Tavern is open. Sub barkeep from slavlands here, sorry I was busy last couple of days.
How's everyone's day going? Grab a chair and share what's troubling you.
Went out with a pure girl today. It was Nice but i have No idea if she has romantic interest in me.
Shes quite , doesnt talk alot to boys. Told me the reason she never hvad any boyfriend is because she never liked anyone, and anyone never liked her. Shes 17 and went on a 2 hour drive trip with me. It wasnt awkward at all as i thought.
>waaah! I don't know if this girl I'm spending time with likes me or not
take your normal feels to /b/ or /soc/ you fucking normie and stop shitting up our tavern. You don't deserve a drink
That sounds pretty alright to me.
I'm sick, got a nasty throat inflammation, can't eat anything other than soup. Took a sick day so I got saturday and sunday off at least. Sadly this also means not going out too because I can barely speak.
Might finish that bottle of Jack that I got left since new years eve. Thanks for asking.
Everything's alright. I'm going to have a date with a Ukrainian girl (I'm western European). Any one can enlighten me about Slavic women?
Trying to work up the courage to go to an Open Mic and play a song there next Friday, it would be my first "gig". Thing is, socially awkward as fuck, too polite, wave my hand with hello and goodbye, just ass burger. Job search has been shit too. I'm just shit at everything and fumble man. Nervous and anxious all the time. Need to see a shrink but waiting for health insurance transfer.
Desperately trying to avoid going to some old Eagle Scout ceremony, I got the rank two years back after special assistance because I'm a retard, and after going to Uni, having a mental break down, going in Loony Bin, I finally realized how badly others patronized me and how retarded I acted. I don't want to see all those old people, knowing I dropped Uni and failed at life until now. I'm 19. They postponed my ceremony, etc because the sons of the leaders had priority, literally the town PD, a big company CEO, some VP to something, other numerous people in semi-high positions of power, their sons were the troop, I was the only one from a humble family.
The only reason I'm going is for the Scoutmaster who helped me through all their BS and when I was falsely accused of doing many, many many things that got our troop banned from shit (rich little pretentious kids doing shit like stealing, destroying stuff, then ganging up and bearing false witness against me).
I don't want to confront the past, these people.
Turn your trip on.
I think alcohol makes you feel better if you catch it early enough, otherwise you just dehydrate yourself and make things worse.
I haven't been around for a while, how is original barkeep travelling since his diagnosis?
Musician here, here are some tips.
First and foremost - no matter if you do really well or really good, after that first applause it really won't matter. There is no pressure, nobody came to see just you, so take that shit off your shoulders and just enjoy yourself.
First gig is kinda expected to be borderline terrible.
I don't have a trip. That original barkeep aside, there are at least 3 or 4 guys who also make these threads other than me so there is no point in trying to distinct myself. I usually hint in the OP that it's the slav barkeep and that's it.
I had to move in with my Aunt and Uncle in Oregon and I have to attend Umpqua Community College, the students STILL talk about the shooting that happened in October, but they serve good food there
Anyways, can I have Vodka with extra ice?
Sure thing. Slav women are incredibly low maintenance, more so than you would even imagine. Just don't ever be late or leave them waiting in any way, they don't tolerate that shit at all.
They usually don't like drinking too much or drugs.
Double rum and coke for me
>been writing a bunch of songs lately
>my band is basically controlled by one guy now who only wants us to play things he wrote or approves
>want to quit but my best friend is in the band so it'd be awkward afterwards
>want to record all the songs I've been writing but no motivation and no recording equipment
>thinking about recording album and using it as a suicide note eventually
Also bonus feel
>listening to J Dilla's album Donuts
>get to Last Donut of the Night
>remember J Dilla's dead
>he was a genius and died so young
>tfw I probably won't live as long as him
Back from a 12 hour shift. My back and legs are killing me and I'm sleepy, wanted to get some alcohol on the way back home but the shop was closed. Guess I'll sleep after lurking a bit.
Here have some comfy music.
Thanks. Any recommendations on writing OC that isn't complete garbage? Just fucking around with different chord combinations at this point. Might just play a generic song everyone knows but I'm trying not to.
please dont cut yourself you are so edgy
*sigh* All this stress, I wish I just could be living without ever working. I will still help the family and do chores but just don't have a job, and have enogh money to live in house like I live now with my parents.
I am very stress and anxious lately.
Jsut imagene living a life with out stress. (or life with just small stress)
I bughot motorcycle last week at it made me anxious
JUST FUCK MY SHIT UP
I want of this rid
I wish I could be sleeping for ever in dream land.
Still in HS, 18 yo, classmate is a 8/10 introverted qt, don't have a lot of friends IRL only 3, we have a lots in common, she likes anime and vidya, or atleast thats what I heard from her friends.In the past 3-4 months I often see her looking at me a lot, although I have a lot of friends, female friends too, I can't talk to her in the same way as I talk to my female friends, and I'm not even trying. As the months passed I developed a crush on her, yet never started conversations with her. One of her friend is a friend of mine too and a few days before we started to talk about some serious shit, that I never talked about to anyone. I mention that how lonely I am, and she said that I shouldnt be worried and I'll find somebody, she said that she thinks I'm funny and shit and if she wouldnt have a bf I would have a lot of chance with her. After that she asked wich person do I think I have (she is currently trying to get me a gf, ir thats ehat she said) the most chance at. I said that her qt friend often looks at me and shit. After that she started to smile and said that no way that she'll ever be my gf shes out of my league.
Now I'm sitting here, don't know what to do, feeling more desperate than usual. All of my friends say that I will find somebody. But after that I'm nit sure. Should I just end it senpai?
