Who /bathroom problems/ here? >I can't fart without

Bump for the dump

Pls someone connect with me.

Learn how to wipe
Use babywipes. It's cleaner than toilettes paper.

>>25744459
>anal juice leaks out

ruined my lunch pham, kill yourself

i feel bad for you tbqh senpai

>>25746449
This

If shit is leaking to the walls of your ass then you need to wipe more thoroughly. Or put baby powder in there to soak up the sweat and smell good.

that is fucked up

i have a shit diet and cant say i have that problem. probably eat healthier is the only way unless you litterly have poo in your ass you didnt wipe

>>25744459
Are you indian ?
Remember you have to POO IN THE LOO !

>>25746505
I'm wiping to the point where it physically burns, though.

>>25746644
ok after you take a shit wipe a bit at least to most is off and then shower your bung hole in the shower. just a quick couple seconds with your bung hole pointed to the shower should be fine unless you litterly dont wipe your ass

>>25746644
Get baby wipes and then use baby powder

Literally smell like a baby's ass

>>25746699
>take a shower after every dump
>since I don't fart with clothes on, I need to take 3 dumps a day
How did my life come to this?

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So this doesn't happen all the time, but does anyone cum a little but when they poop?

Like, not an orgasm, but like just start to dribble a cum.

I imagine it must have something to do with my prostate being stimulated?

>have to take my shirt off when i shit or else my shirt smells like poop

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>be me
>use diapers because of fetish

>>25746734
3 dumps a day? what does farting have to do with clothes

seriously fuck man just get a better diet hate to say that as advice but 3 dumps a day is like cancer or fat as fuck nigger shit

>>25746743
Same problem, I take colossal shits enough to tear even the greatest homo's asshole asunder. I'm pretty certain that's precisely what's going on, as disgusting as it is.

>>25746747
How does that even work, pham?

>>25746555
Trips command it

>>25744459
is this what it's like to be obese?

brb gonna go sign up for a gym membership

>>25746811
Because the smell of my farts stick to my pants. Just one fart and it'll smell like toilet the whole day.

You need to take stool hardener medicine or change your diet man

what do you fucking eat? christ

>>25747077
What kind of medicine? Change it to what?

>>25747249
Maybe medicine that helps regulate your digestive system? Are you eating enough foods that contain fiber? Your stool shouldn't be all leaky like that.

>>25747302
It's from the stool that's left in my rectum that just sweats its way out after a dump. I thought I was eating plenty of fiber.

i shit maybe once a week, and whenever i do barely anything comes out

not really sure what happens to it all honestly

>>25747357
It probably transitions into fat Tbh.

>>25744459
The doctor is in. Please detail your diet and physical stats and any health problems you have.

>>25747337
It shouldn't be soft enough to do that though. Try taking a laxative maybe to help get it all out the first go? Taking medicine to regulate your digestive system would also help probably like a probiotic.
You could also just have something wrong down there and should probably see a doctor.

>>25746794
Best underwear

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>tfw skinny
>tfw taking 3-5 dumps a day is normal for me

>>25747397
Honestly, I'm the pickiest eaters in the world. I eat mostly cereal, cheese its, candy and pizza. 5'9, 185.

>>25747470
who fucking eats candy

>>25747486
People who are depressed and addicted to sugar.

>>25746794
what brand?

>>25747486
most people do....

>>25747470
Terrible diet.
Stop it right now.

>>25747486
One time at uni I bought $90 worth of candy from a candy store. Nerds rope, mega box of nerds, pocky, 1 pound hersheys chocolate bars. Ate it while watching anime or playing pheonix wright or danganronpa or something. Least depressing moment of that semester. Except for when I got into vocaloid and bought froyo that one time.

>>25747565
Ya think?

>>25747594
>nerds
People still eat those? I just eat peanutbutter cups.

So what should I be eating?

