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ITT: post embarrassing moments from your...
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ITT: post embarrassing moments from your past that still haunt you to this day

>calling the professor "mom" in a crowded lecture hall

>colleagues call a guy a nick name
>i call him that
>he shouts at me to never call him that again
>nod weakly

>spray another kid with a water gun.
>he says to stop, i thought jokingly
>i spray again
>he trips me up infront of all the kids

>at music college
>terrible at guitar somehow get it
>have to write and perform a song with strangers on the first week
>tfw i can't play anything
>'play' in front of twenty strangers and fuck up every part

>neighbour kid had an abusive father
>he bullies me constantly
>finally one day i retaliate
>laugh at his fatherlessness
>he beats the shit out of me infront of some girls with a tennis bat
>i run home and pretend to my parents i was tired and go to bed crying

>at college, singer of my 'band' gets excited about getting a job
>i make a joke; 'what was it, a pornstar role?'
>she cries and everyone calls me a retard and a cunt
>being in a band

>>i make a joke; 'what was it, a pornstar role?'
why did you say that
>substitute teacher
>he asks for our names
>guy says his name is x when it's actually y
>class and teacher laugh
>i do the same thing as guy
>"uhm i can't find your name on the list"
>stutter out my real name
>he moves on without a word
It physically hurt.

Normies are mindless animals that don't know how to think before they speak
>she cries and everyone calls me a retard and a cunt

kek. she probably was doing porn at some point
>13 years old
>on vacation
>swimming in lake with 4/10 girl I met there
>she confesses she likes me and calls me cute
>awkward pause
>splash water in her face
I really hate myself when I remember this.
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>at the doctor
>getting a physical
>there is a prostate exam
>I'm pretty nervous, everyone knows the trope of prostate exams hurting, I've never done any butt stuff or prostate stimulation before so I have no clue what it's like
>take a deep breath
>he sticks his finger in
>reaches my prostate
>literally fucking moan uncontrollably
>get an erection, it's visible in my little medical gown
>the nurse starts immediately laughing
>the doctor is laughing too
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>cute shy girl at a friend's party is into me
>went home and played videogames alone
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Getting on my knees in public, begging my ex not to leave me.
>be 16
>at my friend's house after a night of getting high and watching shitty movies
>wake up and have to poop
>go to the bathroom and drop my pants
>let out a monster shit the size of texas
>flush and go back into his room

Fast forward a couple hours or so

>smell of rancid shit still comes from the bathroom
>we all smell it
>his mom walks in the bathroom to figure out why it still smells
>I guess it didn't go down all the way
>quickly duck the fuck out as quick as I can
>they all obviously know it's me

3 years later and to this day we have never brought that up again, but we probably all still remember it.
Tu... tu fagola.
if it's any consolation, i actually started ejaculating when i got a prostate exam

she laughed and said it's completely normal but i don't think it is
anon that just means you're a prime candidate for taking sum girlcock/strapon
Haha oh wow this is great pgfjshahgke
>Be 10
>Hear from friend that he likes to hump his dog
>We get a dog like 3 months later
>Decide to hump it
>Hump it for a few minutes
>Get first proper boner
>Show big brothers girlfriend and begin to cry
>She laughs and calls my big brother
>He talks to me on the phone and loses his shit
>He can't even talk to me for more than a few seconds to this day
>I'm cringing so hard while writing this
> HS graduation day
> Diploma ceremony
> On a large beamer two pictures are shown of each student
> Left: student at 12 years old. Right: at 17/18 years old.
> Auditorium filled with 1000+ people laughs at me. Only me.
> After the whole thing, I went home to cry.
> While others had parties, sex, did drugs, etc.

That was the day I became autistic and bitter at the world.
>At School age 15
>Just finished going outside to get picked up
>See Red Car
>Get in Red Car
>Driver meets eyes with me
>Try a joke "I just need a lift home"
>Driver offers and I give fake address because I'm embarrassed and don't know who she is.
>Have to call mum to tell her I walked home.
>Takes 40 mins to walk home in the rain
>MFW No one I know even owned a Red Car.
is this the experience that turned you into an animeposting sissy boyslut?
No, I've always been a submissive little bitch. Thankfully I'm still attracted to women. I just like women and anal dildos now.
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>Asking a girl out
I don't see how this wasn't muted, describes a lot of people...
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Fuck anon that hurt me too
>ski trip with college ski club
>condo full of random normalfags
>took a shit and apparently forgot to flush
>Stacy bitch uses bathroom next and yells WHO SHIT GREEN EWW
>I took a green shit, and forgot to flush
Fuck. My middle school did this and something similar happened

>showing baby pictures of each student to a full auditorium
>each slide ends with the whole room going "aww" and people shouting their names and cheering
>I didn't submit a baby picture so they just used a yearbook photo
>I look retarded in it, auditorium is completely silent after cheering for ever student

Did they find out it was u tho
should've just let her molest you dude
What did she do next?
I just wanted to let you know that this is weird as fuck.
Okay I'll post one. its not really haunting as much as it is funny to me.
>last october
>roommate gets his hands on a bunch of booms
>take a bunch, hang out for a short while and eventually retreat to my room
>turn on music and start looking up pictures of space, space ships, and space stations because shit seemed really cool.
>over the course of an hour my roommate comes into my room sevearl times and always and up cracking up and leaving
>can't figure out why he's laughing
>after like an hour and a half of this he tells me to look at my TV which was behind me the entire time
>Kuroinu epiosde one is playing but on mute
>roommate could help but laugh everytime he walked in because i was just chilling with hentai siliently on repeat while jaming to music and looking up space shit.

Apparently I was more out of my mind then I thought because I never remember turning porn on or switching it to mute. Seriously though. the shit played like 7 times though as the Play counter was that damn high. How the fuck didn't I notice is beyond me.
Don't remember much of what happened next. She got over it pretty fast and we pretty much stayed on friendly terms until we went home.
Excellent taste in porn. 8/10 would enter your room high as fuck to giggle
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>3rd last day of elementary school
>private catholic school, so theres a kind of graduation thing
>we each get partnered up with somebody
>i get partnered up with this girl named Mary, whos in another class
>ive always had a bit of a crush on her, have never liked girls before
>i think about her all the time after school
>fast forward to wednesday night graduation
>we've finished the ceremony and we're all walking in pairs down the assembly room of the school
>she smiles at me, puts her arm around me and kisses me on the cheek
>i rip her arm off my shoulder and toss it back towards her
>push her over and yell "FUCK OFF"
>parents sitting left and right of us are horrified and she sobs a little

>fast forward to tomorrow
>i hardly see her all day, shes pretty quiet
>wont make eye contact with me but her friends tell me she still likes me
>i get into a fight with this spastic kid later that day
>i get expelled
>dont know her number
>dont have her MSN email
>didnt get a chance to apologise to her
>she goes to a different school for highschool

we're actually friends again now. didnt talk for like 6 years. she's still as cute as i remember, but she's about to have a kid to somebody else.

>ive never wanted to have a child with somebody else in my life, even my ex-gf, who i dated for 3 years
You dont wipe, you just shit and leave?

Euro found
This just happened and I can tell it's going to bother me forever.
>working an overnight 8pm-6am in a city almost an hour away
>usually go to these alone but this time a co-worker is going too
>they decide to carpool with me because their vehicle is being worked on
>the day before the trip one of my wipers falls apart and the windshield starts getting streaky from it
>on the way down I joke about my car looking nice but being a piece of shit that constantly has problems, like the child locks going off constantly and my engine having issues and now the windshield being super dirty

>at the overnight it goes along fine for the first eight hours until 4am hits
>start feeling dizzy and my chest feels tight, making it harder to breathe
>go into the back thinking using the bathroom will help, just have diarrhea with everything I ate in the last couple hours
>buy an electrolyte drink and sit in a chair for a few minutes, start shaking uncontrollably because I feel like shit and have started getting paranoid about being sick in front of a shitton of people I don't know
>co-worker tells me that if I'm not going to be okay we should leave, and they volunteer to drive us in my car. Have to tell the guy in charge that I'm exhausted and diarrhea mode and need to leave early, can't stop apologizing for it
>ride half-conscious in passenger seat while freaking out about a humming noise I can hear whenever she accelerates the car on the highway (which they said couldn't hear), also make them stop at a mcdonalds so I can use the bathroom again and drive the rest of the way back
>be 14-16
>out drinking with buddies
>some girl asks me to chum her back to hers
>she lives nearby so I'm like "yeah ok"
>get to her house and she invites me in to lend me a DVD or something
>go inside and stand around awkwardly
>she hands me the DVD and there is about 15 seconds of silence
>I say thanks and leave

I could've lost my virginity that night robros but I was too dumb
k i've got two, not really that embarrassing, just horribly cringey for me to remember
>in the car in the store parking lot, waiting for my mom to be done shopping
>start getting impatient and irritated
>start talking to myself, saying "what the fuck is taking so LONG"
>several "oh my god"'s later
>i start repeatedly ramming my head into the drivers seat headrest
>turn back around in my seat to sit normally
>glance out the window
>notice a store employee staring at me in awe
>he looks genuinely afraid, has his mouth open
>just stared at eachother for a second
what's worse is this kid went to my school at the time.

>visiting my family in another state
>at the dinner table playing cards, surrounded by my bro, his gf, and my sister
>notice my wrist hurts, can't remember why
>say "my wrist hurts, and i don't even do anything. what did i do"
>my sis says "typing?"
>say "nah, that never bothers my wrist"
>deny everyone's suggested possibilities
>suddenly remember why it hurts, flashback to masturbating the night before
>start smiling and said "oh i remember why"
>didnt even think of anyone making the connection, but i notice my bro looking uncomfortable and trying not to smile
mfw i'm a fucking idiot, why did i say that
>one girl in the class msg me every once in a while and ask me what was need to be done for the next lesson
>try to start a little small talk together with answering her and often giving her my answers for questions its
>she almost never respond after I explain everything about lessons
>when she stop responding proceed to sending her my last answer again and again for 5-6 times
>when she finally respond I always explain myself with "ha ha I was not sure that you receive my last text"
>do this shit for like a half a year
Why? Usually there's at least some reason for the retardation but I cannot fathom how you thought to do that.
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Are you autistic buddy ?
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If God was a benevolent creator, our prostate wouldn't be up our butts.
because we were all in elementary school and none of us guys had really ever thought about girls in that kinda way. we had to kinda "front" as being tough in front of our friends.

that poor girl, she used to annoy me every day (not in a bad way) for like 2 years, and i finally realised why after i got expelled.
nope, just dumb
>have sleep over at my house with one and only friend
>i wake up the next morning feeling gassy from all the shit we ate that night
>feel monster fart coming on
>still at age where toilet humour is hilarious
>have poster of buzz lightyear above my bed
>perfect target for my flatulation
>i shake my friend awake and shout "watch this!"
>I pull my pants down for max effect and let it rip onto buzz's face
>it wasnt a simple fart at all
>i just released a loud liquid shit
>watery poo is quickly running down buzz's chin and onto my bed
>friend is gagging and asking what the fuck is wrong with me
>panic and grab the first thing i can find and start scrubbing it off my wall
>turns out i used my friends shirt to smear shit everywhere
>buzz is now a nigger

I loved that poster ;_;
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>in gym class locker room
>someone behind me says "HEY ANON!"
>turn around
>get roundhouse kicked in my dick tip
>it gets pinched, one of the worst pains I've ever felt
>eyes start to reflexively water
>"Hey anon, are you crying?"
>"Look, anon's crying"
>everyone starts to look at me
>not even laughing, just an entire locker room staring at me
>start to cry for real
>entire locker room is dead silent except for my sniffling and this kid laughing at me
>at college, singer of my 'band' gets excited about getting a job
>i make a joke; 'what was it, a pornstar role?'
>she cries and everyone calls me a retard and a cunt
Roastie wagecuck BTFO.