I appreciate your tips, famigliari. I just hope that when we reach the next stage she isn't willing to cheat on me. Although they are usually very traditionalist and conformable due to the harsh conditions they are used to live in in Eastern Europe.
I would recommend finding a nice currently popular tune to cover, especially for your first gig. It will do wonders for your confidence.
People don't react too well to originals. Which is perfectly fine but you might take it personally later.
Except im in a desert. I have friends, but they even more autistic than me. Dont have plans for the future, they dont like going out, I used to say that we should fo something but instead they just want to stay at home. And I cant go anywhere alone.
I feel a lot safer with that. Thanks anon. Kind of excited now actually.
The Man Who Sold the World, David Bowie, what do you think? Or maybe something else?
I'm using an acoustic by the way, so it'll be a mic against a bronze stringed acoustic, praying to god the feedback isn't too bad. My electric broke.
My old housemate used to date a Ukrainian girl. She was pretty nice, smart, submissive and into freaky Shit in bed which was awesome.
But she was pretty entitled when it came to his money.
> you slep in my house three night this week, you pay half of rent
I can't remember why they broke up. It might have been that kinda stuff or maybe his autism.
My Debushka is pretty much the same regarding the personality, and money is a thing that they take very seriously. We've been meeting every week for five months now and I can't wait to pop up her cherry.
Heres something that happened to me today idk if anyone will care to hear
>in a sport team
>girls are going to a tournament in a few days
>they are all basically begging the guys to come support them
>i happen to be standing there when it happened
"U-uh i cant come i have something very important to do"
>one bitch looks me dead in the eyes
>"I dont care"
>goes back to begging all the other guys
This was the final straw
Another day, another reminder that everything is just an illusion. I cant escape this feeling, that i'm just an outsider observing humans and collecting data. In theory i'm pretty much flawless what to do in every given situation however reality hits me hard as i cant imagine myself falling in love with anyone. It's just not for me, this stuff belongs in movies or books but for me it's impossible. Nothing happens in deus ex machina way so i'd rather fall asleep and die in my sleep.
I don't have a girlfriend. A close person to hold and care for. To share good or bad, to help in times of need and get help from her sometimes. I don't have children and I'm probably not able to have them, I will never be a stern, but caring and hard working father.
I don't have close friends and I drift away from that little amount of people who gave two fucks about me. I don't know why really, we just aren't clicking anymore. I'm not a total sperglord, however I'm afraid of risking starting new friendships, meeting new people.
My job is utter shit. I'm overloaded with work, underpayed. They keep yelling at me for no reason whatsoever. I can't simply quit it and look for another because I live in shitty place that doesn't offer much jobs. Neetbux aren't an option.
Despite the fact that I work my ass off, I'm still a fucking poorfag.
I can't feel truly happy anymore, I cannot enjoy things that I do.
My relatives are shit. Long ago they weren't. But now they jump on me for no fucking reason, they are demanding, angry, they interfere in my life.
I can't do anything right. I touch something - it breaks. I start a conversation - it dies. I tell a joke - people look at me strangely. I sing - I'm told to shut up. I can't write or draw and self-improvement is just a fairy tale in my case. Everything I do withers and dies. I don't want praise or something, just some acknowledgement, I want to be aware my work, my attempts are at least seen by others. That people give a fuck.
There are days when I am unable to perform even simplest tasks without forcing myself to get our from the bed. Today even typing is hard. All you see is literally a pre-made pasta I typed In case I will have a chance to get it off my chest.
I cannot easily tell apart dreams from reality anymore, I'm not sure if something really happened or not. Sometimes I hear voices. Often - various sounds that simply aren't there.
I drink my sorrows away way too often.
>Went out with two firends
>Both late as fuck
>they didn't answer the phone
>"Anon why are you so angry, chill we didn't now you were here alone :) "
>We went to my house
>literally 10 minutes after
>"ok let's get out"
>Told them to fuck off and spend the rest of the night watching a movie
I'm going back to Uni tomorrow and it's going to be my last semester, I don't have any friends and I've had depression for about five years now but it's been dormant over the last couple of months. I really wish I was more sociable but I have no interests aside from anime and video games, most people don't enjoy my company though I'm not sure why. I bathe regularly and have good hygiene, also I don't think I come off as annoying and I'm semi attractive looking.
I am a mega weeaboo though so maybe that bothers people, I know if you tell someone you like anime they suddenly sum you up as autistic and try to avoid you. We have an anime club at my Uni but I stopped going a year ago because it sucks and it's mostly drama, most of our members are girls and all they do is fight and spread rumors about each other, it's toxic.
I'm just not sure how to make friends or find people to hang out with that I can relate with. I'm already anxious about going back tomorrow and seeing no one, also I'm afraid I'll run into someone I use to know/talk with and it will be awkward.
I really don't want my depression to come back up to the surface because I've been doing good for the last few months, if it does come to the surface it's going to be ugly. I fall into really bad depressive episodes, not saying i self harm or anything like that but I just feel like shit for a while and I end up ignoring everyone and digging myself into a deeper, darker hole.
I don't even know where to begin.
I've always been one of those people who aren't hated but are not loved either. One of those who people have no interest in being with. I had been bullied in kindergarten and elementary school. I was cast aside in high school. If you were to ask somebody what is their opinion about me they would probably say "He's okay, I guess". And at that time it did hurt, because no matter how hard I tried to socialize I would be hurt again and cast aside. During high school I somehow managed to make 2 really good friends.
Also during high school I had a crush on one girl from my class for full 2 years, and that feeling was killing me. When I eventually made a move I was rejected, but thank god that she wasn't a bitch about that. Nevertheless I fell in some kind of depression for full 6 months after that. I managed to survive that period without any self harm (which is nice, even though i thought about it) and still wanted to make friends and get a gf.