>>25747960
A lot of celery

>>25748028
Eff celery.

if you take more then one shit a day your fucking sub human

i dont poo the normal way. I stick my fingers up my ass and dig it out. i like to break the nuggets open and smell them, or if its mushy i wrap it up in a toilet paper pouch and squeeze it til it bursts, then smell that. It's a habit that started a long time ago when i saw the home movies episode where jason says he rubs his buttonhole with his finger when he can't poop to stimulate it a little bit. I have constipation problems, so i started doing it, it worked, and i never stopped. tbqhf, i get all my poop out and I'm 100% sure of it, it feels good, and it keeps me regular, i think its kind of the master race way to poop

>>25748036
I used to have gigantic shits that would make my asshole bleed, and I would have mud ass for hours after the shit to the point where I would put a toilet paper anal douche to make sure none of the shit got onto my undies, and then I would have to take a second shower before bed to make sure my ass was thoroughly cleaned so it didn't get on the blankets.

Now I just blend 3-4 sticks of celery into a nasty tasting fruit shake, but it makes the poops smaller and more healthy and counteracts the shit that I typically eat and everything is kinda okay now.

>>25748146
ok you actually have to kill yourself

I only ever shit in the shower now.
Makes it easier to stay clean and I just mush it through the grate with my heel.

>>25748281
I shit in the toilet, and "wipe" my ass with the shower. This is the true best way to stay clean.

I think you're lying about pushing the shit down the grate though, this is far harder than you think and causes it to get all clogged up often.

>>25748146
How much time you spend on each pooping?

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>>25744459
boiiiiiii u poopy smell like butty Stench anal Leakz

>>25748316
I can't exactly prove it to you but only once did a bit resurface the following day. Hot water really breaks it down into a watery paste, try it and see.

>>25748330
depends on if I've already pooped that day. usually i just have my epic, cleansing poop for the day first thing in the morning, and that takes about 20 min.

>>25748128
My bowels are congested because I don't fart.

>>25748330
i realllllly hate feeling like theres still poo in my butt after I'm done, so i go until i feel clean. most of it is just little, hard-to-reach globs. the kind of stuff that normies wipe their ass 10 million times trying to get.

>>25748146
Do you also poop in shower? I do that. Sometimes I take a dump in the loo, then dash into the bath. Once I safely get inside without dropping anything on the floor, it's ass cleaning time. I'll squat down first and use the shower to clean my ass, watching with glee as shit lumps swirl towards the drain. Once the area around the ring is clean, I'll remove the shower head, turn the heat to lukewarm, and insert into my asshole. At this point I'll stand up and watch as lumps of shit drop out, rising out my anal cavity. Other times I'll just skip the loo and dump straight into the bath and push the poo towards the drain with my foot, squishing it down if need be (I'm not a fan of this though since I don't like touching poo with my bare skin)

>>25748866
nope. all hands. after my epic morning shit i do shower immediately after though, and scrub out my ass real good with soap. hold buttcheeks open and rinse off in the shower stream. come out rosy fresh. you would never even know i do anything different than a normie.

>>25749092
how do you get rid of the poo smell off your hands?
I touch the poo as little as possible but even if I scrub hard with soap under hot water I can still smell poopoo

>>25748866
oh! also, i should mention about the goo. when I've exhausted everything in my butt, i get this yellow mucusy stuff that comes out instead, i call it goo. when I'm digging and pushing and i find myself gooing instead of pooing, i know I'm clean and empty.

also, this goo is virtually flavorless so usually to help clean up along the way i just eat it.

Are you guys trolling or do you legit poop in the shower?

>>25749160
i scrub hard with soap and hot water for a good two minutes. the shower is the only thing that completely eliminates the smell, but if i can't shower immediately after, thats what i do. sometimes there is still a faint poo smell, but eh, can't have it all i guess. usually i only poo more than once a day when I'm home by myself so i can just avoid people. time also helps, the longer its been since i pooped the smell dwindles. if i wash my hands again normally an hour or so after i go that usually completely eliminates the smell.

also if I'm just getting goo, this has no smell so normal hand wash is fine.