How is that embarrassing?

hahaha ohg my god
Don't make fun. I googled it and it's more common than I thought.
>2 years ago
>at my shitty wagecuck of a job in fast food industry
>working the station where you hand food out of the window
>qt3.14 grill 8/10 pulls up
>"Hi, do you mind parking up and we'll bring your food out when it's ready?"
>She replies, half mumbles, thought I heard..
>"Sure, can I get your number?"
>Try to play it cool
>"S-Sure, I'll write it down"
>Grab pen out of my pocket and write my number down on her receipt
>Hand it to her
>She stares at me blankly like she has no idea what the fuck is going on
>"I said what number parking bay do you want me to park in?"
>She looks at me with disgust
>"Oh.. yeah.. um, just park in any"
>She speeds away from my window

It could of been a lot worse. She could of laughed at me. My co-workers could of saw (thank god no one witnessed that train wreck). If they saw that I'd still get bullied about it to this day. It's not even that big of a deal, just makes me cringe - thinking of the way she looked at me like I'm a fucking freak. I don't know why my brain thought she said that - I'm a 4/10 robot no way she would've given me a chance.
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>be me, 15, science class
>making polymers
>basically little balls of putty-like shit
>decide to impress my friend
>get his attention and drop the polymer down my underwear
>he laughs, great
>go to pick it out
>it's stuck to my pubes
>he realises, his face slowly turns into a shocked expression then into a full-on kek
>he runs and tells EVERYONE in the class
>they're all laughing at me or looking in disgust
>the teacher eventually finds out
>surprisingly cool about it, says I can go to the toilet
>walk two flights of stairs to the nearest toilet, it's locked
>go back and ask for the key
>walk back to the toilet, the key doesn't work
>pretend I went to the toilet because I'm too fucking embarrassed at this point
>sit there for the rest of class wanting to die
>at the end of class the teacher says "make sure you don't drop your polymers onto any sort of carpets, it can get stuck and harden into plastic"
>fuckfuckfuck, everyone looks at me like "oohhhhh you poor bastard"
>go to the toilet after class finishes, my pubes and genitals have indeed hardened into literal plastic
>wait until the end of school to get home and cut it all out of my pubes
>never trimmed my pubes before, the bathroom is covered in pubic hair and bits of plastic
>mum finds out and I have to tell her the story too
>after cleaning the bathroom of course

Shitting christ, every time I think about this I just want to kill myself and every single witness that day so I can completely erase the event from history
Surprised she didn't end up giving your number to her chad or stacey friends and you end up getting harassing phone calls. You got off easy, don't feel that embarassed.
>could of

Fucking kill yourself right now.

i dont make fun i just think it's cute
holy shit my sides are in orbit

coward fgt
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>8/10 qt asks me out in middle school
>completely unexpected
>laugh in her face, think she's kidding
>she frowns and leaves me to wallow in my autism

>gets kick on the dick
>hurts like hell
>should somehow feel embarassed
Your brother is a faggot, anon. You were fucking 10 years old.
This happens so much you wouldn't believe. Doctors even do a funny shape with their hand to push blood onto your penoise t. Registered field surgeon
If she wanted to fuck she could have just told you. Don't blame yourself for not understanding retarded roastie signals. DVD =/= PIV.
Doctors are molesting my prostate for shits and giggles?
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>was a little douche in middle school
>liked to pick on spergy kids to make up for not having friends
>there was this mega sperg called Will who would flip out if you mentioned willy wonka
>was never put in the retard classes for some reason
>in 7th grade french class
>talking to some girl
>ask her "hey, whats the name of that one movie where they go to the chocolate factory"
>she says "oh! willy wonka!"
>turbo sperg starts flailing his arms and yelling "THAT'S IT!!!! STOOOOP!! DON'T SAY THAAAAT!!!!"
>kekking like hell
>suddenly girl starts crying
>oh shit
>entire class looking at us
>french teacher asks who triggered the spergy kid
>fucking EVERYONE looks at me
>try to casually shrug and play it cool like im funny
>doesn't work
>some other girl points at me and says "it was him"
>teacher tells me to see her after class
>I don't
>get the fuck out of there and keep my head down in that class the rest of the year
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Not really an embarassing story since I wasn't in the wrong here but here it goes:

>be 13 at a summer camp
>be in my room fapping furiously
>came and wipe on my bed sheets
>faggot and his beta cuck right arm storm my room
>Anono was the only guy i told and he told everyone apparently for whatever reasons
>both of them force me to apologize to her
>see my my cum stained sheets and laugh but dont make a huge case about it
>apologize to her
>she tells him to leave me alone


i should mention she was in a room full of people and i had to do it infront of everyone
it still perplexes me that I turned on porn i the first place. I wasn't going to be able to fire one out trippin but it happened.
not in a band, we were just forced together. I never speak to them it was years ago.

because proper socializing is beyond my comprehension
>pornstar role
Kek. It's weird though because I actually manage to pull off similar bants regularly. I think if you aren't deemed "creepy" nobody talks shit.
I fucking hate people for this exact reason
>visit friend at his university
>meet girl
>fall in love
>kiss her for a while before I leave
>am convinced that she's my future wife
>she's actually a weekday hipster Stacy, but was too blinded by mania to see this
>talk to her on phone/text every day for months
>literally every single moment am thinking of her
>tell her that I really wanna see her again
>she gets anxious
>never talks to me again, never answers messages or calls
>depressed for like 5 months because of it
>meanwhile my friend is telling me that she's announcing to everybody that I'm insane
(here's where it starts to get good)
>go back and visit friend again, plan trip myself
>solely to see her
>oddly enough, she invites me and my friend over, she has her friend over
>her and her friend are the most negative, wannabe hipster bitches ever
>the whole time, the girl I liked would just interrupt me, talk over me, and generally make me feel like anything I said was bullshit and tryhard
>have no idea how I possibly fell in love with this girl
>leave her place early with absolute disgust coursing through my body
(here's where it gets worse)
>contact her AGAIN (why?) convinced that I need to tell her how I thought it was wrong of her to treat me like that, write a wall of text to which she doesn't respond
(yet still more)
>contact her AGAIN, she doesn't pick up and I don't leave a message... get the idea that I should record a voice message and send it to her
>oh god why
>she proceeds to show this message to numerous people

>learned an important lesson about falling in love with ideas of people
>will probably never let myself fall in love so easily again
>be me, 20
>at a small party
>this is a new experience for me
>fairly drunk
>filter is gone
>7.5/10 qt is talking about how she went to a magnet school
>I interject "Isn't that a school for retards?"
>dead silence
>ohfuckwhydidisaythat jpg
>everyone looks at me awkwardly
>girl says "no anon, it's a programme to bring in smarter students"
>I stay quiet for the rest of the night

I should have fucking known that, I went to a goddamn magnet school
>adults bragging about the schools they attended
Only in Florida.
Magnet schools exist outside of Florida
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This one's kinda recently
>visiting a friend at his Uni
>meet all his flatmates
>mostly female, they can pretty much detect I'm a loser and don't really talk to me
>all sitting in the kitchen
>blazed as fuck eating oven pizza in the corner while everyone is talking
>the conversation turns to some "weird guy" in their dorm, they say he just sits in his room and wanks all day
>I laugh really loudly and say "fuck, I wanna be that guy, he's living the life!"
>the whole room suddenly goes quiet
>turn to my friend "h-haha, did I just reveal my power level to everyone?"
>doesn't even fucking respond
>don't speak to anyone for the rest of the night
>they all go to bed really early
>friend tells me later how much I embarrassed him
>hasn't invited me to his place since

I wish I could just speak to girls without creeping them out, fuck my fucking life
same here, called my friends sister little sister a slag at new years and everyone just laughed
>roommate and I decided it would be fun to smash mailboxes in his car
>his foreign exchange student gf is in the front passenger seat, im in the back
>he speeds towards a mailbox, I swing
>pulls away at last second, bat swishes through the air
>hits his gf in the face (he window was down)
they ended up dropping me off on campus and left to go do other things
>mfw it sounds like you had the time of your life for all of three seconds
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>"my parents aren't home, you should come over :)"
>"I can't, I have homework."
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>be me
>7th grade
>have crush on qt grill in my p.e class
>try to work up the nerve to talk to her all year >pussy out every time
>last day before summer break
>everyone's going around getting their yearbooks signed
>decide to use this as an in to talk to her for the first time
>try to come up with something to say as she's signing it
>can't stop looking at her boobs
>sperg out
>"d-do you stuff?" while looking at her chest >gives me weird looked and hands the yearbook back
>never talks to me again

>pic related:what she wrote
is she developmentally challenged? what the fuck does this say?

>hey kid,
>tat I hardly
>no! lol
>well it was a
>nice nowing u ok
>patty (drawing of a penis)
>Be me
>at work, small family business
>local politician for the district comes over
>parents sort of know him, he likes to know all the small businesses in the area
>really nice guy, talking to him about the college I went to
>he is aware that the college is shit and I was agreeing with him
>In the middle of saying something towards the end of the conversation he puts his hand out in a fist, just using body language.
>I fucking misread it and fistbumped the guy
>he was sound, just sort of paused for a second and then carried on.

Fucking find it hilarious now.
They sound like good people. I wouldn't worry about it.
Probably just a nigger.
that's how a lot of teenage girls write. they think it's cute.

i said qt grill.
This is the single most cringy moment in my life.

>when doing uni degree I occasionally shared data with another student for their project
>got together so I could give her data logger files from my laptop
>at some stage we turned to google to figure something out
>started typing 'do' in the search bar
>previous searches popped up
>"dog sex" dog cum" dog blow job"

She fucking saw that shit. She didn't say a thing but she fucking saw it.
>7th grade, girl moves to my city and starts going to my school
>she starts sitting with my group of friends at lunch
>develop crush on her
>she changes schools the next year and I don't hear from her for a while
>one weekend in 8th grade friend invites me and a few other people to go swimming at a river
>go to his house
>girl I liked is there
>sees me and tackle hugs me
>sits next to me on the car ride over and pretty much only talks to me
>asks me to retie her bikini top multiple times throughout the day
>at one point we're on the shore and she says something about how she bets she can wrestle me
>she was literally straddling me right over my dick at one point
>some time later she asks if I have a girlfriend
>sperg out, lie, and say I do
>she looks disappointed
>doesn't sit with me on the car ride back
>don't ever hear from her again

I guess it's not really embarrassing, but it definitely falls under the category of being something that's popped into my head at night and kept me from sleeping.
Why would you have to apologize for wanting to fuck someone?
Because that pussy wasn't for him, it was for Chad.
>other day, looking through old boxes in my dorm at uni
>find old Nirvana cassette from '94
>oneitis is huge fan of nirvana and has a cassette player
>get great idea to gift it to her
>she has shit hearing, I go behind her
>'hi anonette!'
>doesnt hear me
>going to sort of pop in front of her
>trip over own feet, she screams
>'h-hi anonette!' again
>awkwardly waves
>get up, hand her cassette
>I-I-I found this a-a-round a box
>not only am I stuttering but I have a throat issue right now and my voice is cracking
>she sort of looks confused
>sticks it in her pocket and gets the fuck out of there
>yells back 'I'll get it back to you tomorrow!' to me
>N-Nah I hate that shit you can have it
>I love Nirvana, I don't know why I said that
>she looks confused as fuck since the first time we actually spoke she rambled on about it and I went along
>haven't spoken since

bloody hell i need to kill myself.
lowe it
>be me
>13 at the time
>borderline autist, serious social issues
>snow day
>tons of kids playing at the high school near me
>mom convinces me to go
>guys start pelting me with snowballs as I was building a snowman
>suddenly one hits me in the back and it really fucking hurt
>had a rock in it
>run over to guys
>apparently I had tard strength
>push one over
>pick one up and throw him to the side
>flip a giy over literally by pushing his face
>went back over to building my snowman

No one talked to me after that but the high school football coach saw me. Got my name and actually came to my class in Jr. high at the end of the year to talk me into trying out for football.

