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When did you make peace with the loneliness?
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001

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When did you realize it wasn't worth it?

> Went to Uni
> Was social
> Went to parties.
> Even joined a frat
> Networked
> Tried everything.

At the end of it all, I realized I didn't want it. Even when I was having the most fun, in the back of my mind I wondered if I could be doing something more enjoyable or fulfilling by myself. I think if you have thoughts like that, it's not meant for you. I've made peace with it, and I've made peace with never being with a girl. To be honest, the way relationships are today, I dodged a bullet on that one.
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Yes but I have no idea of a single thing that makes me happy or content.
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I've started to realize, the things that I think I want... aren't exactly the things I want.

Before, I used to constantly wish I had friends, a girlfriend, somebody that actually gave a shit about me and wanted to spend time with me.

After working several jobs, going out drinking, partying, meeting people... I realize what I'm looking for, the chances of finding, are so slim that I don't even care anymore.

Every time I went out and spent time with my "friends", like you OP, a whisper was heard in the back of my head, urging me to get the fuck out of there. And most of the times, I did, and I felt better for it.

I honestly don't think I'll be able to find peace with myself, let alone happiness or at the very least, contentment. I'll drift through life, constantly searching, until one day I croak. That's what I feel my life will be.
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>>25853722
When I was about ten.
>Move to farm at eight from urban area
>No one around for miles
>Only family that I didn't talk to much
>Only socialize at school
>two years of only being able to talk to people for about two hours every weekday without being yelled at
>finally start liking solitude
>two years later move back to urban area
>tiny yard

that was over seven years ago
I still like the solitude better
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My brothers. I agree with all of this. I've also experienced the same thoughts. I think that all I want anymore is a small cozy house on the northwest coast and to be self sufficient and learn the ways of self fulfillment that Buddhism teaches.
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This is currently the most intellectual, enlightened and philosophical thread on r9k. I think this is what most robots true happiness truly is.
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>>25854015
> I honestly don't think I'll be able to find peace with myself, let alone happiness or at the very least, contentment. I'll drift through life, constantly searching, until one day I croak. That's what I feel my life will be.

desu I feel this as well.

I wonder if I'll ever be happy. I said in OP that I'm at peace. But only with those things. Everything else is turmoil and stress.

I've got a lot of work ahead of me. Yet, I can't help but take solace in my realizations. I got them through DOING these things. We see it all the time in these threads. Failed normies and other shitposters coming in telling other anons to do X Y and Z to improve themselves. Well I've done it, and at the end... found it wanting.
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>>25853722
When the mods deleted a "tell me to kill myself" thread 5 minutes ago
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>>25853722
I'm in the same boat as you OP, my ex tries to convince me that I'm insane. I just let her talk and continue to study in peace
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I'll be honest. Sometimes I still like to think that maybe if I continue living my life and be myself, that I'll meet a female who is like me and wants a simple life like me and we're both introverted and we are enough for each other and we don't need anything more.

I think I know how rare this is though and how unlikely it is to happen. There are so few women like that and there are so few chances for me to meet them and for them to also be single.

There is nothing else for me to do other than follow my inner drives and create and thrive as best I can in this world. I'll have to find happiness in a simple existence and I'll have to find contentment with having nothing but my own consciousness.

I believe I can, robots. I believe that maybe I can be happy with the liberating uselessness of mere existence.
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When it became apparent that I wasn't as fully alone by choice as I thought.
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Not yet. But soon. Very soon.
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Loneliness is an acquired taste. When I was a teenager I couldn't stand to be alone for five minutes. Friends everywhere, family everywhere, socializing all the time. I was really quite the normie.

But as you grow up you get to taste little bits and pieces of the loneliness. A friend moves away. A family member dies.

Over time, you begin to realize that all you ever really wanted was to be alone.
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>>25853722
Recently I've been playing vidya games again after a few years of being unable to get into them/really solidly enjoy one and havig a really good time, I don't care its unhealthy to play in access, I've come to peace with being alone and don't mind anymore.

I've also come to the realization that girls in my generation while physically attractive, generally have standards I don't fulfill, and come with a host of problems I have no interest in. Also the responsibility of children has made me realize how lucky I am to actually not have to bother with that bullshit.

Social lives are also too expensive these days and generally I enjoy my own company more than other people and require minimal social contact.

Modern society has allowed me to create a haven of isolation and I am fine with it. Granted I'm in my late 20s and am dreading having to face my family trying to get me to start a family or my sisters trying to set me up with their friends but I will resist them, I won't give up my freedom for normality.
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>>25855014
I knew there were people here like this.

