Life may be a blessing to some people but for me and many people, it is a curse. I'm a merely 19 years old boy who were born with ADHD and a very short memory, which hinders my ability to learn. Life is hard since you always have to live up to people's expectation. You have to go to school, you have to get good grades, you have to grow up, you have to go to university, you have to work and if you don't...?
You will die
I hate my life. I can't do what I really wanted to do. I always escape to the world of video games and anime because it always take my mind off things. The world as it present in video games and anime is much more beautiful than real world. When bad things happens, some people always stands up for the right thing. While in real world I watch as about 5 people slip in front of me in my lunch queue. Some guy did say something to them but all he get was a laugh from everyone around him. Life is indeed a dark and nasty place.
So why don't I just kill myself ? I've been asking the same question again and again. Surely a strike to a carotid artery in your neck with sharp object will probably kill me quicker than someone could save me.
I still have hope.
Every cloud has a silver lining. Thousands of people may die from lightning trying to search for it but I'm willing to take that risk. I can kill myself any time if I ever became tired of my life. But once I stab myself in the neck there's no turning back. I wanted to continue living until I can't live anymore. I wanted to risk everything I had to see all the good that may come in the unforeseeable future. Life may be the worst thing that ever happened to me but that doesn't mean there's nothing good in it. It may sounded childish wishing for a 'happy ending'. But I will never know unless I tried
Perhaps... I will have a girlfriend one day :)
im just going to post some pictures ive taken from last year, i know they aren't any good but i just want to share
i thought this looked interesting .
cows have always been very pretty to me. they look so kind, but they really don't have that extent of feelings
sometimes i wonder about how it feels to not be lonely.
clouds are nice too. not sure if they're nicer than cows
i hope someone is listening to me. i hate this so much
here's another cow picture i took. sorry i said I took these last year, i hadn't realized that it was 2016 now.
Hey OP, do you have a picture close to where you live?
This is a street close to my house, it was christmas, so it had those lights in the trees.
I hate Christmas, people are always happy and loving each other, but i feel 10 times worse., just hoping to a meteor strike me.
i can remember when i was 8 or 9 and i woke up and felt different and every day since then i felt this way
im not interested in sex at all especially not with an animal i have no therapist
this is a cat that belongs to a diner here where i take pictures sometimes. he doesn't have a name
not many. i mostly take my pictures when i walk trails and i haven't . i like your picture, this is my grandmothers yard
Different as in empty? Or ambivalent about the future? Also, why care about a companion or women if you aren't interested in sex?
Is it purely the camaraderie that interests you?
i want to be normal and to have a friend and girls look nicer, maybe they are like cows too
factories have pretty lighting to me, i like the shadows and shapes
i like the forest and field more than factories in some times. the factory is musical to me, the forest and field are too, but different
this is a room where I live. its one of my favorites
thank you, that is where i like to read. im reading faust
this is my favorite pair of boots i own. the texture and ripples are beautiful
a halloween decoration in my neighborhood that i thought was funny. the head followed me when I passed
i don't remember why this is black and white but this is my cat
why do we think some people's thoughts are more important than others? i will watch this later
this is some storm protection thing i saw on a walk
i take pictures of myself sometime to remind that i exist
Hey, these are pretty cool. You wouldn't mind if I used the first one for a small solo album-project I'm doing, would you?
Picture was a part of my daily route to school last year.
So fucking deep OP
>I'm a merely 19 years old boy
That's where I stopped reading.
It hasn't even begun for you, boy.
Norway. Too bad I only had my shitty smartphone camera.
>sure go ahead and use. credit my initials j.a.m if you do use any of it. thanks for the compliment
Sure thing, and thanks.
Have you ever tried pursuing anything that has to do with photography by the way?
this spot is one of my favorites. alot of my pictures are from there
> Life may be a blessing to some people but for me and many people, it is a curse
life isn't one thing for anyone. you can be a chad your whole life, then get cancer at 20. you can be alone for ages, then randomly meet the right person.
> I'm a merely 19 years old boy
19 aint shit. your brain isnt even fully formed until 25
> The world as it present in video games and anime is much more beautiful than real world
agreed, but its still inspired by life, and lacks some of the depth and mystery..
> you always have to live up to people's expectation. You have to go to school, you have to get good grades, you have to grow up, you have to go to university, you have to work and if you don't...?
if you really are depressed, go into the nihilism hole. realize you don't have to be or do shit. you can flunk school if you want, you can ditch everyone's expectations, you don't have to grow up, you don't have to work too hard if you live cheaply either. this is shit you realize as you get older, there are no rules desu, you have to make your own world/life/personality and fuck everyone else, only then will you be where you belong and attract the right people and be happy (only just learning this at 25, so dont worry..)
you just sound like a sensitive dude. your photography is really good. the "love yourself first" meme is really true. appreciate who you are, share it with others, you might be happier around other photographers and find a creative gf who appreciates that. cut people out who make you feel ashamed of yourself or don't appreciate your weirdness, they're negative cunts and they're everywhere, but there are people who would like you for you. the "b urself" meme isn't even a lie, you just gotta hit like 23-30 to start realizing that else you end up pretending to be someone you aren't, with the wrong people, in the wrong places, pretending you're happy there :/
this is my shower. i liked the lighting
thank you for the words and advice. i honestly would have killed myself already if i didn't think my family would be hurt more than they are now seeing me this way
You should definitely try making a portfolio of your best shots. If it's good, it could quite easily land you a job you might like.