I play D1 college football now. 6'6" LT. Apparently I have a chance at the NFL. Still a kissless virgin though.
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>get new assigned seats in 8th grade
>sat right between 2 qt girls
>drop pencil
>lean over to pick it up
>fart directly on the cuter one
>just sit up and shrug
>wish for the sweet release of death
did you mean love or is george lowe a meme again
>on field trip to some national park in 6th grade
>stayed in cabins for a week
>at the end of the week our cabin leader (and also driver) says we're going to get In N Out burger on the ride home but that the teacher can't know
>eating lunch in the mess hall on the last day
>say loud enough for teacher to hear "I'm not going to eat much because we're getting In N Out later"
>cabin leader (35 year old man and father of one of the kids) scowls at me
>"You little dumbshit anon, your teacher wasn't supposed to fucking know about that"
>excuse myself, go to bathroom and cry for half an hour
>walk back into mess hall and no one is there
>friend asks me if I was crying. I say no but then another kid says "we all know you were"

It still haunts me. If I ever find that fucking guy who shouted and cursed at a fucking 11 year old child I'll kill him
Bong thing.
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if you ever wondered where that strength came from
>D1 college ball

what school
You're just a moron.
Could be worse senpai. Fuck another girl and make sure she hears about it and you might still make it.
I can't say specifically what school. Our coaches don't like us telling people who we are online. They don't want us to get caught on a sight where words like faggot and nigger are common place. It's a Big 10 school though. I can say that much.
sorry, I'm an autist Canadian kek

My bad, site*
Haha. it's cool, where abouts in canada? really want to go there sometime
>>be 14-16
>>out drinking with buddies

Please leave my bored
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>be edgy stoner guy in highschool
>the Rachel Scott (Columbine victim) tour is going around the country and visited our school
>auditorium meeting and stuff about not bullying etc.
>everyone in school eventually signs a huge banner that got hung in the cafeteria
>think "this is bullshit, next day everyone is still going to act the same and nothing will have changed"
>take a sharpie and cross my signature out in the middle of lunch
>asst. principal takes me asides to talk to me but ultimately couldn't punish me or anything
>mfw I ruined that fucking banner
>mfw this is my cringiest moment in life
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>asked the same girl out multiple times during my freshman year of high school even though she clearly didn't show interest in me
>fuck another girl

why would I be on r9k if I can get laid?
I was also 11. Guy didn't have to curse at me for making a mistake
>that time i froze up around a girl because i interpreted what she said as displaying attraction for me

goddamn i break a sweat thinking about it
I remember going to that shit and just started playing pokemon on the emulator I downloaded on my old iPod touch.

While everyone else was crying I was grinding for the elite 4
Ontario. Google Oakville, it's beautiful and it's mostly whites. Nice place to shitpost around.
Someone save this shit.
i went to a school for kids with autism in new mexico and i saw my fair share of these on a regukar basis. i also had my own
You shouldn't feel bad. That Rachel's Challenge group is fucking nutso. They actually believe she is some sort of spiritual force or angel or God or something and that she still helps people on Earth and that she was a living Saint. They talk about how she predicted her own death because of a fucking flower she drew that day and that they "always knew she would die young"

They charge schools like 10 grand for their service

your image made me kek my ass off and also reminded me of a love poem I wrote for a girl anonymously, luckily she never knew it was me seeing as it was shit.
Looks pretty dank, planning to do the PCT in two years, going to carry on into Canada if I can.
dank good like pepe maymays or dank bad as in actual dank? Also yeah, Southern Ontario is really nice. Like the States but less shitty.
>dad has to leave early one day so he drops me off early at school
>go to class room then called for the morning assembly
>was first in the line
>have to raise the flag during the national anthem
>all high school is assembled
>teacher tells me start raising after the snare
>don't know what a snare is but thought it might be obvious
>look at drummers
>half the anthem is over
>teacher telling me to raise the flag
>raise it really fast to make up for lost time
>flag goes through the other pulley and gets stuck
>continue pulling it comes out ripped
>everyone stops singing and laughs
>teacher slaps my leg with the ruler I run before he can slap me again
>bump into one of the drummers
>gets hectic with the noise and laughter
>some kid threw an apple
>people started throwing shit

Got a Warning and had to BOTH hands and get hit with a ruler in front of all the kids the next assembly

Dad beat the shit out of me. Now a days he tells me about it and laughs and shares it with everyone else.
>9th grade math
>procedure everyone puts work assignments in drawers, each labeled with day of the week
>kid one time asks teacher where he puts his paper
>"thursday" teacher says
>"which one is that" he asks
>teacher playfully says "guys lets help him out. its spelled (kids spell out loud with here) : "t-h-u-r-s-d-a-y" everyone laughs
>i raise my hand and say "it would actually be a capital T"

oh man, i didnt even realize how autistic this was until years after it happened
>dank good like pepe maymays or dank bad as in actual dank?
Dank good, looks like a nice place senpai
yeah the best part is it's the size of a small city but everybody keeps to themselves. At night it's completely dead, great for walks.
>kid gets passed on through school
>extremely underprepared
>barely making it through
>can't read proficiently because teachers just passed him along
>finally builds up the courage to do something about his confusion
>teacher desides to humiliate him by having the class spell out thursday in unison
>some pretentious cunt puts icing on the cake with "that would be a capital t"

This makes me so angry and sad at the same time
Yeah man, I'm from Stratford upon Avon in the UK, busy town in the day with loads of tourists, but at night it is so damn peaceful.
>find girl on online dating site
>we are at sonic getting ice cream
>we look at each other for a moment
>I try to kiss her, she dodges it and laughs at me

Same girl
>offer to help her move
>she gives me some weed before hand
>too much weed, can't handle it, she basically babysits me for the rest of the day.
that last part didnt happen, did it?
I've seen pictures before, that's where Shakespeare is from right? Looks comfy.
I'm 25 and this thread starting making me cringe about the things I did in high school. Gonna need a xanax and a glass of whiskey.
Sucks that her babying you when you were high didn't turn her on for you.

I was friendzoned by my gf hardcore until she chose to spend two days nursing me after I got a little to close to an OD at a party.

She says seeing me naked in her bed after she bathed me is the moment she fell in love. Apparently I grumbled out a "Give me a goodnight kiss." and then passed out. Weird as hell, I know. But we've been going for three years since.
>12 years old
>like this girl
>talk to her on AIM all the time
>literally always on my computer to make sure I can catch her when she's on
>she one time makes a comment about how I'm always online
>"oh heh heh, yeah, guess that's just...good timing"
>one day start "hinting" I want to tell her something
>like the autist I was, I wanted to ask her out online
>I leave the message typed up for like ten minutes
>hit enter
>start spamming lots of random letters to hide the message on the screen
>"if she can't see it, it didn't happen!"
>girl acted weirded the fuck out as she should have, and stopped talking to me

I was such a fucking worthless faggot in middle school. I have plenty of stories like that. Things like that still kill me to this day.
Yeah man, really comfy little town, I find it extremely comfy to smoke weed in, lots of countryside near it, me and my friends just get blazed and go hiking.
nah the kid could read just fine, he was actually pretty smart. when the teacher said thursday i think he said "whch one is that" he really meant to say "where is that". he and this teacher joked around all the time, and he was a super smart kid, and he was pretty normal. he'd playfully tease the teacher sometimes, and she wouldnt care or humorously pretend to be upset

of course even though it was all in good fun, in my stupid sense of "defending the ""underdog"" " i retardedly to decide to show the "mean, bitch" teacher that she was wrong in her spelling also even though she was just "being mean" to him about spelling

so i wouldnt say i was being pretentious, i just had some retarded sense of "justice"

everyone else in the class got that that kid could take a joke. and that he and the teacher joked around with each other

its not that their whole dynamic was completely lost on me, but idk, im not sure what drove me to do it. maybe it WAS lost on me more than i can recall, i cant quite remember, but i had many spergy moments at that school needless to say
If you have friends you consistantly hang out with and live in a nice area, why are you on r9k?

Not trying to be rude at all, I'm in all seriousness curious.
Embarrassing or not, self-absorbed brats gossiping about random people with evil intent in their little get-togethers deserve all the awkward interruptions they get.
Waterloo reporting in
Thank you for all the easy white Oakville Laurier sluts.

and after i said it owuld be a capital t, everyone was weirded out, and i didnt fully understand why at the time
Ayy the uni over there is nice

Also the nice ones come out of Appleby mate.
Southern Ontario is garbage.
Shut the fuck up.
It's full of Jamaicans, poo in loos, Muslims, and feminists.
Whole place should be carpet bombed
you probably mean brampton/mississauga
I don't have many friends. I just feel a bit shit about everything else, weekends I suppose I'm happy, but weekdays just depress the shit out of me, I honestly just feel like nothing is worth the effort and my life is boring as fuck. I guess I'm being a bit selfish I have a few friends and hang out with at least one person every weekend.
What's your problem man? Take it easy, I've never been there, just some friendly anon is from there, and it does seem like a pretty comfy place.
The reason I was curious was because you sounded oddly like me. I love where I live, I have a good sized friend group, pretty much cyborg, but I feel sort of...empty. I sperg out around normies and females and I don't know why. I should be able to do social things, I can go out and talk, I just don't know why I feel like this. I think it's some sort of desire to make a change in life somehow, but I have no idea where to even start.
lost my fucking shit hard
Eh, I ended up with someone else later, so I'm not too upset that it didn't work out. I think someone who needs to be babied because they fucked up is a little less charming than the guy who sustains an injury otherwise.
My problem is that I'm a virgin with a big dick, stuck in the worst fucking province in the history of humanity.
Brampton needs to be nuked.
Only northern Ontario has decent people, but the weather is garbage there.
Alright, bear with me here.

>freshman year
>always around two other friends
>weird ass school where everyone has to form orderly lines on the courtyard and listen to microphone announcements from some old lady
>one of my friends fancies a girl
>has the brilliant idea to write a song for her and perform it for the whole school using the microphone
>he asks us to sing along so he doesn't feel embarred
>still being naive fucks who believe in romance movies, we agree and hype ourselves up
>we get permission from the old lady who usually wields the mic
>morning comes and we run up to the small stage for announcements
>get the mic
>friend goes "this is for you, X"
>we sing this
>"I love you 1 day"
>"I love you 2 weeks"
>"I love you 3 months"
>"I love you 4ever"
>whole school collectively laughed at us
>we retreat from the stage embarrased as fuck
>they still made fun of us for two years

Everytime I think about it, I instinctively reach for a knife to slit my throat. It was so surreal.
>Aunt comes help us move our stuff because we are moving house
>My bedroom
>Under my bed she finds my notebook diary kinda thing
>In there is some very cringey shit
>Rather than just binning it, she decides to read it to everyone in front of me
>Cry and run

I was like 10 fuck you auntie.
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>first day of high school, we're meeting in the auditorium for orientation for freshman students
>walking back to my seat in the bleachers after having gotten up for something with a group of other students
>see a dude with his hand raised for some reason
>my instincts know what to do before my brain even can process what's going on
>I high-five the stranger and we just kind of look at each other for a few seconds
>I find my seat somewhere and just mull over what happened
>from then on, some guy (I think it was him) would call my name out and give me a high-five whenever we passed each other

I only regret not finding out his name.
Ah, to be honest, I am actually alright around females and normies, I can have a normal conversation with them, I just don't feel interested in the same shit they are.
Should've snuck into her room and gotten a revenge rape.
She would've liked that
Just go to Muskoka or something. Where're you currently?
Nah man, you're sound, you supported your friend, fuck the normies, friends are what are important, not the opinions of morons.
What do you mean? I was intending that a mothering situation sometimes causes a woman to grow an interest for someone. Not saying, "getting high is hotter than getting injured."
You should have been attractive and tall instead of short and ugly and it wouldn't have ended like that.
>last year of secondary school
>coming towards the end of the year
>decide to ask the girl i'm in love with out
>want to do something impressive
>in the middle of class get down on my knees before her
>ask her to be my gf
>her face goes bright red, she runs out the room crying
>teacher shouts at me and sends me to stand in the hallway
>skipped the last week of school after that
That's brilliant, you're a cool guy. Keep it safe.
I'm in Kitchener and I'm too poor to go anywhere.
Can you kill me?
I'll give you $5k and my Xbox
It all really depends in my case. I guess by normies I mean chads and staceys, actually. I really like shit like degrassi and soap operas, so I actually hold convos with some females every so often. Still sperg pretty bad when I have nothing to say.
Kitchener..oh shit I feel so bad for you. That place is a hellhole full of fucking crime and hookers. Sorry man.
Yeah grand gestures like that are risky moves, you really don't want someone to feel publicly shamed or uncomfortable. I think public proposals are so shitty because the person you're asking has this sort of social obligation to say yes or she's the cold bitch, and he's the laughing stock.

