Who /paranoid/ here? I'm pretty sure literally everyone I come across hates my guts for being a loser NEET. Even my own family, everything they say I think way too deeply about and it always comes back around to people fucking with me. Even online, people will play stupid to fuck with me I think. Is that paranoid or are people really just THAT mean spirited? I never could get that, I've always been a nice person, so it doesn't make sense how people can be so cruel. I feel like if I don't have something to offer people just don't want to be around me and it's fucking bullshit. I can't be mean myself, I don't know how to and I'm not very good at it. What do you guys think? Am I just paranoid or what?
I think everyone is trying to manipulate me somehow and will just drop me when I'm no longer useful. I've alienated quite few people with accusations when I'm having an particularly bad episode.
I'm a bit paranoid, mostly for
>being a loser NEET
It's even more justified because I've been lying about going to CC ever since I dropped out September of last year. My mom asked me yesterday how school was,
"You know, just getting the syllabuses and all."
I'm such an ass. I should be put up against a brick wall and shot. I'm going to try to find a gig making money on the internet. Right now I'm working on a novel and hopefully that'll bring in some money when it's out, even if only a little bit. So far I'm about 12,000 words since I started a week ago. Given how far I am in the story, based on my vague idea of where I want to go with it and how I want to end it, I think it'll be finished in somewhere around 100,000-125,000 words.
But regardless of what happens I'm moving out before the "semester" is over. I'll probably leave a note saying: "Went to fight ISIS or something. Be back whenever, maybe." and never return. I can't stand being a NEET leech. I just want to be an independent NEET. If I can find a way to rent a or buy a dirt cheap house in the middle of nowhere and find a way to bring in just enough income I'll be good. I'll probably reestablish contact with family after I get myself a stable income and place to live, but until then I'm too ashamed to be a NEET on their dime and too embarrassed to keep in contact with them if I end up homeless in the meantime.
just for reference.
I completely cut off a whole group of like 12 friends because I got paranoid. I started to feel like they all thought I was a loser and kinda just kept me around because they either felt bad for me or thought that I was interesting to watch like a sitcom about a pathetic, constant fuck up.
Now I feel like a dick and am afraid to run into them again because I don't know how to explain why I seemed to drop off the Earth simultaneously to all of them without sounding either more pathetic or like a complete psycho.
I know these feels bro, I've just stopped seeing all my family, but my mum dad and sister. Like I tried to put on a front, but it didn't work so I just said fuck it. I'm gonna wait til my parents move in a few months so I can get out of this hell hole and get a job and go back to college
Just try to get a job as manual labor, so you get some money at least.
Work your ass off and maybe you get a promotion, if not, look for some other work in some other company. It's basically what I did and I can live more than comfortable right now and I'm not doing any more manual labor. Studying while you go to work can also work out, if you're motivated enough.
If they see you did at least something with your live, they won't be disappointed at least.
Not yet. Planning for the end of this semester/beginning of summer. Hoping to have my book out maybe two months before then. April sometime. I'll probably couch surf for a month or two. I don't plan on doing that very long at all though. I'll skip it altogether if I can. I'll be releasing the book on a pay-what-you-want basis with no minimum payment, AKA you can just download it for free from the website if you want. I probably won't make much money this way in the beginning, but I'm hoping that it'll give me more publicity and accessibility than I would get if I went the typical publisher route.
Yeah, they're really people. Very understanding types. They'd be robots if they were less social. It's almost entirely in my own head to be perfectly honest.
I had a job doing construction for three years, worked fast food for a year, and in a factory making weird dehydrated bread for around eight months. I payed for all my classes, my car, my gas, and my insurance. I was also selling drugs to supplement money for college. I dropped out and my car is not worth fixing at this point so it's all wasted money, but at least it was only my money I wasted. I'm not worried at all about finding a basic bitch job, I just would really really rather not have one. If this book thing takes off, then I'll just focus on that, but if not I'll find a job and start paying rent at a friend's place no problem.
I don't have high hopes for a writing career taking off right away. Not that I'm trying to be down on myself, just trying to be realistic. But I think that no matter what I'm going to stick with it. I'm having a blast writing so far and I absolutely can't stand working a normal job or having a boss or having to show up somewhere and punch in. So far I've had a lot of compliments on my writing and I think that if I can get even a very small cult following that I can build it up to something I can live off of.
I don't want to demotivate you, but do not threat your writing as the main goal of your life right now.
Get the more important things sorted out first and when that's the case, you can focus on your writing in the free time. It's highly unlikely that you'll ever be able to live of your money as a writer, but I have no idea of your work, so if you say it may be possible, than it might be, but just don't delude yourself if you just say it, because you hope you could.
I hear you, but I'm certainly at no risk of starving in the gutter anytime soon. I've got my bases covered. Worst case scenario I'm working a minimum wage job and living with some friends. That's basically back where I was a few months ago without the stress of classes I have no interest in. Thanks for the advice though. It's always good to hear various perspectives.