I can't live with parents anymore. I'm just running away and going to live with whatever
>dad wakes me up early to do shit 10 mins before my alarm
>checked in on me FOUR fucking times while I got ready
>walked in on me changing pants and I had to yell Jesus Christ dude just fuck off
>he wakes up from a nap and starts walking by me
>the second I cum he walks by my door
>the second I come out of my room he's staring at me
>he opens the door shines the light in my face
>he sprays a bunch of febreeze in his room and leaves the door open
>he starts violently stomping and shit loudly
>go downstairs to piss
>he's staring at me and telling me about chores
It's 1:30. This has all happened before 2 o'clock.
My dad does shit like this all the time too.
>get in shower
>he instantly starts fucking with the water for the duration of my shower
>try showering when he's asleep
>he gets up and decides he needs to water the plants at 2am
>try showering while he's gone
>he somehow gets home the second I get in the shower and proceeds to run the kitchen sink for no reason
>wake up and try and make coffee
>he decides he needs to fuck around in the kitchen RIGHT THEN
>bitches that I'm in his way when he's clearly just standing there not doing anything other than being in MY way
>yells at me for drinking too much of X beverage or eating too much of Y food
>he proceeds to gorge himself on X and Y and then yell at me for it being all gone when I clearly haven't had any
>claims video games are ruining my life and I need to so something more interactive like he does
>sits on his ass all day watching tv and playing solitaire on his laptop
I'm pretty close to murdering him to be honest family
He had a job and had you and can afford all those things tho. Can you afford your own food? Or water bill? No? Then don't complain and behave like the pet you are are you are going to be put down
It's pretty great
They don't just buy me food tho. I get two professors to come here twice a week each and teach me to code and draw
Plus a.new computer, comfy chair and ac and daddy is going to buy me a laptop next month.
Have you ever asked tho? How can you know they won't buy you that apartment if you never ask.
You know what the best part is? I didn't have to ask for a new smartphone after I broke mine in my beach vacations because the phone company gave a me a free one because my line is ten years old. So the universe pretty much loves me
I have no idea. He's always been strange, but since he retired he's achieved a new level of weird I didn't think was possible. He's probably somewhat autistic and not in a meme way.
>spreads birdseed all over the yard every morning when he wakes up and every night before he goes to bed
>attracts a bunch of birds which is cool
>also attracts squirrels
>attempts to shoot the squirrels with a slingshot he's had for all his life
>never hits a single one
>squirrels continue to eat bird seed
>says to me the other day "you know what Anon, I don't think the squirrels are getting the idea that they're not wanted in our yard, I might have to try another method to remove them"
Oh and this literally just happened.
>I put in a load of laundry
>he instantly yells to me downstairs
>"Anon why did you start that I'm about to take a shower?"
I can't live with my NEET kid any more
>Wake him up at about midday every day
>'My alarm was just about to go off - What the fuck'
>He takes ages to get his shit together and get out of bed - I had to check on the little frog-poster four times
>'I'm changing my pants!!! Fuck off!!'
>He's gone back to his room and started fapping
>Fuck it - I'll just get on with my day
>Can hear him mumbing and shit posting away
>Get back from what I'm doing
>Jesus, he's actually up
>'WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT DAD?? REEEEEEE!!!'
>Come back later, Hear obese snoring. The little cunts gone to sleep. I've had my fill of his bullshit today.
>Shine a light in his face.
>I can smell rotting chicken tendies all over the house
>febreeze the fuck out of my room - leave the windows and door open
>Going about my daily shit - Getting the house clean
>Our little clopper comes downstairs to take a leak in the toilet I just cleaned
>Please, son, for the love of god will you at least do some chores?
>'FUCK OFF - THE OTHER ROBOTS DON'T HAVE TO DO CHORES!!!'
>"you know what Anon, I don't think the squirrels are getting the idea that they're not wanted in our yard, I might have to try another method to remove them"
Your dad is a goldmine of dry comedy. More please.