This just happened

>>25920836
put him to sleep
or maybe watch matrix with him

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>>25920836
Suck dicccc famalam
>2bqh though my dad growing up lived in the living room and i saw his tiny wiener a few times also he watched very degenerate gay porn
>so I know your feels famila
At least I live with my mom now.

>tfw no wacky dad to do prescription drugs with
we should do a switcheroo OP

>>25921111
nice quads

>>25921111
HOLY SHIT QUADS
OP GOT ROASTED
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1s6aNjJRbrA

>>25920836
>not wanting to fap to Neo while on so many drugs you escape the Matrix

What are you gay?

>>25921111
nice trips desu

why did he watched gay porn in front of you?
im sorry you had to live with your dad

>>25921111
>>25921156
Oh sorry, nice quads desu

>>25921154
This
OP confirmed for being under the influence of agents
prognosis is grim
suggested treatment is drugs and fapping while watching the matrix

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>tfw once a month my dad drunkenly falls down the stairs at night and busts his head open
>tfw found a suicide rope in his closet once
>tfw found out he pops xanax and opiates like candy on top of the alcohol
>tfw once a day he gets in a screaming match with my mom over the phone
>tfw last year the police had to bring him home two different occasions from the bar

>>25921269
>tfw will never be a dad because would probably end up being just like your dad

It's all fun and games until someone depends on you.

Sounds like he took the blue pill

>>25921331

I would not wish it on my worst enemy. I see my worst personality traits and faults in my own father as he drunkenly/high stumbles through life. Life for me is pure hell.

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>>25921127
Thanks famalam
>>25921150
Why cant filthy frank be good anymore
>>25921156
>>25921170
He watched it the living room cause he had no room also when i was a kid i found a gay porn mag in his room and he said he got it by accident and it was the old mans next door.
>i got plenty of wacky tales about my dad if anyone is interested

>>25921380
I'm already fapping to your gay father OP pls continue

>>25921416
anon
not op
u kno what i mean
unless you are also OP
in which case your dad's cool quotient just got squared

Your dad is fucking based as fuck. Get hyped - Maybe there's something left in his bag or pockets

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>>25921380
im sorry anon but i think your dad is gay

>>25920836
>be me
We know it's you, stupid redditor.

>>25920836
Trinity's a babe.

This thread is fucking hilarious desu

>>25920836
>be me

I'm surprised someone hasn't given you grief about this. I don't know why they do, but anytime someone says >be me someone has a panic attack

>>25921544

my mistake, some faggot >>25921486 already did

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>>25921416
I'm not OP but okay Anon
>i was a child about 11
>he invited over this guy who looked like nigel from the wild thorn berries
>he also had a daughter who was bitch and wouldnt share he chocolate covered gummy bears (not important)
>i was really confused about this man like why was he here in the first place
>they made burgers then left me and my sisters to play with her faggot daughter
>we heard noises and thought nothing of it and never saw the man
>6 years later I tell my mom about him
>she fucking starts laughing and says he was his sugar daddy while they were married
>he would "go to work" (let his boss fugg him)
>and he would pay our bills
>he's the reason they split up plus he's gay obviously which we think happened after he got into a car wreck and he became half retarded and gay apparently
>like he was not gay at all before that honestly
>fin
>>25921485
Really Anon???

>>25921567
>it matters not reddit is here to stay Anon

>>25921573
>car accident caused your dad to become half retarded and gay
Please elaborate anon

>>25921573
more

you don't become gay after a car crash anon, he used your mother to procreate and pass down his degenerate genes
also how did he find a "sugar daddy", i need to find on to be really honest

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>>25921675
He was driving a camero and he was stupidly fucking drunk and rolled the car and he caved his brain in pretty bad and he was never the same kinda sucks he was pretty cool before that
>tfw i miss my real dad
>>25921745
His brain was caved in that can make you gay famalam he changed a lot after it

>>25921573
>pimp myself out for my family to put a roof over their heads
>wife and son laugh at me and call me gay years later

Fucking women JUST

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Was he taking this, OP?

>>25921782
God damn it Anon he just was a lazy pretty boy who got fucked in the head he used to never cuss and was very fatherly then he JUST FUCKED HIMSELF UP

>>25921810
>tfw no pretty boy dad
Did he pass his pretty boy genes onto you?

