Who else here /depersonalization/ ? Could use a hug anons

>>25798440
dont disgrace kennedy's memory like that. he tried to do the right thing and they killed him for it

>>25798480
I'm not saying anything bad bout Kennedy senpai

>>25798440
Me, I haven't felt like anything is real for about 4 years now. All my memories even.one's before I felt like.this are distant and I don't feel like anything has ever really happened. I want to die.

The other day I tried to think about what my own personality is, and I couldn't even do it. It's crazy how much of your personality is defined by your interactions with others.

. >>25798521

God I feel the same way man. It's like every second passes into oblivion and that I didn't even experience it

>>25798561
I honestly think that the whole idea of identity and the self is kind of an illusionm created by neurological integration of physical stimuli

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>>25798440
Me. I took a nap when I was 14 years old and woke up half an hour later completely depersonalized for no reason. It has been six years and I haven't had a single minute of feeling normal since; literally just 24/7 fuck my shit up. I don't even know how I got it. I have never done drugs or been abused. Medications haven't helped either, I was on lamotrigine for over a year to no apparent effect.

Feelsbadman.

On and off for me, most of the time I'm fine but sometimes is so bad that i feel like my eyes are just projecting a movie that I am watching and my thoughts all blurry and unfocused.

>>25798576
It's sucks cause idk how I'm supposed to do anything in life if I feel like I've never even experienced it you know I can't take it anymore.

I've found meditation helps. Went to a shambala meditation center. It's tough as shit and will make you anxious but I think that philosophically it helps you deal with detatchment and just allows you to be.

>other people talk so much about nothing
>can't deal with hearing them babble without lashing out like a tard
>just ghost all my friends and family
>don't want a relationship b/c I don't even like myself, why trick someone else into thinking I'm any good.

why even live

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>>25798740
fuck, I need to meditate more and more so bad
But I also feel more distanced from regular people when I do do it.
I don't care about myself, I literally just hate my ego and like being punished/ feeling backlash. Non-physical, just mentally I want people to acknowledge me for the real piece of shit I am, but I'm too scared to actually give them a reason to hate me.

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>>25798440
I am scared of that happening to myself. Once you strip away the aspects of my being that involve how I interact with others I don't have that much left. The contious isolation I probably will have in the future will turn me into blank and substanceless individual

I'm pretty sure that my anxiety disorder and accompanying depersonalization is because of my emotionally abusive mother and for a long time I just hated this person that I occupied, this shell that I was trapped inside.

I've settled into a sort of self apathy now, which lessens my mental burden a great deal. I still feel like I live life in 3rd person, but I've learned to use this disconnected state of mind to better understand myself and others, as I find that I do not really have a self with which to constrict my viewpoint with biases and beliefs.

I do not feel as though I am part of this world and I'm sure that's why I feel so uncomfortable all the time.

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wew lad, derealisation here.

Doc put me on lyrica but that shit ain't helping. Instead I'm simply getting drunk as hell, that does the job.

I used to be depersonalized

I miss it desu because when it went away I went back to remembering what a shit person I am

ask me anything I guess

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Do you guys ever feel like you're watching yourself? Not like an out of body experience but like your eyes are a lens for your mind to look through. When you look into a mirror it feels like you're looking at someone else.

>>25800389
That's the very definition of dp I think.

I know I am myself alright, my problem is everything else feels surreal. It's the worst when I'm driving. Like I'm constantly living inside a dream, about to wake up any moment, but I never do.

>>25800257
I heard alcohol makes it worse. What does it do for you?

>>25800482
It just makes everything go back to normal.
or maybe not normal, but the intoxication won't let me feel depersonalized. It simply makes me feel drunk. I've been absuing alcohol for a while now because of how good it helps desu.

>>25800389

Used to happen when I was a kid

I would go on auto-pilot. Quite strange being able to maintain a conversation even though you aren't there.

what does being depersonalized mean/feel like?

>>25800622

using text to describe it wouldnt really give you any idea, its ery surreal

it just feels like your brain is blocking some sensory paths for shatever reason

its hazy dreamlike and very cold

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>>25800482
>>25800514
Alcohol definitely makes it worse for me, not sure if that's the norm or not.

It's good that it helps you though, anon

>>25800710
I'm not sure it's that good. It's making way for dependency.

What happens when you drink?

>>25800768
It just intensifies the feeling of depersonalization.

I already feel a separation from my mind and body but when I'm drunk it's like I'm two separate entities entirely.

