>>25916654 'personality' is relative to who you're interacting with the only way you can 'improve your personality' is by making it more agreeable with other people who you want to interact with so start liking (or pretending to like, there's no difference) what those in the intended social circle like
that being said there are some commonalities in preferred personality types in most groups such as >confidence >conformity >loyalty >compassion
Cultivate a daily meditation/yoga habit to begin conditioning relaxation and safety into your life. Even 15 minutes a day will have wide positive repercussions.
Get many new reference points about the world around you, by travelling, talking to many types of people, and facing your fears. Broaden the scope from just pickup. Find a homeless guy and ask him for his story. Go down to the roughest pub in town and socialize with the locals. Face those fears daily, and get a real emotional grasp on what really is safe or unsafe in the world.
Put your focus on your desires. Pursue your pleasure. Have at least one hobby or job that requires your dedicated focus for at least a few hours each day. This habitually sets your Circuit I behavioural mode to "Advance" rather than "Retreat". Ever found that pickup was a lot easier after doing something you loved for several hours that day? By spending enough time in a mode of pursuing what pleases you, Advance begins to become your default script.
do interesting things anon you have never done anything worth mentioning, thus you are uninteresting get fucking drunk a fuck and get yourself in the hospital or prison tonight normies love drunk stories and having a good one can allow you to bond with them
>>25916801 > Have at least one hobby or job that requires your dedicated focus for at least a few hours each day. i am a programmer but the shit i make is dry and uninteresting. what is a good hobby i can do that produces something of value? ideally something not artistic/musical
I'm forever doomed to be boring. Nothing interests me. All I do is browse the internet and listen to music and watch shows. I have no talents, no hobbies, no passions, nothing I can channel into a positive outlet.
>>25916883 the suggestions i get usually are >play an instrument >draw/paint/sculpt >learn a new language etc
these things do nothing for me. i don't really like music or art, even if i could just snap my fingers and become a crazy guitar master i would only play if i was getting paid to or to impress a girl, i don't enjoy the activity and find it interesting in itself. it's like a chore, i see it the same as programming, cooking, or lifting. except programming makes me money by the hour, lifting keeps me fit, cooking gives me whatever food i want to eat with the ingredients i want in them.
but i wouldnt lift if i could sit on my ass and get huge. i wouldnt program (unless i needed a script that didn't exist) if i won the lottery. i wouldnt cook if i had a personal chef.
i want something that i do just because i like doing it and also would be conducive to getting a gf. all i enjoy right now is fapping, tv shows, and vidya but i feel like it's just wasting my time.
Not an easy thing to do unless your personality already consists of wanting to be better. If you force it on yourself it will not seem natural in the end, it would seem like you're trying too hard.
If you want a 'better' personality the first step should be introspection. You should not want a 'better' personality so to accepted or praised by others. Character comes with knowledge and experience of other things, life and interests in general.
Bettering yourself is just going in a direction you're content with, passionate about or think it will bring comfort to your life overall.
Your problem seems to be the ego if you wish to change due to others so I suggest reading up on the ego. (Not Freud's version of it.)
>>25916912 literally me. it all went downhill when i graduated uni. i no longer had something to do (study) that was productive any time i was bored. now i get home from work and all i can do is lift. it's not even sunny out so i can't get a tan. FML
>>25916912 >"All I do is browse the internet and listen to music and watch shows" >He doesn't even realize this is the actualy reason why he isn't interested in stuff
All of this (especially the browsing the internet part) is ultra-exciting for your brain, that's why after some time you can't find value in anything else than this. There's always something new to discover on the internet, something new to see, something new to download and shit. Try to fuckin close your computer and actually start living life like you're supposed to.
>>25917004 i just want a gf tbqh. i like myself enough as it is, girls just think i'm boring and only good as a provider after they've settled down and don't want to go on adventures all the time. which i can do, it just feels artificial, like i'm entertaining them. with my guy friends we just hang out and entertain ourselves. it doesn't feel like i'm responsible for their happiness. even a dog can just go to sleep if i'm just not in the mood to play at the moment whereas a girl has no loyalty and will just go hop on a more "exciting" dick from an extroverted chad
>>25917040 Then in my view your problem is this concept of "better".