Then I enrolled into University. One of those 2 very good friends, let's call him A, got a gf and all he's doing now is either studying or being with his gf, even though I still occasionally hang out with him. The other one, let's call him B, went full normie mode, and all he's doing is going after cool girls. We barely even talk.
And I, I met one girl who I thought was pretty cool and thought she would make a good friend (I wasn't going after her because she has a bf), but soon after I found out I was wrong. Now you have to realize that, at that moment, I was perfectly fine with being alone and not having a gf. Now into talk comes friend C, who is a natural normie. But yeah, to return to the story, she somehow managed to destroy my belief that being gf-less is fine. I got in some kind of a crisis, was totally shattered, I barely even ate how much broken I was. And when the crisis was at its worst, she told me that she fell in love with friend C and will probably leave her bf for him very soon.
Heya Barkeep, Cuba Libre, extra libre today please. Things are downhill. No call from the place that was supposed to call me on Monday, a course I'm crashing is filled with people so this Wednesday is when I decide if I'm gonna try to stay in.
Lately I've been listening to classical music thanks to a thread from about a day or two ago.
Trying to keep it together, gonna make a list of places to apply to and then do that. If I can't get into school this semester I guess I'll try to wagecuck my ass off so I can save up for the summer, I kind of don't want to do school anymore in all honestly.
If only I could fucking do math, that's all that's holding me back.
I guess all I can do is try to throw myself into these things and do what I can to turn it to my favor, but at the same time I just want to be lazy but then guilt and fear get the best of me.
TLDR: I'm a shit, sorry about the long post.
What a cold slut, women these days are fucking rotten. There's only a small handful of good pure women that are worth something.
Top shelf ski lift if you would be so kind.
I've got a date with a cute guy tomorrow, hoping I don't spill turtles while we're hanging out, he's uber cute, 5'4" and blonde
>Best friend has been working a lot lately, not replying to my messages and stuff but I let it go with him being busy
>He was meant to come up to mine last Wednesday to smoke these nice cigars I purchased
>Suddenly stopped replying to texts lke an hour before he was meant to come up, doesnt show
>doesnt respond till Sunday "lol I fell asleep and been too busy to explain"
>I tell him that's bullshit behaviour
>haven't spoken since
>Pictures go up on FB this morning, he went out with some mutual friends that im not too close to
>and also this guy he knows I fucking hate (and who hates me) and all his friends
Welp, tthis will be the last of my school friends to abandon me, and the closest to. Only got my uni pals that I'm not that close with.
I was totally destroyed. But by some miracle the crisis passed that same day, and on that day I decided I won't give a flying fuck about people anymore. I stopped almost all communication on my part, and only respond to an occasional message or answer a call. I decided I would devote only to my studies, and that was going well for some time. Then i realized that i couldn't see any sense in anything anymore. I think I'm slowly becoming a nihilist, and I desperately want to run away from that, but I can only run away to being my previous self again, and I don't know what's worse. My parents are beginning to think I'm gay because at almost 20 I haven't had a gf.
I'm slowly falling apart.
And sorry if there are any mistakes as English is not my native language.
Damn anon. You're straight up nihilist.
I dunno if you want advice or not, but I suppose all there is to say is everyone feels like this sometimes. Then they find something that makes them feel better. Maybe you got stuck in a cycle where it never got better.
Maybe you have nothing to lose by changing everything, packing a bag and just hitchhiking to the other side of the continent. Six months from now you could be anywhere or anyone. You could be a farmer, or a dock worker, or a professional go kart racer, or a skydiving instructor.
Change your job
Change your look
Change your attitude
You just gotta take the first step anon.
Anon who is currently finishing a diploma in a hurry before he moves to Vietnam to teach new industries to disadvantaged ethnic minorities
>as English is not my native language
I know this feel too well, Anon.
I'm not the bartender but I understand that it takes a lot of patience and effort to listen to a bunch of people's issues and then try to give them advice/feedback, I'm sure this bartender just doesn't want to mess with it.
Halfway through 6 month trial period at work. Thought it was going great till last week. 3 months of not knowing my career fate. I'd had a string of shitty jobs and this kind of feels like my last chance to get it right.
also, tfw no gf, no family, no friends etc etc
but to be honest that isn't troubling nearly as much as work because at least if I have this job, I can keep my house and have the opportunities to improve my life.
If it all falls through, well shit I don't know.
Found out this girl we used to hang out with long ago died today. Fucking weird she's two years younger than me and that's it just gone. Not even close enough to that group any more to ask how.
Inb4 'let her RIP'
>I can't do anything right.
>I touch something - it breaks.
>I start a conversation - it dies.
Stop it pls
>I tell a joke - people look at me strangely.
Stop it pls OP!!
>I can't write or draw and self-improvement is just a fairy tale in my case.
>Everything I do withers and dies. I don't want praise or something, just some acknowledgement, I want to be aware my work, my attempts are at least seen by others. That people give a fuck.
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. I can relate to this far too easy. I'm graduating (trade school) and haven't got the slightest idea what I want to do in life. Sure I want that girl/relationship, but I completely missed the cut off for social understanding. Sure, after high-school I lost weight from fat to /fit/ but that didn't give me the confidence. I question everything I say or do and run multiple scenarios in my hide what was done wrong and berate myself continuously about stupid little screw ups that no one remembers, but I remember and relive those memories in PERFECT. CLARITY.
All I'm doing right now is just chasing that high you get from a person being proud of you because of the invention you made. Otherwise, I'm depressed with my lack of progress.
I failed my first semester of college for graphic design and animation and stopped attending. Not because of a lack of interest, I actually really liked it, but I was pressured into going right out of high school.
My mother and extended family pressured me to go and said she'd pay since she saved up college money...she lied, she spent it on a puppy for herself and I wasn't aware until half way into the semester where I had to pay myself.
