Only 4 days into the semester and I can already tell that I'm going to crash and burn. Definitely going to fail at least one class probably 3. Was going to try and get a head start on some projects tonight but I ended up doing nothing
>kissless virgin >receding chin >asymmetrical face (one eye lower than other just enough to be noticeable) >5'5'' >social anxiety >have no social skills
The only way I can get through the day is to live in denial. Anytime I start thinking too honestly about my life I breakdown. Nothing is ever going to change. I was fucked by genetics before I was even born. Either I'm going to become a wizard or kill myself first.
I was born into a poor family in California where they expect you to be introverted and I have Asperger's Syndrome. If I didn't have this shitty shit my life could be so much better.
Realizing life is just a bunch of pointless work that will mean nothing once I die is just too much. Asperger's pushed every one who was gifted to me through school and relatives away so I'm alone now and will probably never meet anyone I can like.
I just want to cop my own place, save up money, then see where life takes me.
I'm just sad because I'm lonely as fuck now and nothing seems fun
The love of ny life is dating a chad. After just a week ago she told me she couldnt date me because shes not ready to date she turns around and starts dating a chad. Feels like my heart has been ripped put of my body i cant sleep and i gotta be up for early it hurts so bad
I feel so cucked by everybody around me all the time. Every time I think I've made friends that are like me, things suddenly turn into them talking about the girls that are pursuing them that they don't want, the girlfriends they've gotten, stories of how the girl they hooked up with tonight was bad at blowjobs, etc.
I'm so sick of all of these guys promising to get me laid and shit like that, and being totally blind to the fact that it just doesn't work for me.
I like having friends, but at the same time it just reminds me how shitty I am. They're all doing better than me. I'm the most pathetic person I know. Even if my friends like me, they're still gonna look down on me, because I'm the aspie manlet with no future.
I hate myself and I want to die. 25 y/o kissless handholdless virgin, despite tutoring and being at CC/uni for over four years now.
All I can think all the time is that everyone was right, I'm fucked up, I'm not worth having around, that there is something wrong with me and it's never getting better. I wish I was dead, I hate it here, I hate trying to pretend to be a decent person. It's never going to get better, the best I could ever look forward to is getting some wagecuck job and then dying. For the first time in my life I've been making progress on some hobby shit, but then I just stop. There's no sense of getting better, no sense of achievement at doing anything well, what is wrong with me that prevents me from being a normal person.
I hate how everyone else can see it. An ugly person gets fucked and respected. A murderer will have multiple partners. Even a retard will get some pity fuck. I on the other hand am completely fucking revolting to anyone I meet.
>>25761653 What makes it a lot worse is that even the friends I saw as "equals" started pulling girls I know I sound like a jelly and selfish motherfucker, but seeing everyone leaving rockbottom and being the only one there is the worst thing ever And before normies kick in, no, I can't get girls anymore, years as a kissless virgin turned girls into something my mind can't figure out, it makes me terrified
I'm sad about a few things; I don't show it though. I am leaving tuesday to start my life in the Air force. Yes I got the job I have wanted since I was a kid (linguist) but the thing is that I am leaving my whole family, my friends, and my dog behind.
For six years. Ofc I get leave, but 30 days a year. But still. Its tough.
>tfw fundamentally unlikeable shit personality, unable to hold conversations, have super niche interests but don't even like the few people that share them I don't think I was built for social interactions except I still have the part that craves them
>>25761692 >>those few seconds when you wake up and you're not aware enough yet of how shitty your life is
Oh my feels
>wake up >Bed is cozy and warm. Stretch and lurch my limbs. Light coming through the curtains. In the moment I am not anyone, just a stream of steady consciousness >Oh wait did you know you're a failure? Thought I should remind you
>>25761665 A lot of guys on r9k (including me) have a reverse x-factor. It's an indescribable quality that you can't put your finger on that just makes you revolting. For whatever reason girls just know to look past you.
