So I was "officially" diagnosed with depression today.
Why do I feel like I have absolutely no reason to have it? That just makes me feel worse, I guess. I can't talk to my friends with worse lives than I had without feeling like shit, so I just avoid them completely now.
I think I might have depression. I can't come up with any other goddamn answer to how I feel (or lack of feeling).
I don't even feel sad until the rare moments when I break down but even then I feel it's just because my body doesn't know what else to do with the stress. I'm either angry to the point of being hostile all time or I don't feel anything at all. I don't understand how people become so passionate about things or hobbies, I can't find any interest in them. There is nothing to who I am. I couldn't even describe my personality if someone asked because I have no fucking clue what to say. I just dress nicely and mimic everyone to get through the day because I hardly know how to function around people. I just don't fucking care about them.
Goddamn, am I an angry person. It's so tiring. I have no outlet for it, never did. How the hell do people do it? Have a stable relationship, work a job they care about, have a family ect...? All of that is so foreign to me.
I don't, though. I never told the guy I have suicidal thoughts or that I used to cut myself to feel like I'm not a coward. I just told him normal shit, like I'm bored all the time, etc. And he still diagnosed me with depression when I felt like I was doing a good job of hiding it.
Kek. Enjoy the side effects and no real effect on your depression. Go start lifting weights and get swole anon.