "the wave" where the wave-like effect you see in cartoons entering and exiting a dream. That visual effect was basically what I saw and felt as my entire body was riding the wave. It was very weird. 3) De ja vu which lasted for 30 minutes. That was probably the most horrifying of all because it was then I thought I am reliving the universe over and over and over on replay and this helped me realize it. it was the definition of hell.
Friends thought I lost my mind as they awkwardly watched me crying so fucking loudly like I was a 2 year old.
>>25952121 literally nothing will happen. you won't /experience/ anything when you're dead. when you're dying or having a near death experience your brain might do weird things because of lack of oxygen or shock.
>got into a motorcycle accident and broke my femur. >really sad >psichologist told me to visit a psichiatrist >psichiatrist gave me some medicine, told me it was PTSD and would last six months >It's been one year >before the accident I was one of the best students at the college, after that I needed to repeat 3 of the 5 subjects I was studying, one of them I will try for the third time this semester >before the accident I was a virgin, never cared too much, now I fuck a trap or a hooker once a month >started to cry because of ordinary things
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