>>25749185
>goo
Can you tell me more about this?
I think I've shat this out before a couple of times when I kept washing myself out with the shower hose (turning up the power) Where does the goo come from.
>>25749207
search pepe gets his daily dose

>>25748146
>>25748866
>>25749092

What the fuck.
Do you really wonder why /wizards/??

Imagine all the shit on your keyboard and mouse.. Your door knobs. What the fuck.

>>25749207
idk about the shower but this is poop hands reporting in i am 100% real. i live in illinois

>>25749185

i'm fairly sure that's what certain clades of homosexuals refer to as 'santorum'. after the senator, i believe.

>>25749300
poop hands here, i am married 5 years, and i would actually describe her as normie. full time employed. own a house.

>>25749341
i always thought they would know about that. cuz they always say "ass isn't self lubricating?"

and I'm like well what do you call this

This thread went from bathroom problems to bathroom quirks.

>>25749295
i have no idea what it is or where it comes from. googled it a couple times and never got a concrete answer but people seemed to think it was leftover lining stuff from my upper sphincter/intestines. to help turds glide through your bowels

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>>25749355
I'm not hating just kinda shocked tbqh fammalamma-dingdong.

>do your kids know?
>do they poo weird also?

>>25749419
Interesting, and you say you can dig it out with your hand? Any chance you can post a video?

>>25747357
It's probably backing up your entire GI tract and that's why you probably also have symptoms of heartburn. Take laxatives daily, eat more fiber, drink water.

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>>25744459
>I have to put toilet paper in my butt, because when I get sweaty, anus juice leaks out and makes its own stench on my clothes
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK, how do i god damn avoid this? i fucking hate when it happens, no matter how good i wipe my ass, stains are still being left on my underwear anytime my ass sweats. it makes super uncomfortable, even if it doesnt stink strong, i still do know that it exists there, just not that noticeable yet

>>25744459
>anus juice

Do this shit ever happens? Never happened to me once in my whole life.

>>25749503
Try losing weight
>>25749521
because you not a fat disgusting NEET

>>25744459
dude this is fucking grody

>>25749420
no kids yet. she knows and has accepted it. never mentions it. weirdest thing too,she has the most most vanilla sexual taste ever too so inb4 fetish its not like she gets off on it. she just kinda says whatever as long as i clean myself up.

i love her i am a lucky man.

>>25747357
Yoooooo i only shit like once a week too. But sometimes I can take some of the most massive shits

>>25744459
i cant pee if there is anybody else in the bathroom with me or if i think that anybody else is listening

>>25749420
also she poos 100% normal

>>25749534
What? Get your butt out

>>25749534

Actually I am one.

Just want to bring a little happiness by reminding you all how great it feels to hold your poop in for a long time when you know you don't have anywhere to be or anyone to see.

One of the simple pleasures of being a NEET shitlord

>>25747518
True. Sugar is proven to actually increase dopamine levels in your brain. That's why a lot of drug addicts drink sugary soda and eat a lot of candy

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>>25749534
>Try losing weight
is this really the main problem here?

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>>25746743
I get that as well. It's not like normal cum though, it's much more goopy and sticky and it sort of makes it feel like my dick is stimulated for a few minutes afterwards

>>25749503
You get that because your diet is too high in fat and too low in fiber.

>>25747960
There are a ton of foods that are really high in fiber, not just celery. Prunes, any kind of fruit or vegetables, flax meal, chia seeds, small quantities of nuts, leafy greens, low-carb tortillas (so you can still make awesome quesadillas), Raisin Bran, and beans. Or just take a fiber supplement like Miralax/Metamucil.

