>go to new university
>new social group
>quiet at first, don't want to be known as the clown I used to be in my old group
>start coming out of my shell a bit more
>they're not used to me being like this, they react with amazement, disgust, shock, genuinely wonder if I'm slightly unscrewed, or a huge dickhead
>try joking around
>one guy just says, utterly seriously "Anon, you depress me a lot" and says that he's really upset about a joke I made when anyone else I'm sure would have at least fired back or known I was joking
Most of them treat me like this. I don't feel like I can be myself with anybody, I put on too much of a face at the beginning and now they don't allow me to change, they repress every bit of personality I dare show and force me back to being the quiet, reserved guy I was at the beginning.
I've lost all my old friends over time as they've gone away for work or other things. Now I'm completely alone. I often hear people complain "omg I was away for a week and when I came back the only text I'd received was from my mum! lol so depressing!" Well I can go away for a month and not receive even a single text from my network operator.
God dammit why does this happen, why are people such terrible things. Pic related, an accurate representation of how I spent my last birthday. Except I didn't even have a cake.
If I was in your position I would just confront them if they tried to put me down again and ask them why they are doing it. Again, it's only what I'd do.
However, be prepared for brutal statements if you do the above, but they may respect you for standing up for yourself. Most people hate confrontation.
Also you won't be with them forever, you only have to put up with them for a year. You might scoff at that, but before you know it the year will have flown by.
It's far too subtle to be possibly to confront them about it. Socialising is a complex dance, and standing up for myself in the way that would be necessary would warrant lengthy explanations of the context and situation that would just make me seem even weirder to them (or at least they would understand but would not acknowledge their understanding, it would just be the little voice we all have in the back of our heads that tells us that these social conventions don't make any sense - the voice that many political extremists have, but ignore, for example)
I don't have a choice, do I? I'll have to suck it up and restrain/repress myself, shut my mouth and go through the motions for the next 12 months. It's already been 12 months since I came here. It's too late to change anything.
It's a strange and unpleasant feeling when you really want to do or say something that you know people before would have enjoyed but now can't because people have already assigned you a personality in their heads and the group conscience. I'm doomed to be the lonely weirdo for the rest of my time here.
Know that feel op, just at uni too.
joined a lot of socities, try and over come anxiety and be a little more social, still no friends. I only get occasional texts from pizza hut on tuesdays :(
Although i consider myself pretty fucking horendous at socializing at dont pretend to be a chad, i usually end up with friends somehow. But i know you people exist and try to befriend them, but seriously you guys act almost invisible, i have found two guys that where that way and befriended them, and yes they opened up, but i only noticed them after they did something peculiar or stood out.
Maybe trying to stand out once will get you friends, and i am not talking about 'friends' that you just know and are friendly with, but real friends that will literally fight for you if you are in trouble.
Dont take my advise too seriously, but still consider this an opinion as viewed from the 'other' side.
You DO have a choice, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You know what realization a lot of people have when they are on their deathbed? They realize that happiness is a choice, and they realized they wasted their life because they thought they had no choice.
Please don't resign yourself like this, for your own sanity. You clearly don't like being who you are right now, so why are you letting other people do this do you?
Besides what's stopping you from making new friends? You can always go and do things that you enjoy by yourself too.
But please don't fall into a downward spiral of depression and despair.
>new social group
GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT REEEEEEEEEE
TWO SEMESTERS, A JOB WHERE I PRETEND TO LIKE PEOPLE, AND STILL NO FRIENDS
i guess another advise i have is ignore the twats, just act as yourself. If you do, you automatically draw people towards you that like your personality/are the same and/or have the same interests.
If you keep hiding no one can find you.
>Maybe trying to stand out once will get you friends
Please don't give out advice that can be misconstrued by our socially retarded anonymous friends. You know someone is gonna see this and sperg out in front of people and embarrass themselves. "Standing out" is only a good idea if you have very good self confidence and the social skills to convey it properly. For your average robot simply starting an honest conversation is going to be the best strategy.
>But please don't fall into a downward spiral of depression and despair.
It's silly what triggers it really. The smallest comment, like the "Anon, you depress me a lot" really got me deep, even though it shouldn't have. I'm losing the ability to even project the personality I used to have, I've lost my confidence, I can't say things with the same confidence and force of personality before. People who used to know me said that I would just bull my way through awkward social situations with my overwhelming personality and gregarious cheerfulness. Now that's been repressed so much I'm terrified I've lost it and changed forever. I just can't behave with the same positive confidence I used to be able to. I used to be the life of the parties. Now I'm the awkward guy standing alone in the corner, getting depressed and leaving early to cry myself to sleep. That's not a joke, I do that a lot these days.
As I said, going to a new university, being the quiet guy because I was afraid of being seen as a clown, probably doing that for too long and then being unable to bring out my real personality because the people around me don't see me like that and just think I'm going mad or something. May I refer you to my OP.
>Maybe trying to stand out once will get you friends
>Please don't give out advice that can be misconstrued by our socially retarded anonymous friends.
Yeah i think i voiced that the wrong way.
Instead of always keeping silent, at least try to act as you would normally. Also, hint at hobbies you have or activities you like to do, such as having a wallpaper with table tennis or browsing forums related to your hobby.
(And no, please dont have a hentai background and browse /h/ or something, sfw hobbies ofcourse)
Had at least 20 of this exact same scenarios, its really all about the first DAY the first HOUR even, if you dont impress them with something good then, its harder later on.
Forget them really, nothing you can do about.
I am viewed as 10/10 guy in one circle, while in other I am stupid, unatractive etc. just find new ppl
OP, I have been to four universities at this point, and there's one thing that's always consistent but has taken me all this time to finally accept.
"They Are Not My Friends."
This mantra reminds me that every group I've been with at university, no matter how promising, no matter how interesting, no matter how well we seem to get along; they're not my friends. They don't care who I am and will fall off the planet on or before the day classes end. Sometimes, if the precedent is there, we might message on normiebook once or twice, but then it ends with a whimper. Always a whimper, or total silence.
If you remember They Are Not My Friends, it all becomes easy. Impossibly lonely, but easy. Talk to them as incidental contacts when coincidentally together and expect nothing in return as well as being totally ignored later. It happens every time. I just wish I hadn't spent six years trying before I was finally able to accept it.
Please please go join a club you like (preferably a small one) and dont be the quite guy. Starting off quite is fine, but after a few days show the personality and make friends.
I also have a lot of difficulty not being quite in large groups, but in small groups once i am aquanted i generally dont have a problem expressing my personality in a few days time. Maybe this will work in your case as well.
Remember that the basis of friendship is common interests, and clubs provide exactly that.
Forget about what that one person said. Who is he to you? Focus on other things.
> I've lost my confidence
I know exactly what you're talking about since I was in the same position as you. People were suddenly noticing I was extremely quiet and I let the feeling of depression simmer inside for a long time before it all exploded. My mistake was not telling someone about it or doing something.
I know it seems hard, but try to do other things. Maybe talk to one of your old friends, you can just send a message saying "hi, what's up?". Do things that keep you busy: pick up a sport, do some volunteering, anything. As long as it keeps you busy and you don't spend all day sitting in your own room wallowing around in self-pity.
You can change anon.
I don't have many tips to offer, but just wanted to say I'm in an identical position. I used to have a group of edgy friends at school, but now I find it hard to open up properly with these oversensitive uni types, and I spill spaghetti frequently.
I can really relate to this, I'm terrified of stuff like this because I end up dwelling on it for ages.