You will have to excuse the extreme faggotry of this post. I have come here rather than /adv/ because I felt it was more specific to you. I went and got a crush on one of you and it turns out it's a bit shit.
I don't think I can deal with anymore of this almost sociopathic attitude.
I don't want to give up but for those of you who can relate to an avoidant, indifferent, pessimistic personality type...do you think it's better for me in the long run to just focus on distancing myself from this person before I end up destroying my confidence?
I can't ask real life friends (in b4 normie) because they would laugh in my face and tell me to get my ass down to the club and grind a chad which is just not for me.
Thanks in advance.
You're right to not want shitty negative people to drag you down.
But it would be better for both of you if you tore off the band-aid and told them that it was over, rather than just passively "distancing yourself".
Also you should get the fuck off our board you normie roastie slut.
Sorry, what I meant was that I would tell him directly and then work on getting over the positive feelings I have for him. I wouldn't fuck him around like that as I'd still like to speak to him. I would just need a bit of time for my brain to catch up. Also, point made, will go back to lurking as soon as my thread has died. Thanks for your input anon.
Not much to say really, other than I think he's 10/10 wonderful. I'd like to keep details as vague as possible.
This is how I feel. He's obviously comfortable how he is, doesn't need the some reassurance and validation that a lot of other people need.
I don't want to try and coerce him into acting a certain way just to appease me (although I'm sure he doesn't) and I definitely don't want to change him.
I don't think it's even going to get to that point given the issues I'm having already, so perhaps it's a waste of time thinking about. Maybe I've answered my own question.
It's probably best to reduce back to friends then. Relationships are supposed to be mutually beneficial, with both parties compromising to reach overall betterment (or so I've heard). Calmly and firmly state your concerns to him, tell him how you feel, what your concerns are (in school they thought us to use "I statements" and stuff). If he (or you) can't/won't compromise, then its best to break it off and just be good friends (don't just drop him like a not potato, that's not nice and you probably make him feel more lonely and unwanted than he already does, I know I did when I expressed my concerns about feeling like a beta orbiter to a "friend" of mine. That was the tipping point for me, looked at my life and saw how worthless it was. Changed me from depressed to suicidal)
Hope this helps famalam
Thank you, Anon. A very good response which has given me a lot to think about.
I would never just drop him as we're talking about a friendship of several years. However, I look forward to seeing his messages every morning, worry about him when things aren't so good and almost everything reminds me of him at the moment because we do talk so much. I think in order to get over this minor infatuation, I'd probably need to take myself away for a little while, but I would definitely speak to him before I make any decisions.
The hardest part will be discussing it with him as I get either no answers at all or something incredibly avoidant which makes me feel like I'm talking crap. I don't want to seem like I'm giving him an ultimatum as he will just tell me that it's my decision. Standard rules do not apply here, which is frustrating but also refreshing.
Any tips on how to speak to somebody who doesn't like to talk about things like this?
Well for me I usually prefer texting, since I'm not good at face to face. If he's like that, then its best to try to talk to him face to face. It'll take him out of his comfort zone and just might not give him enough time to be avoidant. Yah, try not to give him an ultimatum, but don't be too lax. If someone tells you they'll fix their problem eventually, or it'll take a long time, what that means is that they'll change when its beneficial to them, not if it will help you. Be firm and persistent. Bring the topic up constantly, like what counselors do. Don't give him any leeway. This talk has to happen. Set out a plan and work with him to fix it. Be supportive, be persistent, shown him that this compromise is better for the both of you (maybe have some reward system?). Try not to be too pushy, but try not to be too lax, be on his case just enough so that he understands the urgency and seriousness of this situation, make him think up a plan. I'm not sure if this will work, but maybe plan face to face dates where you can talk about these kinds of stuff? It's probably best to ease your way into these talks, like getting in a comfortable mood to start having deeptalks (so he loosens up and feels like he's not being attacked). Maybe segway from something else? Again this is just ramblings from a fellow robot who his school peers seem to consider uncharacteristically helpful and wise (I have no idea why, these are just opinions I have that just pop into my head), but I still hope this helps (also sorry for the rambling format)
Thank you very much, your reply is excellent.
Face to face thing isn't a good idea, at least not at the moment. I'll speak to him about how I feel, try and gauge his reaction and make a decision based on that. He's not reluctant to discuss things and luckily for me, will listen to what's on my mind. He's just not that good at giving answers which is understandable.
Also, I don't want him to change the way he is or the way he acts, I just want to know if there's any point in me continuing this or whether I'm better off cutting myself off. This is a question he'll never answer though, so I reckon I need to decide myself.
Yah, people aren't good at objectively stating weather they would be worth it or not. Hopefully this gets sorted out with you. Yah your best bet is to case him out, see what his reactions are, if it'll be healthy for you to stay. Maybe he'll tone down the sociopathic part of him, jus4u. Glhf in this life journey. Take is slow, but deterministic