I think she planned it because she knew I wanted to move out and she hates the idea. so instead of having a nice money cushion from my seasonal job....now i'm in debt by quite a bit after taking out all my savings to pay back shit.
I also haven't touched a pencil in two weeks..I can't bring myself to draw or study anatomy or anything. haven't left the house in a week. I feel bad because I really want to get good at drawing and make a living off it, but I just can't muster the will to do it.
am I fooling myself and it just isn't for me?
I feel like if I wanted it as badly as I thought I wouldn't be struggling to at least doodle.
idk..sorry for disorganized thoughts, can't seem to focus recently.
Ginger ale please barman
>fire up netflix on the tv
>watch pulp fiction and about 3 episodes of breaking bad in one sitting
>have really nice lunch: poached eggs, brown bread, soup, crisps and a cup of earl grey tea
>watch more breaking bad and some David Attenborough
>Beef stir-fry for dinner
>Team fortress 2 and /r9k to bring me up to now
Probably go to bed in 20 minutes or so. Sore throat feels better. Pretty relaxed desu
It would be much easier if I weren't living in a Slav shithole. I didn't wanted advice, but I appreciate the fact you sacrificed a bit of your time to read through the pasta I made and cared enough to reply. You don't know how much does it mean to me at the moment.
>graduated HS with highest test grades in graduating class
>got a free 4 year scholarship to a university that costs 40k a year
>great because my single mom is completely poor
>start getting anxiety attacks during classes
>can't pay attention
>eventually stop attending classes
>don't have enough credits to graduate
>family is angry at me when i tell them i'd have to finish my degree in a state university
>feel too ashamed to attend classes there
>drop out completely in less than a month
It's been a year and a half since I dropped out and I feel too disgusted at myself to even apply to a job. And I don't want to finish my degree in a community college or something because I feel like it'd be a permanent stain of disgrace when I had the opportunity to graduate from a nice college.
Today, after some online stalking of seeing what people from HS are up to and how much better they're done with their lives, I've decided I don't want to continue the lonely, self-pitying NEET life, but I also can't handle the shame if I do have to go to a shitty college to finish. Is it worth taking out loans and racking up a bunch of debt just so I can say I got my overhyped piece of paper from a good college? It's honestly more about closure at this point. I'm not sure if I can move on with this loose end hanging over me.
Had been texting girl I thought I didn't like and was really clingy and stuff. She stopped talking to me and now I think I like her. I guess its too late. Not a big deal but I am just in a bad place right now since I am stacked with work and the stresses of life. I think I am secretly letting my life get so horrible so I have to kill myself but barely manage to pull myself up.
Please help me if you are semi normal.
My gf of two months never wants to text me, is very awkward to talk to, and generally giving the impression that she's not interested. However, when I confront her about it, she doesn't know what I'm talking about or says there's nothing wrong.
She is equally beta/shy/awkward as me, so I'm wondering if that's just the problem.
She has no problem talking to my friends, however, and seems happier with them.
On the other hand, I can talk her friends/other girls much easier and can make them laugh and stuff, I just can't connect to her.
>I don't want to break up with her because she is the most attractive female I will ever date unless I become a millionaire somehow
Do sometimes you get the motivation of a thousand suns to do a project, and then completely lose interest after a few days for sometimes weeks after making progress on your project?
When you try to force yourself to do a project, do you have difficulty forming thoughts, unlike when during those moments of brief lucidity of motivation words/actions/images all seem to just flow naturally and a clear goal is recognized?
>idk..sorry for disorganized thoughts, can't seem to focus recently.
Almost as if every day is a day dream you are just walking through, with hazy feeling you feel when you turn off the sounds and music?
>too normie to be one of the fedora tippers/ hipster redditors
>not normie enough to be chad
Literally stuck in the middle. Only one real friend that would actually go out of his way to help me if I needed him and pals around with me. The rest only make contact with me when they want something.
Anon, it's not that bad. Try to think about what is really bothering you and then realize how small of a thing it is. There are plenty of grills in the world, but in my experience all they are good for is making robots like us miserable. I don't know where im going with this. Either call that grill or stay away from women forever. Both choices lead to the same empty nonexistence that awaits chads and robots alike at the end of life. However, suicide is by no means the only way out of your present unfortunate situation. Remeber what used to make you happy before you started texting her. Get back into that stuff. You might realize being a normie is overrated after all.
>was on gifted and talented at school (for non britbongs it's basically the clever kids getting extra support from the school when originally they'd just get shipped off to a grammar school)
>had potential to be chad but was always too fat and not really assertive enough so i settled for normiehood
>had friends and was never bullied
>back end of year 11 get a bladder infection
>go to the doctor, get medicine but it doesn't work
>go back, turns out the infection had gone but the symptoms had stayed
>have a complete mental breakdown after a few days because i can't stop going to the toilet (at one point it was like every 15 mins)
>sever anxiety and depression
>struggle through the rest of school and college
>go to uni
>after 2 months i can't face going in and drop out
>be NEET for a short while but can;t afford it for long due to being poor
>i've had to get a full time minimum wage job this week at a pizza shop to make ends meet
>everyone else i was friends with in school is making something of their life
I had so much potential, and now i'm just another failed normie clogging up this board.
If you only have one friend you may not be as normie as you think. If you try to transition from robot to normie, you will experience a lot of resistance, from yourself and from people you thought might be friends, however if you work through it you might find yourself better off. Talk to people.
being labeled 'creepy' doesn't have to be a death sentence with girls. In my high school I was pretty Normie, but still considered creepy, but I just told sexual jokes and stuff and made the girls laugh, and made the creepiness sort of endearing. Also when they got to know me better there opinion changed
This kinda makes me feel better.