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I can't seem to care about myself. I definitely have let myself go. I take these drives at night that don't really have any purpose other than wasting gas. I drive as fast and as hard as possible as Eurobeat play through the speakers. I take huge risks. I don't even drive a sports car it's either my VW passat tdi or my parents jetta tdi. Afterwards I realize how I could have really died but it really doesn't affect me. Something is very wrong. Times I've almost died "racing": (7) that I can think of. An example is marked at the star.

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>derealization, haven't told anyone

I can't even talk to mommy without feeling like this. WHO AM I

>if this shit wears off I will never touch a joint again and dedicate my life to delegalizing weed

Will she remember me fifty years later?

>>25800997
I would hug you right now if I could.

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>>25801209
bring it in bro. you're not alone.

is depersonalization something one can just declare? i feel like i fall into the category but i dont want to be made fun of for tumblr self diagnosis ur fine lol

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>>25801519
Same 2bh family

>>25798521
I kinda didn't understand what depersonalization meant until now.

>haven't felt anything
>can't relate to memories

If that's just a fancy word for being completely destroyed and apathethic then count me in, last time I could cry out was 2 years ago and my personality changes every 6 months strong enough that I cannot understand the persons I have been before until now

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>>25801613
>If that's just a fancy word for being completely destroyed and apathethic then count me in

Gtfo of this thread faggot.

>>25800482
alcohol makes it way better, but the next day i'll be 10x worse in terms of depersonalization than i was the day before.

I love alcohol and probably abuse the shit out of it for this reason. Don't drink during the week much but I get pretty hammered every weekend despite how bad the next day is

I've had it for years but I don't mind it now I feel removed from my actions like the consequences of what I do don't seem like they are real so it doesn't bother me its like a kind of freedom. I think a big part for me was learning what was happening so I knew I wasn't insane and then just accepting it as part of my life now its like I'm just floating through life and what I do doesn't matted

>>25800997
The worst part is i can't even break down and cry.

I would if i could. I just don't really feel anything.

It's fucked but somtimes I hope for some crazy shit to hit the fan so that I have something to live for.

>>25801519
it's usually associated with severe anxiety which tumblr has hijacked. Tumblr has taken the treatment of mental illness back to the 50's. The stigma associated with mental illness is what keeps people from getting help and they perpetuate those trends by making shit up. fuck tumblr

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Ever wonder if this is the normal state of being? Like constantly existentially reaching at straws and the normies are just to oblivious to see it?

>>25801613
You know when your leg falls asleep and you get that numb feeling where it doesn't even feel like your leg? Imagine that X1000 and on your brain, including the numbness.

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>>25801816
yup... me too brother

>>25800389
I feel this so much i also see myself doing things in third person and catch myself thinking about really obscure and weird things. The fuck can i do to fix this

>>25802077
i said it earlier but meditation really helps. It's hard to be anxious if you realize that your "self" is empty and that you just have to try and be good

>>25801816
This so much. Right now there are a bunch of people passing by loudly talking. I wonder if these 'normal' people feel this existential all the time. Whenever im not distracted by work or vidya or whatever I just find myself constantly asking things that will never be answered.

>>25802237
There's no greater joy to me than knowing I am not alone with these feels.

AND IN MY DREAMS
YOU'RE ALIVE AND YOU'RE CRYING

>>25799254
i have similar problems with dissociation, i would guess also some depersonalization. My therapist forces me currently through hell i have hidden anger and sadness sinc emy birth(23 years). Now i think i got diabetes after i had a pancreatitis. Besides having chrinic back pain, i have anger issues sometimes, especially after eating, when i eat sugar stuff im getting high and happy as fuck for some minutes just to get back to normal state. Im litterally addicted to sugar. If i dont take it i get so agressive i'd want to stab my mother and brother. I cant go to work with this shit. which makes me even more angry about my family... My brother traumatized me as a child, as a bordelrine piece of shit he imitated me and used things i knew/figured out to get all the attention, i fell intoa depressed state at some point since everytime i was angry about it my parents punished me by putting me into a cold shower/locking me in a room away. Now i have this shit with pain. what do?

Everything I do feels like a dream and I have no idea how I get through every day, but I do. Driving especially or doing things.

Is that what this is?

>>25803633
Nailed it.

Welcome to the shittiest club ever

how do you guys think you became depersonalized?

>>25798440
i don't really get it anymore but i used to get it all the time when i was in highschool

>>25803916
Damn, knew this shit wasn't normal.

>>25803986
Me
>>25803633

I think I got it from smoking "spice" a few times. The feeling it gave me was this and it never really went away.

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read nausea by satre

>>25798480
fresh off the docks from reddit I see