>3 a.m. >Hungry and want McDonalds but can't drive

Haven't seen this pasta in like 5 months. Thanks for the blast from the past!

>>25830930
I have a bunch more if you're interested.

>>25830944
I'm new here, post more

>>25830944
Sure. Would like to hear.

>4am last tuesday
>I have wandered out of my bedroom to the kitchen
>had specifically asked mom to buy me a cherry pie for this night
>I look through the fridge and then it catches my eye, a beautiful pie with a note that says "For anon <3" on it
>pure ecstasy flows through my body as I get my special fork and take the first bite
>the rancid taste of strawberry fills my mouth
>I gag, almost choking
>I don't mind strawberry normally but I specifically asked for cherry and did not expect this
>I never asked for this
>the pie basically raped my mouth
>with all my strength I smack the pie and make it fly across the kitchen
>I begin throwing all of the food out of the fridge in a fit of rage until mom comes down
>run up to my room and push her over yelling "you're a strawberry cunt"
>she falls on my drum set I put in the living room and begins crying
>I run upstairs and shove my head under the sheets until I fall asleep
>the night after, go downstairs to rummage for food and there is an assortment of pies in the fridge
>mom flinches when I walk by her now

Normalfags are such weak minded individuals. I'm glad she knows that I'm the head of this household.

>sitting in my room posting on 4chan and listening to porn
>mom comes to my door
>"Anon, could you please keep the volume down, it's 3 AM."
>ignore her
>"Come on Anon, we have work tomorrow, we can't all stay up all night like you."
>I get mad
>don't even take my eyes off the computer
>she keep trying to talk
>I start screaming "SAGE SAGE SAGE" at her
>she sighs, closes my door and leaves

Not my fucking fault they choose to have wage slave jobs.

>2:34 A.M
>My dick gets really hard and naturally I want to go stick it in the peanut butter jar
>go to kitchen and discover we have no PB
>go up to mom's room
>"WHAT TE SHIT HAPpENED TO ALL TE PEANUT BUDDER (i have a speech impediment) CUNT!"
>O-oh anon I-i'm afraid that old jar was filthy and had expired and-"
>slam the door so fucking hard behind me it cracks and there is a faint smell of rancid fart in the room
>my mom is literally farting herself in terror
>she knows that at the end of the week I take the cumbudder and make a sandwhich with it
>"I guess I hab te teach you a lesson"
>get her cirrohsis lotion
>stick my dick in it and cum all over it
>"If you change that the next thing is your buddhole"
>wink and start whistling the theme song to Bear and the Big Blue house and go back to sleep

fucking normie parents man

>mom walks into my room to give me supper
>I have my Pokemon cards spread out on the floor
>tell her to be careful, they are collectable
>she fucking steps on my Lapras
>jump down from my office chair to inspect any possible damage
>it is bent
>refuse to eat supper until she buys me a new one
>she asks how much it's worth
>tell her $50
>she gives me $50 whilst apologizing and I reluctantly eat supper
>ask for double desert and she complies

She got off easy that time. It won't be so easy next time she fucks up.

>In room
>run out of fast food
>ring bell I had my dad's electrician friend install
>mom comes in 4 seconds
>shake bag in front of her
>she knows what it means and bows, leaving
>hoping she doesnt fuck up the order
>leave room to go to restroom
>step on scale, 350 lbs, new record
>return to my $5000 computer, dad buys one every three years
>mom comes with food with dad next to her
>"you should treat your mother with more respect"
>triple backflip to dad and get in his face
>"what the fuck did you say faggot?"
>"n-nothing"
>go back to mmo
>have sex with mom later

>mom has a shih tzu dog, or as I like to call it ''shit dog''
>trying to watch my anime in peace, but the fucker is laying there staring at me
>yell for mom
>tell her the piece of shit dog is staring at me again and I can't relax while being watched
>''It's just a dog, anon. He doesn't know what he's doing.'' ''He likes you.''
>she leaves
>he's still fucking looking at me
>lose my shit
>run upstairs and put on my special USSR boots
>run back down and threaten to stomp shit dog if mom doesn't get it out of my sight AND cook me some Totino's Pizza Rolls
>she complies

IF THE DOG TEASES ME AGAIN, IT'S GETTING IT! All dogs are normalfags.

>at my uncle's funeral
>mom tells me to put away my nintendo 3ds
>i roll my eyes at her
>she snatches it from me
>now i have to listen to this boring eulogy
>start stomping my feet and and chanting "3ds"
>whole church stops and is looking at us
>she's so embarrassed she gives the 3ds back to me
>she took it away mid level so i had to fucking start all over again

Fucking cunt, this is the shit I put up with.

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>>25830911
I've read this before.

Congratulations anon.

You've defeated the robot.

100 gbp to Gryfindor.

These are fucking hilarious

>>25830911
Op i love this stuff almost as much as the pee pee poo poo threads


Throw in some gbp references

I gotta go soon, here is my collection

http://pastebin.com/EbrPWzKp

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>>25831030
>you're a strawberry cunt
caught me off guard, holy fuck

>Just me and my daddy, hanging out! x3c
>I got pretty hungry so I started to pout :c
>He asked if I was down for something yummy :3c
>and I asked what and he said he'd give me his cummies! >//3//<
>Yeah! Yeah! x3
>I drink them! I slurp them! I swallow them whole o3o
>It makes daddy happy so it's my only goal... uwu
>Harder daddy! Harder daddy! o////w////o
>1 cummy, 2 cummy, 3 cummy, 4 owo
>I'm daddy's princess but I'm also a whore! >:D
>He makes me feel squishy! He makes me feel good! He makes me feel everything a little should!~ ^.^

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>>25831529

>Roastie misses the point and ruins the thread as usual.

>>25831592
CUMMIES
CUMMIES
GIVE THEM NOW

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>>25831529
>mfw when roasties try to be funny

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FUCK OFF ROASTIE THIS ISN'T EVEN YOUR BOARD

>>25831636
>>25831592
What's a roasti?

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>fucking faggot roastie posts
>thread dies

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I LOVE CUMMIES x3
I NEED CUMMIES :O
I GET CUMMIES ;)
I GIVE CUMMIES =3

I DID A GOOD CUMMY I GOT A GOOD CUMMY x3 cx
IN MY FACE IN MY BP AS LONG AS ITS CUMMY :3

I LOVE CUMMIES IN MY SQUISHY TUMMIES!!

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This is basically a compilation

>>25832093
Story, my mom had to read it for her book club. She said she stopped 1/4 of the way through and cried because it was too real... No word of a lie.

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What's a cummy?