I see often in self defeatists robots that they build this perfect image of themselves in their mind and believe they must achieve it in order to be happy or liked. The big issue with this is that they take the best parts of other people and build it onto this character which is unattainable by anyone.
Self acceptance is the first step to change. I say this not in the manner of analyzing yourself extensively, coming to terms with your weaknesses, flaws or even positive qualities necessarily. The self acceptance is more of a way to calm yourself / your ego. Seeing that even the greats were people, understanding your situation and your surroundings, and most importantly your opportunities and how to make more.
You should start simple and easy, very few people are capable of jumping right into a major change willingly. One step at a time, adjusting your daily routine. Take up the mantra of "Every day do something you would never have done, and don't do one thing you always have.". It is as simple and easy as step by step. Reading is a great thing, there is a lot of information out there, don't let it overwhelm you and instead take that step by step as well. You do not know what you do not know, so exploring things is the only way in which you'll discover new paths in your life, and after gathering knowledge and experience you can revisit earlier notions and see them in a new light.
Change is difficult because there's the resistance of momentary comfort due to the general monotony of life. It's safe in the womb that is our room, change also leaves you exposed to failure and rejection, and rejection stings because you're rejected as a person, you're told "you're not good enough", self doubt and many other things start to plague the mind.
So, yeah. Take it slow, explore, see, read, do. It's how character is naturally built and I don't know of any other way in which you can build it.
>>25916977 My dad used to say that you need something that lights a fire under your ass. That makes you just go. For him it's cars. He fucking loves dodges and harleys. Its also his family.
You are no longer a kid. You have to dchedule these things out now. You have little time to keep up and explore new things.
You dont want a hobby. You want a hot piece to fuck and kiss and cuddle and be in your own world with.
Either A-hang out at strip clubs sex shops arcades. Porno places. Openly embrace your sexuality. Have the confidence to be at the vanguard of changing the culture around these things if you are so worried about your image.
B-travel,explore really find or rediscover your passion. Go back to school. Learn a new trade.it sounds like you submit to being a self improver.
C-dancing keeps you fitn and can fuck hot ladies. Dont think of as fun.
D-go to church. Find god. Create a cult or some othet rube trap.
I advise not to see your character as a reflection of the notion of 'yourself', it's rather a reflection of the world you went through. Yes, it did shape you but it is not you and there isn't a true 'you' anyway.
>>25917173 i did once autistically read a subject that i found interesting but had no real world practical value but was intrinsically interesting. i gave it up because the only thing i used that knowledge for was arguing online. also it (evolution, anthropology) didn't do anything but make sitting in my room reading alone more tolerable. after that i began reading about health and nutrition but its got to the point where i know enough about how to eat there isnt much to do besides keep up to date with research
>>25916654 Don't try using gimmicks. Read a lot that way you will sound smart and articulate. Don't pretend to be interested in what someone else is saying, specially if it's a qt, unless you are in fact interested. Better to be based than sperging and looking like a retard, or being percieved as boring. Don't be rude tho.
>>25917308 And what is the issue you're raising? That experience built knowledge and character for you. You keep on doing till you start doing one thing more than the others.
Being alone and improving is difficult for you have no chain to reality and the external world, you have no social mirror to look into and evaluate yourself by comparison or critique. Having a friend or two is important in my opinion, or even acquaintance. Reflection on your actions, experiences, ideas and thoughts are key to development.
>>25917358 the issue is that it was a distraction no mote productive at helping me get a gf than playing vidya. i am hardly better off because of it, maybe it exercised my brain a bit but i managed only to educate a few people on the Internet. most of the time i just pissed them off. i want to be more interesting to grils so i can keep a gf if i ever meet one.
