>nothing makes me happy except for being loved >all i want is to be happy
>parents didnt love me because its somehow my fault they were fuckups >as a kid want to be rich so i could buy their love >decide they would never love me and being rich means nothing
>find friends make me happy >make tons of friends >want to be liked by everyone so i didnt cause conflict despite being surrounded by pieces of shit >decide friends cant solve my problem
>decide to become solitary because nobody can ever love me >as miserable as ever >start to consider suicide
>finally find a glimmer of hope >find someone who makes me truly happy >due to my autism she leaves >back to the same hollow depressed feeling >lose my job
And now the only reason I havent killed myself is because the single good person i know told me they wouldnt be able to handle it if myself. All of my money has gone to the lottery. And if I cannot find a new job within a month I think i'm done.
i want to be beautiful, industrious, and desirable. i don't want to be loved, and i don't want to be happy. i will always be miserable. so i want to mystify others with my misery. i want them to look at me, the man with everything, and wonder why i'm so sad. i want to make them reexamine their own contentment.
>>25653990 >ideally Get my PhD in computer science specializing in algorithms. Do my post-doc wherever, I don't really care. Hopefully get hired as a professor at a university, teach dumbass kids about computer science, do research and all that other stuff associated with being a professor/lecturer. If not that then hopefully get hired as a researcher at a private firm or for the government, don't care which so long as I'm paid and I get to do research.
At the same time, hopefully I meet a qt in grad school and we get married. Maybe have a couple of kids. Ideally, we'd live in a small town close to where I work or where she works. There's one town in particular I'd like to live in, but it's smack dab in the middle of my state and is at least a 3 hour drive away from any major city.
Once this is done, retire and live in a comfy cabin with my wife nestled up in the mountains or woods where we'll live simply until we die of old age.
>realistically Either I kill myself via pills + alcohol + exit bag (and maybe a canister of nitrogen, but that shit is expensive and I'd need to purchase a regulator all the necessary tubing) very soon...
I scrape by for another year, get my degree, get some shitty developer job or an even shittier dead end IT job. From then on, I'll just live my life in constant disappointment, depression, self-loathing, and loneliness until I either kill myself or retire poor, alone, and waiting to die.
>>25654805 The pills + alcohol is to knock me out so I don't rip the bag off my head in a panic when the oxygen level starts to drop and the CO2 level starts to rise. I don't intend on OD'ing on pills and alcohol, I'm just going to take a few pills, take some shots, wait until I get sleepy, and then pull the bag over my head (have to make sure it's airtight though, so some sort of elastic closure would be needed since I don't want to fuss around with tape or string while I'm quickly falling into a deep sleep).
The pills and alcohol are just there to make this method fail proof, ideally.
>find some people online or irl >get a gun, and fake or real bomb >strap bomb to chest Alla ackbar style >have switch that i press and bomb only detonates if i let go >go into banks and reveal bomb >rob banks >become notorious >have more elaborate and fascinatign bank robberies >keep doing it untill im caught >if im never caught, get an army of mercenarys with my money, or have an army of fans >take over fort knox >become richest country in the world and start world domination
easiest way to get rich and famous
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