But it all started when I found out she was already into me. Then it seemed like the more she got to know me the less she liked me.
Feels bad because Im worried this will happen over and over in my life.
I'm turning 22 in a few months and I feel like it's too late for me to change my life.
Everyone went through the dating phase already, they're settling down. Normal people went to parties, had fun, hung out with friends etc. I didn't do any of it. I wasted my time online.
Also I'm a NEET with severe social anxiety. I'm literally afraid of people. Don't think I can be helped at this point. The ship has sailed for me.
thanks, I honestly just don't see the point in anything. I feel like life is just a downward spiral and I always have to be working to stay up and if I take a break my whole life will fall apart if that makes sense. I just want rest, real rest. I honestly just don't like the feeling of being alive.
Am I ever going to find an ok job?
I just want to find respectable work that I can at least slightly enjoy.
I'm 22 and I already feel that I'm going to be a fucking nobody until I eventually off myself.
I feel like a fool, /r9k/:
>yesterday at a party
>meet girl, have fun, flirt with her heavily
>we make up, we dance, we have fun
>in a certain moment she goes outside with her best friend. I follow them and I ask them what's wrong.
>Friend leaves. Girl hugs me and says "Look, I'm in love with someone else... but a night is a night, right?"
>I back off and I say "I'm not the fucking second choice of anyone"
>She tells me to stop overeacting
>I directly leave after hearing that
>Instead of going directly home I go to a bar nearby run by a friend. I just go there and have a drink by myself, think about the situation.
>After the drink is done I leave the place, and on the streets I approach a girl that's just there, standing
>I tell her my situation
>She smiles, looks at me, and says "I'm working"
>I tell her "Oh! I didn't realise. No intention to bother you... but really, can you believe it? how come she treated me like that?"
>She starts to grab my dick. I get a message from the girl at the party asking "are you still around? :(". She unzips my pants and gets her hand inside as I keep saying "No no no I have no money..." . I get the prostitute off me and I get back to that party. I find the girl and I just kiss her and I tell her to don't even mention me that again for the rest of the night
>We spend the rest of the party together, she holds my hand and hugs me and kisses me, I sort of reciprocate but I'm weird, I'm feeling I should not be there
>We leave together.
>It was late, I walked her to her parent's house
>She kisses me goodbye in the lips
I feel stupid. I should have left. I don't deserve this. I acted like a fool, I guess because it's been sometime since my last girlfriend and that warm feeling of having someone so close you're having intimate fun with...
I don't know what to do with this girl, or even what to think about myself... but really, I'm not second dish of anyone
I've been wanting to take this girl to a movie for a few weeks now, more as a way to bond as friends than anything else, but I can't into approaching people. I only speak when spoken to, and she's been really busy with her semester end shit, so it's not like she'd simply chance upon me. My anxiety has gotten to the point where I can no longer approach even my closest friends, and I've been left here, stuck, wishing I could just bring myself to talk to her. Fuck I hate myself so much.
taking a break just gives me anxiety. I hate the feeling of just doing nothing. I know that sounds stupid but its the truth. My whole life has been wasted. I could've gotten good grades, I'm smart. I could've done well if I just put in a little more effort, I could've joined clubs in school, I had interests, I was just too scared too. I could've had a lot of friends, I could've had a girlfriend. I could've gone to homecoming and prom. I could've learned sports. I could've gotten fit. I could've learned to play instruments. I could've done so much but instead I just spend my time doing nothing.
Give me some rum bartender.
I decided to do something productive for once. I liked writing but never considered myself good enough to publish anything except do short writing practices. So I decided to give my services to people who make Original English Language Visual Novels. I get contacted by some Swedish girl wanting me to work with her the following day and I accept because she was willing to pay (something I didn't expect).
I expected somethings to be bad because OELVNs aren't really known for their quality but I never thought it would be this bad.
It's not a "this person doesn't have a handle on the English language" but more along the lines of having no grasp on basic storytelling. Her characters are try-hard young lesbian woman who are described as nice girls but who's actions are completely the antithesis of nice. It reads like a very bad YA novel.
I've never felt the shame of realizing that I've just drunkenly shared my life story with a prostitute in a haze of narcissism, but the rest sounds fine, even if your initial outburst paints you as a real piece of shit. It sounds to me like you should try courting this lady, since she's interested; assuming you've the means to do so.
I re-readed what I wrote and I felt kind of douchy, Jerry Seinfeld Style, at the part of the prostitute. But yeah, I was a little drunk.
Why do you say my outburst paints me as a piece of shit? What do you mean by "outburst"? When I told the girl I'm not anyone's second choice? Just picture: You're making out with someone you met at a party. It's fun, it's nice. A one night stand. But you tell him straight to his face that his not as important as the guy you're in love with... and you kiss him again? Nah, man. I would have understood it if she would told me to stop because she's really in love with that guy, but I didn't do anything, except chasing them to know the truth.
That was shitty from her
You think I should court her? I feel like that's a bad idea, keeping in mind she has someone else in her mind. Sounds fishy.
But other than that I have nothing against her.
that's...actually spot on.
I'll get so fired up that I'll tell anyone I happen across about some project or something I really want to do....then just stop.
I know motivation isn't something you should rely on and instead should just discipline yourself to get shit done...but it never lasts.
Though I don't know about the day dream part. best I can describe it is like:
those moments as a kid where you wake up in the middle of the night and it's deathly quiet and you feel disoriented and out of your element cause it feels like you're the only one awake on earth...kind of like that.
Still have brain cyst and blood vessels still fucked in my brain.
Still gotta have surgery
Still frustrated because I constantly get headaches all the time and am constantly fatigued.
