Who /mischief/ here? >"five items or less" lane

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>someone asks me how my day is going
>say it's going good
>it's actually going terribly

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>friend offers to help me get job
>say no despite wanting a job

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>roll for singles
>get dubs instead

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>be working at Mcdonald's
>Fat lady asks for a Sprite with lots of ice
>only give her 4 crushed ice cubes total
>"Have a good day ma'am"

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>tourist asks for directions to a train station
>point him in the opposite direction

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>set up a profile of a "plain jane" looking girl
>preferably with no makeup
>let some pathetic, short, chubby beta grovel for attention
>agree to meet up with him
>go to the date location and hide
>watch him
>literally watch the joy drainfrom his face and be replaced by despair as the minutes turn to hours
>finally after he's suffered for a while message him
>"sorry. I noticed on your profile you're only 5'9". I only date guys over 6ft"
>watch his face

Bonus points:
>he'll get mad and text you a billion times
>ignore him
>respond maybe once per say with one word replies like "oh"
>finally after a while tell him you're sorry and that you want another chance
>"same time and place"
>stand him up again
>mfw

>>25723770
You almost got triples though

/r9k/ has gotten to the point where every single image in a given thread is a pepe variant.

I need a moment

>>25723937
this is how /mischief/ threads always are famiglia

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>post stupid uneducated opinion
>anons call me on my dumb bullshit
>the joke is on them, I was only pretending to be retarded

>>25723863
I hope Satan shits on your face. Nice baddies, though.

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>parents ask me how revision for my midterms is going
>tell them its going alright
>haven't actually done any revision all month
>didn't even go to any lectures in term time

>>25723702
>do that
>get told to switch lines
>your face when the embarrassment

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>>25724068
>work at grocery store
>mfw I get to work that line
>always count the number of items
>call out anyone with even one more
>mfw the look of embarrassment on their faces

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>vow to leave r9k forever due to normie invasion
>return pretending to be normie and post bait in every thread
>realise I was getting mad at bait all along

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>Work in cafe
>customers ask me to put sugar in their coffee
>Don't

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>>25724111
The trips have spoken.

Also
>woke up today
>going for a nice morning fart
>shit my underwear

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>At therapist
>"are you depressed"
>"no"
>I actually am depressed

>auditioned for play in high school
>got main role
>I transferred to a different school a day before it premiered

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>get hold of a normie's number
>keep making craigslist ads for ridiculously cheap popular consumer electronics with his number
>he changes it

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>drive around in my car looking for couples
>splash them with liquid and drive away
>mfw

>normie asks me for directions to nearest gas station
>give him directions to the second nearest gas station

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>>25724296
This one made me kek. Also:

>Go to SSI office for neetbux
>"Do you have any mental health disorders?"
>Say yes
>Actually have none

>>25724206
did the same, except i was butt naked on my chair. it still smells.

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>in elevator
>woman is jogging towards the door
>press close door quickly
>smile at her
>call her a whore just as the doors close on her

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>>25724456
>she's going to the same floor
>when the elevator opens you see her coming up the stairs

>>25724109
>get called out
>dump extra item in rack
>checkout
Have fun restocking those go backs on the way to your break wagie.

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>boyfriend asks me to put his sandwich in the microwave for 20 seconds
>put it in for 21

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>teacher asks for homework in
>i didn't do it

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>500 word essay due
>only do 499

>>25724343
OK this one made me lel

>purchase wine
>read back label
>"drink responsibly"
>neck bottle on way home from shop
>gf asks "did you get teh wines anon?"
>OMG HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN
>rush back to shop for another bottle

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>>25724566
>tripfag gets dubs without even contributing

lol y'all niggas savage

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>show funny pepe images to normies
>tell them his name is "peppy"

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>girl asks me if I think she's pretty
>say yes
>I actually don't

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>Person asks for directions.
>Send them the opposite way

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>show funny pepe images to normies
>tell them his name is "peh-peh"

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>>25724456
>close door button does anything

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>show funny pepe images to normies
>tell them his name is "peep"

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>>25724601
>gf
>ten wines
>OMG
poor quality bait

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>show funny pepe images to normies
>tell them his name is "pee-pee"

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>show funny pepe images to normies
>tell them his name is "payp"

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>>25724741
>>25724758
>>25724781
>>25724801
THE PNNACLE OF THE ABSOLUTE

M A D M A N
A
D
M
A
N

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>show funny pepe images to normies
>tell them his name is "pay-pay"

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>show funny pepe images to normies
>tell them his name is "peepay"

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>show funny normie images to pepe
>tell him her name is "tracey"

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>show funny pepe images to normies
>tell them his name is "paypeh"

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>show funny pepe images to normies
>tell them his name is "peel"

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>show funny pepe images to normies
>tell them his name is "pepe minaj"

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>show funny pepe images to normies
>tell them his name is "poopoo"

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>show funny pepe images to normies
>tell them his name is "sanik"

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>show funny pepe images to normies
>tell them his name is "pahpy"

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>show funny pepe images to normies
>tell them his name is "POO POO PEE PEE"

Watching /r9k/ try to invent a meme is an amusing experience

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>show funny wojak images to normies
>tell them his name is "feels guy"

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>>25724741
>>25724758
>>25724781
>>25724801
>>25724814
>>25724833
>>25724848
>>25724859
>>25724867
>>25724876
>>25724897
>>25724906
>>25724916
>>25724927
>>25724938
>>25725040
>show devilish thread to reddit
>they come and ruin it with unfunny forced memes
>get lots of upboats

>>25724859
This made me laugh in the middle of a doctor's office waiting rooms. So many weird looks were thrown my way

>>25725436
Now THAT is devilish.

