>>25808382 This. I walk into work and people say hi and ask me how I am. I usually say something like "I'm here" and they laugh because they think I'm kidding around about being at our lousy job. They have no idea.
>>25808382 I do my damndest to be cheerful and friendly in public (very tiring, but useful), and I still say "Eh, I'll live." whenever anyone does the whole HOWYADOIN thing.
Or "been better, been worse, ya know"
It's mostly because I'm a contrarian pretentious shitbag, but folks seem to find it endearing, and they seem to perceive me as smarter just because I don't speak primarily in mono-syllable grunts.
I've got a part-time job, down from full-time because I'm getting back into school after doing the whole "I guess I'll just stop going to school since I'm probably gonna blow my brains out lmao" thing. I still feel as though I've truly sinned for not manning up and sticking with it. I acted like a child, a petulant fucking infant.
But I'll do my best on damage control so I can salvage shit up. I reckon graduating with a Master's at 28 won't be so bad, right?
>>25809307 Well, I'll concede that for many people (perhaps myself, too!) ignoring others' perception of you is healthy.
However, I'm very concerned with how people see me! Although I've not always knowingly or manipulatively cultivated a certain image or appearance, I've done it regardless. Sometimes it really is calculated, especially nowadays.
It used to be quite unhealthy; worrying about silly things such as being unnecessarily preoccupied with having a perfect personal appearance, being very self-conscious and all.
I usually get "fuck off normie" sentiments, but I'm viewed by most that know me as a "good" person and (probably rightfully) smarter than most of them. My natural inclinations cultivate this image, but I do also take conscious measures to assist this.
I'm pretty vain, and I'll admit this.
I've got very rigorous standards, and I often don't live up to them. I'm a bit self-flaggelating in this regard...but it's who I am. Much more important, it's who I choose to be, who I feel comfortable being, and who I WANT to be.
Sorry for the blog, but the third shift has to pass somehow, and this board often has some like-minded and encouraging folk on it.
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