>how is it where you live?
Summers are real nice, I like them a lot. Winters are long however and right now there's only about 5 hours of sunlight (which was less). People can be rather cold and have a very independent mindset (not too weird considering everyone used to live in remote places a mere 100 years ago). They "warm up" when summer comes around though. I see it every year. As soon as the sun starts warming this frozen corner of the earth people start waking up from their hibernation and take their smiles for a walk outside.
Also this guy >>25746588 has the right idea about girls and photography. Girls fuckin' love photography man, I swear you can't go wrong. If you show your shots to the right creative gal, she'll be all over you and it'll easily take your mind off of depressive things. Trust me on this.
no problem anon. the best thing i did for my depression was accept it was a real problem, stop trying to ignore it, take as long as it takes off from life and really focus on it. got help. talk to others, try every "solution" that is suggested until you find some that really help and suit you.. sounds like you're stressed and unhappy, with nothing to look forward to. my advice is remember who you are, fuck everyones expectations and just focus on what you like in life.. what makes you feel better. could be as simple as having a bath and reading a book, but whatever. always consider how things will effect your mood and stop living for others, make decisions for yourself. its unfair of anyone to have expectations of you, that you don't want to meet.. if they can't understand that then they're not your friends. those who love you will understand.
keep your chin up anon, we're all feeling low on this board, we all know what its like too
Don't kid yourself, you'd never have the balls to kill yourself. I bet it makes you feel good when you think about it, doesn't it? You're a narcissist. Don't act like you're some saint for staying alive for people who wish you were gone.
i will keep that in mind, thank you
ive tried a lot of self improvement things and i have mostly decided that i am just not cut out for this world. things change
here's your (you)
> ive tried a lot of self improvement things and i have mostly decided that i am just not cut out for this world. things change
i hear you. i'm not talking about the "self improvement" meme, i mean day-to-day strategies for managing your depression
Fact of the matter is from what we have observed it seems unlikely that there is life after death.
So the choice is:
>expiration (not even an observer to experience the nothingness of death)
>or self-acceptance and enjoy life as best you can while being open to improvement when possible
>or agonizing hope that one day things will magically improve while retreating into increasingly unfulfilling escapism.
The choice is yours, to further explore these options to see which is right for you seek out a psychologist who isn't a cunt or read Eric Fromm.
you remind me of my older self
im 27 now, at 19 i was just taking pictures of random stuff that i came across with sort of depressed, melancholic feelings abstractly applied to them.
now, im no longer lonely. i work as a photographer. granted i don't make much money and my life is hardly glamorous, it's still leaps and bounds better than existential depression that overtook my youth. there's hope. what started the change for me was to look plainly at myself and accept there are faults i need to change, rather than trying to change life to suit my faults.
pic is one of those photos i was talking about
Norway consists of forests, coastline and mountains.
I live in a town by a fjord, halfway up a mountain and I can see the forest line from the bathroom window (took the pic a couple of days ago trying to capture the nice colours in the sky, but didn't work all that well (maybe I'll try to acquire a proper camera someday).
It's like 90% pine though, haha.
i hope i can come out of this.thanks for the words. do you have any more pictures you want to share? i like that one.
you live in a very beautiful place. most of my pictures are from my phone, only the two of myself aren't.
if you're like me, you probably won't ever "come out of" anything.
things can get better, but in the end you're still yourself. life is about the journey, not the destination. while you may feel utterly panicked and afraid because you're alone and GF-less, as that begins to solve itself you'll be able to (properly) turn your mind towards larger, more complicated issues.
so my advice is to take charge of your physical situation. make sure you're working out / LIFT, etc.
here's another picture from my neighbourhood. to me it looks so old, a place plucked from time never to be found again. the b/w film look is playing that up... it looks nearly identical today.
im healthy physically, though i am currently seeing a doctor about my low white blood cell count, and may have leukemia. there's nothing really to be done, i am in shape, i am at least average looking, its all mental and its nothing i can change. i just think some people aren't cut out for this and im one of them.
your picture reminds me of a park i used to go to when i was in middle school. very pretty
I honestly believe all you said is kinda legit, except the 25 y/o part. Some people grow up faster than others. The "SCIENCE PROVED IT" fully formed brain is just another bs, can't apply to everyone.
It's not really worth it. I've got short term memory problems too, really severely. I struggle to complete basic tasks like going to the grocery store or not forgetting my keys. I wish I lived in the EU, because in America it can take 2-3 years to get on disability, if you even get approved in the first place. There's no housing support, you just get $773 a month and $198 in food stamps a month.
