When did it all go so wrong? Or were you doomed from the start?

sluggish amphibian poster

>>25908896
My shit was always fucked up, but ever since I found 4chan my former life has crumbled right in front of me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMfZyfD4U8U

i was born broken

i went out with a girl right after i started high school, we dated for like a month before she cheated on me with a bunch of chads at a party. shattered my heart irreparably. been a robot since

I fucked my shit up in stages

>age 6-7 - unconsciously decide I didn't like leaving the house or meeting new people, I could have fun at home and I had enough friends to hang out with already

>age 10-11 - take mild teasing too seriously, get seriously ashamed when someone accuses me of liking a girl or having any sort of interest in girls in general, avoid talking to girls as a result

>age 13-14 - develop mild acne, completely ignore it and let it get worse while spending most of my spare time on my computer

all the stupid shit I did after that contributed to my current state of course, but I think they were mostly symptoms of my previous bad decisions

It started when I was 14-15 and discovered reddit in '08, then 4chan in '09.
Things haven't been quite the same since

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How long has it been since you last had friends anon?

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>>25909159
I still have friends, but the same feeling hasn't been there for a couple years now.

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>>25909250
original text for the bot, pls ignore

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>>25909389
Shit, that hurts. What's it from?
>back in HS
>return to group of friends after a trip to the fountain
>you see them talking
>they whisper to each other "Shit, Anon's back!"
>they change the subject

In middle school I was an awkward kid because all my hobbies were beta-tier like "exploring experimental music" and film or whatever

that caused me to be really alienated from the rest so i made up for it by playing online vidya and slowly replacing that with real friends. by the time i came to high school i was socially anxious and isolated.

>>25908896
not even kidding here. i started becoming much more self aware after i started browsing r9k. 2 years of r9k have given me depression, anxiety, all that shit. then i lost 50 pounds and gained it all back and got even more depressed

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>>25909519
>that image

fucking ouch

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I found a girl that made me feel good for once. I felt like I belonged. She had nice siblings and I felt like I had a family. Her mom hated me and drove us apart. My life has been a downward spiral since that.

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>>25909519
Stand by me, beautiful movie, very much recommend it.

>>25909630
just go to the alternate universe where you're still together

When I was 14, 8th grade, and realized I was lacking developmentally. I was still holding on to the belief everything would just happen that all kids have.

Not sure how everything works out in the end for most others. I suppose my failures have to do with an avoidant personality.

>>25909653
I never felt a connection like it before. I often wonder if we are still together in another universe. I have always been an outsider and for once I felt on the inside. I have high function autism and she was blind and albino. I tried to tell the few people I talk to about it but my parents don't listen. I think about her all the time

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>>25909687
>i thought i would become more like the bigger guys
>i thought high school would turn me into an adult
>i thought i would get a gf

>>25909732
I thought I was going to be like Troy from High School Musical senpai. Next life?

Or maybe not.

Looking back to my childhood, I think I was probably doomed from the start.

>>25909720
Is there still hope for you getting back together with her?

>>25908896
probably ~7-8th grade
when i got real depressed and reclusive and started to self harm, i think i just stopped trusting people

i had a mental meltdown in 2012, it all went downhill since then.

Probably when I discovered alcohol around the age of 16 and became addicted to cheap pleasures. Now I'm 22 and can't motivate myself to work towards any long term goals.

Why is it consistently around puberty where shit falls apart?

My father got remarried. New wife pulled me out of a magnet school where I had friends and sent me to public school so I wouldn't be socially maladjusted. Since I was 2 years ahead of the class I ended up being "that guy" because I was bored. Now I'm socially maladjusted, a druggie, and hate myself.

I'm just making excuses. My biggest problems are ones I could solve if I had the motivation.

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>>25909789
Her dad abused her a lot as a kid. Pretended to kidnap her once to scare her. I yelled at her mom when she was trying to drive us apart. Her mom started talking to her about how I was just like her dad. They emailed me saying if I ever make contact they would get a retaining order. I would loose my job if that happened

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When I finished 5th grade my parents started homeschooling me due to disillusionment with the public schools system after a kid threatened to beat me up and didn't get punished. (That was literally all it was, he never beat me up) After that I went from a normal kid who played sports and had friends to a full blown transition-lenses-wearing "computer nerd". After 3-4 years of homeschooling the damage was irreversible.

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I love you guys. The people here on 4chan. I have been here a long time lurking newer to posting now. Thank you everyone for being here

>>25909789
I just wanted to live that life.

200?-2005 kindergarten was chill AF, had a lot of friends, and was in soccer
07-10Got out of soccer, started packing a Lotta weight, was once 100 then went to 130, then 180, people start out casting me cuz "weird", start picking on me, calling me ugly and other names.
10-2016 weigh around 240, I'm 5'8 (18 yrs old) still in HS, mom thinks I'm a failure NEET, sperg out when I try to socialize , insecure as fuck, at least no one really pickson me, now right? They just think I'm weird