>>25921782
this desu

>>25921810
>do so many drugs you pass out naked fapping to the matrix

>>25921898
all interesting people have done this at least once

>>25921779
im sorry for your dad anon

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>>25921862
Yeah but I also inherited my moms bi polar and her balding genes famalam
>>25921898
Car crash famalam
This by the way
>>25921573

>>25921925
Thank you Anon he was once a good man

>>25921898
>>25921926
Sounds like your dad just turned into a badass, except for getting fucked in the ass part

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>>25921978
God you niggers are retared im not OP

>>25922001
more story of gay dad plz

do you have any pics of him?

>>25922084
this
pics pls

>>25921978
I agree
Maybe the accident destabilized normal responses programmed into him by -the man-

He was gay all along but brainwashed into thinking he should reproduce with females

>>25922138
Im so confused by this thread. Are you gay dad OP or not? Also why would getting your brain crushed suddenly make realize its ok to be gay?

>>25922138
>He was gay all along but brainwashed into thinking he should reproduce with females
this
im sorry anon but you are not the product of love 3':

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>>25922084
>>25922138
>>25922213
No pics cause he is to stupid to use a computer
Andddd I am pretty sure he wasnt my man he was like a manly man and then he went to half retarded and gay as hell but think what you want faggots i dont care.

>>25921363
nice
r9kr9k

>>25921380
>>i got plenty of wacky tales about my dad if anyone is interested
FUCKING DO IT MAN

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>>25922372
One time he stole my bike while he was drunk
Also I love him when he's drunk cause I used to coerce him to give me 50 buckaroos for ice cream

>brother had disk replacements
>takes opiates
>a lot, fucking ginger genes
>he drinks too
>staying with him and his wife and son for a while
>is completely incoherent one night
>I have to take the medicine out of his hand
>try to get him to go upstairs
>he comes back down and is just babbling
>have to wake up his wife, tell her he is shitfaced and needs to be taken to bed
>tfw my brother could've killed himself and left his wife and son alone and I'm the fuck-up that wants to die

>>25922420
Holy moly. Did you spend it on forget?

>>25922256
>he went to half retarded
what do you mean

maybe he have brain damage, also he drinks a lot, maybe your dad is really unhappy with is life
take care of him anon

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>>25922420
>living with him and new step mum and she has the worst kids ever
>one of them mathew was biggest shitter of all time
>he stole my gamecude and threw it in the garbage I had to get it out of nasty trash water
>he called me a faggot
>butttt one time he came up to me in a maids outfit and whipped his dick out and was probably trying to get me to succc ittt but im not a fag
>when he finally came out i laughed and laughed cause he used to show off his gf by making out with her in front of me I am guessing he was secretly gay for me that faggot he also kissed my sister and i hate him
>>25922426
ICE CREAM TRUCK NIGGGAAAA EVERYTIME
>>25922563
He is now he is all alone cause he scared us all off by being a push over closet faggot who called my sister bitches

>>25921779
What part of his brain was damaged? I need this information - tell me EVERYTHING you know. (Yes, I'm serious)

>>25922617
>Ice cream truck nigga
I'm unable to figure out what the hell you mean.

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>>25922654
The top cranial part desu when they found him in the car he was hitting the gas trying to go fucking lol
>>25922682
I bought 50 dollars of ice cream from an ice cream truck you non us citizen retard

>>25922702
Then why the fuck were you replying to
>>25922426
?

I have a second, and this is first time I'm writing anything in /r9k/, so fuck you if I somehow insult your delicate social climate.

You want family stories? Why the fuck not.

>father fuck my mom at a party, she gets pregnant
>fucker tries to tell her he has money, but he only steals shit from the army
>goes to jail
>remember visiting dad, they always said that he was in the army, I never noticed it was jail, I was like 4 or something
>dad gets out after a year or two
>instantly has a great idea to mix himself up with Russian mafia, no bs
>steals cars from Germany for them, and they finally trust him enough to pay him money first
>takes the money and runs away
>I get back home as a kid and first thing - see my 8 years older brother on the ground covered in blood
>my mother is kneeling while a man has a gun to her face and asks about money
>they left us, dad came back a few months later, because his cash ended
>stole some shit from home to start over and actually did so, bough a small local shop to start normal life
>mafia remembers - they throw a brick at night through my window
>dad sells the shop, fucking my mom over who gave half the cash believing he's okay now
>pays back mafia
>this all was before I was 10 years old, he did shit like this for next 10 years, setting on fire my brothers car etc.
>now he's in hail again, mafia is looking for him once again
>we moved someplace else and no one talks about him for 9 years now

>>25922617
>mathew came up to me in a maids outfit and whipped his dick out and was probably trying to get me to succc ittt
top keks

>>25921269
dude....

you never stood a chance

>>25921898
Living the dream. Make way for a true champion.