I don't do shit like that, at the very least its fucking egocentric to think everyone gives a shit about your feelings regarding one person.
This exact thing happened to me, except I got sucker punched instead of roundhouse kicked, and I got like KO'd for a couple seconds.
What's that?
I feel like a prick when I'm here desu, I know some people have it worse than me.
A pretty hot girl I know asked me if I wanted to go for a joint the other day
just couldn't be bothered, I'm a virgin, but I just have no real interest in losing it unless I find a girl I click with.
Degrassi is a Canadian soap opera that's been on since the 80s about a bunch of good-hearted normies in a high school. It brings me some hard feels since it follows the grade 11 and 12s, and of course each couple of seasons half the characters graduate and I actually feel sad to see them go.
I have literally never met a girl like that, maybe you know nicer people. Any girl I've ever been with pretty much discards anyone who isn't hurt for the right reasons.

Like someone slit their wrists in front of my girlfriend, and she screamed at him and called him a fag. Helped him, but her love did not increase.
Maybe you just spend time around fucked up people. Having to care for someone is a naturally attractive thing for some women.

Not all, but some.
Degrassi is garbage Canadian attempt at television
I bet you like drake, faggot
Ah, might watch it some time senpai, desu, I miss school and high school
That's a really sweet move, and you had your buddy's back, it's just kinda cringy lyrics that he wrote

>"I love you 1 day"
>"I love you 2 weeks"
>"I love you 3 months"
>"I love you 4 ever"

My sides have left orbit.

But still, that's on you, not him
I'm raising 3 abandoned kittens and girls just call me creepy.
I have a job, dress well, top notch hygiene, etc.
But I'm ugly and when they find out I have kittens, they just look at me even weirder.
what the fuck? your comments were funny and facetious and self-effacing.
is their group dynamic so fundamentally based on bullying outcasts that they can't take a goddamn joke?
fucking pathetic. you did nothing wrong anon
Well shit lol
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>First day of class at new school 9th grade
>Walk in late after getting lost
>All tables full and everyone stares at me
>Sit at table of girls with only empty seat
>They all just give me death stares and one says "Why are you here? You stink. Just leave now."
>I get up and actually go outside
>Forgot my bag
>To embarrassed to go back inside
>Walk and hide outside of school in a sewer pipe and never go to class again

>Didn't have my own computer at 15
>Used moms work computer from her home office
>Go on /d/ and fap to futa
>Watch shemales and other borderline gay shit
>Delete history and clear everything.
>Perfect fap
>Turns out her work computer is monitored by staff at the company
>They confront her about this porn
>She confronts me
>Turns out they have 4chan as a pedo website and she nearly got fired because of me
>Even more awkward talk as we sit down to talk about masturbation, porn, shemales and me having to justify why I masturbated to this
>Told her I want to suck a dick but I;m not gay
>My face of tears of rage and embarrassment while I talk to her

I can never forget that day
Yeah, maybe. I don't necessarily spend my time with people you'd call "well adjusted". Honestly, I don't like ultra maternal girls though. I'm into the career woman, and femme fatales.
I hate Drake but enjoyed his character in it

it brings some feels. A lot of the issues are relatable. Anything past season 11 is shit and redundant. Best part is you can really start any time seeing as no season has all the same people and it sort of resets every time.
I have one cat, and I'm pretty as fuck, faggot.
This has been a great kek, and my mum caught me fapping to traps once. said it was a pop up, was able to hide dick quick. Still sucked ass, also

>tfw didn't get own laptop until recently and it's a chromebook

I put linux on it and it runs steam now, I can play half life believe it or not. Still it's a chromebook, cringey as fuck.

>Told her I want to suck a dick but I;m not gay

Top fucking kek, did you actually say that? Do you actually believe that too?
Congrats, nigger.
Now leave my board
>he only has one cat
Fucking amateur
Cool, will check it out, I wish you the best in the future anon.
The only good high school shows are:
Friday Night Lights
Skins (UK)

Everything else is garbage
Freaks and Geeks is literally -5/10
You got beaten up a lot dude

I was more often on the other side. Being the autistic kid that couldn't take a joke and started getting aggressive way too quickly.

>im in love

typical high schooler
that poor girl
I did actually say that.
Remember I have no friends and no social skills. I don't know what is normal to say but at the time I thought I might as well be honest.

I also think it was also a mixture of my tears of rage rant when I said this.

Also yes I actually believe it.
I have wanted to suck a shemale/futa dick since I was 15 yet not once since the 10 years that have past have I wanted to do a single thing with a male. I have zero attraction to men or males.
First few times I got fucked I came buckets right when he hit my prostate even though I was nowhere near close to having an orgasm, so I'm guessing it's more normal than one would expect.
You should hang with my group of friends. This is exactly what we talk about except everyone would have laughed

Major keks at that song.

are you still in touch?

maybe you should get the band back together and perform that song and post here so we can get some kekkels
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This single event pretty much ruined my chances at being normal

>Be me in the 4th grade
>Classclown, ADHD humor. Teacher hates my constant shit
>one day teacher is reading a book
>I remember the name, Island of the blue dolphin, about island people
>teacher makes some stupid comparison to eskimos
>without thinking, I blurt out, "More like indigo!"
>teacher snaps his head at mach 5 and yells "SHUT THE FUCK UP"
>he stops and his face turns redder than a stop sign dipped in menstrual blood
>stammers out an apology and literally runs out the door
>principal comes in and teaches us for the rest of the week
>get mailed a formal letter of apology
>was called indigo kid for the rest of elementary school

That plus the live ammunition for show and tell and the death threats made me an outcast throughout school
Feels bad man
Must be nice having friends.
Now fuck off my board
>tennis bat
>first grade
>teacher was getting a little fat
>had the great idea of tell my friend that she is pregnant
>friend tells parents, parents tells others
>goes all around the school
>teacher's husband works at the hospital as surgeon finds out
>he's infertile
>She leaves for a week, then comes back
>blotchy makeup, mismatched clothing, Hysterical
>at the end of the day, she asks the class if anyone knows where the rumor started she would pass them for the year
>friend says I did it, she tells the class to go home except me
>after everyone is gone she tells me to come to her desk
>go to her desk she hits me, puts her foot on my head starts screaming about divorces and tests
>tells me to go home and if I tell anyoner what happened she would ruin me

To this day I blame that for my femdom fetish.
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>Finally get a job after years of trying
>Working at a traditional British sweet shop
>Really excited, they make nice sugary sweets
>I am a fatass so it is doubly great because we get free stuff
>First day on the job is just basic induction training
>Showing me the shop, daily operations etc
>When he is showing me the front of the shop a customer walks in
>Pretty attractive early 20's woman
>She is with her son
>Her son gets excited at all the sweets
>Runs over to the counter and starts pointing at the gummy dolphins while jumping up and down
>his mum walks over and says hello to me
>I'm not expecting this
>try to make small talk so my boss thinks I am good with customers
>laugh at her son
>'haha, you know sonny, dolphins are almost as intelligent as humans!'
>the mum laughs
>'i-i-n fact, they don't have kids at the age of 18'
>supposed to be a compliment on how young she looks
>she looks at me staggered
>try to apologise
>grab a handful of gummy dolphins and try to force them into the kids hand
>he backs away quickly
>they leave the store in a rage
>manager stares in disbelief
>get fired the next day
Kek, good story anon.
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>have a bad reaction to all foods
>gassy throughout high school and with my freshman college roommate

>drunken text a qt girl on FB
>she's down with it
>I splerg out and ignore her out of embarrasment
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i really dont get why people even post obviously fake stories on here, its honestly dumber than those /pol/ bait threads
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I've posted this before but I still think about it and get flustered.

>walking along campus
>shy freshman, very few friends
>just trying to get from point A to point B
>have to walk past an area where social justice kids always do their demonstrations
>today it's "hug a muslim"
>muslim kids sitting there with big signs and you're supposed to hug them to show tolerance or something
>have anxiety and hate physical contact with strangers
>walk by them clutching my bag
>glance over at them and quickly increase my speed
>they all get angry at me
>everyone saw my face

no idea, he probably had a crush on her and only wanted her for himself, even the thought of it

he was ugly and retarded, he most likely was a dumb orbiter

what?! that amazing line didnt work?
thats a shame

hey maybe next time say something like "this job is great cause i get free candy, just like im sure you and your mom get free clothes cause of her modeling career"
yeah it seemed alright until the end. he took it too far to be real
You are insane, your autitic piece of cringe.
Gosh, it hurts to read
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> Be me
> Be in high school
> For some reason decide to eat about 10 pieces of chewing gum during one morning
> 3 hours later in school
> During a lesson, I get the most intense urge to shit ever
> Excuse myself and head to the bathroom
> Start shitting, spew toilet half full of brown lava
> Think that's the end of it
> Walking back to class
> One of the students said that my chocolate must have molten in my back pocket
> MFW I didn't have any chocolate with me
> Sprint back into bathroom
> Take off my clothes and wash the fuck out of them
> Think everything is under control, wear the washed clothes and head back into class
> Nobody comments on me, so I think I'm okay
> Later in the day
> Meet my brother during recess
> The first words he says are "Did you just fucking shit yourself, Anon?"
>Music class in high school
>have to pick some songs to best represent the 70s and 80s
>play Eric's Trip by Sonic Youth and some David Bowie
>everyone is disgusted/confused, they call it trash
>I notice, and I autistically blurt out: "yeah, whatever, plebs" because I was a fucking faggot that browsed /mu/ a lot
>become known as that guy that likes "weird shit"
>people would poke fun at me by playing Brokencyde and shit and asking if I liked it

could have been worse
you... silly... dick!
She sounds like a huge cunt. I've met girls like her, they are the worst. Fuck SJWs and hipsters.
i forgot about brokencyde

i would have preferred that it stayed that way
You were TEN. There's something wrong with your brother.
How is this embarrassing? They helped and were cool about it.
That's funny af me and my mates would joke about that forever stop being a pussy
>9th grade
>PSAT day
>Kid in front of me was someone I had a class over summer with
>Constantly asked me for help in that class and was generally annoying/douchey
>Filling out general info and get to gender
>Realize potential jab I could take at him
>Note that I almost never, ever talk to anyone. Generally a mute.
>Tell him, in an all-boys school, to put down "girl", but in an awkward way that sounds dead serious because of my autism
>friends around him come to his defense
>"considering we are in an all-boys school, this makes no sense"
>was fucking shook for the rest of test, get disappointing score back

So many things run through my head. Did they think I was asking for myself due to my autistic delivery? What did they think of me randomly talking to say that and then continue with my quietness?
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>horny at a college party
>"oh my gosh, im in LOVE!"

not really embarrassing, they're just retarded
Be honest - What was funny about it?
So it was specifically the redness of the car that made you want to get in it?
You need to think hard as fuck about that.
There must be someone you know?
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>last few months of high school
>no major cringe incidents so far
>only major project left is an english presentation
>i was scrambling to get it done the night before and just saved it to the desktop
>teacher decides i'd present first because i was 10 minutes late to class
>whatever it's fine
>hook laptop up to projector before even opening it first
>desktop was a mess and i'm just searching for the presentation file
>start to hear giggling
>realize why they're giggling and my face gets hot as fuck and i panic
>for some reason my first respond is rip out the adapter
>move the folders titled "hentai" and "girl/girl feet worship" to recycle bin
>reconnect laptop and stutter through my 10 minute presentation while contemplating suicide
>notice girls have hid their feet under their backpacks

thankfully i graduated two months later and havent had any contact with classmates since i graduated
I had to rephrase it a couple of times.
You need to provide us with detailed accounts of your interactions with your classmates. There's a reason they did that and we can tell you why.
I lost the only girl i could love by behaving too autistic
>>notice girls have hid their feet under their backpacks

you styupid.
That was a good laugh. Than you.
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>notice girls have hid their feet under their backpacks
let it be known that on this day the 21st of January 2016 a robot smiled.
I like the second one. Unlucky my niggggaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Leave you cretin
> I want to suck dick
> i feel attraction for dicks
> i don't want to do anything with males
> i feel no attraction for males

Only on 4chan someone wouldn't see the obvious contradiction in this sentence. What you thing penises are, anon? Let me guess... Girlficks, am I rite? Feminine cocks?
Only on 4 chan...
Maybe if you kill yourself all these small things that keep you down will cease to exist.

