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Dating your friend's ex
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001

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Hello /r9k/, I think ai' starting to like my friend's exgf, would you date your friend's ex?

I know you robots would date a rock if you could but I wanna read your opinions
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Do not do it unless you have your friend's blessing to do so. Even then, you should avoid this at all costs.
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>>25741665
Why avoid it?
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>>25741653
Stealing his gf? Sure thing.
Making her break up with him to be with me?
Sure.

Picking up his leftovers? No thanks.

Also I think it'd be pretty weird to know who's dick touched her face in the past.
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>>25741685
I know Her, she,s clean and stuff. My friend wasn't the best boyfriend either
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>>25741653
How close are you, i.e. your guy friend and you? If you are very close, I'd advise against it, even if he tells you it is fine with it. If you go through with this, things won't ever be the same between you and might even have a major impact on your whole circle of friends. If you and the girl can live with the possibility of having to cut off a lot of people, then you might give it a try.

You see, I've been in a similar situation. Only that I didn't know that my guy friend and the girl used to have a fling in the past.
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>>25741982
We are close.
I tought a lot about that, if I go out with Her things will change a lot and will never be the same again, I think I won't go for it. I hope the feels just stop or something.
Btw, what happened when between you and your friends when you dated Her?
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>>25741982
I agree with this.

My experience is with a different situation but I think it still applies. I fell in love with my close friend's girlfriend, proceeded to spend all my time with them, and came to resent the shit out of that guy. Like some deep, Pavlovian conditioned, impossible to reason away resentment. I tried to do damage control too late and ended up moving away from that city so that I never have to see either of them.

Maybe your friend would handle watching someone he probably still feels possessive over better than I did, but holy shit man it can go bad.
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>>25742056
Once I learned about their shared past, it made me resent him in an extremely irrational way. It also emotionally pushed me away from her somewhat. The problem was that he was and still is a part of a circle of friends that we don't want to cut off completely. The girl and I distanced ourselves from him in order to not hurt the relationship. But there were many situations in which the choice was to either willingly distance yourself from the whole group of people or go and socialize with him again (e.g. birthday parties etc.). It wasn't easy.
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>>25742132
Yeah, sounds complicated and stuff. The other thing I was thinking is that I wanna go to another state to study in the next 6 months. I think taking a risk dating her and then having to go away would be like making things complicated for nothing
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>>25741653
In a similar situation. Good thing she is more worried about the issue than me, otherwise I'd probably sacrifice friendships so we could be a couple. She's probably gonna find some other Chad anyway within a few months and I won't have to clutter my mind with "what if's".
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>>25741653
Depends on.

Are you a shit friend?
Accept it, and date her.
Live and own up to that you are someone who stabs people in the back.


Or


Keep your friendship.
Get your own girl.
No drama. Keep feeling good about not being a total asshole.
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>>25742204
>Good thing she is more worried about the issue than me

But I'd take that as a good sign.

I am >>25742132
And in my case the girl initially didn't think that her shared past with our mutual friend could ever become a problem for us. I blame America and their movies for that. All of the people I know think they live in a "how I met your mother" episode. Many have a "so we hooked up before, what's the big deal?" mentality. At least the girl redeemed herself, when I sat her down and explained to her how I feel. It made her feel like shit and she suddenly understood.

Here's a friendly piece of advice if anyone ever gets in a similar situation, give concrete examples. Don't simply say: "How would you feel if tables were turned?" Instead say: "How would you feel if tables were turned? Would you be cool withn it if [mutual girl friend of ours] and I had the same history as you and him?" That really opened the girl's eyes, in my case.
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>>25741653
Do this only if you don't want to have a good relationship with the former boyfriend. Even when he says "it's cool" it never is. You will allways be the one who went on to fucking his ex. In worst case he gets upset and thinks you allready tried to cap her when they were a pair. At best he won't be spending time with you and meet-ups will start akward.
For you, she'll allways be the girl you got after your friend and I bet you she'll constantl compare the both of you, vocally. First to make you feel better, then to get you into line.

It's allmost never worth the hustle, trust me. Besides, chances are you only "fell" for her, because you've spend a lot of time with her by proxy. And you most likely subconsciously attest your friends qualitys to her, also by proxy.
It's allmost allways a mistake. Just stay clear of it.
It's also likely she would go for you because she's in this "fuck it, it's payback-time" mode you get into once you break up with someone, even if you literally were the reason for the breakup.

Be a bro, ditch that hoe
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>>25742340
>Do this only if you don't want to have a good relationship with the former boyfriend. Even when he says "it's cool" it never is. You will allways be the one who went on to fucking his ex. In worst case he gets upset and thinks you allready tried to cap her when they were a pair. At best he won't be spending time with you and meet-ups will start akward.

This is all true but I'm 100% sure that eventually OP will start resent the guy friend too. It's a mutual thing.
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>>25742278
Well I obviously have issues with it, but being a guy and not having a huge social circle means I rarely meet great girls, so the few I know are often connected to my friends.

It's much easier for her to find a new guy she likes, than for me to find a single and decent girl who isn't a roastie.
That's why if she had no problems with it I would say fuck it and go ahead and let emotions take over, and hope my friend would understand that I don't have many options. He already has a new girl because he's got charisma and looks.
Of course there's always the chance that she is using the fact that she is my friends ex as a less hurtful excuse to why she won't be in a relationship with me, could be she knows she could do better.
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>>25742404
Ah, now I get it. I thought you meant that she was kind of worried about the whole situation but still generally open to the idea of you two trying.
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>>25742437
Yeah, and thing is, if he would start dating my ex I would never talk to him again, so its hard to justify doing the same to him.
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>>25742277
Wub dubs don't lie
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>>25742461
Is she still part of his/your social circle?
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>>25741653
It's not a simple bump. It's the most original bump in the history of 4chan.
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I hated the guy, So I don't see the problem at all. He was abusive, now the two of us are happy together

Sometimes I think she's only with me cause she's horny though
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>>25743700
>I hated the guy

Then he wasn't a real friend of you, wouldn't you agree? Or are you telling yourself that now to relieve your conscience?
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>>25743739
desu we were never that close, but he started treating me like an asshole ever since the two of them got together, but I guess you're right, we never were friends in the first place
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>>25741653
This >>25741665 You don't want to go behind their back on this kind of thing.

As for that second point: God knows I've done worse things to her in the bedroom then he ever did, and I even got her pregnant,
but it's horrible enough knowing she's been banged by other men this just gives it a new dimension to that terrible reality.

It goes without saying that I have no intention of marrying her.
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>>25743067
No I cut all contact with her, my friends ex isn't a part of my social circle either.
Thread replies: 26
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