A lot of thinking about stupid shit. Like what to say and react in a given situation. Because you're alone you go through hundreds of thousands of situation, some do it because of anxiety, I do it because I want to be prepared. It's not a priority thing, the mind wanders that way.
Depending on your mental state and how long you've been alone it's either incredibly crushing to you mentally or you've been crushed and don't have the will to care so you think you're used to it. It also gives more time to do other shit which brings mild interest.
Having absolutely no one there or ever having isn't even hollow. It's hollow if you had it then lost it. You just are, well, alone. You have to deal with all your emotional problems alone, even personal problems, there's no one to give you a reference of character or to tether you to reality, you lose sight of yourself and the world. You're closed off and deluded in many senses because with the years the experience fell off your character or you never developed it.
The most frightening aspect of it is how you crumble from the inside out to the point of an existentialist crisis then past it. You don't wonder who you are really, you have no semblance of yourself, you just are, so things tend to lose meaning if depression hasn't swallowed you by this point.
There's a reason why social interaction is needed, even if you don't need anyone or are a loner. It's for reflection, it's to have a more objective view in things, it's to experience some of the greatest things you can in this life like friendship, never mind love which a lot of us won't even taste.
In short, the concepts of friendship, love, caring etc end up similar to Plato's cave simile, we know these things exist, but it's so far out of our bounds that we couldn't recognize the real thing nor achieve it after seeing the shadows of life on anime image boards.
>>25747033 >The most frightening aspect of it is how you crumble from the inside out to the point of an existentialist crisis then past it. You don't wonder who you are really, you have no semblance of yourself, you just are, so things tend to lose meaning if depression hasn't swallowed you by this point. Huh, neat. Never heard someone else describe what's happened inside my head before. I was trying to think of what my personality was a few days ago and I was drawing a blank. I guess personality is externally defined.
This is a really great post. I wonder what the loneliness endgame is, for people that refuse to kill themselves.
The real question is if you can be lonely and happy at the same time. I strive for happyness, I want to die knowing that I at least enjoyed the time I've spent alive and it's the only thing that keeps me going.
It's going to reaaaally suck when the answer is no.
>social situations happen so rarely that one single situation will repeat in your mind for weeks and you get a small panic attack every time you realize your did/said something stupid >you flinch when people touch you (especially attractive women) >you develop a love/hate relationship with your loneliness, you need someone to share your feelings with/touch but the thought of change terrifies you >this phobia in turn makes your situation worse, as you flake out on invites to outings/parties because the anxiety the day of or before becomes overwhelming >on the very rare occasion you get a date, you hate yourself to the point where you (poorly) act like a sweet and sensitive normie who has no net value to conversation when deep down you just want to talk about game development and your current system shock 2 playthrough >you lose any sort of motivation to clean or keep upkeep on your own hygiene because you simply feel invisible and think people don't notice/care about you >you become so bored with life you begin to look forward to sleeping. drugs, alcohol, whatever tickles your fancy helps you go to sleep much faster because its another day closer towards the sweet embrace of death >suicide may be an option for some folks but in my example im too scared of death and afraid i'd mess up and become a vegetable >you also have very minor feelings of responsibility, such as dying would upset your parents >speaking of which, your parents can pretty much sense the despair when you walk into the room and they worry and stress daily about your mental health >any time a lady actually starts paying attention to you more than usual, you often get annoyed with her because you demand an infinite amount of "me" time and they eventually dump you for being too well guarded >instead of blaming your urge for loneliness, you just stack more blame on top of your personality and looks i probably got more.
>>25747266 >dating sites are possibly the worst thing to use meet people for a person like me, as messages are dumped on even the most average mundane woman >you are competing with hundreds chads/normies/other social retards for the attention of one below average girl >you could consider strip clubs/prosititution but you begin to develop some sort of sick sense of pride of your ability to last this long without a relationship/friends >most modern video games have a focus on having friends so your pool becomes pretty limited >your constant emotional neglect and despair chisel your idle face into a sorrowful nightmare. bags under eyes, looks like about to cry all the time, people stay away from you because you look like you dont want to be bothered/or just ugly >maybe youve tried to diet and exercise to change your life, but as soon as you start picking up wights you feel angry at society for expecting you to do this but in the end realize its your own fault you're this way >you feel hopeless, lost, helpless because a complaint about loneliness is a crime against society >youre entitled if you're sad you dont have a girlfriend or friends >youre entitled if you have a negative personality from living a negative life >you are merely a background character/extra in someone else's big blockbuster movie life
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