>>25798440 Me, I haven't felt like anything is real for about 4 years now. All my memories even.one's before I felt like.this are distant and I don't feel like anything has ever really happened. I want to die.
>>25798440 Me. I took a nap when I was 14 years old and woke up half an hour later completely depersonalized for no reason. It has been six years and I haven't had a single minute of feeling normal since; literally just 24/7 fuck my shit up. I don't even know how I got it. I have never done drugs or been abused. Medications haven't helped either, I was on lamotrigine for over a year to no apparent effect.
I've found meditation helps. Went to a shambala meditation center. It's tough as shit and will make you anxious but I think that philosophically it helps you deal with detatchment and just allows you to be.
>other people talk so much about nothing >can't deal with hearing them babble without lashing out like a tard >just ghost all my friends and family >don't want a relationship b/c I don't even like myself, why trick someone else into thinking I'm any good.
>>25798740 fuck, I need to meditate more and more so bad But I also feel more distanced from regular people when I do do it. I don't care about myself, I literally just hate my ego and like being punished/ feeling backlash. Non-physical, just mentally I want people to acknowledge me for the real piece of shit I am, but I'm too scared to actually give them a reason to hate me.
>>25798440 I am scared of that happening to myself. Once you strip away the aspects of my being that involve how I interact with others I don't have that much left. The contious isolation I probably will have in the future will turn me into blank and substanceless individual
I'm pretty sure that my anxiety disorder and accompanying depersonalization is because of my emotionally abusive mother and for a long time I just hated this person that I occupied, this shell that I was trapped inside.
I've settled into a sort of self apathy now, which lessens my mental burden a great deal. I still feel like I live life in 3rd person, but I've learned to use this disconnected state of mind to better understand myself and others, as I find that I do not really have a self with which to constrict my viewpoint with biases and beliefs.
I do not feel as though I am part of this world and I'm sure that's why I feel so uncomfortable all the time.
Do you guys ever feel like you're watching yourself? Not like an out of body experience but like your eyes are a lens for your mind to look through. When you look into a mirror it feels like you're looking at someone else.
>>25800482 It just makes everything go back to normal. or maybe not normal, but the intoxication won't let me feel depersonalized. It simply makes me feel drunk. I've been absuing alcohol for a while now because of how good it helps desu.
I can't seem to care about myself. I definitely have let myself go. I take these drives at night that don't really have any purpose other than wasting gas. I drive as fast and as hard as possible as Eurobeat play through the speakers. I take huge risks. I don't even drive a sports car it's either my VW passat tdi or my parents jetta tdi. Afterwards I realize how I could have really died but it really doesn't affect me. Something is very wrong. Times I've almost died "racing": (7) that I can think of. An example is marked at the star.
>>25798521 I kinda didn't understand what depersonalization meant until now.
>haven't felt anything >can't relate to memories
If that's just a fancy word for being completely destroyed and apathethic then count me in, last time I could cry out was 2 years ago and my personality changes every 6 months strong enough that I cannot understand the persons I have been before until now
I've had it for years but I don't mind it now I feel removed from my actions like the consequences of what I do don't seem like they are real so it doesn't bother me its like a kind of freedom. I think a big part for me was learning what was happening so I knew I wasn't insane and then just accepting it as part of my life now its like I'm just floating through life and what I do doesn't matted
>>25800997 The worst part is i can't even break down and cry.
I would if i could. I just don't really feel anything.
It's fucked but somtimes I hope for some crazy shit to hit the fan so that I have something to live for.
>>25801519 it's usually associated with severe anxiety which tumblr has hijacked. Tumblr has taken the treatment of mental illness back to the 50's. The stigma associated with mental illness is what keeps people from getting help and they perpetuate those trends by making shit up. fuck tumblr
>>25801816 This so much. Right now there are a bunch of people passing by loudly talking. I wonder if these 'normal' people feel this existential all the time. Whenever im not distracted by work or vidya or whatever I just find myself constantly asking things that will never be answered.
>>25799254 i have similar problems with dissociation, i would guess also some depersonalization. My therapist forces me currently through hell i have hidden anger and sadness sinc emy birth(23 years). Now i think i got diabetes after i had a pancreatitis. Besides having chrinic back pain, i have anger issues sometimes, especially after eating, when i eat sugar stuff im getting high and happy as fuck for some minutes just to get back to normal state. Im litterally addicted to sugar. If i dont take it i get so agressive i'd want to stab my mother and brother. I cant go to work with this shit. which makes me even more angry about my family... My brother traumatized me as a child, as a bordelrine piece of shit he imitated me and used things i knew/figured out to get all the attention, i fell intoa depressed state at some point since everytime i was angry about it my parents punished me by putting me into a cold shower/locking me in a room away. Now i have this shit with pain. what do?
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