>mummy planning special tender dinner date with new daddies family
>mummy promises me 15 GBP if I wear my grown up boy clothes and don't ask any questions to new daddy's family
>arrive at restaurant but getting hungy hungy, mummy tells me to wait
>start playing my 3DS XL on full volume because restaurant is noisy but getting bored
>can see new daddies family are getting hungry too so decide to go on a quest to bring us tendies
>go to the front counter but get given a big green bottle instead
>start drinking it, tastes like the old mountain dews I found in my closet
>mummy tells me to stop and food will be here soon, bitch thinks she can tell me what to do
>food finally arrives
>green mush and bread, smells like my poo poos
>feel my neck heating up, hands begin to tremble
>bitch lied to me, realize I'm not getting my tendies
>flick the plate at the wall in protest just like my old new daddy taught me to with a frisbee before he left
>start feeling dizzy, seeing two of everything
>good boy clothes aren't as comfortable as red onesie with my poo poo flap
>start pulling shirt off but slip and fall onto the table
>knock big, hot soup off the table onto new daddy's family, new daddy's family begin to shriek and scream
>normies begin to crowd around our table, mummy tries to push them away from me frantically but its too late
>get escorted out of the restaurant by the mountain dew man
>mummy cries all the way home
>can't hear my fucking 3DS game properly and didn't get GBP
>in my room playing Star Fox Command on my DS after getting up early at 3pm
>mummy opens the door, knocking over a stack of my piss jugs
>"A-anon come on, we're going to Walmart to buy you some new clothes"
>pretend I didn't hear her, does this bitch really have the gall to try and interrupt my day?
>"Anon please turn off your game, you haven't been outside since March last year"
>close my eyes to suppress my rising indignation
>start shaking, breathe deeply through my mouth to calm down
>my heartbeat is audible to both of us at this point
>"Anon what's wrong, do you need a doc-"
>throw the DS at her
>hits her in the mouth and breaks in half
>she just stands there stunned
>"YOU BITCH YOU BROKE MY DS"
>it was the Mario 64 DS version that I bought with the GBP I got for my 26th birthday
>now I'm really mad
>grab my bokken (that's a wooden samurai sword for you gaijin, bought it with GBP that I earned by going weewee in the toilet for a week)
>she turns around to run
>"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING"
>expertly throw my bokken to trip her
>hits her head on the doorframe
>hasn't moved since
I'm hungry and I want tendies but the selfish bitch never taught me how to use the microwave, what do
>wake up at 6pm after a particularly exhausting Runescape marathon
>tummy is making hungry noises
>navigate my way out of my room through the piles of weewee jugs and trash
>make my way downstairs, peek into the living room
>mummy and new daddy are doing a special backwards hug on the sofa like uncle phil showed me once
>new daddy is making funny sounds like a steam train
>don't care, hungry
>"MUMMY WANT BREKKIE BREK"
>mummy screams, new daddy swears and nearly falls off the sofa like a silly
>says to mummy "why is that retard still living here, isn't he like 30"
>I don't like being called a retard
>not since the incident with the toddler in mcdonalds
>feel my inner wolf break loose
>let out a mighty howl and try to rip off my creeper hoodie
>not strong enough in my hunger-weakened state
>new daddy is laughing, I'll fucking show him
>pull down my crusty cargo shorts and grab my tingly tummy tendie
>"GOLDEN WHIRLWIND, GO GO GO"
>start spinning like a beyblade and weeing as hard as I can
>mummy is screaming and crying, new daddy swears even louder and tries to grab me
>dodge him with my veteran CS1.6 reflexes but fall because I'm dizzy from malnourishment
>new daddy gets me in a headlock and starts punching me in the tummy
>he doesn't know I've been saving a satisfying tendie-and-dew-fuelled doodie for later
>bum explodes like a fat man in fallout 3 (I don't play 4 because it doesn't have my waifu Moira)
>new daddy is covered in doodie, he looks like a swamp monster
>he lets go and starts vomiting
>mummy is on the phone, I think she's calling 911, new daddy is trying to make her put the phone down and shouting something about "the meth you dumb bitch"
>crawl to the kitchen, everything is spinning and I feel faint
>"MUMMY MAKE TENDIES" I manage to shout before blacking out
>wake up chained to my bed with a plate of tendies on the bedside table
>new daddy is gone
>wakey wakey 4 PM
>shitpost for an hour, BTFO a few wagies, make fun of roasties who have the gall to friendzone me
>rumbly in my tumbly
>need my tendos
>tiptoe into the kitchen where mummy likes to cry alone
>mummy is crying looking at a photo of my high school graduation
>MUMMY YOUR GOOD BOY WANTS HIS TENDOS
>"Oh, Anon, can't we give it a rest? Won't you please do something productive?"