>>25749467
i tried to take pic but it just looks like glistening fingers right now...had the day off today kek

couldn't get anything substantial. sorry senpai

>>25749658
Yes, this is all because of being fat you FILTHY fucking animal

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>stay up all night
>ready to sleep at like 5 am
>try to sleep
>cant sleep because i feel a turd sitting deep in my ass
>try to go pass it
>nothing
>squat on the toilet seat and fucking finger my asshole
>still wont come
>have to go back and shitpost for an hour until im whacked with the bad urge
>go squat
>an unholy stream of soft/liquid shit jets out my ass and collects in an amorphous orangeish blob in the bowl
>smells fucking bad
>10 minute cleanup

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>>25749881
i dont have motivation to lose weight. i dont have will power. i see no results after lets say 1 week and i just want to fucking drop it. my ass equals the size of those brazilian big-assed pornstars. the every-day routine of exercising is just fucking killing me. after coming home i want to sit at PC , listening to some music, relaxing. absolutely hate working out/exercising. fuck me.

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>>25749939
>squat on the toilet seat and fucking finger my asshole

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>>25749981
>coming home
From work?

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>>25747534
Fabine

>>25744459
>drink a mug of strong coffee to even think about shitting
>go take a dump
>took the last one 2 days ago
>the shit is diamond hard
>have to use my sphincer muscles as efficently as possible, otherwise it rips in half and hurts like a bitch
>pray to jesus, allah, buddha, khorne, talos to have mercy on me
>an hour later i'm done, with minimal ass pain at best

it was even worse a year ago
>shitting every second day because i need to let my sphincer heal for at least a day every time
>enema dependency is strong
>can't shit without preparation and only in my house
>liquid shit mixed with a hard turd that rips my asshole anyways

>it was like that for 2 years

>shit maybe once a week if lucky
>have to take magnesium citrate once or twice a month
>always gives me the worst gas
>along with liquid shits
>that splatter

>>25747960
people say you shouldn't eat a ton of it, but raw kale will definitely make you shit and shit clean

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>>25750110

Nah chev, from fuckin your mum

>tfw poop 3 times a day
>coworkers don't take me seriously because I take so many bathroom breaks

>>25746897
fucking keking so hard at this

>>25750438
Oh, I'd need a stern talking to for something like that.

>be me
>hardly ever can take shits
>determined this morning
>just sit on toilet for about 20 mins
>sudden urge
>boom comes the shit
>clean up

why the fuck does it take me 20 mins for my shit to come out

>>25750847
Diet, probably.

>>25751148
what do you suggest I do Dr. Anon?

eating my tendies atm.

>>25744459
Stop eating shit

>>25751333
Eat greens, try squatting to shit, it helps

>Good metabolism and healthy young guy so can eat a lot
>digestive system takes 3 days to process food
>lots of vegetables and water so poop is a single piece
>shit out 24in. x 6in. logs that clog toilets
>have to open all lids, squat high, wipe fast, then plunger to break shit into three pieces and flush three times since if I don't hold all minus one piece during flush the toilet clogs
Worst shit ever senpai.

>>25751409
you got it Dr. Anon!

I'll make you proud <3

>shit blood and slime
>all the time
>can't go to a dr cause i aint got the dime

it's true even though i made it rhyme...
it just started all of a sudden a year ago and it wont stop... what's wrong with me

Got the piss phobia pretty bad. If the house is too quiet I can't pee because people might hear. If I can hear anyone then I can't pee. Can't pee in public ever. Even in optimum conditions it takes me about 20 seconds to clear my head and start, even then I sometimes need to go on my phone to distract me.

>>25751460

>healthy young guy
>3 days to process food

I dunno about that hot stuff

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Who /eatstheirshit/ here?
How does it taste?

>>25751826
I tried it once. I think I died.

>>25751866
Made my chuckle
original

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friendly reminder that if you don't /poopsquat/ you're doing it wrong

>>25751980
Meant *me

>>25751989
Why are retard pics such a meme in this thread?

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>2016
>not shitting in the shower
How's it feel giving the toiletjews your money?

>>25752389
>stealing my smug OC
REEEEEEE!!!!!!

>>25752814
I got it from knowyourmeme. Smug anime reaction faces.

What about my farts? A good diet will only make them come more frequently.