They shouldn't let special needs children like you go on school trips with the normies.
you save it, you lazy asshole. Is it that hard to take a screenshot? Maybe crop it just a little?
That last line, holy shit my sides
>>get the fuck out of there and keep my head down in that class the rest of the year
If I said I wanted to lick a pussy

But make out with hair men with beards. Fuck their hairy assholes and mix my cum on their faces and lick it off all while staring at mens asses on the street, wanting to grind on every actors six pack abs in hollywood.

But I don't want to suck a dick or have any desire to see or touch it. I'm not gay. I'm straight

Reverse all I said except I want to suck the cock and pussy and stuck my dick in the pussy.
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im fucking dying so hard
well done anon
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>buzz is now a nigger
Offered someone 5k to kill me and they said no
me too senpai, she is pretty autistic too though
That desu senpai
>Autistic fucks that can't even control bowel movement call black people niggers

>>I interject "Isn't that a school for retards?"
Too much 4chan for you
Buttmad retarded Laurier cuck detected
Whatever you tell yourself to stay in the closet, baby.
I'm sure you are straight. Nothing more straight than sucking a big thick girl cock.
I live in a real country and hats can't talk. You're just a gay normie.
Yeah my 4chan time was through the roof back in those days, it pains me just looking back on it
This is the gayest thing I ever read
Go out in a secluded part of town and offer it to a crackhead. They'll do it.
Except the reverse of your case would be if you had a thing for trans men, who have baginas, snall shoulders and big hips and are hardly passable. A feeble version of a male, with many female aspects. Basically a butch woman with no boobs.
just get out of the closet faggot.
Liking trans women and traps is not straight. Is very faaaar from straight.
Let me give you a hint: if you were straight, you wouldnt like dick.
I always see these stories.
We never had laptop presentations when I was in high school but that was some time ago.

Anyway, I've never understood why you would have porn saved to your fucking desktop? Or all these stories about how someone used your phone or laptop and the search history brought back some embarrassing shit.

If there's even a chance of someone else seeing my shit, it's gonna be clean as a fucking whistle. Well, back when I gave a shit about that sort of thing, anyway.
Alex go home
>Dad visiting from out of country
>Asks if he can check his work email on my computer
> I am a wee lad, of 12 and I know little of the search bar and it's devilish fuckuppery.
>Tries to type in something.
>'Hot women big boob'
>' Big tits'
>Turns to me.
>I say it was for a bet.
>I have no friends.
>I'm trying to lie to a fucking cop.
>Never before and never since have I seen my dad look like George Costanza.

But I liek dick if it was on a females body and she had a vagina for me to put it in.
This is as original as I can be. Pls no bully
> dick
> on a female body
Oh boy.
>I was caught at school with maggots falling out of my backpack because I never ate my lunch. I just let it fall to the bottom of my bag as I forget about it and let the layers pile up till end of semester.

>Caught trying to sneak into air vent into girls locker room by gym teacher in 7th grade

>Caught looking up girls skirts in class
>Told teacher i cant see board so i sat down in middle of room on floor for better view
>I look left and right and directly at eye level are 8th grade girls panties everywhere
>Started to just give a thousand yard stare and a girl shouted "EWWWW ANON IS LOOKING UP OUR DRESSES"

>Was at a friends place at 9th grade or so
>Was sort of spaced out and just thinking
>Didn't notice I was rubbing his dogs cock the whole time and my friend saw it

>On bus ride to school it was very full
>Ausfag so school uniforms were blouses
>Only just realised girls were growing tits and I realised I could see through the girls tops if I look at their tits on the side to see through the slits where button botton up
>Start just starting at girls tits but starting like I am cross eyed so they are never sure if I am looking at their tits or something else
>Caught by a girl when our eyes locked
>Many nipple budding were seen

I was a horny autistic loser
reminds me when I was 11

>be me
>just learned about sex ed in school
>come back home
>search "boobs" on google
>click on first site
>its something like XXXHOT---.com
>"this is gross"
>turns off
>2 days later
>dad needs to search for somethin
>types b in address bar
>LITERALLY SLOW at typing because /old/
>notice the site comes up
>There are a pair of BIG BLACK BOOBS next to url
>start getting nervous
>luckly he didn't say anything
>was ashamed and later learned how to delete my search history
>hear about naked girls on computers if I look up xxx.com
>go home and try it
>Fucking tits everywhere
>Dad finds out
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>be 16
>just discovered masturbating
>get really good at it, can rock 7+ orgasms in a session
>make a game out of it, see if I can break my high score
>in bed close to the tenth
>almost there
>mom bursts through the room
>"hey anon I gotta show you this- anon are you okay?? do you have a fever? why are you so sweaty and flushed omg poor baby"
>m-mom it's fine reall-
>calls over grandma, takes my temperature, gives me ibuprofen
>I'm still lying there with my hand down my pants
>eventually I think she figures it out and leaves awkwardly, my grandma giving me weird looks
>be 16
>just discovered masturbating
Poor guy. Fapping when you couldn't produce semen was the best. just tiny little white balls popping out with no clean-up required.

>grandma giving me weird looks
>She stays in the room
>Watches you finish ur fap while giving that weird look
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>Catholic school field trip
>draw dick on notebook
>teacher comes over
>takes me to front of bus in front of everyone
>makes me hold her hand throughout field trip
>she shows priest my masterpiece
>have to eat with priest and bus drivers
>get detention as well
that priest turned out to be a pedophile btw. He would take lewdpics of students so I'm sure he had a field day with me and my drawing.
>Year 2007, be 15
>Family reunion In my mother's house
>One guest had a 10 year old daughter
>That little shit goes in my room, finds my porn stash
>Announces everyone about it
>I come home
>Mom's guest asks: What is wrong with you?
>screamed internally
>Said nothing and went outside again
>Never go to family reunion again

Women can't take a joke m8
>>Mom's guest asks: What is wrong with you?
you were 15 jesus christ I hate roasties, letting her kid go into your room and snoop around and then getting angry that you enjoy gentlemen's magazines shit got me heated
In ellementary school i started breakdancing infront of the school for the talent show. The thing is i didnt know how to break dance so it was kinda me just having a seizure and everyone was laughing their asses off so i wrote it off as a comedy thing.
>leaving work
>walk by qt
>she says bye
>i say hi
>keep walking
>spend the next two weeks being anxious about it

i am autism incarnate
>in highschool, run in the girls bathroom by accident
>take a huge shit anyway
>bell rings for lunch break, girl toilet fills up with girls
>they start giggling about the smell, i decide to just wait it out
>my 2004 cellphone rings and starts playing the pokemon tune
>I run out in shame
>entire hallway laughs at me
>nobody forgot for the next 3 years
how tall and heavy are you now satan
Just sounds like you got sick, nothing to shame or cringe over there.
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>be 12-14 y/o
>me and my friends are with another group of kids i didnt know
>we were on their driveway
>some of the kids made tiny sand-houses with shells on em
>while no one noticed, i crushed one of the sand-houses
>tap my friend and point at it
>he yells out loud something like ''NO WAY''
>everyone looking
>literally just run away
>im in an unknown area of my town
>get lost and nervous
>a while later moms car shows up with my mates in it
>they pick me up and we go home

>le liquid shit! XD
tech's coming for your ass fagison
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>Had just turned 18, was my senior year of high school
>Sat behind this really cute and innocent looking girl, we'll call her Kate
>One friend I had, we'll call him Greg, was pretty smooth with girls
>One day I confess to him that I am shit with girls and want him to help me
>He is pretty cool about it, asks me to name a girl I like
>Name Kate
>Suddenly he goes from being really cool to being kind of uncomfortable, he reluctantly says he'll help me talk to her
>In class one day Greg strikes up a conversation with Kate, I talk as well and just kind of use Greg as a buffer for when I do stupid shit
>Eventually get comfortable enough to talk to Kate alone, Greg just kind of fucks off and leaves me with her
>After a while I convince Kate to let me come over to her house after school
>Later go to her house to find that her parents aren't home, I am fucking ecstatic because I figure she conveniently timed this so we could fuck
>She lets me inside and she sprawls out over her bed messaging her friend over her laptop
>We talk for a while and I make her laugh
>I finally find my balls after like 15 minutes and blurt out "Do you want to have sex?"
>She says she has never gone beyond kissing a boy before and says she doesn't know if she can handle it
>For some reason this makes my dick diamonds
>I bullshit and say it feels great (obviously I wouldn't know, I was a virgin)
>She giggles and after a little while agrees
>Suddenly we hear the door slam downstairs
>Kate was literally seconds from getting naked
>She throws me a book and we pretend like we're studying
>Her mom comes upstairs, is visibly upset a boy is over but she seems fooled by the books and leaves
>Notice something
>Book Kate threw me is Mr. Burons book
>Mr. Burons is a 9th grade science teacher
>Suddenly occurs to me I never once asked Kate what grade she was in
>"Of course I'm in 9th grade, anon!"
>Nope the fuck out of there
>Realize how quick I came to going to prison and nearly collapse on my walk home
The prostrate is where you store the majority of the fluid in semen. It's perfectly reasonable that it'd come out.

Doctors have to have a sense of humour to deal with the amount of weird shit that comes out of people.
6'6". My last weigh in was 322lbs. We don't really weigh ourselves too much unless we're freshmen trying to bulk up.

I'm probably a little high right now, I'd like to get down to 310ish, I got burned by a couple faster ends.
You fucked up anon what the fuck
>kissless virgin
>plays college football
>is fucking 6'6

Fucking how
I definitely would've gone to prison. Imagine we started having sex and her mom came home right at that moment and walked in on me. She'd obviously want to know who I was, and once she inevitable found out I was 18 I'd have been sent to prison to have my ass torn asunder. No fucking way would that have been worth it.

Look on the bright side faggot at least you got trips
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Prolly looks like this
What age is 9th grade?
nothing wrong with being sick my man, its out of anyone's control
If you're a robot it can happen. Even though I won the genetic lottery for my specific position doesn't mean I'm not still weird and broken.
I remember doing that in grade school. To think of that happening at uni is hysterical.
fucking retard.. you definitely belong on this board.
>Be 14
>Have 0 social skill
>Have no idea how much an ounce is
>Have after school club
>Club is cancelled
>Mom has to drive 30 minutes to pick me up from school
>Go to nice coffee shop I hadn't been to before to wait
>Order 8oz hot chocolate
>Eagerly wait for cocoa
>See that big mug of what looks like cocoa is almost done
>I go up to fetch my drink
>Barista shouts "12oz mocha" (emphasis on mocha)
>Realize my mistake
>Keep waiting anyway because I thought it would be awkward to sit down and get back up
>Semi creepily watch the cocoa procedure
>Cocoa is finally done
>On all subsequent visits, have flashback of barista saying "mocha" the way she did
I don't know why it haunts me, honestly I think I had some problems in my head with priority

Fucking Americans and their dumb shit, I always just remember that 12 grade means 18 years old and work back from there.
not me, but I bet he still remembers the day he fucked up everything next to a qt

It depends on if your birthday is during the school year. In 12th grade I was 17 and 18
>hitting on customers in front of the manager
now this is autism
>9th grade
Isn't that okay? 14 is age-limit law in my country
Like 13-14.
>show tolerance
>don't hug them

fuck this gay earth.
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It's a common fucking occurrence, this kind of thing has happened more than once. Unwad your damn panties.
D1 college players are notoriously known for being literal retards.
I'm not surprised.
He's literally retarded
Sorry man, I'm not baited. Neither is my Microbiology major.
Not everyone is from Pedostonia
>majors can be baited
Confirmed for retarded.

Also, ever hear of all those UNC players that had 4th graders doing their essays because I they were literally retarded?
Those guys were also pre-med and chemical engineering majors.
Fuck off and go count your chromosomes
what are booms
Don't worry man. I'll think of you when I sign a contract with an NFL team.
>on a school trip to some shitty war memorial
>see some kids kicking one of the graves
>go over and tell them to stop
>they beat me up and dont let me go until I let them spit in my mouth
>implying retards can think
I'll be operating on your 5th concussion-battered brain.
Hopefully Trump is in charge, and I'll put your mongoloid ass 6 feet under
This is the only story ITT to make me laugh
No, not in America. In America an adult woman can literally have sex with a 15 year old and at the most get probation, meanwhile if an 18 year old guy has sex with any girl lower than 18 he'll go to prison and be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life.