Someone pls tell me it'll be okay
For your sake I hope not :/
Not trying to be edgy, I'm just a genuinely unhappy person who peaked way to fast at 19 for like 6 months and that was it
If I had known the best times of my life were limited to that brief period of time there is so much more I would have done
>that's...actually spot on.
Please, I beg you. Go get checked for ADD/ADHD. This isn't an insult to your mental health, I have the exact same problem and issues growing up. My parents didn't have health insurance as a kid and I wasn't able to see a psych. Now I do. The one thing you need to know is this:
It doesn't get better.
I went through 4 years of the military as a complete fuck up not understanding why I keep doing stupid things on impulse.
Took Adderall and "I was blind but now I see" which everything makes sense.
I wasn't "high" or "wired", I just understood why people do things and how I need to interact with them. I was content with life and understood what I needed to do.
>I'll tell anyone I happen across about some project
Are you me, I do this with every single project, and I feel just like a piece of shit when I stop doing the project.
But when I finish a project (rarely do), the people around me think it's great and I have the blissful feeling in my head that has never been matched by anything else.
>I know motivation isn't something you should rely on and instead should just discipline yourself to get shit done...but it never lasts.
I know exactly what you mean and can relate. Sometimes, I have to force myself to listen to motivational videos while walking around to get out of the haze.
>those moments as a kid where you wake up in the middle of the night and it's deathly quiet and you feel disoriented and out of your element cause it feels like you're the only one awake on earth...kind of like that.
Almost as if you can't understand the things around you even though you want to learn everything about how the world works and it just isn't enough to get you through life.
Sometimes you feel like you aren't worth anything, even though you are the picture of success in the eyes of the average person?
>sanity has been plummeting past couple months
>paranoia is back, no longer trust anyone
>transitioned back into my old introvert ways
now im stuck in a state of jadedness. can't tell if things are better then when i was more social. venting on an anonymous image board helps i guess
That's awful man, but don't worry. Weather you pass from this life tonight or the next, it'll be okay.
Just found something that makes you happy and remember that you made a difference in someones life.
It's gonna be okay.
That's the thing.
I'm terrified of death.
Not only that I don't want to pass if there's ANY chance of finding someone I could actually have a life with.
Call me a hopeless romantic.
I feel like I'm too stubborn to die so young
Just been feeling like shit lately.
I'm 25 and my parents have been pressuring me to get a gf.
I've shrugged it off for a few years up until now. I actually want one now. I mean, I used to date a lot during my early adult years, but this time around I just find it hard to find a gf. Especially where I live.
>I'm terrified of death.
Don't let me fool you. I'm entirely fearful of death. I fear dying and not accomplishing anything of value. I don't want to die before I've made an impact on a person I care about. I just hope that I'll be able to hold out until then.
>Not only that I don't want to pass if there's ANY chance of finding someone I could actually have a life with.
Just want to know what it feels like for someone to come home and give a shit and to be treated normally?
That's why we're all here on /r9k/.
Well, in either case, you respond to my post and impacted my life and in a positive way. What more could I really ask for?
Can I get some whiskey, barkeep?
My cat is dying. Old age, nothing we can do. I don't want to put her down, just trying to make her as comfortable as possible. Hate to say it but I hope she just goes tonight to just end it. Really my only friend other than my dog.
My dad once told me that after a surgery I had, I was never the same; like I was a different person.
Sometimes I hope he's right, because I'd rather have an excuse for being this way.
That said, it's still a weird thing to hear.
Also, I'm at a point where I know that no one will ever care for me on any sort of deeper level, yet I cannot help falling for anyone who gives me the time of day. I can't stand the idea that they'd be in love with anyone else, so I cut off ties soon after establishing a friendship.
Huh...I have a friend with ADD who was convinced I also had it. I just always brushed it off as being the worthless turd I feel most people expect me to be at this point.
>I just understood why people do things and how I need to interact with them.
holy fuck that would be useful
I'll definitely get checked for that.(as soon as I figure out how since I'm not sure i'm still covered under my parents anymore)
think I'll draw something...thanks man, seriously. If anything, you at least pointed me in a direction that will help with some of my problems.
Losing a pet is a terrible thing. I lost my dog to heart disease 3 years ago. The last months of his life he constantly had this terrible cough and he often vomited. It was hearbreaking to see and we had to have him put down.
To this day that was the worst day of my entire life, although I have yet to loose any family members and when that day comes it will probably be even worse.
We have a new dog now though and it truly helps me cope with the loss. The worst thing is how quiet the house becomes when there is no pet present.
Normally I introspect a lot, being fucking autistic. Then I realized, if I want to get the things that make me feel good, I'm going to have to change my environment, and its not going to be easy bringing about this change for me.
I had a dream where I had a girl friend, but someone deeper than that, who was kind of aspie but cared for me sincerely, it was the best feeling in the world. I was hurt, she tied some sort of knot on the wound, made it taught with her mouth while holding it in place, gave me a deep embrace. I never really thought of the idea of there being no self, that its all just chemistry, but if I think like this maybe I can feel better, like an actual Nihilist. There isn't any greater purpose other than self made dribble, just focus on making things better for yourself I guess.
Going to try to go back to University one day, to get a stable career or something. Have to get my head out of the clouds. Have to get back to reality before I end up killing myself on a drug binge or something. Time to grow up.
Gonna try and learn how to lucid dream, make it so I prefer dreaming over living on a daily basis too.
i have a 4.0 gpa in uni after my first semester, might not mean much in the grand scheme of things but it does mean that i can definately do well in my four years.
I had my first class in accounting a week ago, and i hated absolutely every moment of it. It is my major but it felt so dry and flat that i know i have to suck it up and have my soul slowly sucked away because im not priviledged enough to pick some liberal arts shit and live in luxury.