Then overtime the constant rejection turns you into an extremely bitter, passive aggressive beta.
I have been with one girl, we dated for 2 years before she cucked me.
When I found out, I confronted her and harassed her about what a scumbag she was. She went on and told me about how big he was compared to me. I'm 6.5 inches, but I've always been INCREDIBLY insecure about the size of my dick. The girl I thought was different, girl I thought I would start a family with one day, and the only living soul I've ever told about that insecurity, turned it on me. She's been out of my life for 4 months, but I've been nearly unable to get an erection ever since. I feel so cucked, pathetic, emasculated, everything. I only sleep two or three nights a week because when I lie down there's nothing to distract me from the memories and the pain. I can't sleep unless I take 3-4 prescription sleeping pills, or half a bottle of Nyquil. I am so miserable. Don't fall for the women meme, robots. They have no respect, and will take anything you ever confide in them and use it to hurt you.
>>25761722 THIS I just wanted to be the normie that blends in with the room Instead I am the clumsiest motherfucker out there, and will always be the center of (negative) attention because I am really awkward
Im afraid of the future afraid of failiour hate most people wish i had friends with similar interests in art design and film my gf is the only thing that keeps me going dont really want to meet my old friends they are all idiots
>>25761692 >>those few seconds when you wake up and you're not aware enough yet of how shitty your life is I wish I knew this. I'm a retail wage slave that works the opening shift. If I wake up, it's because of my alarm clock and I instantly hate my day the second I hear the beeping.
>Be me >19 >Kissless virgin >Sperg >Literally one date in my entire life. So bad that girl won't even say hi anymore, see her every week >Friends don't invite me to do shit, bail on shit I invite them to
>>25761565 This. All I'm doing is listening to music thinking about how I fucked up a perfect chance to have a beautiful girlfriend. I'm a KV cyborg. My friends gave me help, her friends gave me help and I still fucked it up. I don't even know why I bother. I don't know if I should just give up trying for her and school period at this point. All I have is this fake smile with friends but 5 minutes later people can tell I'm sad.
Still in school, everything I learn and do in school is worthless, I'm worthless because of that. I wanna break shit over peoples heads, but getting in trouble would be too much hassle. My mom is a friend in a way most moms aren't. She doesn't understand, but still listens. My dad is a nice but fluctuating drunk turned sober retard. Hasn't had a job since october '14. I want the lazy fuck to either 1. Stop fucking himself with doctors who baby him, or 2. Get the fuck out of my house. He is the one person I'd actually drop-kick. I'm bi and have a crush on a mega-androgynous good friend who gave up on women (no confirm for gay) but I don't have the nards to tell him.
>>25761766 Nice dubs. I know it's technically not small, but I always have felt it looks small. I just can't believe the one person I genuinely opened up to used it to destroy any self esteem I had left.
>>25761470 i ruined what could have been a great relationship with a girl who i believe was my soulmate. i ruin everything and am a failure have to find a new job because not getting any hours lost the will to do anything but sleep eat and play old videogames. i barely leave the bed have a bad overbite from a year if grinding teeth anxiety short and bad skin no future no hope hate myself havent done anything but get drunk and high and switch between part time jobs since high school while everyone i know has gone off, seen the world, gone to school, accomplished things that matter to them etc. my mother makes me the point of her existence and unceasingly texts and calls me everyday to see what i'm doing even though i live with her. dont have any dreams. just given up im tired
>>25761767 Fuck this feeling. I failed my semester horribly and had to live myself this winter break knowing that I'm close to fucking up my education. I lived like a retail wage slave working 30-40 hours a week stocking shelves and it only made me realize that I need to stock fucking around with school. I don't want to be working at a grocery store for the rest of my life. Fuck that. It was sleep and work my whole break.
Well there's a girl I like and I've recently made some huge changes in life and achieved great stuff but I feel like she doesn't really like me. We're both too shy and I can't tell her how I feel. I am way too clingy I think but I legit don't know how to tell if she likes me or not other than asking her.
