I've been using online dating sites for over 3 years now and I thought I'd make a thread about it, from a robot's perspective and experiences. The results have been so far been disappointing, but I've gained a fair bit of experience that I hope /r9k can use. This is going to be a long thread, so bear with my overly assburger posts.
Now for starters, I am still a no-gf, virgin who is now 32 years old. This puts me at a severe disadvantage along with my lack of social skills and no friends. To make matters worse I am not physically attractive, average at best, manlet, and hispanic. I do have a job but the pay is low and has almost no opportunities to meet other women. With such a disadvantage, my only option was to resort to online dating to meet women.
I started this in 2012, driven by the no-gf feels, finding it harder and harder to cope with being alone as I got older. I lost weight and exercised to try and improve my physical looks. It did help boost my confidence, which previously had been low and proceeded to try out several online dating sites. The only dating sites where I have had any measure of success in being able to contact women is Okcupid and Plentyoffish. These are the two biggest online dating sites in the US only with thousands of women, so for those of you in other countries you will have to do some local research on what sites work for you.
Several things I learned quickly. Whatever you write profile doesn't matter as much as your picture. Being attractive looking in your picture means everything. And I also learned early on to never put your hopes too high on specific women who you find extremely attractive, they are very unlikely to reply to your message because of the competition. And the competition is massive, I never realized this until I made a fake female profile and received dozens of messages a day, and it was using an average looking woman. Most women will just simply ignore your message because there are just too many other guys also competing for her attention.
My persistence paid off, despite having sent a message to over 800 women. The response rate was low, only 82 ever replied back, and I have only received two messages from women, both of whom were unattractive single mothers. Getting a conversation going was even more difficult, only 34 resulted in one. And out of all those, only 7 have agreed to meet with me on a date. And out of those 7 dates, only one resulted in more than one date. She stopped seeing me when it turned out we were too incompatible and friendzoned me.
The rest didn't take more than one date for the women to decide to that. My last attempt several weeks ago was particularly crushing because I was extremely attracted to her and we had been conversing online for a month. But when we met IRL the conversation was awkward and she didn't reply to me again afterwards. Online dating is not for the weak of heart, if do not take rejection lightly you will be devastated.
Overall the entire experience of online dating is a very frustrating experience. But for robots like us this is our only choice to meet women IRL and gain an opportunity to gf one. I will not give up yet, but it is depressing as it is harder and harder to get gf as you get older. I think my age is a major factor for my failure, so younger guys need to keep this in mind.
Being assburger as well makes matters worse. It is very hard to relate to "normal" women, even though inversely enough I had a better chance of getting a date with them than the smarter, more assburger-type women that I had something in common with to talk to. Those ones are particularly disappointing, I thought the more I had in common with them the better my chances were of getting a date, but they seem to be even pickier and flakier than average.
I don't know if I'll succeed, but I don't want to give up just yet. I can't go back to being alone and settled in never having a gf, it's too hard for me to accept simply being alone and dying without ever experiencing a relationship and love. Life isn't worth living on your own, all I can do is be persistent and keep trying and trying.
I know those numbers seem pretty bad, but at least you got a couple of dates. If nothing else that should hopefully inspire any robots who haven't totally given up to give it a try.
>Life isn't worth living on your own
True, but friends and family suffice for some. I understand what you're saying OP, but remember most people suck. You just want some company because, as you say, you're tired of being alone, but remember people can make you miserable too. You're better off by yourself than with the wrong person.
I hope they do. I think I would've had a better chance if I started earlier instead of my 30s.
I'm alone, no friends or family to talk to so it's very difficult for me to deal with the loneliness. At least the dating experiences helped me deal with it better despite being disappointing, oddly enough.
Don't give up so easily, it was shitty for me because I'm not that attractive. It'll probably be better for you, especially if you're white. Race plays a huge part in online dating.
Online dating solely exists for women to validate their ego and occasionally bang a random chad. Don't feed the machine.
I've read enough horror stories on the internet to know that single mothers should be avoided at all costs.
It's also the only choice I have to meet women. At least I got some dates out of it, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can't imagine
You will never considered the real dad of the kids
She will probably still be in contact with her ex
You can never become her first priorty
You will eventually be expected to provide
She will harbor resentment because of her ex
You won't have much time for fun because she has to take care of her kids
If you end up having kids together it won't be as special
Not me, mate.
And you're blanket statement cannot possible account for every situation and conditions in those types of relationships.
But again, I've known him for a very long time and as I said, he's very happy, and he was shagging someone new every week back in the day.
You have a very simple view of parent child relationships if you think a non-biological father could never be considered the the genuine father.
The person who raised you and cared for you is you real parent. The deadbeat or absent parent is just a sperm donor or an incubator.
my experiences with online dating
five years of unreturned messages, hambeasts who'll check you out but never respond, asspainful feminist queersexuals who will shut you down the moment you out yourself as "not progressive", retarded drug addicts and stoners
I've sent out maybe 40 messages that aren't spam. Got one date, once. Maybe 3 conversations that weren't just insults
Wait what are you?
Mexican here, had better time with minority and black women. Only dated a black girl, she was nice but was interested in some one older... With more resources.
Yeah online dating... it's the biggest red pill there is.
I ruled out white/asian women entirely after day 2.
Conversations with Hispanic girls lead nowhere, balck girls where more upfront and lewd, the one I date was just curious about me.
I don't mind wasting time on dating sites because it's not like I would be doing anything more productive anyways so I might as well work towards the slim shot of pussy, but this picture sums up online dating
I'm part asian, by no means alpha and a long ways away from being chad.
Stood up on dates, had contact cut out of the blue, dull dates and a ton of rejections.
I did manage to get one lay out of my OKC encounters though.
In a way I kind of regret it,
She was the worst female I was ever with.
I can relate to the forever along feeling but, godamn that fucking sucks. Like hardcore fucking awful dude.
Just as a note it's way easier to talk to girls in real life than the internet. They're actually pretty bored with these sites, with all the guys sending them stupid messages and being sort of disconnected from real life. I just want to point that out because there's no reason to blame yourself for the rejection you faced there. It's 99% not your fault. We're all sensitive guys here and if we could work up the courage to speak authentically to girls for a couple minutes ththen we could score some dates easy. Chicks have a soft side too.
Until about a year ago I was a depressed autistic virgin with few friends. Everything was so bad I pretty much gave up on everything. I'm a little younger than you (24) so I won't say it wasn't easier for me, but it won't get any easier in the future either.
The point is, start going out to bars, meetups, socials, wherever you can meet people. It's going to suck and be awkward at first but that's just because you haven't built that muscle. And you'll be meeting normal healthy people that will treat you like a human instead of the vapid emotional black holes on the internet.
I personally think the pua stuff is stupid (since I'll probably be called out for that) but I think it helps some people.
After talking to some people face to face and making connections you'll start to think of yourself as less assburger and more normal. It's kind of a weird feeling like your world changes and opens up.
But the point is, people are generally friendly at least, and if it's not for you then what do you have to lose just by trying? There's no need to spend lots of money places, I don't even drink except on friends' birthdays. I think I got called out maybe once and I just left. And even if it takes you months of going out to even get a girls number at least you're practicing your social skills and having a few good nights here and there.