I dont even hate sjws for their opinions, i hate them for the fact that they and people of their caliber can have the most stupid as shit opinions but it wont matter. They don't have to lift a finger and they get everything handed to them.
In what way is this fair?
I've been a complete shut in for 7 years, KHHV. Recently I started going to a vocational school. I figured I would just keep my head down, do my work and be done with it, without bothering to interact with anyone.
A gril went out of her way to say hello to me a few times, and has completely shit on my plans in doing so.
I can't tell if I'm so attention-starved that I'm misinterpreting friendly gestures as interest in me, or if she's actually interested.
Hell, even if she's actually interested, the 7 years of NEETdom has left me a social retard; I know she'd be bored of me in a week because I can't hold a conversation to save my life, and all I do for entertainment is play video games and shitpost on 4chan.
Fucking hell, why couldn't she have just left me alone? Now I'm spending hours going in circles over this shit.
I don't expect anyone to read this garbage, just needed to vent.
I know this feel anon, the best thing to do is treat her as an acquaintance. No big deal. Just "hey, hello, I'm fine, etc" don't leave room for future conversation if you really want to keep it short.
Give me a glass of whiskey on the rocks, please.
This has best the best day in years. I'd like to blog my whole day but I doubt anyone in the whole internet cares, so to make story short, in the last three days I've got two girl's numbers. Today a 7/10 chick who was running on the street at 9pm gave me her number. I finally nailed the method to meet girls. I also talked to a hot milf at the swimming pool earlier. It's just been a perfect day.
I'm motivated as fuck. Now that I know how to meet women I'm fucking pumped. I may finally get rid of this stinky virginity.
Use this girl as your reason make yourself better. Think of what you could have if you just make yourself better.
I had to pay 500$ in college classes for me to realize that playing vidya is not worth it. I wasted hundreds of hours on games that offered me nothing except an easy way to procrastinate until tomorrow.
My advice is to get rid of the computer. It will suck not having anything to fill that void of easy entertainment. I got rid of my 1000+$ gaming computer that I custom built and just gave it away to my friend.
But when you do get rid of it, you'll have so much more free time to do things. You'll be forced to do something, even if it's a simple walk. It'll be MILES better than wasting away on the computer.
I still have a laptop and phone, but I haven't played or wated vidya/netflix/tv in a year and some change and my life has been so much better. I'm not going to the store to pick up portable food, and I have something to do rather than just high tech procrastinating.
>attention-starved that I'm misinterpreting friendly gestures as interest in me, or if she's actually interested.
It's probably because you are attention starved. That is a GOOD THING though, you know that feeling you get from that? Think about that when you are doing something to improve yourself.
Tell me Anon, what are you doing in school?
I just have to tell this to someone.
>2 years ago in summer
>Just came back from trip with friends
>Parents tell me grandmother has cancer and she's had it for a long while now but they just recently discovered it
>Spread everywhere: brain,lungs,liver
>Not curable by operation or anything
>Go visit her in the hospital with the family
>She's in really bad shape, gasping for air
>Leave after 5 minutes because i can't take anymore
>1 week later
>Mom and sister are going to see her
>Ask me to come with them
>Tell them that i can't see her like that
>A lie that i have been telling myself since then
>Actually just stayed home playing fucking videogames because i'm a fucking retard
>This time she's in good shape, she's had a good day
>They tell me that she was in good shape and was even asking how i was doing
>Every single time i think about this i just lose it
>She dies 3 days later in the hospital
>I go and buy a new suit with all my money that i got from a summerjob.
>Go to the funeral
>See my grandfather in tears
>Go and hug him, he tells me that it's gonna be okay.
Now i see my grandpa weekly and he's been getting worse lately, didn't even come for christmas. Not sure how long he's going to last. I think about my actions as not going to see my grandmother atleast once a week and i hate myself for it.
My family is giving me some slack and isn't complaining about me being a friendless no life who has never had a gf.
I've been pretending like I don't care, but whenever they aren't around I've been crying about what a waste of a human I am.
Been having fantasies that hitler or some hitler-like figure will rise someday in power and kill all the no-lives like myself, this fantasy has brought me a lot of joy.
I'll greentext my method. Hope it helps.
>hang out with friend
>one dude picks a random girl on the street
>the other one has to talk to her
>if you don't do it, you have to pay $2
>the only requirements to not lose the bet is to say "hi"
So what I did was
>we went running to pick up chicks
>he sees a hot girl in black
>tells me to talk to her
>takes out her earbuds
>"mind if I run with you 5 minutes"
>small talk with her for 5 minutes
>girls are usually so excited about talking to a stranger that you don't need to give much input
>after five minutes or so, tell her I'm leaving & ask for her number
Literally that's it. Just go and say hi. It doesn't have to be running or anything, on Thursday I was just walking on the street. It's hard to do it on your own if you don't have something to lose, the bet thing really helps, but she doesn't know you're with friends anyways so the method works when you're on your own.
It's ideal to do it in crowded places.
I've considered just keeping her at arm's length, but I figure that'll happen anyways, so I may as well try.
You're probably right, I'll need to be able to converse with people if I want to join the workforce, if nothing else I guess this will all make good practice.
>Tell me Anon, what are you doing in school?
IT, unfortunate given that being around computers too much is the source of my problems.
Thanks for the replies, they're making this easier to sort through.
Sometimes I think I'd rather be hated than pitied.
Want to quit my shitty wageslave job I've been at for almost 3 years, but need money. Saved over 4k and there isn't jack shit that I want to buy, so it'd last a good while.
Might just put 2 weeks in and say fuck it. Won't even say why; I'm not legally obliged to as an at-will employee.
You have to do whatever lifts that burden from you. You should be able to repay college debt given your major is in demand. I know it was a mistake for me to go the easy route with a bad community college. I could have been so much more.