It might sound crazy, and maybe it is somewhat rare since I have known guys in high school fuck girls under 18, but if the girl gets mad at you for whatever reason she essentially has a free pass to lock your ass up for a long time and ruin your life if it should strike them. That is a very strong power to give a teenage girl.
I think when my first paycheck comes around I'll be fine.
That's pretty gay.
Did you activate your curse mark and kill them for the transgression?
And when you spend it all on League fees, lawyers, and agent fees, your ass will be back to the dollar menu.
I'll be planning my own hospital to kill you in.
Wow you're really, really trying hard to bait me. Please, go masturbate to hentai. It's what I do when I need to relax.
Ofc you do that to relax.
Your retired brain and sterile penis could never fuck a real woman.
Tards are also known for having small dicks.
But dw senpai, when I'm done at the hospital, I'll swing by and fuck your gold digger wife while you catch balls and get assfucked in the locker room
I don't think you understand. I'm probably going to live alone, happily, and comfortable with millions if dollars to my name. Your supposed "hospital" probably will never exist and you'll live life as a pharm tech. I'm happy and will probably live to be happy. Literally nothing you say does more than make me laugh.
A lot of people do that their first time, bro.

It's far from uncommon. Most people do it at least once in their life.
Retards have shorter life spans.
Cumulative with your high risk job, you'll be dead very soon and I'll dance on your grave.
You genetically inferior cretin, get fucked
>Genetically inferior
>6'6", 320lbs, white, 520lbs bench

Alright man, you got me there. I'm really lacking in the genetics department.
What is wrong with you, who hurt you anon
>6'6", 320lbs, white, 520lbs bench
Large size doesn't mean shit.
Andre the Giant was huge, and he was still retarded.
Male lions have massive heads that make them slow and lazy as fuck.
Enjoy being a fat fuck with your false sense of security.
I'll put you in the fucking ground, I swear to god, if it's the last thing I ever do. I'll reincarnate as a fucking anthrax spore and track your retarded ass down and kill you and everything you love.
Fuck you, nigger
>Be me
>14, summer going into 9th grade
>Go to friends house everyday
>Femanon neighbor comes and hangs with us sometimes
>I often don't say much when she's around, not really into her either
>The times I do talk, she'll reply with something subtley bitchy, it really hurts me
>This goes on for about a month
>Friend tries to get her to come out through text
>"I'll hang out with you if anon isn't around"
>Get angry, fucking tired of being beta
>Decide to confront her next time she comes
>One week later
>She's out, comes over to us
>I go off on her
>"The only friend you have is your ugly ass dog, and it'll be dead in a few years, eat shit cunt"
>She cries
>Tfw I have constant akward encounters with her for the rest of highschool
>Tfw her dog died 2 years later
>Tfw her dad dies 3 years late
>Tfw her little brother is best friends with mine

Looking back, I think she was like that because she wanted to be alone and hook up with ny friend, can't say for sure.
Were you bullied? I let out my frustrations in the weight room. Maybe you should try some sort of working out.
Not sure if nazi germany of america
Your face must be so red right now.
You must get upset really quickly
Also I don't know why you're so convinced I'm retarded. I've made the deans list twice and probably could have gone to any school I wanted with academics. Just because I play football doesn't mean I'm retarded.

But I also realize you're just trying to upset me, or are genuinely autistic and have no other way of expressing your emotion other than anger.

Future cringe thread fuel
>designated shitting hands
Arab detected
shoulda snapped his dick off
Holy fuck I remember something similar happening to me But I liked it...
> friend who is more or less a bully spits in my face when day
> i immediateky feel so fucking sexually aroused that I lost balance and tripped.
> he notices
> every now and than he spits in my face. He pretends he's doing it fr the bantz, I pretend I din't like it.
> it progress to the point where we hid in a corner and he would drip saliva on my tongue and opened mouth, then he'd hold my cheeks painfully and say "swallow" it.
> just writting this still gives me a massive boner
Never got to do any gay sex cause we were too young and I moved out when things were getting hot.
Take your screencaps and run along back to reddit or >>>/b/
r u still raging
>i make a joke; 'what was it, a pornstar role?'
lmfao. Next time, remember that women can't handle banter.

Also, take comfort in the fact that your bully probably is in jail right now. Sounds like he'd end up in jail for starting a fight while drunk or something and getting arrested.
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>tfw have to get a physical because I am joining the army soon
Please God no.
There was a time when I didn't know how to delete search history. This was also the time when I discovered the worlds of weird porn available on the net. From beastiality, scat to all the drawn lovelies. Mother was friends with a legit internet whiz. The guy worked in cyber security at the dawn of haxxors and he actually knows his shit. The fun started when I managed to get several viruses on to the family pc and he had to fix it. Later the day when he was finished reinstalling the OS and shit he sat me down and told me that it was actually illegal to look at CP and that he was slightly worried about all the weird porn I had been looking at.
Last thing he said to me and especially the look he gave me will forever be burned in my memory.
>Mate... I really hope I never have to see half of the shit you downloaded or watched in the last three weeks. As long as you live here, I'm not setting one foot in this house. You're one fucked up bastard.
To a woman, even daring to think about fucking them if you're not chad is a heinous offense.
sounds like a proud memory to me
Nah they're just fucking dicks. That would of made me chuckle at least a bit. Besides you don't want to hang around people that talk shit about others anyway, because chances are when you're not around they're talking about you.
>in primary school
>teacher makes us correct each others' worksheets
>I get Frederick's worksheet
>Decide it would be hilarious to re-write his name 'Fred-dick'
>cuz dicks hehe
>Fred complains
>Teacher looks at me with utter disgust and disappointment
>tells me to change it back
This memory really cuts me for some reason. Sorry Freddy.
>weird goth chick
>7/10 with big tits
>friend dares me to ask her out
>she says yes
>too beta to do anything
>she takes my virginity
>going out for 2 years
>she fucks one of my friends
>I find out
>she apologizes
>start saying it doesn't matter we're not going out it was just a dare
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I loved that episode
>me at 14
>had some dry skin on crotch area
>awkwardly told parents, they were pretty cool about it
>went to doctor to get it looked at
>doctor said it was just caused by sweat (i was living in the middle east at the time) and gives us some kinda moisturiser for it
>get home, tell parents im off to bathroom to apply cream
>go to bathroom, start rubbing it on cock and balls
>feels good man
>start wanking, in experimental phase so trying to draw it out as long as i can
>dad bursts in like a fucking ninja because id been in bathroom for so long
>i look at him with full on deer in headlights expression, hands wrapped around cock full of moisturiser
>"Well, thats one way to put it on I guess."

i can laugh now but holy shit that burning shame was awful at the time
Unless you're like in your mid to late 30's you don't need a prostate exam at MEPS, unless you're not american and then I have no idea what other countries do for their inprocessing.

MEPS and Reception, if you're american, will be the absolute worst parts of the Army. I promise you that. No deployment or FTX or mission will ever be as shitty as those two things.
tripfags confirmed illiterate
Not a fat ass but I just need to eat something small every couple hours.
>in high school
>in my first period class but I'm starting to get hungry
>I have my lunch in my bag
>tear a couple of pieces off my sandwich
>teacher notices and asks why I'm eating right now
>everyone turn around and stares
>one kid calls out "fatass..."
>everyone laughs and the teacher especially cracks up
>start tearing up and put my bag down
The food at the hotel was good at least.
similar thing happened to me
>anon did I make you cry
>no but what kind of faggot trys to jack someone off with their foot
>everyone laughs at him
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>"Well, thats one way to put it on I guess."
Tiptopkek, i love your dad. I hope you realize he knew exactly what you were doing there for so long with the cream and he didnt burst in by accident
if she enjoyed it it would just be sex you double nigger
Same thing went for me and a deaf guy I knew, who I saw on the same trolley as me every now and then on the way home.

I would shake his hand when I saw him, but only found his name out when I graduated.
Agreeing with sex or enjoying rape is not the same.
One can disagree with sex wich makes it rape while still enjoy it
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>Turns out they have 4chan as a pedo website
As they should, checked the trips.
if you enjoy it why the fuck would you disagree?
>3 am
>parents asleep
>time to fap
>want a thrill so I do it in the living room
>headphones in, long video loaded, it's time
>soon enough I'm absorbed in jerking my gerkin
>Really getting into it
>oh shit it's Dad.
>no way he doesn't know what I was doing
>i was totally naked after all
>Dad stomps out of the room
>My pickle is all soft and shrivelled now
>go to bed
>don't leave my room until a full 48 hours later
>can't look parents in the eye
>Be in college cafeteria
>Walk up to girl and say "I like your socks, I don't remember you getting those"
>Look up at her face
>It isn't my girlfriend, but another girl who is dressed very similarly and has the same hair color as her.

honestly your dad was a fag for doing that

he's a man, he knows what you're doing in there
Well, wouldn't you?
The why part is irrelevant
Fact is, women can enjoy rape, rape fantasys are a thing for a reason

>Use to piss myself constantly.
>Use to cry constantly.
>Use to fall in love with girls as young as when I was 3.
>Never think about it negatively because I am fucked in the head.
>Tfw when immune
Orgasms are a physical response, they can be unwanted.
>in 10th grade english class
>joking with a few friends before class got out
>I think we were talking about football or something
>make a really lame pun
>teacher sighs and says "anon, why do you even talk? you're not funny"
>kinda laugh it off as the bell rings
>silent for the rest of the day and go home and rethink my life

wtf teacher
LMAO put away your food sack little piggy.
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>Year 10/11
>Science teacher always gets me confused with someone else and calls me Liam instead of my actual name
>Pisses me off, keep correcting him
>In front of the class one day to give a presentation
>"Now Liam, can-"
>Everyone laughs uncomfortably
>trying to shit
>shit being stubborn
>remember that it's supposed to be easier stooping
>stoop in shower and deposit a big curvy load on the floor
>admire its size and deep brown color
>poke it
>intrigued by the warmth and earthy softness of it
>playing with it more or less
>snap out of it and clean the shower
That was how I started handling my poo. Now that's how shit nearly every single time.
>not having a separate web browser you use exclusively if there are other people around

KEK, you deserved it
No, he was fucking a dog
teacher is a dick
I thought about girls that way in elementary school.. I'm not going to say anything else.
Fuck off nikki
This, it's why Internet Explorer exists
>go to these girls house with some guy I used to hang out with on a cold winter night
> a cute 7/10 light skin black girl and her 4/10 friend
>we're chillin and smoking
>dude tells the 7/10 he can sing
>couldn't sing but somehow got the idea that he could
>anyways he sings and I cringe the whole time but the 7/10 is feeling it so whatever
>being the horrible wing man I am I barely interact with the 4/10 at all
>it gets late and I decide to leave because the road is snowed over with like 6 inch of snow and my dad needs the car for work early in the morning
>before I leave the 4/10 starts throwing not so subtle hints that she wants me to stay the night
>dude even pulls me to the side and tells me the other girl wants me to stay
Pussy was effectively delivered to me on a platter and I fucking walked away. It will never be that easy to get laid again what the fucking fuck. So here I am around 7 years later a kissless virgin.
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>1997, use netscape, looking up all this h4king nuking phreaking back orifice icq ip getter divine intervention stuff, along with porn peppered in, never bother to delete history
>mom bursts in, so-and-so at work says i can check your internet history! Open the browser and show me right now!
>Open IE 4, go to history... completely empty except a couple boring news articles
>mom says oh thats strange, how boring
>leaves room
>never again does she bother with me, from then on I am free from suspicion
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>6 year old me
>father leaves me to one of his coworkers for the night
>sleep and wake up early in the morning
>they're still asleep but i gotta take a shit so bad
>i always strip down completely before taking a shit, i don't know how to shit otherwise
>well their bedroom is right next to the toilet and they can wake up any minute and catch me completely naked
>decide to hold it
>they wake up a while later and i'm trying very hard to hold the shit in
>they're taking their time and preparing breakfast
>i'm standing and squeezing my buttocks to hold to shit in but it's trying to force its way out
>"come and eat breakfast with us anon"
>"nah i'm good"
>an enormous shit starts to come out of my asshole while they're eating
>they finally finish eating and drive me back home
>while i'm sitting in the back seat with a colossal shit in my pants, he looks at me from the mirror with a sarcastic smile and says these words wich haunt me to this day
>"Anon, why are you smelling so good?"
Is your name Cameron?
>hangout with older guys when i was 14
>do sexual stuff, not sure what was happening
>people find out i have a small, 14 year old penis
>grow up, now have above average penis and am taller than everyone i hungout with
>they still think that
>one girl knows i dont



