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Post what's keeping you awake at night
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001

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Post what's keeping you awake at night

>remember all the nice qt girls from my old church about 10 years ago
>think maybe theres one left that might be single and not repulsed by me
>look them up on normiebook
>all of them are fucking gorgeous now and have hug chad bfs
>they all look so happy
>they all have lives, careers and memories to share on their stupid social media site
>they all believe in god still and enjoy their life because they think that when we die we dont turn into piles of ash and that's it
>lay in bed and think about where my life is going
>cant go to sleep because I know my life was over before it began
I cant be the only one awake not by choice
>think about former oneitis
>then think about all those autistic attempts I made to try and get her
>cringe into a singularity
The fact that I don't want to wake up.

Depression keeps me awake and makes it harder to get out of bed. It feels like I lose pieces of my soul when I step outside the door for work. I don't believe in a soul, but that's the only way I can think to describe the feeling I get.
Been there many times. At least you tried I guess. If you never tried you would have always wondered if you had a shot. I probably could have gotten somewhere with Sara and now I'll never fucking know
I think I know what you mean. I feel like when I have to talk to anyone it takes Huge amounts of energy to pretend im happy, and then when I finally get alone I feel physically exhausted.
I've been told I likely have ASPD. I suppose a lot of things make sense now. Everything really is my fault, and deluding myself into thinking I was ever a victim... that makes me cringe.
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>constanty am reminded of my inability to create and my lack of imagination.
>all I ever wanted to do was be good at drawing
>want to die because I am absolutely useless and have nothing to offer or contribute to the world

I feel numb
An anon on here told me a few weeks ago that I might have BPD and I think they were right. The first step is knowing I guess, so maybe with drugs we can be semi normal.
Fuck this hits me hard. I've been lurking /ic/ and /mu/ for fucking years and yet I am still unable to express myself artistically. The fucked up part is when I took that bullshit Meyers Briggs test, I got "the artist."
There are is no form of therapy or drugs that can fix what I (supposedly) have, but I think people with BPD can be treated somewhat. Good luck.
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Why does she say this too me?

Also this
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Dont fall for his meme! Good things dont happen! Good things come to them who works his ass off! Remember: good things not just happen! Its hard work but it pays off
Yeah, that's mostly what it is for me, as well. I'm an extreme introvert and require very little socializing.

People irritate the shit out of me, even the very few people I love. I hate talkative people the most. Constantly bombarding your psyche with their inane chatter. I honestly don't see how people like that learn anything when they can't close their fucking mouths for more than 2 minutes.
>thinking about my celebrity crush and how no matter how much I imagine a life with her, I will probably never, ever even come within 10 miles of her.
>thinking about if I could have done something different so my dad would still be here
>thinking about how I'm eventually going to die and how that's just I fathomable to my brain
>thinking about where I'll be in the next 5 years
Let me one up you man.

>Have crushes on multiple qt girls over the years
>Do nothing because you think they're out of your league and that you're too much of a weirdo/loser/autist
>Looking back you realize at least some of them were painfully obviously into you
>Your life is now on course to being your own hell

I may just kill myself
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>came back to the city from college
>girl i liked from hs started wearing less and going out more
>have hug chad bfs
All the girls from my church got married, literally all of them.
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>that girl who would call you late at night when she was lonely now owns hotline bling
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