I feel the same way. Don't let them pressure you into a life that isn't for you.

I think many of them mean well. In my case they do, but they just can't understand. There are some people in this world that just don't want that life.
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I used to be a fairly social person. Shy, but willing to open up to people if they tried to get to know me.

After I hit about 23 or so, shyness changed into social anxiety, which led me to stop talking to my friends gradually over time, which led to the initial loneliness, then depression because of said loneliness.

Only recently have I come to terms with being lonely. I guess after years of being mostly isolated, I've learned to prefer being alone. I consider it a good day if no one talks to me.

Next step for me is finding a job that I can do by myself that doesn't require much if any social interaction.
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>>25855771
Night security guard
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>>25854669
is there only one person posting gondola

every time i see him posted its always with a post i identify strongly with
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>>25855753
I've been chewed up and spat out enough times by society that I just don't care to be in it more than I have to. I'm fine to work, since i hate leeching off others but I can't be bothered with the stress that comes with a modern relationship. Pic related
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>>25855014
>>25855753
>lack of children

listen anons, i want to do something for you

i want to prove to greater society that the desires described are not reprehensible and in fact superior

i want to do this by perpetuating life with this as my model. offspring as proof, as good as if not better than normals, but produced more efficiently
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>>25854976
I've preferred to be alone as long as i can remember.

I skipped school for the first time in year 2 because i decided i'd rather sit alone in the woods and play game-boy than have to be around people at school.
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>>25854669
I know this exact feel. Don't know how I'll make it though. I have no skills. My parents never taught me to do anything and no one is willing to hire me to provide for myself.
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>>25853722
I've half made peace with it. Like you, I went to parties and found I did not enjoy it at all.

I still sort of hope there's a person i'll connect with, but I know it's very unlikely. Now I'm just trying to make a life where I get to do the things I want to do, and be at peace with myself.
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>>25853722
I can't make peace with it because i have a romanticized idea of what a relationship with someone is supposed to be like.
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>>25853722

Couldn't stand parties. Only ones I went to was because one of my old best friend would always host them at his place. I'd usually be the first one there, just to talk to him for a bit, then leave early. Or, get there extremely late when everyone is already idiotically drunk or left already, and just drink with him and maybe a couple other people I was closer to.

We slowly drifted apart all due to me though, as I cut off the friends I had last year. Kinda felt bad when he came into where I worked and was overly friendly with me (I think he must've thought I killed myself or something.) The other friend I had I met online, but stopped talking to her around October; just a flat-out block and cease communications. She emailed me about 5 times, found another email address I used and tried there, but recently stopped.

Honestly it feels pretty good, but I can't really figure out why. My family doesn't even care at this point, they're worried about my financials, so I luckily was put as sole beneficiary for all my parents assets when they die. Just don't want to get involved personally with anyone and that's the way it is.
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I've made peace with it and learned to embrace it/enjoy it, I can be fairly social if given the circumstance but enjoy my alone time more, I have pretty much given up on love, I don't blame women for it, I know it's mostly my fault, I always here the same stuff from /fit/ or /pol/, but at the end of the day, I can change physically, economically, socially but I can never change as a person, my personality isn't bad but it isn't necessarily exciting, I know no girl will ever see me as their true love, the most I'll probably be is some girl's begrudging "hail mary" back up plan, and I accept that, so my goals are relatively to achieve contentment, to be stable, provide for myself, be a kind and decent person to all I meet and overall be the best I can be, so being alone in old age will be quaint and I can look back on my life and be glad.
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I wouldn't mind being alone if it was so boring. As a kid and teenager I was satisfied sitting in my house playing video games. Now every video game bores the shit out of me, most likely a combination of me finding games mundane and predictable, along with being really unrewarding. I also don't get stimulated by tasks that require too much effort, such as learning a language. Now I crave having a social life but I'm unable to go to any social gathering except maybe twice a month, while the boredom makes me suicidal.
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>>25856158
There's nothing wrong with desiring to proliferate your seed on the earth. Your body is designed to do so, modern society has just become a trap to basically use your own biology as a weapon against you.
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>>25857130
speaking of.

I want to know there's mini me's running around out there. But i NEVER want to raise a child and i doubt i could convince any woman to have or want my child with my genetic defects.

