Gimme gimme chicken tendies,
Be they crispy or from Wendys.
Spend my hard-earned good-boy points,
on Kid's Meal ball pit burger joints.
Mummy lifts me to the car,
To find me tendies near and far.
Enjoy my tasty tendie treats,
in comfy big boy booster seats.
McDonald's, Hardee's, Popeye's, Cane's,
But of my tendies none remains.
She tries to make me take a nappy,
But sleeping doesn't make me happy.
Tendies are the only food,
That puts me in the napping mood.
I'll scream and shout and make a fuss,
I'll scratch, I'll bite, I'll even cuss!
Tendies are my heart's desire,
Fueled by raging, hungry fire.
Mummy sobs and wails and cries,
But tears aren't tendies, nugs or fries.
My good-boy points were fairly earned,
To buy the tendies that I've yearned.
But there's no tendies on my plate!
Did mummy think that I'd just ate?
"TENDIES TENDIES GET THEM NOW,
YOU FAT, UNGRATEFUL, SLUGGISH SOW!"
I screech while hurling into her eyes,
My foul-smell bowel-dwelling diaper surprise.
For she who is pooped on is she who remembers:
Never forget my chicken tenders.
>"TENDIES TENDIES GET THEM NOW,
>YOU FAT, UNGRATEFUL, SLUGGISH SOW!"
>just finished mowing the lawn
>mowing the lawn is worth 50GBP, which brings my balance to about 350
>I now have enough to get a ten piece tendie dinner
>"Mummy I would like to purchase a tendy dinner with my GBP!"
>"Anon, we're out of chicken tenders, didn't I tell you?"
>I walk into my room
>pull out a shit jar that's been under my bed for a year
>remnants of moldy, tendy filled shit are pressed against the glass
>"We still have some"
>mother gags and runs to the sink
>she unleashes a torrent of vomit into the garbage disposal.
>"cook them for me mummy, after all, I've been a good boy for you. It's the least you could do."
>"Anon, I can't even look at that thing, let alone cook it!"
>I charge the bitch and slam the jar into her face, knocking her out cold
>swing the jar over my head and onto the counter, bursting it and splattering moldy, chunky shit all over the kitchen
>piss all over mummy
>leave a note that says "You should treat your good boy better and not go back on your word :). Next time I won't be so nice. Love, your favorite child"
>go back to playing CS:GO on my PC
>lost all my tendies and GBP because pooped on mommy
>decide to earn one billion GBP
>buckle down and start working hard
>clean the piss, shit and cum jugs out of my room and earned 100 GBP
>step outside for the first time in years and go to the barber, earned 10 GBP
>get a shave and a haircut, earned 50 GBP for each
>enroll back in college, 100 points
>keep racking up points for years
>lose weight, get fit 100,000 points
>get a gf 10,000 points
>graduate medical school 100,000 points
>get married and buy a house 1,000,000 points
>mommy awards points for grandkids so I get my gf pregnant a few times as well
>decide to see them through college for bonus points
>fast forward, kids come home for Christmas from unis
>I'm getting close to my goal of 1 billion GBP
>my sons are happy to see me
>my daughter is saying some shit about how stressful college life is
>"I'm having a hard time at college dad, it's so competitive"
>well honey, I'm sure you'll make it you just have to bee yourself, I have complete faith in you
>"Oh daddy I'm so glad I have you here to keep me grounded! I don't know what I would do without you."
>I've been keeping close count of GBP, 10 points for giving fatherly advice means I've reached my goal
>A smug smile creeps upon my lips
>I'VE BEEN A GOOD BOY FOR MOMMY
>hook my daughter in the face
>shit on the dinner table, ruin the Christmas dinner
>my family looks on in horror
>sprint out of the house all the way to mommy's retirement home
>kick the door down
>grab her hand and smear it with shit
>I'VE BEEN A GOOD BOY MOMMY WHERES MY TENDIES
>she stares at me with dead eyes, a single teardrop in her left one
That was four years ago. I've been living off my GBP ever since!
>wake up and decide I want some delicious chicken tendies
>go into mommy's room and see her wrestling with another new daddy
>do an Ultimate Splash onto the bed to get their attention
>new daddy jumps out of bed and starts screaming at me
>mommy tells new daddy "it's okay Chad, he doesn't know any better"
>tell mommy I want tendies now
>she tells me nowhere is open
>start slapping my belly like bongo drums and chanting "TENDIES! TENDIES! TENDIES!"
>new daddy puts on shorts and storms out of the house
>mommy starts crying
>tell her she should just be happy that Chad stuck his peepee in her dusty old naughty place
>she tells me that's not nice and will take away my GBP
>dare the cunt to try
>she goes to rip up my receipt for 100 GBP
>start to unsheath my katana
>she panics and scribbles me a check for 500 more GBP
>tfw the bitch drove to Wendy's that very night
Why does buying my tendies have to be such a fucking ordeal?