Not well OP. I've got a bottle of pills stored away for a sunny day.
Not a rainy day because then a bunch of people feel miserable. No, I want to go out on the best day possible so that everyone who was enjoying their happiness can get a little taste of the misery I felt everywhere I went.
Celebrity deaths normally don't hit me, but man, Bowie dying has made me really feel like shit. Seeing all the normies pretending to be fans is starting to piss me of, as are the tumblrinas trying to brand him as a rapist.
I'm pretty bad tonight, I'll be thirty in the next three years and I don't even know if I'll make it that long. I don't even want to make it. I've achieved nothing and I want to return to nothing, non existence. I don't want to hurt anymore.
The few friends I do have really only keep me around out of pity. They'll invite me to hang out but never when there's females involved, because "lord knows how bad anon will make me look" Im pathetic and I deserve it tbqh murder me senpai
>>25732876 STOP USING THIS SHIT ALBUM PLEASE I BEG OF YOU ITS NOT GOOD DEATH SUCKS AND YOU SUCK TOO NIGGERFAGGOT HAHAHAHAHXD XD XD XD XD >>>/mu/>>> >>>/shit/>>> >>>/fucku/>>> HAHAHA GET A BETTER ALBUM COVER
I got a metal folding chair and stuck it in the shower and listened to depressive black metal while just sitting and letting the water hit my face. I've also been listening religiously to Public Castration Is A Good Idea Ask me why
I received my exams' results. They're a lot worse than I expected but if I do just a little better this semester I'll be able to pass. Still, I'm pretty depressed, the amount of work I did just for this shitty grade
>>25732876 Don't try to hide it mother, I see it all. I see the dread and disappointment in those blue eyes. I understand now i'm not the son you thought I was going to be.
You spoiled me as a kid and got me everything I ever wanted and more now I reflect on it you were the best mother I could ask for, but now here I am at the age of 19 a broken man, a man once full of life but defeated at the very age his life should start.
That boy full of life and ambition is sadly gone my sweet mother and I know you try your hardest to get him out again. I remember telling you that I was going to become successful and spoil you for being the best mother I could ask for. I'm sad to say that they won't ever happen now my dear mother, I am a disappointment who never progressed with his life.
I see the fear in your eyes and the fear is well placed, you know what I'm going to become and it kills me inside, I wish I had the confidence and the man power to make a life for myself but I just can't do it my dear mother.
I know Dad wasn't around much but that doesn't give me much of a excuse, we made the most out of what we had right? I promised you I would become a rich successful person and look after you, give you anything you wanted for being such a special woman in my life.
I'm just grasping at straws now mother, I know deep down I will be a failure and when you die my life will be always reminded of the fact I let the most special person in my life down. I am truly sorry not being what you deserved but being what you had to put up with. Love you always
>>25732876 I don't know if I can go further OP my tharapsit screamed at me today saying that I shouldn't come back. It hurts I got him angry it was my fault but I think I crossed the fine line between an argument and complete hate. I don't think I can bear to see his face I ruined the already little relationship we had. Fuck my autistic thinking mind of going in circles I just drove him crazy with my pointless problems.
>2014 >tell girl at a party about music I like, includes David Bowie >"wow anon you listen to some weird stuff, I've never heard of any of those" >flash forward 2016 >chat up same girl on fb >"OMG anon David Bowie died I literally cried the entire day"
This man's death has enabled my anger about society to reach previously unknown levels.
>>25734848 He was telling me to take up meditation but I refused saying it was bullshit, then one thing lead to another and I was yelling at him and he was at me. Saying that I can't judge him. I said I didn't care who he was or how he is. Then he layed it on me and said how horrible his childhood was and how mine compared to his is petty and overblown. It hurts man the stuff he's been through it's horrible. I can't compare my problems to his he must want to shoot his brains out when I talk about my petty problems.
>>25735411 >>25735445 He is stable even has a happy family now I just don't think I can even hope to relate to him now. I will always feel like my problems are now inferior to his old ones. 2 years now wasted I don't think I can look him in the face he was the last person I could actaully talk to normally yet my cynical personality broke even that small bond.
As bad as ever. I'm just floating along pretending like I exist by hiding in things that should give me joy but instead just pass the time. I cling to them like a vine and drain them dry until all that remains is frustration.
the only thing that makes me feel happy anymore is doing my oneitis' homework for her because she's in a very difficult private school and is overly stressed about exams and getting accepted into a good uni.
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