There's no hope for me is there? considering i have a disease that has a moderate chance of being hereditary no sperm bank or anything would accept my seed.
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>>25853722
I would rather be lonely than have a gf.
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>>25853722
>When did you make peace with the loneliness?

ages ago, and it wasn't hard. i have social anxiety to thank for that
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>>25856069
There are multiple gondolaposters, I imagine.
It's a natural correlation between people of a mindset similar to yours, and gondolaposting.
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>>25857746
>It's a natural correlation
you're gonna have to bridge that gap for me anon

maybe i should pick up a few gondola pics regardless
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>>25853860

>tfw it's just never-ending restlessness and being tired

at least going into work with the folks I see seasonally, I'm reminded that it could be worse
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>>25857476
Become a wise mentor to the next generation that redpills them through the farcade of bullshit.

desu though society is becoming so toxic I wouldn't want my seed to be damaged by it.
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>>25853722
I wouldn't say I've made peace with loneliness. Loneliness in itself is nothing more than a fleeting emotion and sometimes the answer isn't always surrounding yourself with people and forcing yourself into uncomfortable social situations. As I've gotten older I've realized that I am introverted, that it's okay to be that way but I also believe it's important to have relationships and to spend time with other people. Balance is key for all things really. Truthfully I'd love to have a girlfriend but I wouldn't want a LIVE-IN girlfriend at this point in my life. I just don't want to be around any one person constantly but a girl I could spend time with and go out and do things would be nice. I mean you can only spend so many valentine's days alone before it starts to get to you, especially once everyone around you couples up and does their own thing.
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70 years from now, when I die.
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I had tried all the "Fuck bitches, get money" and MGTOW bullshit to deal with the biological drive of libido and social pressure to find a mate but it didn't work. I still wanted all that. I picked myself up a bit, went out, put myself on the line and actually hooked something pretty close to my dream girl, or so I thought. It turns out that a lot of the things I was looking for have a strong correlation with a host of mental illnesses. The woman ho looked so idea at first glance slowly revealed herself to be the kind of mess even I don't want to try and put back together, and she certainly wasn't going to put herself back together either. Of course after 3 years of trying to make it work we broke up.

That's when I realized the real catch 22, anyone I find interesting is also pretty crazy, and anyone who isn't crazy I don't find very interesting if not flat out boring. Maybe it's just a social thing, no one ever talks about things besides recent events and other people in most social situations to avoid leaving anyone out or making oneself seem like a know-it-all fedora tipper.

There are plenty of people online who are willing to have actually interesting conversations, as you can generally be assured anyone reading/watching you is interested in the topic so that social barrier gets dropped. This has lead to peoples interests getting more and more niche, but I don't think that is a bad thing at all. In a small town your interests get pruned back by what others around you are willing to at least feign showing interest in, and so you take up the lowest common denominator interests. You get "rounded out" and because you're so generic you fit in nearly anywhere. But I'd much rather live in a world where peoples interests branch out like ginkgo trees, covering half of your yard and only really fitting into the place they grew than a dense garden of neat topiary cubes, all perfectly interchangeable even if the branches aren't the exact same.
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>>25858100 cont'd
So socially I just get my satisfaction talking to others on the internet, but that still leave the physical side of things to deal with. Fortunately VR is getting pretty good and into consumers hands, and cybernetics and AI are advancing fast enough I think we'll see humanoid AI's in our lifetimes. Unlike humans they won't have the social pressures put on them to limit their interests, or even have a real limit to their patience and loyalty. This will probably cause some impressive moral hysteria as everyone asks "But why will anyone have children anymore? Humanity will be doomed!" in the face of such ideal partners but I think there will always be people the opposite of myself, so naturally normal a person, that finding another person no more than half a standard deviation from the norm isn't too hard at all for them and we'll still have a trickle of traditional relationships producing new humans, and honestly that is probably for the best.

TLDR: fuck normies, get an actual robot GF
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4 years ago when i completed my master's degree and started working

I did my master's in a foreign country and became very depressed/anxious all the time bc I had tried so hard to never be alone during undergrad and had never experienced starting from scratch socially and also being culturally isolated.
During a long phone call with my dad he talked me out of killing myself and told me that I would have to "learn to be alone without being lonely." He told me that there were going to be a lot of times when I was alone and when I felt that I was going to lose it I just had to go outside, stare at the sky, take a deep breath, and say "I am okay. This is okay."