Hey barkeep friendo, give me a nice local beer, something I haven't heard of. Today was a pretty good day at work, building some dude's house, now just contemplating whether to have another beer or give it a rest.
I've got problems, sure, but I'm a happy drunk so i don't care about them or particularly need to talk about them. God bless ameriga :ddd
>in love with girl I had an affair with in high school
>she liked me too, but unresponsive
>back in town from uni
>she doesnt respond to my texts/attempts to see her
>she just replied to me on snapchat
Ever wanted to talk to someone so badly for so long but when the time comes, you dont even know what to say?
Give me a jack and Coke.
I still live with my mom, AND I don't drive yet. I have my license, and mom has a car, but she won't let me drive it on my own even though I'm covered under her insurance. Two of the worst cockblocks you can have and I'm stuck with both... I suppose its a little bit of good that hopefully within a year, I'll be given a regular position instead of temp at my job, and I'm also possibly getting a raise at the end of the month. I might even be able to get away with not having a car, but not having my own place wards away females like you wouldn't believe.
I was just chatting with this qtpa2t on OkCupid, shorter than me, thick but not too much, into BDSM and almost done with university, and as soon as I told her I don't drive, she just disappeared. Fuck my life. I just wanna find a gf that doesn't care about my living situation, especially considering I'm almost out, and once I do, I'm gonna be living in minor luxury cause I'll have more than 6 grand banked up.
Be an alpha and ask her out or whatever? Even if you lose, you'll feel liberated after a few days. Orbiting for too long is pretty cringe-y and hurts you.
>implying I don't know from personal experience
>implying I'm not orbiting right this fucking instant
Hello. Gimme a shot of the cheapest whiskey you got, then leave the bottle.
Here's some music for you guys. I hope this thread gives you some temporary peace.
I've been stuck in the same loop since 2009, I don't do anything else besides train and work (I can't keep a steady job, and just work whatever I can tolerate at that point).
I know I need to change and I'm planning on going back to school this year, but I can't lie, even though I deny it, deep down, I'm afraid of change.
I dunno...just needed to get that off my chest.
slept with an ex gf a few days ago
dont know if her current bf knows
Water for me
Feeling good, man. I blew this roastie the fuck out. She has been talking to me outside class everyday this week. She initiated the conversation, which was surprising. She seemed to really be into the conversation. I noticed when Chad walked by though she kept eyeing him up.
Our professor expects us to write up note on the learning objectives for each unit. It's often over 2000 words per unit, and we have 18 or so units this semester so it is a lot of work.
The roastie asked me "if I don't get all the objectives done before the midterm can I look at yours?". I told her no.
Give me a blonde saison by dear barkeep.
I have troubles of the heart.
I have a second date scheduled with an incredible girl today..... but she hasn't given me the details yet, and I'm irritated by it. I want to believe, she'll message me soon, or you know, I follow up in the PM about what's going on. I just want to taste her lips again.
I was also talking with another girl, and I go to close the deal for a date. and she ghosts on me. Savages mate.
Luckily, I went ham on Tinder (something like 500 right swipes) and I got a few matches. So, at least, I'll have more chances appearing.
Glass half filled with vodka, 1/4 orange juice and 1/4 cranberry.
Here's to the end of NEEThood.
fuck me i'm not ready for this
Just tried. She's not answering again.
We've already made out multiple times in the past. She's just elusive as fuck JDIMSA
>meet a qt in class
>class is a big team project so avoid spitting game
>time goes by and we start talking
>start to kind of like her
>starts to fet flirty
>really like her
>find out she has bf
>dgaf until i remember project and making a move could potentially fuck up everything
>cant make move
>flirting is intense, we are sitting on floor of hallway outside of class and she literally lays on top of me
>must not like bf
>think she is liking me so roll with it
>flirting continues til semester ends
>class goes to dinner to celebrate term end
>she brings her bf, he is weenie hut general
>she is literally paying more attention to me than him
>even introduced him as "friend", he had to clarify
>we leave and break starts
>go on trip for school thing
>really catch feels
>she is still flirty but seems equally interested in bf
>havent liked someone like this in years
>havent felt feels of this magnitude for so long
How do proceed?
Break the ice. I'm in a similar situation with a girl from work. She's got a bf at the beach, and we've hooked up several times here, gotten extremely deep with eachother, massive feels, wet mascara on the pillow, then go to sleep like we're married or something. I need to effectively communicate to her, figure out what the intentions are between both of us from both sides. She's got pictures of her boyfriend everywhere, and has mentioned him but in a less preferential way. Hell they even went to NYC on nye and a week later i was with her. She also has hooked up with a friend(s?) that I work with. She's also 20. Im approaching 30.This post started as advice for anon but looks like I could use some as well
Crashed my car into a pole today.
Just hid a bit of slush, lost control and woop into the side, bounced off a telephone poll and came to a stop in the ditch.
Got a ride back into town and my Dad and brother helped me get it out and I got it home alright but the front is all fucked to hell and I'm not sure the extent of the damage yet.
I'm a poorfag and I'm feeling blue boys.
that's really sucky, anonyfriend. do you have decent insurance, at least?
just be glad you weren't seriously injured or traumatized. I was in a serious car wreck years ago which totaled the car and I still have flashbacks.
>that feel when having an existantial moral crisis about the natures of good and evil, human nature, humanity, and my own actions/thoughts
unless this is a second or third offense to your current car insurance place, it won't raise your rates to see.
you might try calling and asking about what your policy does and doesn't cover just to be sure. winter weather is sometimes taken into account and compensated for.
Absolutely, that's why next time if there is one, I'm attempting to reach a point of communication with her, put everything on the table. Honesty. Then we both make decision to continue or stop.