I'm really, really REALLY REALLY FUCKING GOD DAMN SAD RIGHT NOW
GOD FUCKING DAMN IT I WANT TO KILL MYSELF SO FUCKING MUCH
I FEEL SICK, I FEEL PHYSICALLY ILL I'M SO SAD RIGHT NOW
I DROPPED OUT OF UNIVERSITY, THEN I TRIED WORKING IN THE REAL WORLD AND IT WAS THE WORST THING EVER, THEN I DECIDED I'D GO BACK TO SCHOOL AFTER YEARS OF WORKING, THEN I DROPPED OUT AGAIN, MY PARENTS JUST WATCH ME FUMBLE MY LIFE AWAY IN SHAME, I'M A FUCKING FAILURE
I'VE NEVER HELD A GIRL'S HAND, I'M DANGEROUSLY UNDERWEIGHT, I RARELY TALK TO EVEN A SINGLE PERSON IN A WEEK, MY LIFE IS HOPELESS
I can't keep doing this, I just can't, I can't live in this society, I can't be around people.
I just hope a war starts soon so I can join the military and get killed or something, but I probably won't even be allowed because of the fact that I'm diagnosed with clinical depression.
Like I said, I can't die, I'm not a strong enough person to kill myself, I just live every day hoping I'm the victim of some tragic accident so I don't need to do this anymore.
Just think of the most hopeless moment in your life, and imagine if it never ended, if it just persisted forever, that's just what my life is like. Every moment I'm not indulging in some form of escapism is just like when my grandma died.
I've actually been there. Depression is rough. When I was in highschool, I used to wish that a plane engine would fall out of the sky and kill me like in Donnie Darko. The whole "I don't want to actually kill myself, but I'd be perfectly fine with dying in some freak accident."
I can't tell you how to pull yourself up out of this rut, because that's something you'll have to figure out. Find something that inspires you. Maybe find something new to be passionate about. I'm sure you've got some sort of talent.