>>25917448 yes well obviously it's about appeasing others. i have done everything i need to make myself happy. i can cook all my favorite foods, afford my favorite drugs, entertain myself with memes/movies/vidya
the problem is i am missing a girl in my life. and to get one i need to be appealing to her. i mean shit why would i dress in anything but a plain white t-shirt if i did things only for myself?
if i can't be found attractive by girls i cannot be happy, or at least i have no idea how i can be happy jerking off in solitude every night and not having a qt to cuddle with and take care of. i have no idea what it feels like to cuddle with a girl and i'm almost 23 years old. it depresses me.
>>25917515 Okay, I'll put my argument aside and just argue.
Let us say you start developing for the sake of getting a woman. Will you be true to yourself in the end or will you be luring in a woman under false pretenses only to have it fall apart once she gets to know you enough to see the 'true you' underneath?
I understand you could be having problems getting a girl in your life and that it might not be easy. I eagerly want to assume it's also due to not approaching women enough but that is projection. So I'll just ask do you believe it's better to find a woman that likes you as you are or one that likes the idea of yourself you put forth?
>>25917603 i am reluctant to try to even meet girls because i am boring as fuck and i don't even know how i would entertain them. in my experience i always feel like i'm just entertaining the girl and if she gets bored she will just go find some chad who does those things by default because he enjoys them. so i don't approach women anymore because i don't have anything exceptional to really offer them, so why would they choose me? there are taller, more handsome, more social (for girls that have fun going out), richer guys all over the place they can choose from.
>>25916654 >all the answers i get are "start liking things you don't think are interesting" but that's kind of hard tbqh Start DOING things you don't think are interesting. Then find things to like about the time you spend and the people you spend it with, not necessarily the activity.
>>25917737 i did that tuesday night. went to a concert with music i didnt like (i dont really like kusic in general). i couldnt smile. i just looked sad and depressed and inapproachable. even alcohol didnt help. i have to feel happy in the situation to be able to make other people laugh and have a good time talki y 5o me
Stop building the ideal person in your mind. Go and explore the world, experience it, learn from it. You might be naturally introverted so you won't attract the eccentric women who seek just fun, but there are women who are interested in men that have something which is beyond themselves, that have a dedicated cause and reason. You're being self defeatist and using it as an argument to not do anything with yourself. And your reasoning is all messed up, you aim at an ideal character due to women and companionship. You will not be satisfied with this pursuit.
Whatever you do, do for yourself (not as in selfishness, rather don't do in order to appease or be accepted), friends and partners will come naturally down this path, all you have to do is actually talk to people. Not everyone will be interested in you, find you desirable or of worth, but some will. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take, anon.
>>25917809 what can i do for myself? i have everything i can think of that i want except a gf. i'm not even aware of any skill i could learn that would make my life more enjoyable. it would be very nice to have a girl that would give me some direction, i can spend my time pleasing her in exchange for affection.
>>25916654 People who think your hobbies/interests are what make you as a person are fucking delusional and probably worse than the guy making this thread.
Honestly how interesting you as an individual are has nothing do with any external forces other than just YOU yourself. If you're doing this for a girlfriend and that alone, well I think you're predestined to be a boring fuck forever, but that's perfectly alright. Most women are boring as fuck anyways. Having skills is going to help you, but just because you directly benefit from them.
I guess tl;dr: Don't change who you are for someone else, that's fucking retarded.
>>25918233 I'm 20 khv, but I agree with literally everything you said For me it has gotten to the point when the >tfw no gf threads have actually become annoying. Never had the problem of wanting a girl until I regularly started browsing /r9k/, and I still can't justify "neeeeeeding" one. I'm pretty much happy working with the cards and sorting the problems I got now
>>25918286 Same here, anon. The >tfw no gf feels are long gone. Companionship at this point would be bothersome in many aspects. After years of only you caring about yourself you stop seeing the value in other people caring.
As well as the feels wash away with time, experience and knowledge. I can rarely sympathize with anyone here any more.