>see red car
>get in red car
>no idea why.
I can't stop laughing
How the fuck have you servived this long?
>Have the volume on while you're in school
Don't play me for a fool
Got rejected by my oneitis and the cameraman at graduation made me take a picture with her and I frowned and felt bad for ruining the picture.
Nah, not UK, from Australia.
I thought you might be my friend who always gets confused with another friend of mine - even though they don't look similar at all.
>be in high school
>sit next to some annoying faggot kid in programming class
>he goes to the bathroom and leaves his usb drive in the pc
>take it and put it in mine, find a photo of him and email it to myself
>go home, photoshop dicks all around his face, cum dripping down his lips
>email it to a huge email list of 100+ kids that the science teacher used to send us notes or something
>get called into the principals office 2 days later
>interrogate me about it, ask me if i did it, but deny it
>they have a cop in the room, saying i committed a crime because he's underage and it's technically CP, also distributed porn to minors
>multiple felonies
>they say they know i did it and i confessed
>call my parents in and i get suspended for 2 weeks then expelled at the end of the semester
>parents put spying software on my pc so they know all the sites i go to
>eventually find out how to block it with an antivirus
>they keep trying to reinstall it on the computer
>learn how to dual boot OS's and just start using linux
>6th grade
>got turned down by 2 girls in the first semester
>like a different girl
>want to ask her out, know I'm probably getting rejected
>fuck it why not
>want to do something that normal guys don't do because i was a fedora tipping betacuck
>check with my mom, all good
>no courage required, turned down so many times no fucks given
>walk up to her
>"Wanna go out to my house for some lemon chicken"
>her fw
>hide in sewer pipe and never go to class again

Top lek
>tfw you got pants'd twice and both times it wasn't just my pants
>high school

Sonic Youth are pretty shitty desu. I played Daisy by Brand New in one class and everyone said it was depressing.
is that eggman in the back? kek
My dad did that shit too, but he did it because he's a nosey fucking cunt.
I remember baneposting in senior year on my iphone back in 2012. I would ignore my teachers and classmates and banepost. fuck i cringe everytime i remember it, i was sucha fucking sperg goddamn it.
This happened to me when I was 10.

>want a paintball gun
>go to sports authority look at paintball guns
>want to go to dicks sporting goods
>go to www.dicks.com
>literally dicks, freak out and hit x

That's when I found out the internet was a dangerous place.
That's kinda the point of the thread, anon.
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>says sonic youth are shitty
>likes brand new's daisy
This, I found out by climbing a pole in the playground. It was really hard to get to the top and I found out it felt good when I did it. I did it all the time and nobody stopped me. I only found out way later why. My nephew humped everything for a while and my ex gf said that some boy she babysitted used to hump the counch and other furniture.
>he got off by climbing a pole

That's not true. Most states have a 2 year leeway. At 18 you can fuck a 16 year old, and 19 to 17.
You did the right thing. They were the nutjobs.
Because it rubbed my privates and all my weight was on it as well as the physical effort.
>Thinks noises are music

Sonic youth are garbage. I barely even listen to rock anymore desu. I've been on a funk and jazz kick for a while now.
It's ok, I got yelled out as a kid by my principal because I thought homework was optional
This is some shitty reworked pasta. Goes to show how new you fag are
>be edgy teen
>class assigned to make new holiday
>we decide we'll do a holiday where they eat "fried chickem, watermelon, grape soda, and kool aid"
>nobody laughs
You've made some bad decisions haven't you anon.
fuck your dad for leaving you with them
This isn't autism this is full retard
Honirribru docta hows
Obviously didn't check out the beastman tard thread. Had a huge dong.
So im not the only one who did the pole thing
>6th grade
>have crush on qtpie
>tell her someone in our class has a crush on her
>She keeps asking me who it is
>continunes to bother me for days to find out who it is
>gets more pushy
>one day asks me in class
>one friend who I confided my secret to overhears
>Oh, thats Anon who has a crush on you
>yell "you weren't supposed to tell anyone!"
>face so red the heat causes me to sweat
>head down for rest of class
>head down for rest of class
>be freshman year on morning bus to school
>feel huge fart bubbling
>decide to be crafty and cough loudly to cover it
>clench butthole in preparation and engage loud autist cough
>bus unexpectedly hits speed bump and we all seat jump
>proceed to unleash loudest, wettest, most profane fart imaginable as soon as my ass makes contact again with the bus seat
>complete silence
>senior chad a few seats ahead of me turns to stare at me
>did you just fucking fart"
>get pantsd at school
>wearing slut undies

Rip life
Is he a redhead?
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Time well spent.
You just had to say "Gotta eat big to get big CMON"
>be me
>sixth grade
>the worst fucking time of my life
>Tried buying a fedora
>tried acting like an old man
>wore fucking dress shoes with jeans and a shirt
>one day, I decide to bring one of those flat cap hats to school
>aryan princess that I recently met notices it
>literally says nice hat as a joke
>I thought she liked me
>another day, she commented on my dress shoes
>says she likes them
>for the next year or so, I wear this shit, occasionally wearing new balances
>literally was trying to get attention from normies
>I exposed myself multiple times while fucking with them on facebook
>they caught me, it made me hated by many
To this day, I cannot believe how retarded I was. I was the biggest fucking autismo of my day.
Here's a real winner

Pt 1. A New Dope.

>in my fourth year of college, i was a total betafag
>at the beginning of the term, i decide to volunteer for an indie tv project.
>run by this older, severely psychologically traumatized, 2/10 cree woman (canuckfag here)
>everything's okay at first. we even share a class and make friends, since i'm too sketched out/weird for the other kids, and she's too ingratiating/smelly.
>after a few weeks on the show as a crew member, i take an offer for a cast role.
>play a character in like one episode, and posed as said character in a photoshoot for her too. seemed legit at the time. she was really happy.

>hang out more and more at school. one day i visit her dorm. as i walk into the door, the pungent stench of unwashed vagina assaults my senses -- very gross.
>i begin to dislike her when she starts sending essay-length texts almost daily. i politely tell her to take it easy, and even ignore her a bit, but to no avail.
>while shooting an episode during halloween, this landwhale is mercilessly flirting with me, to my disgust. even drags out the shoot so long, that I miss a date with a qt3.14.
>as time went on, every now and then my colleagues and friends would note how much of a social moth she is.
>but my growing resentment of her presence did not translate into any action, on my part.
>one dude calls me out on it, saying i should "have some spine" and tell her to "fuck off." but i insist that that's "not nice" (what a dweeb!)
>eventually people say we're dating, which I find SUPER annoying.
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Well this has more regret than embarrassment

>8th grade, temporarily living in long island NY
>first day of school
>super friendly qt3.14 volunteers to show me around the school since I'm new
>since I was such an edgy prick back then I'd try to be as rude as I possibly could in hopes she'd just fuck off
>she never does, every chance she gets for the rest of my time there she'd invite me to hang out or try to show me cool places in town
>months later I'm moving back to my hometown and my mom and I go to the school's office to get some paperwork done
>run into friendly qt on the way out and she asks me why I didn't show up for class that day. I told her that I'm moving.
>she actually looks really sad now and tells me that she wished I had opened up to her a bit more since I was only there for such a short time
>she says hello to my mom and runs off back to class
>my mom just gives me this smug look and tells me how much I fucked up on the way way out
>one day, buddy from class steps on her foot while she's moving and she sprains her knee or someshit.
>now whenever i'm in the same room, she insists on using me as a crutch, lest she "fall over and die" (although she already has an actual crutch).
>hate this because, 1) she's very hard on the eyes, and 2) her breath absolutely reeks
>my one friend accuses me of sleeping with her (which i didn't).
>warns me not to get too involved with her, lest she launch some twisted misandrist ploy via trying to defame me with a rape accusation, if i ever try to cut her off.
>take his advice with a grain of salt and continue being a moron.

Pt 2. The Imbecile Strikes Back.

>She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named soon begins marketing her shitty show.
>now i find posters bearing my image and her side-by-side, in some cringey attempt to make the two of us look like seductive/lovers.
>at this point i'm pissed, and start tearing these things down whenever i see 'em.
>mention in passing to a classmate how i'd like to see them all trashed.
>of course since everyone in the class loathes The Stinky One, they start following my lead.

>one day i finally get the nerve to quit her show. she's shocked, but still wants to be my friend.
>makes me promise to be her date at her residence's social. i blow her off to work on a project for another class.
>she's devastated. much to my delight.
>pretty much avoid her now. feel relieved, until i learn that she's stalking me, throughout the campus and on social media.
>the straw that broke the camel's back occured when, on okcupid, her floormate messages me angrily, complaining about how Little Miss Putrid is irritating everyone by blabbing on and on and ON about me. calls me out on leading her on (which i was).
>in a fit of rage i phone up the lady in question and bitch her out for everything up to this point. lose my cool a little bit, saying "I want to hit you, I'm that mad."
>end up telling her to fuck off.
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Don't worry too much anon, just today on my fucking COLLEGE CAMPUS I saw some fat sperg wearing a fedora, new balances, a suit jacket, white button-up shirt, and jeans. He must've been around 19-20 years old, truly hopeless. At least there's still hope for you even though there's probably not :^)
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>first day at new high school
>everyone going around the room introducing themselves
>my turn, time to be super funny
>"h-hey guys, i'm a-anon and i'm an al-alcoholic"
>no one laughs or reacts
>nod and step down, tears in my eyes
>teacher calls on me all angry like and wants me to finish introducing myself
>get up and cry in front of the 25 people i'm going to have to see everyday for the next few years
>get beaten up later by girl whose dad was an alcholic
>nothing happens for about a month, until the end of the term rolls around.
>get a call from the college's security concerning a complaint about a group of students "destroying" a certain someone's property
>guess who? it's HER, again; said property was her posters advertising her dumb project.
>wanting to be washed of her completely, I admit my part in it, and even pay $20 to cover the damages.
>think it's finally over
>a week later, security calls again.
>apparently, every single one of my classmates that trashed those posters scapegoat'd me as the one responsible for their actions.
>which was baloney. it's not like i was holding secret meetings with the whole class, conspiring to ruin Our Dear Lady's stuff.
>two of the kids i had been on friendly terms with, now ostracize me.
>they were complete divas anyways
>still feels indignified, man.

That should've been the end of it. However...
Pt 3. Return of Beady-Eyed

>now summer time, working part-time as a house painter.
>get an email this fucking woman, asking about pot.
>apparently she's deathly ill
>decide to have pity on her and organize a sesh
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>meet up at the town's tourist trap
>go down in the trees by the river and whip out my pipe, my bud
>so far so good, she's actually behaving herself.
>then suddenly, as were sitting there having a toke, she latches on to me and says:
"no one will see us anon, we're like two lovers stowing away in the wilderness"
>as i stare at the murky water in utter woe, a divinely powerful urge to end my life descends upon me.
>it takes every modicum of willpower not to instantaneously vomitchoke myself
>as we're walk-limping back, i notice one of our former classmates sitting in parked car, on her phone.
>die of embarrasment all over again
>don't think the girly saw us however
>back in the hotel room rented out by Darth Hideous, I demand we go to bed
>the faster I fall asleep, the faster I can go into work the next morning
>opt to sleep on the floor, she takes the bed
>can't sleep, of course
>halfway through the night, she starts wailing about having chest pains
>"i could die at any minute and you wouldn't know from the floor!!!1"
>i comply, like the the sucker i am, and slid onto the bed next to her as every atom in my body screamed in agony
>turning away from her, she sighs in disappointment.
>idly, i start fantasizing about a blonde girl i met the other day. my dick still works, thankfully, in spite of being so close to the number one boner-killer.
>wait out the night
>in the morning i eat breakfast as fast as possible, before bolting out of there and back to work.