>as if that bitch didn't know how much I've accomplished in Minecraft today
>MUMMY GIMME TENDOS
>"Anon, you really need to change up your diet! I don't want you gaining any more weight!"
>teleport behind her
>unsheath my diamond sword and drive it into her heart
>"Anon, stop hitting me with that plastic toy. I'm going to the grocery store, I'll be back soon."
>Mummy's foul magicks have made her immune to my ninja abilities
>curl up into a ball on the floor, make a peepee and fall asleepie
>wake up next to a piping hot plate of tendos
>wake up at 1pm
>no tendies waiting for me
>MOMMY WOMMY YOUR GOODBOY WANTS TENDIES
>mom calls back that she's exhausted from working two jobs
>oh, right mom. I'm sorry, i forgot. Get some rest.
>make tendies. Share with mommy.
>Banging on girls
>She's 18 doesn't no anything about how the college scene works
>Starts flirting with my friend at a party I go to
>Give her tons of shit about it, make her feel like a complete slut and a whore
>She's crying and carrying on about how sorry she is
>Next day says she decided that as long as were fucking she'll be exclusive to me
>Talks about how she's sorry and wants to try to build a relationship with me from a new start
>MFW I'm fucking my ex and another girl behind her back
It's weird. I thought doing morally wrong things would actually feel wrong, but I don't feel bad at all.
Also, I was a kissless hugless virgin till 6 months ago, so don't call me chad or anything.
>at new daddy's country cabin for the weekend while the house is fumigated
>him and mummy go out for the day, leave me in my race car bed that mummy carried all the way here on the bus because she can't afford gas any more
>noon rolls around, hungry
>get out of bed, unlock the baby gate they set up (she doesn't know I know how, dumb bitch) and go into the kitchen/hall area in search of din dins
>NO FUCKING TENDIES
>just spam and jerky and soup in the cupboards and frozen deer in the freezer
>pile all the spam cans up and go pee pee on them to show what I think of this
>fucking normies don't have the first clue about nutrition, this is a fucking outrage
>go into new daddy's bedroom, maybe he keeps an emergency stash of tendies hidden like I do
>look under his bed
>nothing there but a load of magazines with pictures of ladies wearing no clothes and some men too
>there fucking MUST be tendies nearby because the magazines are covered in ranch
>notice a shoebox a little further back
>grab it and bring it out, it's heavy. These must be his tendies, quite a few of them too
>it's a gun
>looks like a Glock 17, I can tell from extensive experience in Counter-Strike
>take it out and pretend I'm in Wanted, making the bullet curve around the doorway and hitting Chad on the other side
>"HAHA FUCK YOU CHAD YOU SHIT I BET YOU REGRET THOSE WEDGIES NOW-"
>suddenly there's a loud crash in the hall and a man's voice shouting
>fill my diaper and start shaking
>the gun goes off, I go deaf and drop it
>crawl under the bed and squeeze my eyes shut
>work up the courage to check things out after a few minutes
>new daddy is lying in a pile of spam cans, mummy is crying over him and on the phone to the police
this is going to cost some hefty GBP
>wife makes din din for me when I get home from work
>just sit on my comfy iPhone at the table giggling at memes
>mfw I already ate but I told wife to make din din anyway
>she wants a ride out to her classes
>mfw I just go to bed and fall asleep
>it's late at night
>not late enough for McDonalds to be closed tho
>I want tendies and mommy is asleep so I go there alone
>McDonalds wageslave tells me it's closed
>I tell him I know when it closes everyday
>he tells me to fuck off
>go wake up mommy
>mommy tells me she won't take me through the drive through the drive thru
>I'm really hungry and I'm getting mad
>tell mommy I will punish her
>she doesn't get up
>I take her TV
>but its too heavy oh oops I dropped it
>mommy wakes up and takes me to McDonalds
>as I get my tendies I look at wageslave Chad smugly
>next day uncle Tom is there to talk to me
>mommy starts to lock herself in her room too
>no longer get any tendies
>hungry for tendies
>no more GBP
>mommy tells me she will lend me GBP but I will have to pay her with interests
>get tons of good boy points because I'm really hungry
>next day I ask for tendies but I must pay most of my GBP because of my debt so I can't afford it any longer
>debt keeps rising
>can only afford healthy food now
>have to start cleaning the house to afford any food at all
>no longer allowed to use piss bottle
>life is hell
>then mommy drops the bomb
>o can pay my GBP debt with real money
>it's been a year and I almost paid half of it, I can afford tendies again now that I have a job
>finally give in to mummy's demands and take a trip to the mall
>in Walmart, browsing tendies
>comparing two brands while singing the tendies song under my breath
>"tendies tendies ten-dies, 'til the hunger end-ies"
>start tapping my foot
>"ten-dies ten-dies ten-dies, don't share them with your friend-ies"
>start dancing in the aisle
>sing at the top of my voice
>"OH TENDIES TENDIES TEN-DIES, GOTTA LOVE THEM TEN-DIES"
>security approaches me and asks me to leave because I'm scaring people
>I keep singing and dancing, pretending they're not there
>rip open a bag of tendies and start scattering them in the air like confetti as I bop down the aisle
>one hits a small child in the eye, it starts mewling
>the mother comes over and starts yelling at me
>can't hear you, bitch
>and then she fucking slaps me
>she SLAPS. ME.
