I got a job interview. The manager saw me, walked up to me, and told me that the interview was earlier. I had made sure on the phone that the time I went for was correct, I even arrived early. This guy saw me, and noped out of the interview. Then he told me that his day was full and he might call me if he gets another slot that needs filling.
It was for a movie theater. I'm too autistic to work a job manned by people who pee their pants still.
>>25757575 Yeah I would definitely self medicate if I could til I died. Problem is I dont have a steady supply of drugs/money and I cant get that because of my previously forementioned shit. My parents wont help me with that, so Ive been taking credit cards and doing what little I can online without access to a bank account with money in it. Needless to say theyve caught on and have restricted my movements even further, now im royally fucked it seems. I just wish they could understand
>>25757625 I feel that people can tell there is something off about me right as soon as they see me. It causes me to act even weirder. I dont understand why people cant be more chill, its not like they should be threatened so why be a douche about the weird people?
>>25757941 My immediate family (dad, mom, brother and sister) are the only ones I havnt completely fucked the relationship with. My brother still loves me and wants me to stay alive for each other, despite me stealing some of his stuff for drug money and almost getting in a fight with him. Before that wed gotten really close over the years. My dad loves but feels betrayed because I just cant seem to keep my shit together without drugs and without lying and stealing from him. My mom loves me a weirdly amount and will probably eventually help me out financially if I dont kill myself. My sister just wants me to be happy and cant really understand why im not. I feel horrible for what ive done, one thing always led to another. I wish I could just peacefully OD at this point and ive attempted one time. Wbu?
>>25758065 My mom loves me and has helped me financially through out college. My dad loves me as well but has a lot of issues with his own father which is why I think he tries so hard with me and my brother. Me and my brother get a long fine and it's probably the best relationship I have with any person. I'm pretty sure no one knows that I'm depressed because I put up a front while I'm with them. Killing myself would just make me a larger burden on them than I already am
My oneitis and I apparently discovered that we mutually really like each other, and I genuinely felt happy and smiled for the first time in like 3 years. Thought that this meant that my depression would finally start going away.
The depression came back about four hours later. I'm stuck with this until the day I die, which I honestly hope is soon.
>>25758348 Well im glad you and your family are good. I just think that for me, once there is too much pain I hope my family would understand and know I did love them. What did you go to school for? You find a sweet job yet?
>>25758407 Go be with your oneitis bro, dont be miserable
>>25758557 I'm still in school and will be lucky to get a job with this fucking history degree. My parents forced me into uni because "It doesn't matter what type of degree you get" and they probably thought I was going to go into STEM because I know how to torrent. First couple of years was just me freaking out because I had no idea what to major in or any help as to what career options would be good and trying to get better at math but failing. I'm half way done with my third year and now it's got to the point where I've just accepted that I'm a failure
>>25758726 Yeah im sorry dude, I still have no idea what to major in with only one full year of college under my belt and im 24, I was thinking about just going into a trade at this point. History is probably one of my favorite subjects by the way. Always aced that course
>>25758800 Idk bout the rest of them, but ive already legitimately tried to kill self (ate 200mg rc benzos and woke up and couldnt talk for half the day, felt like I was one foot in this reality and one foot in the next) and I get to points like this where I would probably readily try it again if I could find the drugs. I think you just cant really understand theres a point where it gets so bad that you almost cant do anything and in a lot of respects death would be a release
>>25759010 Yeah I guess not, apart of me thinks it would have turned out differently if I had to struggle like someone from a third world country instead of just fucking my shit up with all this neuroticism and feeling ashamed I havnt made the optimal use of what ive been given. Idk man I fucked up, I had everything going for me and I pretty much literally slam dunked it in the trash. I dont think that I should be written a death sentence for it though
>>25759184 Dude honastly, we're all gonna die soon anyway. If you really feel like everything is shit. Why not save up all your money in a year and then just travel somewhere completely far away and just see the world.
If I really felt like everything was over, I'd gather all my money and go backpacking through South America.
The 1st world societies we live in now are really really dangerous in terms of mental health. You gotta keep strong man. I really wish I could give you a real hug. Not out of pity or some shit like that. But to make you feel like you're not alone.
The world is srsly a beautiful place but it can also be cold AF.
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