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>>25922737
I'm ignoring you now retard
>>25922756
He also used to dance on a stripper pole we had in our garage
I'm glad you like my tales Anon I can continue if you want i was gonna play batman arkham knight but this is better

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>>25920836
Dude Trinity tho

She may be a bit butch but she's got it no doubt

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>>25922833
The first time I ever drank it was when i was 12 this is the only time i got a girl to kiss me cause she was a MAJOR whore who fucked everyone she also introduced me to my sisters future bf she also had the herps which i did not get thank jesus famalam

>>25922739
>ywn have a dad who outwits the mafia multiple times with his crazy hijinks

>>25922949
Anon, the shit that idiot taught me would make you shit your pants. I knew how to lockpick and start a car before I knew how to drive one (still don't know, because of my illness I never will drive).

>one time we forgot keys to house
>dad asks if we at least have keys to the basement (not connected to home)
>goes there and comes back with a metal wire
>opens door in two minutes

>>25922833
yes continue i really like it
why did your mother stayed with your dad? did they divorced after or before he goes reatard?
is your familly poor?

>>25923002
Damn son teach me everything you know, what kind of illness do you have?

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>>25923045
They divorced long ago
And we wernt poor till they split up then my mom moved to Oklahoma city and because a gangster crack dealer and and had 3 black kids my life is in shambles 2bh famalam
But I'm getting my ged now and my drivers license and then im moving and hopefully life will be better

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>>25923121
>drunk gay dad
>sissy mathew
>rosties crack head mom
im so sorry for your shit famillia anon, hope you break the circle

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>>25923224
I know that is what I'm trying at least I'm no where near as degenerate as them I mean I drink and smoke pot but I am not near as bad.
Really though Anon I appreciate your words.
>also pups over cats everytime

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>>25921111
>>25922833
>>25923322
Just wanna commemorate all of my gets

>>25923091
Naw, I'd rather not talk about it - let's just say I can function like a normal person, walk, run, do shit, but I just can't drive wehicles or do shit by myself that could harm people if I suddenly wasn't okay.

As for my dad? First time I called him "dad" in more than 10 years. Last time I saw him was when my mom for fun made him go to court for alimony he should've paid for me (more than 100k). Dude came in with huge sunglasses. When judge told him shit like that wouldn't run and asked to remove them, turns out he had black eyes - once again, tried to steal shit from mafia and got beat up.

My bro still sometimes talks with him, turns out he tried to steal some drugs, but they caught him - drove him to a forest in the back of a car, beat him up, stripped him naked and left there. Now literally no one my mom or my bro know who has ever made any normal or shady business with my father wants to have anything to do with him.

So yeah, fun stuff, fuck that shit, also always made me feel like a fucking manlet, just because he was 6'3 to my 6'0

>>25920836

>be me

Well who else would you've been, fuckwit?

>>25923364
Why havent they killed him yet? Was he like a made man?

>>25923322
>>25923360
hope those gets will help u in real life desu

dog is shit tier pet btw

>>25923491
why kill a stooge if he's just doing petty theft.

even the worst person in the world has a corpse that draws police attention.

>>25922702
This is fantastic news (from a scientific perspective - I'm sorry your dad is a retard)

>>25923549
I'd say write a book, but it isn't worth being whacked by sasha and igor.

>>25923491
>>25923549
He wasn't a petty thief for them when it started - he was their main guy to get Germans to be more friendly and give them some info on the cars or some shit. I think they needed some distributor of wrecked cars in Germany to cover up stolen cars for them and mark as wrecked or some shit.

As for why they never killed him - it kinda sounds retarded, but my father hat this awesome skill - he was really charismatic. People actually liked to be with him, wanted to be him. If your Chads ever talk how easy it is to strike girls, just imagine a tall Ron Jeremy look-alike that instantly becomes center of attention anywhere he goes. I think they just didn't want to shoot his brains out, because maybe they always hoped he'd just stop and work for them again? I have no idea, don't know where he is now.

Obviously - don't you fuckers dare screw with russian mafia. Fuck those guys for making my mom cry and try to cut herself.