A truely mortifying experience, chums. There's even an addedum, if anyone would like to hear it.
no no, I have changed from then, but still, normies dont like me because I talk shit about all of them, and they know that im not pc like them
Yeh ok lets hear it
i just suppressed all my middle school memories, thank god
>be me last semester in bio lab
>gave out my email because i don't like speaking
>realize I gave out my email for my furaffinity acct
>next lab period i'm asked i fuck animals
>lab mates drop me
>have to do all the labs by myself
>professor emails my parents
>now my parents know
>they sent me to therapy
>and that's how I learned I have aspergers
This describes me pretty well too my f a m, I dress well but normies hate me because I'm a cunt and hate stupid normie sports talk
exactly bro
>8th grade math class
>teacher is really nice hot lady
>develop a crush on her
>one day we are doing work in class that requires us to use graphing calculators
>friends and I quickly figure out that you can enter letters and we start showing each other random shit like "EAT DICK" or "YOURE A FAGGOT"
>laugh our asses off
>suddenly I notice the teacher is behind my chair
>on my screen I have typed "HOMO FAG"
>teacher: "Anon, that is not what we use calculators for."
>friends literally in tears laughing
The look she gave me was the worst part, like she had lost all faith in me.
That Hunter guy's on the cusp of robothood, tho
Dude your dad needed the car, you did the rigth thing, sex isn't worth more than your dad
>7th grade
>Be really good friends with this group of underclassmen girls
>One of them is always defending me whenever I getting picked on
>One day it's this charity walk
>It's me and the girl walking around and doing booths and stuff
>Thinking I know how this goes I ask her does she want go out with me
>She politely decline and I take my L
>We're still walking and shortly after I ask her can I touch her boob
>"Um no?"
>"Aw okay...don't tell anybody I asked you that okay?"
>She promises she won't tell
>later everything is dying down and everyone is going home
>I see girl walking with her friends
>Call her name out
>She turns to one girl and whispers in her ear
>all the girls start laughing at me and walk away
>for the next month I'm harassed by everybody for being a literal pervert.
Ah right, makes sense.
i can relate, really fucking sucks man
Why on earth would you ask to touch her boob?
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It's not that bad anon.
>be me, 19, about 7 months ago
>life was seemingly perfect
>had a supporting job
>not too much strain on bills
>rent was cheapish
>had a gf
>she wasn't too attractive, nor was she a bad looker either
>had a rough patch in year 3 of our relationship
Gonna cut the crap so you don't have to read though my autistic babbling of why we broke up
>but we broke up
>SHE broke up
>with me
>in a fucking public shopping centre
>no warning, no stuttering
>just out of the blue says "we need to break up anon"
>and she walked away
>and I literally collapsed on my knees and cried like a bitch in the middle of the shops
>not one person said anything
>some pointed and laughed
>others just stood and stared
>without even thinking, I ended up sceaming her name, so loud I could hear it echo
>and everything was quiet
I ran as hard as I could away, into my car, and smoked till my lungs felt like they were about to give in.

Shit still keeps me awake at night
In my defense the first time I asked a girl that it worked.
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>Rachel's Challenge
Never heard of it, but I was a senior in high school when Columbine occurred.

which reminds me....

>senior in high school in 1999
>diagnosed aspie for several years now
>don't like talkign to people or being around more than one person at a time
>Columbine occurs
>All parents and teachers, etc are super high sensitive about anything or anyone perceived to be not normal in a teenage high schoolers life
>3 days after it Columbine I get called into the office
>the secretary tells me to go back in the assistant principals office
>I walk in the room, the assistant principle, both my parents, and it looks like a police officer not in uniform there looking at me as I walk in.
>they tell me to have a seat, and ask me if everything is ok in my life.
>they point out how they have noticed I only hang out with one other kid and don't talk to anyone else along with some edgy short stories I wrote earlier in the year.
>tell them everything is fine
>10 minutes later I am back in class.
>I have never discussed this day with my parents ever
>be a loser on HS
>get on uni, decide to play it cool
>somehow people buy it
>invite me to party
>go to party, socialize and shit
>mustering the courage to talk to chicks
>start drinking to make it easier
>start feeling the buzz
>this is it, i made it
>i am become normie, destroyer of pussy
>realize i drank too much
>start feeling like shit
>pass out sitting on the floor
>puke all over the place
>they say i kept moaning and complaining about how sick i was
>they get me water and i manage to drop it all over myself
>feels like an eternity before i can get up and walk out
>next day they say it was fine
>first and last party i went on my life
>still kv
>still want to die when i think about it
>it was only six months ago
you too!

I thought I was the only one.
Thank you for making me more normal

you have real anxiety
there are worse nicknames
You probably did stink, hanging in sewer pipes all day.

>at concert
>really fucked up on weed, ecstacy, alcohol
>standing next to female friend of my friend i kind of know
>think she's rubbing up to me intentiionally
>start to kinda dance next to her
>try to fucking hold her hand why oh why
>she tugs her hand away, stares at me wide-eyed, and walks away

oh god it hurts still
I'll fly to wherever you live and even do you the courtesy of killing you when you don't expect it for 5k my mans, drop some contact info
>Those same people posted rip David Bowie on Facebook
Similiar thing happened to me, but not as creepy
>Walk up to car that looks like my Dad's and look through front window
>Old man I don't know looks out
>Winds down window
>Apologize and tell him it was the wrong car
>Start walking away, then see old man getting out of car and looking around confused
>He thought HE had the wrong car, and I had to tell him not to worry, that was actually his car.
Posting a quick summary of the first one since I've posted it a few times before
>overweight, shitty beard, glasses
>go to small as fuck school
>kind of funny
>8/10 girl becomes bro
>invites me and kid I knew since I was 5 for coffee and hanging out
>shes the only one with a car
>few hours later we take bro home
>she passes my house
>rubbing my leg getting closer to benis
>oh fuck jesus what is going on
>fake a phone call because no idea what to do for sexual intercourse, never even kissed a girl or got close to
>shit I gotta go mom is calling
>lost one chance I had to lose virginity
>got another chance 2 or 3 months later
>didn't fucking take it AGAIN
that's a whole nother story though

>8 year old birthday party
>someone had the great idea we could throw raw eggs at each other
>16 year old step sister says I can throw first since it's my birthday
>everyone starts running
>how hard am I supposed to throw this, I've never thrown an egg
>fuck it I'm weak, just throw it as hard as possible
>nail step-sister in the back
>huge red mark
>she's crying like a banshee
>what the heck did you do anon
top fucking kek tbqhwyf
>be me, about 15 years old
>sitting on bus with my best friend to go home from school
>try to eat bag of mnm's I bought (quite small, about 200 g or 0.44 lbs)
>rip open the bag too violently like an autist so everything falls out
>like 30 mnm's roll all over the bus floor
>people staring
>just keep sitting there and talk to my friend
>he didn't laugh, just kinda facepalmed
>go home and never forget about it
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>Be me
>14/15 years old in 9th grade
>See girl I really like
>Later ends up being girlfriend in around October 2013
>Way too caught up in relationship to realize she was a sex crazed insane chick
>Since only lived with dad we were on completely opposite sides of house and he seemed to not give a shit
>Literally hang out with this girl from 3PM-11PM every night because he parents don't care about her
>(When I say that they don't give a shit, at the time I didn't realize it but apparently she had tried to kill herself several times and they didn't even want her to see a therapist, has tons of cuts on her arms and legs btw that I didn't know about until a month or so in)
>Becoming monkey from so much sex, three to five times a day
>Becomes literally a chore because she would force me to have sex with her even if I wasn't in the mood
>Coming towards end of relationship
>Literally hate myself
>It is May of 2014
>I'm in lunchroom and she is being huge autist
>I walk away to hang with my previous friends who are now my current friends
>She goes somewhere else and starts talking mad shit about me being "crazy" and "batshit"
>I didn't know until I went to go get napkins
>Someone says something to me about it
>Run to her table, pull up her sleeves and show everyone in a 10 foot eyeshot her cuts
>Yell to shut the fuck up about me and leave me alone
>School officer has to escort me to principal's office
>Everyone thinks she is the crazy bitch after this and it ruined her highschool experience

And yes, I know, "gf normie". Before you say that, just know that I hate myself enough to come to this thread. Also I know that I jump around a lot in this story, a lot of this shit is a blur considering that every day was the same sexual blur.
>Be 6
>Sitting in car waiting for mom to get out of store (a.c. on)
>Used to pretend to be pirates and shit.
>Start talking to myself and acting
>mfw there are two high schoolers in another car pointing and laughing
>I duck
>Rise up just a few minutes later and pretend that I was just telling at my game boy
>mfw I know they didn't buy it

>7 or 8
>Want to go spend time with friend at his house
>Go there and he already has another friend over, says I need to ask his mum if it's okay if I stay too
>Try to find her
>She's in her bedroom
>Walk in on her topless and she screamed
>I'm scared
>She realises what has happened (I clearly did it by accident)
>She said it was alright for me to stay
>Avoid her for the next 5 years and stop being friends with that guy

I'm not she if she told my mum or not. They weren't friends, but I think my mum knew about it somehow...

Also I forgot to iterate that I'm not exactly embarrassed by this as much as it made me feel like a mega cunt.
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>Friend comes over (2008/2009?) and is using my computer
>He was trying to get to google
>typed in www.go and then pressed enter for it to autocomplete to google.com
>Actually autocompleted to an image search, a recent google image search for 'Ourei Harada' (pic related)
>Couldn't think of anything in time because he fucking knew and there was nothing I could do anyway.
>be local politician
>visit small business to get their vote next election
>son of some business owners out working = target acquired
>make conversation about whatever the fuck he wants to talk about
>wtf the revenue from that small business is going to that shitty college
>whatever. white power.
>he fistbumps me
>who the fuck am I representing
That's actually really fucking rough brodog. Voting for you.
>be legit aspie
>observe and copy normalfag behavior
>fail horribly

We should probably just kill ourselves.
>entire green-text about literally nothing

He gets sick and is embarrassed about being sick for no reason. No need to read.
>not turning the tables
>"yo bro what are you doing looking at porn on my computer?"
>"n-no.. it was the, uh, the auto-"

Give him the ol' switcharoo
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>>Told her I want to suck a dick but I;m not gay

God damit anon! LOL
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>at cadets
>basically scouts but for the military
>is the end of the night and someone has to take the flag down
>most nights i dodge and weave my way out of it because really i dont know how to do it
>folding the flag is very specific
>1 guy has to lower the flag while the other salutes in front of the post
>land the job of saluting while my friend lowers and folds it
>about half way through i realize im saluting with the wrong hand
>freak out and quickly switch
>when the flag is being lowered everyone has to look at it no matter where they are on base
>EVERYONE sees me switch hands very obviously
>hear flight sarge groan loudly
>i if hadn't switch literally no one would have noticed i had the wrong hand
>get chewed out by everyone even the flight Sargent
>feel absolutely retarded

when i quit i didnt return my gear for like 12 months because i was worried about people noticing me, no one remembered me and i smiled at people but they just gave me weird looks.
She was a superficial hipster cunt, yes, but you are either scarily obsessive or legitimately autistic.
Facebook-teir normalfags have a shit sense of humor. My brother is a cyborg and fun as fuck to hang out with, even with his normalfaggotry. Why would you be friends with that guy anyway?
makes me want to fucking punch a hole in the wall. FUCK!
>Didn't have my own computer at 15
>Used moms work computer from her home office
>She confronts me
>Even more awkward talk as we sit down to talk about masturbation, porn, shemales and me having to justify why I masturbated to this

Same here. The animal porn was worse though, she barely mentioned the shemales.
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anon please don't remind me
fucking scum using a famous persons death to look "kind and considerate"
How were you sat behind someone from a different grade?
My shorter, fatter brother has fugged a ton of women. Being an extroverted normalfag kinda helps. His ex finance was was a 9/10 qt, I don't even know how. He's 5'7, poor and has manboobs.
>First day of Freshman year
>Sit in Science class
>Teacher trying to be hip
"OK, class! Here's an ice breaker question. What's your online username and why did you pick that?"
>A few people raise their hands to answer
>Some had some clever names, others were laughing about how they just used their real names
>Raise hand, want this to be my year to break out of shyness
"Yes, Anon?"
"I use SIGgy Sauer Stardust "
"What is that?"
"It's ...a play on SIG Sauer"
>Class is in frozen silence, realizing they also suspected me to be the school shooter type
"And Ziggy Stardust, you know, like..."
>Teacher looks terrified
"...does picking the name of a weapon make you feel powerful, Anon?"
"No, I just.. thought it was a cool name."
>Class immediately begins as everyone tries to shake off the tense air.