I am sad because I am terribly lonely and I hate how incapable I am.
Since my life is so empty and nothing fills me I just fucking live thinking about what others think of me and as soon as I ever feel like someone cares for me I fuck it up, I guess I deserve nothing but man it feels pretty bad after an entire lifetime I just thought things would change when they won't.
>>25761849 More about how emasculated she made me feel. I have never opened up to anyone in my entire life. I grew up with no mother, no one to show me any emotional ropes, just bottled it all up always. Then she came along, I felt comfortable enough to finally let my feelings out, and it felt good. Then she turned it back on me and spit in my face. I just can't believe what a cuckold little girl she made me feel like.
>KV >fucked up at junior and told someone >be me, 17, still KV (everyone knows) >go to grad party >chilling with bros >one of them literally goes "go kiss someone and them you come back" >fuck him >chill with the real chill friends >pass 9/10 qt in the hall (with her bf) >she asks "have you kissed" >no >clearly disappointed >end party >go talk to another friend >have you kissed anon? >no >son of a bitch Wtf is wrong with me? I dont even care anymore, still normies keep pushing me over the edge like I MUST KISS
I think my brain is aging. Red an article which said, >"Having difficulty remembering names and thinking clearly? Don't worry it't not dementia, its just an aging brain".
And i just feel really stupid alot of the time. I cant remember names, words, places. Sometimes it feels extra hard to from sentences like i have to really concentrate to form a sentence. My social skills are highly affected by this, it feels like every will always think im a boring idiot. No girls would be attracted to me, and no guys would think im fun to hang out with. Im trying to tell myself, you dont need other people to like. But sometimes i get really sad and feel hopless and even suicidal.
>>25761922 I have the same problem. We are both quiet and shit. I can't tell if she digs me or not to be honest anymore. I don't know if I should just give up on it or not. I don't even care about pussy man, I'm just sick of being alone. I just can't even get a real friendship with her though. I would had rather never got the chance to talk to this girl than to fuck it up and always think about what could had been if I just acted like I cared.
>>25761731 I know this feeling all too well, and it's really fucked me up.
I feel like somebody with a really rare blood type or something - 99.9% of women I meet show no interest, and then 0.1% are incredibly attracted to me, but I almost always screw it up. I'm only not a KV because I happened to meet a few of those .1% when I was younger.
>>25761470 >am attractive but have never had friends >don't get any enjoyment out of video games or anime anymore >know that social interaction and the "normie" lifestyle would be great and get rid of my depression >have no skills in social interaction, and don't even know where to start
>>25762068 >neet for 3 years >lost all my friends >feel like my brain has decayed >can't talk to anyone because I now mutter, trip over my own words and speak out of turn >feel like shit when I do this and stay quiet
I have no prospects. When I think back on it though I never really did to start with. If this could have been changed, at 28 it's certainly too late now.
I've been working my current manual labor job for a year. Only reason I looked for a job was to save up for a gun to suicide with. I gave it another year to see if I could make my life go anywhere, but it hasn't.
I'm just finally done. There's more negatives than positives in my continuing to live. Ending it this year.
I don't know, just sick of being this worthless piece of shit that I am and yet I still do nothing about it. I'm afraid I'll forever be this fat NEET shut-in because the only time I showed signs of improving were when I got close to a girl online for a few months. so pathetic, I know.
I'm not going to school this semester or next semester so I can afford a tip reduction on my huge, round nose. It makes me feel bad because it costs a year's worth of tuition for me, which is a lot of money for me being a broke ass student ($8,000).
