i really don't want to live anymore. every day is the same, boring. I have no future. Every time I wake up I feel more and more disconnected from the rest of the world. I can't even remember the last time I felt like a person
i just feel empty
>tfw the first couple of seconds when you wake up and don't register how shitty your situation is
>those brief 6 seconds are the only time in the day where you don't feel like a piece of shit
>then reality hits
I've found a way to placate my loneliness by distracting myself with 4chan, youtube, and videogames.
It's been working for the past year, but sometimes I decide to lay down on my bed and relax, then suddenly my mind fills with thoughts of ending my life. I think it's just a venting stage, because I distract myself so much, the thoughts need to come out sometimes.
I'll perpetually distract myself from my problems and only vent occasionally to reduce the number of depressing incidents in my life.
theres is hope elsewhere...whitinyou , life is a purposeless rollercoaster, and the one task we have to is to give significance and purpose to this long and hellish journey... at the end of the day its all your choice wheter you like it or not.
i feel you anon cause , im on the same boat.
Whoa, that sounds like dangerous territory that'd involve confronting family with my opinions and criticisms as well as expressing my own emotions.
I don't want to experience that, do you?
Used to feel the same way OP. This is what is currently easing my suffering:
> be me, 21 yo college drop out
> live in my own apartment
> part-time work is enough to pay all my expenses
> spend the rest of my time depressed and isolated
> come across a particular RSD video
> motivates me to try meet girls
> too afraid to approach attractive women, so decide to start small
> decide to go for "low hanging fruit"
> women far less attractive than me 3 - 5 (I'm about a 7) are easy
> am akward and clearly inexperienced; they don't care
> sometimes they literally reach for my cellphone then put their numbers in there when they can tell that I'm struggling
> no need for dates or small talk; I can invite them to my place and they immediately say yest
> next week I'm going to be fucking a 17 yo.
> 4 - 5 in the face but her body is amazing
> can't form any kind of meaningful bond since the appearance is too much of a turn off
> still better then utter loneliness and isolation though
SHUT UP SHUT UP
LIFE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY! I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP ANYMORE.
Fuck Man! I just want to live before. Before all these intrusive thoughts. Before I realized what an inferior piece of shit I am