>>25723980
> pretend to be retarded
> anons call me out on it
> continue doing it because it works

fuck the police desu

>mischief thread of /r9k/
>post
>derail the thread
fuck you OP

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>fat girl shows interest in me
>tell her that I have a gf already
>22 hhkv never had gf

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>pronounce pepe pee pee

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>go to Facebook
>post rare pepe's

>>25723702
>post that I saged
>didn't actually sage
come at me mods

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>>25723702
>normies in my office think im a nice and quiet young lady
>when i come home I fart and post on r9k

>>25728535
>lady
get out get out get out!

>biking to BART from work today
>realize I have to make a left turn, and I'm in the far right lane
>some roastie cunt in a black SUV is pulling up to the light
>cut her off when she's slowing down, freak her the fuck out
>she glares at me and honks as she turns right
I love fucking with cager bitches, women do not belong on the road t b h

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>>25723702
>stranger asks for the time
>tell them it's 10:24
>it's actually 10:26

>>25723702
>Mommy asks me to not give her my cummys inside of her
>Put my cummys inside of her anyway

/devilish/

>>25724859
holy shit dude almost choked on pizza

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>>25724741
>He thinks it's pronounced pehpeh

>>25728681
also crashed into some asian cunt's sedan while running a stop sign, scratched and dented her door a fair bit, then just cycled off right in front of her
lol carcucks

>>25728925
how do you pronounce it then asshole.

>>25728988
The only right way: Pepe

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>>25723863

ABSOLUTELY SATANICAL

>>25729082
its peh-pay then

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>claim to be transgendered
>actually just a flaming faggot

>>25729820
Pep- ayy

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>go to doctor
>complain of insomnia
>he prescribes me ambien
>don't actually have insomnia

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>Nextdoor neighbor throws out junk mail not shredding it
>I now have his address

>>25723863
#wastehistime2016
Absolute madman!

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>Go to doctor
>Claim I have ADHD
>Gives Aderall
>Just wanted to see how fast I could cum in one fap.

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>be bored
>decide to go on /r9k/
>browse around for a bit
>still bored
>decide to make a thread
>say I'm going to shoot up a place in Florida in 30 minutes
>get a large supply of (you)s
>30 minutes later
>don't shoot up anything
>mfw

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>>25730470
>do the same thing
>don't shoot up place
>here someone walking up to my door
>"why don't you have a seat over here?"
>mfw

>>25724456
This is probably best one in thread

>>25723702
>>>/b/663164719

this is real mischief

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>Put text in spoilers
>Trick people into reading it thinking it's important

>>25723937
it was way worse when pee pee poo poo threads and mischief first took off family.

>>25724516
Who puts a FUCKING sandwich in the microwave for ANY amount of time!

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>>25725436
SATANIC

Originalfuckfacebot

>>25724516
What the fuck kinda sandwich needs to be microwaved?

>>25730244
If he lives next door couldn't you just read the house number?

>>25731062
You stupid, pal?

>>25731300
hes just b8ing son, dont feed

>>25724781
I have friends who say it as "peep" and it torments me whenever they say that

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>post in /mischief/ thread
>don't post any mischief

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>cunt walking with her little shit stain kid asks me where the Scotia Bank is
>send her to a different plaza with the TD Bank


>bitch at the mall handing out hand cream samples
>"your mother might like it for Christmas"
>"I don't celebrate Christmas"
>I actually do celebrate Christmas

>>25728930
fucking with drivers as a cyclist is the most fun I'll ever experience

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>>25733115
you live in pickering dont you, you went to the pickering town center didnt you

>>25733248
Just keep it in the back of your head that we have the power to brutally murder you at any moment.

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>>25733388
*DING DING* OUTTA MY WAY WAGE SLAVES
*DING DING* OOPS DID I SWERVE INFRONT OF YOU? RIGHT OF WAY WAGEKEK
*DING DING* MAKE ROOM ON THE SIDEWALK NORMIES, SPEED NEET COMING THROUGH

>>25729820
>>25730222
yeah, it pronounced like the soccer (football) player

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>>25727959

SAGE SAGE SAGEEEEEEEEEE

[SPOILER] PLS i AM ORIGINEL [/SPOILER]

>>25728535
Pls be my gf and fart on my face

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>>25724749
>persian asks for directions
>send them the wrong way

Normie asks me how much the textbook for the class costs.
>"$15"
>actually costs $50