>YOU DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH ANON GOODBOY UNLESS YOU ARE FEEDING HIM, CHANGING HIM OR TUCKING HIM IN
>give her a hard shove
>she falls on her bum
>grab a handful of frozen tendies and force feed them to her while singing at the top of my voice
>security guard tries to tase me
>the prongs bounce off my armoured trenchcoat
>slowly turn to face him with what I think is a triumphant grin
>he's holding a little canister
>starts spraying it in my face
>hah, good luck getting that pepper spray past these shades fucko
>start laughing and breathe some of it in accidentally
>OH FUCK THIS SHIT BURNS LIKE THE SPICIEST MEMES
>lash out, hit him in the head and he falls over
>scratching at my throat, can barely breathe
>nose is gushing snot
>swallow some and start puking
>slip on my puke and fall on the floor
>start punching myself in the head and kicking the floor while screaming
>manage to shout "FUCKING NORMIES WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME" in between bouts of retching
>police arrive and cuff me
>fall asleep in the police car and wake up chained to bed with a note reading "Anon, I'm deducting 1000 GBP for your frankly disgusting behaviour"
>mfw I still have 9863 GBP left over
>wake up at 5pm, earlier than usual
>reach for a wee wee jug and start beating it against the floor rhythmically
>"TENDIES TENDIES FOR MY TUMMY, PUT SOME IN THE OVEN MUMMY"
>hear a wail from downstairs
>she always cries since my newest daddy left
>notice the wee wee jug split and is leaking
>oh well, throw it at the wall for mummy to clean up later
>flip on my surround-sound system bought with a year's worth of GBP
>one and only song on repeat
>"NA NA, NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA KATAMARI DAMACY"
>hear an even louder wail from downstairs
>silly normies not appreciating music
>figure my tendies are about due
>grab another jug, pound it on the floor
>"TENDIES TENDIES GOLDEN BROWN, MUMMY COOKS THEM BEST IN TOWN"
>mummy gets very upset
>"I CAN'T DO THIS ANY MORE ANON, I'M SORRY"
>hear something smash and the door slams
>wait for her to bring me my tendies
>wait half a fucking hour for that lazy bitch
>have to drag MYSELF out of my sports car bed and down the stairs into the kitchen
>broken plate on the floor, tendies still in the oven, nicely done but cold
>ah well, some honey mustard will make things all better
>look in the cupboard
>NO FUCKING HONEY MUSTARD
now I know why she said she couldn't do it any more
>really fucking want some Lunchables
>wake up my stupid bitch of a mother and tell her to go to Walmart and buy me some
>"Anon, it's 2 AM and I have work in the morning, I'll get you some after work tomorrow."
>start slamming my head against the wall while screaming LUNCHABLES so the neighbors wake up
>"Anon, go the fuck to bed or I'll call the police."
>tell her if she calls the police I'll kill myself
>finally the bitch gets in the car and leaves
>takes her 45 minutes to get them
>look in the bag and see she got the Lunchables with Reese's instead of Skittles just to spite me
>unsheathe my katana and corner her
>"You think this is fucking funny you fucking know I hate Reese's you stupid BITCH"
>she begins sobbing and farting uncontrollably out of fear
>open up her mother's urn and pour her ashes into one of my piss bottle and start chugging it infront of her
>she faints at the sight of this
>she oversleeps and is fired for being late
>stupid bitch know not to fuck with me now