Tfw you can't even relate your sadness and loneliness to others; just having a girlfriend wouldn't change a thing because you're integrally different than everybody you've ever met.
People whose only problems are >tfw no gf and >tfw short and ugly are just failed normies who weren't handed the lives they wanted
i live in america too, but i was lucky enough to have very supportive, caring parents. i don't know what i would do without them.
ive considered this as well. i just want to try to be normal with someone and maybe they can help me in that way, i wish i had something to offer them in return
I used to just wait for good things to happen to me (like in Anime, which I suggest you stop watching), but nothing really ever happened because that's what reality is, people and events don't just come to you all the time.
Just go get the things yourself, and rejection just leaves room for improvement. Who's going to do better, a guy who learns from his mistakes or a guy who never even bothered trying at all?
It seems like you're just using philosophical mumbo jumbo and self-diagnosed ailments to further fuel and give evidence for your current position, which is extremely unhealthy.
I think the best thing for you right now is to set some goals, long-term goals that would help you avoid nihilistic thoughts, because yes we all die eventually but the beginning and the end are just to points on the line of life, and there are a number of points on this line, you just gotta make them.
im clinically diagnosed with adhd and a memory disorder. the adhd only really affected my school life and made the bullying about my low performance worse. thanks for the words.
plenty of them in the thread
Haha these are all pretty funny, I can't imagine moping around all day, just go out and live life and I promise you won't be so glum. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 18 and didn't have a serious GF until 20, so I know how it feels to feel like an outcast. Now I've been with a loving qt3.14 for 8 months and couldn't be happier. All it takes is the will to stop being sad and stop blaming circumstances. Life doesn't have to be gloomy, but if you wanna keep blaming others that's fine too
Does your desire for a happy ending outweigh your fear of an unhappy one? And how do these compare to the excitement/fear caused by the sheer uncertainty of death?
If you're miserable, throwing yourself into the unknown doesn't seem so bad. If you're not, it seems like a poorer prospect by comparison.
Not him but at this point we really don't know, do we?
Even if he tried he still might not be able to
It's a little bit of both
He won't because he thinks he can't- but maybe he thinks he can't because his previous experience has taught him that he can't? And, furthermore, a lot of it depends on what his ideal life is. His limits are already defined by reality, is what he wants congruent with those limits?
Your question is way too oversimplified and looks like bait to me. Not hurrhurr 4chan bait, I mean generic emotional bait.
you think op doesn't know this? that's the scary part
Op I relate to you in many ways. I find your pictures fascinating. And your comments about them even more so. I don't have any words of encouragement because I'm no better, but I guess I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in your thoughts and feelings on the world.
Well you know what they say; practice makes perfect! Whats the worst someone can say besides "uh go away" or "no I don't wanna talk to you"? People are generally pretty polite and will often reciprocate if they know you're trying to have a genuine interaction with them even if you're not a "Chad" whatever that is
I think what I'm really trying to ask is, does that anon even really -want- to live his life?
Especially in reference to this
>His limits are already defined by reality, is what he wants congruent with those limits?
There's nothing inherently wrong with a no, he doesn't have to justify himself.
Well if he's choosing to not do anything to better his life then why post about it complainingly? Again he's wilfully choosing to be like this so why complain about something you're choosing not to change? Idk you robots are a confusing bunch, just be happy!
>Well if he's choosing to not do anything to better his life then why post about it complainingly?
Because there's not actually a real reason why he should be obligated to change it
Conversely, there is no reason why it should be obligated to change for him, right?
I don't mean to apply a stereotype here but people who post your sort of posts talk of happiness as if it were an obligation. It isn't, objectively speaking.
>Again he's wilfully choosing to be like this so why complain about something you're choosing not to change?
Also this isn't true
This notion relies on the fabricated truth (aka a potential lie) that he is the sole obstruction between himself and what he wants, when really it's an almost infinite number of variables. You're creating accountability where it doesn't truly exist.
And also relies on the notion that what he wants -even exists- in a way that can somehow, in the future, relate to him, which is impossible for you to know so why do you pretend like you do?
>lets have a heated debate about another guys life choices even though we know jack-shit about him or his problems besides a short post on a mongolian sea urchin board
these shots with the dark room, sheltered by blinds against the really bright outdoors are fascinating op
i notice that that seems to have applied a meaning to the pictures, im probably just projecting tho
That anon's circumstances are not my mom's vagina
When he pretends he knows what's best for someone via self-insertion into his imaginary depiction of their circumstances, he is not actually inserting himself into my mom's vagina, unless he thinks that anon is in my mom's vagina. In which case he would be wrong because nobody is in my mom's vagina rn desu.
ghosts could be tho how but too why
I wouldn't recommend aiming for a girlfriend unless you either have solid social skills, good appearance, and/or are fairly successful.
Without at least one of those you'll be on the road to pain rather than pleasure. There is more to life though. Like waiting for android waifus.