>>25917901 >it would be very nice to have a girl that would give me some direction, i can spend my time pleasing her in exchange for affection.
That is the most pathetic thing that I have ever heard in my entire life. You'll only get a manipulative cunt with that attitude. You seriously need to be happy with yourself before you even think about getting a partner. Get a hobby that you like, and quit worrying about whether or not you have a gf. The reality won't be as good as your fantasy.
>>25918260 True, but if we're talking strictly ideally, people should be mature as individuals before entering a relationship. You should be secure as yourself before imposing yourself on someone else, well, if you want to use them for something other than sex.
>>25918449 my life is complete in every way i can think of except in regards to having a gf, someone to love. i am not a selfish person. i just want a girl to make happy. i have done everything i can to make myself happy, only a girl can do more desu
I suspect you're doing it for a woman / friends. let me tell you, when I was younger I was semi normal and had some friends and a gf, even a couple of girls interested in me. back then I had maybe 1% of the knowledge, interests etc I have now. I had almost no hobbies actually, and a lot of norms don't. romantic failure and social seclusion have nothing to do with you as a person
>>25919108 once you're confident you look good and the girl you're with is attracted to you it takes the pressure off you completely and you act "cool" by default. also even if you're boring the girl you're with will try to "change" you, take you out and stuff, and you just have to go with the flow.
>>25916654 I used to binge on speed, drink, and throw around non-offensive hot opinions and it made me pretty social for a bit Try not to worry and self-analyze if you don't talk for a while, if you're uncomfortable just focus on what other people are saying and they'll appreciate it. If you can crack a joke (even a forced one) and smile to break the silence it goes a long way This will probably sound autistic but honest to god thinking in shitposting helps. Good shitposting is funny and it gets you in the right state of mind to piggyback off things people say to make jokes. Sarcasm generally makes you seem confident
Number one easy trick, above all though, is to practice a shithead grin. Try to get one that makes it look like you just took a dump on the floor or got up to some /mischief/ or something. Having the perfect shithead grin has saved me more times than I can count, if you do something stupid or autistic just grin and say "oh shit, I fucked up." If you try not to be serious, a good grin will sell it even if 1 or 2 people might not like it Tbh tho all this only really works if you're young and the people you're with don't have sticks up their asses
>>25920744 >Good shitposting is funny and it gets you in the right state of mind to piggyback off things people say to make jokes. Sarcasm generally makes you seem confident Don't constantly shitpost though
Occassionally simply "agree" with what the other person says. Have shifts in your tone to indicate when shitposting starts and ends. You can even have the serious moment end off with a shit-eating grin that transitions into a shitpost. With "just kidding, I actually agree" pinned at the end
Smiling helps tons- you have to practice doing it when you're alone because your face will feel awkward if you randomly try to do it. If you're the type of person that tries to hide their mouth when laughing/ quickly revert back to your regular face ASAP, you need to practice smiling alone
>>25920875 >is it really possible to look legitimately happy even when you're depressed? Yes In fact, if you force yourself to do it all the time when you're alone like a fucking maniac + correct your posture and sit up straight, your brain will suddenly go into a "Oh shit, I guess you're happy, here are some free happy chemicals" mode. It's a literal life hack that should not be possible to do, but it FUCKING WORKS.
>how do you practice smiling, i try it just looks so fake and forced Exactly. Force it. Like, really wiggle your eyebrows and stretch your fucking lips out to the side. Open your eyes wide, squint, open wide, squint. Think of it like stretching/ exercise. If you do it for prolonged periods every day for a while, your default resting face will morph into a "calm comfortable smile" that looks easily approachable.
I went from full autistic ugly face bushy eyebrow skinny skelly dweeb to a sorta-Chad/ cool to hang out with friend. People told me that they just didn't know what to think of me before, and that I was kind of creepy/ looked super pissed all the time. Think about it; if you saw yourself across the hallway, wouldn't you want to avoid you? You kind of reap what you sow. If you're like me, you still wouldn't approach anyone, but the people that do approach others are more likely to approach you with good intentions.
