>can get all As at uni
>can't just sit down and play some fucking video games or read a book for pleasure
What's wrong with me? Getting a diploma and succeeding is pointless if I can't enjoy myself. I don't even care about a gf, I just want to be able to relax. Everything is backwards for me. Doing work is easy, but having fun is the stressful thing.
I'm not depressed. I think I might have ADD and I'm able to meet my obligations through sheer willpower, but I can't concentrate on the things that are optional and are for pleasure.
What do you guys think?
you must have ADD, I'm in grad school and All I want to do is read or vidya when I'm not crunching through work (which is 90% of my time when I'm not on break)
but honestly you should realize you're an academic ubermensch if you can do all that without ever getting distracted.
However, as someone who actually has ADHD-PI and requires chemical treatment, the "willpower" is actually the thing affected by the disease in combination with the working memory which is a problem that willpower can't fix, much like schizophrenic psychosis or whatever.
So you probably don't have it.
I get distracted all the time when working on school. I just make a routine that helps me get through it. I usually walk around the block before getting to work, and then I take a break every hour or so to do some mundane task before going back to work 30 minutes later.
There have been two times when I was diagnosed with ADD. First time was complicated by other mental health things and I don't remember it.
The second time I was all better but I went to a psychiatrist just for ADD. They prescribed me Vyvanse and HOLY SHIT. I still have not forgiven that lady and I never went back. It was literally crystal meth. Awesome for the first few times and then you realize you're missing sleep and freaking out your family with your hyperactivity.
So I have been diagnosed with ADD but I take that with a grain of salt because the mental healthcare in this state is corrupt as fuck.
I got on the dean's list every semester and was getting 4.0s and 3.9s until I got a gf. My cumulative gpa is down to 3.6. College is easy if you have the time to read the text books. My gf shows up to my dorm at 8am and leaves at 10pm. I have to stuff all of my video games, hw and drinking into the time frame of 10pm to 8am. I get like 4 hours of sleep a night.
I sort of have memory problems. I got tested for brain damage once for no reason once. They said I underperformed in a lot of areas but it didn't resemble brain damage. They thought I wasn't trying hard enough during the tests because of depression, but I doubt I would do any better even though I'm not depressed anymore.
My greatest advantage is that I literally have nothing to do but school. I worked 24 hours a week through freshman year but my mom convinced me to quit and now she helps me pay tuition. Based mom.
We are talking about working memory issues? Like not being able to do simple mental arithmetic? Even when having pen and paper at hand?
I can't do that reliably if I don't take my meds, stuff just slips out of my head.
I'm in grad school and this is basically me. I'm not particularly bright compared to my peers but I have never scored a girlfriend and quit gaming because I was addicted. Now I basically do nothing but work (I sometimes forget to eat even). I have some other things I'm mildly interested in like photography, hiking, and rock climbing but never make the time for them, it almost feels like a chore to do so
Notably I can do algebraic modeling quite well and I can construct mental algorithms for doing mental arithmetic quite well.
It's just the working memory step that doesn't work out without the re-uptake inhibitors.
Nope, not nearly that bad. Sorry if I trivialized your situation by comparing it to my own. The worst for me is not being able to remember directions or struggling to pay attention to what someone is saying (I usually attribute this to them being boring but it might also be a red flag for ADD).
Yeah I have this huge backlog of things I genuinely want to do but I can't because it feels like a chore.
I have a bunch of books I want to read (one of which is the brothers Karamazov) but I find I almost need to know that I will have enough time to read it start to finish. I find this is also somewhat true for my other hobbies (if you can call them that), ie. I don't feel like they are a chore to do if I literally have nothing else to do that day. I wonder if you also find that to be true?
I'm too much of an anxious and pessimistic person for that to be true. If anything I think that the only way for me to have a reasonable chance at securing a job in science is if I have a stellar cv full of awards and papers. I don't have these things yet and I'm not particularly talented therefore I must need to work harder to try to get these things and become competitive. I'm also a hypochondriac and am constantly convinced I have some awful disease (eg. I have a freckle that I think looks odd and may have changed shape and am half convinced I must have skin cancer. I got that freckle looked at like a year ago and I was told it's not uncommon and that freckles can appear and change a bit when you're a young adult). I'm rambling now but the point is I want to have an impact on the world before I die, so since I constantly worry I might have my life cut short I constantly work to try and leave something to be remembered by
You sound like some people I know. I think they are very talented.
But remember that Tesla detested Edison not because he stole his patents but because he didn't, for example, enjoy games of leisure.
If you don't have creative input and a large store of "random shit" then you don't have any basis for new ideas or insights.