I'm only doing it because of how much I was made fun of for it in highschool and even having my friends rip on me, it still affects my social confidence in college and I'm pretty sure it's the sole reason why I can't get a girlfriend, yes it looks that bad. It's driven me to the brink of insanity and the fact that other people point out how it looks is what has made me decide to do it. I'm pretty sure everyone is going to mock me once it's done, especially my family, I know they'll all do the "you aren't going to school for this? but anon you looked beautiful the way you were made blahblahblah". Which is funny because mine looks nothing like my parents' or siblings' noses
I still can't believe I'm delaying my education and future for this but I really hope it all works out, I'm tired of one big feature of my face making me look terribly ugly.
>Constant pain >See doctors for it >They enroll me in an 8 week course to help it >After 6 weeks in the course I get accepted into college and get a job at the same time >Can no longer make the courses for the remaining 2 weeks >Doctor tells me he'll drop me if I don't come >Tell him I can't make it because of work and school >He doesn't care >Drop out of school and quit work to make the appointments >"It's worrying that you've dropped out of school and no longer have a job and that you're doing better by now" >Changes my medications to something else that doesnt work and gives me breathing problems Fucking cunt. It's making me contemplate murder.
>>25761470 shit man, i dunno, i just kinda lost as to what im wanting to do in life, and i feel so alone. every day i just feel like not wanting to wake up, but i still get up, go to work, earn my pay, and then come back home, browse the internet for a bit and then pass out, its very bland, i have a bit of savings i can blow, but then i would just be back to the same old same old. idk what to do with myself or where i wanna head, but i know im going to be happy eventually, just a few more years and ill be done with college and be living my life
There's not one day that goes by where I don't feel like shit. I want to cry, but my body never lets me. I'm on the verge of tears, but I'm never able to achieve the satisfaction of crying.
I'm a failure, and always have been a failure. I've always quit everything I've tried, I always end up hurting or betraying people I don't mean to, and I'm always in a constant state of despair.
Not a day goes by where I don't think about going back in time and trying to correct every wrong, or at least making things turn out differently. But then a little voice in the back of my head whispers, "But if you were given another chance, would you really do anything at all to change?" and I know for a fact that I'd never be able to change.
I just want to be somebody else, somebody that's not me, no matter the cost. I want to be picked up and dropped somewhere, my memories and whoever I am erased entirely and allowed to start anew... but once again, all I can do is dream.
>>25762877 I do find solace in that fact, at least a little bit. I just wish I knew somebody in real life that I could talk to, they'd listen and then I could return the favor. You know, an actual friendship.
I'm so hesitant to open up to people anymore, I don't even know what signs to look for. I've met numerous "friends" that would tell me they're "depressed, lonely or sad" and then I'd ask if they want to talk about it and I explain a little bit of my situation, and then they back off.
It's almost like "I have depression too anon, but not the kind you have!"
>>25763250 listen, you're going to have a hard time finding someone like you on the outside, most of the people who suffer like that have become reclusive, find a community online with people who suffer as you do and hope that someone who is close eventually joins.
>low IQ >weak >probably low test >socially retarded >ugly, receding chin, fucked up eyes, fucked up eyebrows, acne, weird lips >effeminate >couldn't finish high school because the assignments were hard and I lost motivation >always had problems writing, still cannot write an essay >faked an illness to get out of most of school since 6th grade >no friends whatsoever, can't make online friends because my mom would hear me talking and ask questions >fucked up sleep schedule, staying up later and later until I go full circle waking up early & it repeats
I'm a failure. I have never suceeded at anything in my entire life. I'm a horrible person for manipulating my mom and my family. I plan to get my GED and a job but I know I'll just quit after 2 weeks. I've tried to kill myself but I can't even do that right, a family member found a note I misplaced and locked me up in a mental ward for 2 weeks, now I can't join the military or own a gun and its on my record
I'm finally look older from 14ish to 18ish and sadly I'm 26, however I drove around looking for hookers I started to panic at the thought of how much a loser I am then started to think about how Im finally looking like an adult with no adult skills after 8 years of official adulthood. Really felt ashamed
Only halfway though my 6 month trial period at work and I feel like one person wants me gone and it's not fair... I've tried so so hard at this place. My life depends on this job. I'm so stressed I don't know what to do.