>tfw dad was a foreveralone who understands me and told me we're all gonna make it

Since then I've lived in 4 different cities in three different countries, started a PhD at an extremely prestigious school, been published 5 times and have presented at two major scientific conferences. I have built a very strong professional network and made a lot of good impressions. Socially I try not to get very involved and I passively avoid romance when it rarely surfaces. I still feel lonely occasionally, but learning "to be alone without being lonely" has made me much more successful than my peers b/c I am able to objectively look at the future and decide when to make a move while many of my peers will desperately try to get Tinder dates/get into relationships/get married when they feel lonely.
Most of my friends from undergrad/HS never allowed themselves to be alone long enough to think about what would really make them happy.

Ignore the constant whining and self-affirmation on r9k, go outside, take a deep breath and tell yourself "I'm okay. This is okay."

We're all gonna make it
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how the FUCK were you in a frat and never got pussy?

you must have autism
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>>25853722
Nah you got the bullet.
You missed the arrow.
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>>25858637
Has the right idea, if you've decided to go foreveralone then find something to throw all that extra time you have at be it art, academics, or hell lifting if that is your thing. Other people take up and obscene amount of time and if you do nothing with it you'll end up with cabin fever or talking yourself into all kinds of negative and stupid shit. There are many great people who never married another person, what made them great was what ideals/passions they married themselves to instead.
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>>25858637
Fellow sciencebro, any advice for an undergrad junior? I'm unqualified for the majority of internship opportunities I see because I lack recommendations and they're mostly built for grad students

I want to start my career already but I'm afraid that if I don't get some kind of work experience before I graduate I'll be fucked

And is networking as important as people say it is for science? I'm not very socially and I keep to myself mostly but I don't want this hurting any opportunities I might have
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>>25853722
whoever that spunk monk is would make an excellent aayla secura cosplay
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>>25858637
>go outside, stare at the sky, take a deep breath, and say "I am okay. This is okay."

Thankyou anon, this has helped someone more than you realise.
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>>25854015
> the things that I think I want... aren't exactly the things I want
so much this. i dont care who i dissapoint anymore, i listen to my own feelings day by day and im starting to realize the things i actually like, who i am, away from expectations. i like simple, effortless things, and if it takes stress to acquire i just dont like to bother
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>>25855753
> Don't let them pressure you into a life that isn't for you
this entire thread is gold and this right here was a huge realization for me

everyone wants to tell you what you "should" do, but its just their dumbass opinion. you'll always know yourself better than others do. everything else is noise
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>>25853722
i enjoy being alone but when i am surrounded by people that's when i feel awfully lonely
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>>25853722

Found out first hand that women just aren't worth the effort, even the stellar ones. Real True Friends TM are something rare and can't be worked towards having, and most people aren't worth being friends with.

Beyond anything, I realized I was always happy on my own, and it was just fear of not living up to expectations that pushed me to try being social. I'm so happy now on my own. A quiet apartment is a particular joy. No enslavement to a marriage or children or even social commitments. I get more than enough social interaction at work, it takes a full day off of silence before I recover from that even.
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>>25853722

I always were a loner. Last year I made peace with it. I tried going to bars and talking to people but it makes me uncomfortable as shit, and I never progress neither with friends or women. And I'm very ugly, so I would have to make an even bigger effort to get a woman than the average normie.

This is how fat people probably feels when they let themselves go.
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>>25854669
Creating something is fulfilling. Good that I chose a design study. I failed it 3 times but I've managed to find design jobs in my own free time.
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>>25855771

I went for nursing. Definitely social interaction yes, but it's limited in a certain way, and patients in a hospital behave in a certain role and so do you. Especially on night shift. It's not free of pointless bullshit but it does allow you to pick up and move and find work basically anywhere. That freedom is important to me. And eventually with travel nursing, I can work all over the place and never need to know anyone longer than 6 months.
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Still fighting with loneliness. I crave friendship and belonging but I sabotage myself then blame others for it.
Self destructive behavior is going to kill me.
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It's a pretty stupid reason, but seeing my oneitis acting like a heartless bitch set me in this path. I was a thirsty beta, and I'm still kinda thirsty, but seeing the true face of the girl that I considered the best woman in the world made me realize that all about love and relationships is ridiculously fake. Men aren't saints, but women will go to ridiculous lenghts to pretend they're on the right and we all allow it. Even I allowed it for years without realizing it.
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>>25853722
I still haven't separated from the part of me who wants to experience intimacy...it happened once for a very brief time and I can't get the memory out of my head, but it's at the point where I just can't relate to people anymore. Ironically I felt the most "alone" in the secure sense when I was smashed drunk at a crowded party - it feels like complete freedom because you're like one of them, happy and unaware of yourself, and you're just another blank face in the crowd. The release of yourself and a brief time as a normal human.
I can't escape
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