>>25920845 >>25920875 Even if your eyes are dead and you've got a thousand yard stare, you can still pull off a shithead grin One of my friends is depressed to the point that there are physical signs, like his movement can be slow, he'll just stare off into space at times, he mumbles a lot, people generally just think he's stoned (even though he hates weed). It works for him because he can just flash the grin and say "what a shitter" or "how degenerate" or give somebody shit and it all falls into place. Definitely gotta practice, practice, practice until it becomes a reflex
And yeah, knowing when to slow down on the jokes is important. Saying generic things seriously to break it up can help, or talking honestly about things you like (tv, beer/booze, even parks or places you like to visit). Joking constantly does get annoying
>>25921250 Yeah but what I'm saying is that you can just put in like one week worth of effort, like setting up a mirror behind your monitor and constantly "correcting" your face, and jumpstart yourself into a permanent happy/ content state.
And you don't have to worry about losing your identity. Even if you're fucking /edgy/ and think that "bored/ impartial" face is crucial to your "vibe", you've got to understand that you just look like a self absorbed cunt to everyone else. Like if you told someone someone one of your hobbies/ interests, and they responded with "Hah. That's gay, anon." That's what your face is saying.
You can portray your negativity/ edginess in a more accurate manner through conversation- but people will be tricked into staying in it because of your face. It just emits a "I got my shit together"-ness to it that people feel like they can depend on/ believe.
Seriously, I think this is what can solve literally everyones' problems on here. Despite how stupid it sounds/ unbelievable it is. It's so easy to just say "That's gay, I don't want that."
But it's so free and effortless. You can even give it a free trial for 2 months, and revert back to resting bitch face if you think you prefer it more.
>>25917173 I'm wondering-- isn't general monotony important for development? One will never make something out of himself without some measure of discipline and daily persistence towards certain tasks.
I'm wondering if I just traded one type of bubble for another. I realize that I spend a vast majority of my week doing the same thing over and over -Exercise 4 times a week -Go to school 4 times a week -Every day, I have two separate routines that I follow down to the dot. One is a "self" routine and the other is an entertainment routine. The entertainment routine usually takes roughly 4 hours out of my day, my "self" study routine takes about 8, I go to school for 4, I sleep for 6, and the other two hours are lost to miscellaneous actions throughout the day.
The only exception to my daily routine is on Saturday, where I drop everything to hang out with my friends or go out and do something new. Besides that, my days remain practically the same day to day; yet I can't say that I'm unhappy.
The whole reason I've created a daily "routine" was to become exceedingly efficient and doing as much as I could each and every day. The only action that I often take that isn't my routine is browsing /r9k/ because I enjoy reading the thoughts of unique people, and I sincerely believe that I can gain something from it
I think I'm "happy"... but now I'm doubting myself and wondering if I traded one method of escapism and contentment for another in the guise of self-improvement
>>25922143 Monotony implies being closed off. Of having a loop and not venturing out of it.
You can have the type of monotony where one of your activities is branching out, such as reading different books, absorbing new information etc. So in a sense it is monotony but we're arguing semantics there.
What I was trying to say is don't close off your world for the sake of security and comfort for that leads to stagnation and unfulfillment. Having a schedule to your day or week when working towards a goal is beneficial, it would be more beneficial is you have routines which bring in new experiences and information, but let's say for the sake of argument that you don't. Having a goal you're working towards implies change upon achieving it, this is basically discipline in a way so it is 'good'. After you reach the goal there will be change, development and some form of reward.
If you're worried about your routine just look at the sum total at the end of the week or when you achieve your goal and check if it is worth it, or if enough changes for you to be satisfied.
If you just upgraded your living standards and nothing else then I'd say it still the same emptiness.
Thread replies: 93 Thread images: 22
Thread DB ID: 444835
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at email@example.com with the post's information.