Waiting till April to find out if they get rid of me or not seems like such a ling time to feel like everything is hanging in the balance.
I need help robots, I'm about to be kicked out of my neet life soon, and I'm no where near ready. I don't know how to cook, wash clothes, pay bills, and don't even have a car. My social anxiety makes getting a job hard.I'm scared
Been with a friend yesterday. He told me about his old friend who died in a bike accident last year, leaving his parents, wife and, a five year old daughter behind. He told me about the shit they got up to when they were younger, how cute his daughter is, how his parents are coping with the loss... And all I could think about is how unfair it is, that he died, and that I continue to live. So many young, vibrant people, full of life, passion, potential, and experiences die everyday, leaving many loved ones behind. But I continue to shamble along, doing nothing, contributing nothing, unable to enjoy life at all. And I get to live. It's all so meaningless.
>>25761470 >disillusioned about the world, there are a lot of problems I want to fix >been thinking about this for a few years >realize you need power to change things, I have no power >even if I had more, I'd never be able to get enough to truly change anything >other powerful people wouldn't allow it and would take my power away >they want things to remain as they are >further realize the only reason I want to do this is so I would go down in history as "the guy who fixed everything" >that's always been the main motivation, not genuine compassion for all of mankind >even further realize that this is all just an excuse so I don't have to pursue a "normal" job >think I could probably be pretty successful if I tried a "normal" job though, possibly as some kind of Dr. or in the tech industry >still desperately want to go down in history as someone who changed the world for the better >maybe pursue science, but don't want to spend my life doing research that could possibly amount to nothing and that I wouldn't become regarded as one of the greatest scientists who ever lived for >more than anything though, I realize I miss her >we could've been together but I was too much of a coward to act, even though she sent me countless signals >the crux of all my problems may be that I'm simply a coward >all my "grand" thinking is just an excuse to not deal with my personal problems and relationships so I can still feel like I'm doing something important when there are much more important things affecting my ACTUAL life that I should be addressing >miss being a kid >had hope back then, hope that I'd be someone great, and that never happened and won't if I keep living like this
This might be the most honest thing I've ever posted here. I just feel empty inside most of the time, like I'm waiting for some big change to happen to the world so I can feel like my life has purpose, but that's never happened, so I just go through the motions and keep waiting.
At what age does your record start? I applied somewhere and didn't get the job after I was told I 100% would. I have been in a ward before so I'm wondering if my background check wasn't so great after all.
>no cause seems worth the effort anymore >anything you do doesn't matter, someone else would have done it anyways (and probably will do it better) >there is literally no meaning to existence >dreams are too big to be accomplished in one lifetime >even if i succeed I will never get to see the products of my efforts >tfw these realizations made me unmotivated as fuck
>>25762230 >can't talk to anyone because I now mutter, trip over my own words and speak out of turn What if I told you it has nothing to do with "brain decay" and everything to do with immense anxiety and constant OCD tier overthinking of everything?
I used to be a shut in but then I went travelling for 3 years. I have gotten over all of my social problems and had girlfriends etc but I'm realising that I have never been excited about anything really.I don't even have a bad life I just wish I had something to be passionate about.
I guess I'm most disappointed at how boring the world is. Everything is a derivative of something else, and very rarely do I get that deep yearning to try something because I've already tried similar things in the past.
The only things that are even marginally interesting are museums, mostly in the hope that I can find an answer in the past.
It's probably a familar story for most here. Failed out of school, lost touch with most friends, have no interest in anything anymore. I've started to forget the feeling that I deserved something good in life. Spending all day feeling bad about myself is getting old.
The best I can hope for is a painless death in my sleep. Realistically, I'll probably jump in front of a train when I get too overwhelmed, but who knows. I'm such a pussy I may endure a hell of a lot more shit and just continue on.
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