>gf of 1.5 been done since Dec 11 >binge drinking and binge hyde/xanex >last 2 weeks have been nothing but alcohol fueled sex binge with numerous hookers and whores >feel lil better knowing I can get bitches relatively easy >but god damn do I still hurt.
>>25633872 >don't like how I look >broke up with who I thought was the love of my life 3 months ago, shit turns nasty real quick, she's been giving me hell >for a while it didn't matter because I was rebounding >my rebound was a stripper with amazing boobs and a cute face and amazing cuddles but she was just really...mean. And as things went on, she took longer and longer to reply to me (like entire days), until one day after seeing her I never text her at all and she hasn't text me either. >miss having someone >feel too ugly/ low self-esteem to find anyone else >my jaw is a bit fucked up in that it never really grew the correct way. I'm unsure if I'm ever going to be able to fix it. People say I look fine and they can't notice overbite etc but I obsess over it. >estranged from my parents for years, my mother was awful, I did like my father though but the last words he said to me when I tried to talk to him about how bad my mother had treated me my whole life (witnessed by countless others in the family and family friends, yet he turned a blind eye cos he's majorly cucked) "you'll never tear me and your mother apart" So I said "you'll never see me again". That was almost 2 years ago. He's been trying to get in contact but for me it's just too late for him to start acting like a afther to me (I'm 27).
>Be in love with this girl for 5 years >5 years of my life I spent obessing over her, being stuck in the friendzone >finally get out of the friendzone >literally the best moment of my life >She was everything I wanted in a woman >we talk every day, she's really into me >One day she stops texting me >ask her what's up >tells me "I found someone better"
I've been drunk or high everyday since then. I just want someone to love me the way I loved her. I just want to be better, but I'll never be good enough for her or anyone else
>scrolling through facebook >other ex gf is out partying tonight >chad is gonna dick her down >meanwhile im drunk at home alone
>>25634948 yes. thank you. I feel a little less alone because now I know there is someone else very similar to me dealing with the same issues.
I can never communicate the things that are important to me. I try so hard but no one understands. The world and I speak 2 different languages, and it's frustrating because they're so close that sometimes I think people get me and I get people. With time I realize nobody around me understands me and I have never understood anyone around me.
I am. I wake up tired after sleeping for 8 or more hours. Sometimes I go a long time with very little sleep. I hardly eat. I work and try to do a decent job and come home to sit on my computer, eat junk food, drink soda and waste my life. I'm not in school. I live with my father. My new car that I was really happy to have (I like to drive around the city at night and listen to music, helps me relax and feel like I can get away from all this) was hit by a deer and tore up. Right now the girl I love and my best friend, her boyfriend, are together cuddled up. I'm involved in a fucked up love triangle in which I'm the outsider. It's a complicated situation in which there is no good way out, but when it comes time I will be the one to cut contact, like I did before when they first got together. They won't like it but the situation is killing me.
Nothing is interesting or exciting to me. I don't really want to do anything or be anything. I have no goals, drive, ambition or motivation. I just don't want to live anymore. I wish I'd never been born. I'm not close to my parents, who are my only family, and the people I call friends are only still called such because I've known them for so long. I've let every chance in my life pass by because I was too afraid of failure to bother trying, and I regret it immensely now.
I just want the feeling of emptiness and loneliness to stop. I'm too melancholic, bitter and afraid to make it anywhere in this world. I consider suicide a lot more these days. I don't want to live anymore.
You know I've been thinking for the last half hour or so about the fact that I've been visiting this site for almost nine years, and in those years I've lurked and on occasion left a decent reply but rarely have I offered any meaningful input or had a true heart-to-heart with other anons who post here. This may not mean much to you robots but the many times that I've come across a post or thread of someone describing how sad/depressed they are I try my best to keep them in my thoughts, and on the rare occasion that I end up praying before I fall asleep, I'll pray for some of you. If you're the kind of robot who's family and friends have distanced themselves from you and you are really, truly alone tonight, please just remember that someone out there is thinking about you. I may not know your whole life story, and I may not have constant contact with you, but regarding what you share with me and for what it's worth, I care about a lot of you.
tfw been depressed since I could remember. I've been this way since at least age 10 I'm 21 now, I don't even know why anymore. everything is just numb to me as its always been, and im just very calm as always. Now I've gained more weight, and pretty much sealed my fate again.
I'm just so lonely, robots. It pains me to have no one to share my interests with. I sit in my room engrossed in something and have fun by myself, but as soon as I leave my room it all turns to nothing.
No one to get excited with. No one to share new things with. No one to revisit the old "boring" things with. No one to learn with. No one.
How do I cope with this? I hope to find like-minded people in grad school, but even then I'm a socially anxious quiet person who has trouble opening up on the best days.
I am sad because I feel like I have a bad relationship with my dad. It's not all his fault, but it's not all my fault either. The only time he talks to me is when I am doing poorly (failing) in a class, and then it is just criticism. I only time I talk to him is when I need to. I love him and I know he loves me, but the situation makes me sad and I know it makes him sad too.
I'm sad because I don't love my mother and can't have a functional relationship with any women. I'm sad because the love of my life has been stolen away from me by her normie friends and I know she's better off for it. I'm sad because I'm a sad, miserable person.
I'm sad because of Redditors taking out screencaps for internet points. i only care because it brings more of them here. The post about the dude that got cucked by his dad has 800,000 views on imgur already. The worst thing is we can do nothing about it.
Mom hates me for being physically and mentally unwell. Blames me for my younger siblings not doing good at school (I'm 18 btw). I can't do anything, I'm a bed-ridden loser waiting to die, and it makes me unbearably sad. I wish I could kill myself but the only method available to me is jumping off a building, which I don't want to do for a number of reasons.
When I was in college, one of my lecturers came up to me in the library while I was working on and assignment and expressed concern because I "was always on my own." And she assigned someone in the class to "look out for me" and be my friend. Made me feel worse to be honest, I was 22 then, it was demoralizing because I didn't really think I stood out as having a problem, just kind of kept to myself.
I eventually made more friends and one of the popular girls took a likeing to me when we had a clinical placement together. We ended up in a share house together with some other people from class, and we were all friends. Girl and I started dating, she was fucking hot. But one day I saw a message, her friend (someone I thought was my friend too, who hung out with us and seemed to post a lot to my facebook, interact a lot with me) told her that she didn't "get" our relationship, and that I was "weird."
It really cut me to the core, and I haven't got over it even years later. Even still, that other girl was with me for another year or so after that (2 years in total). To console me when her friend said that, she said "you know you're weird. You're my little weirdo, there's nothing wrong with that." It helped a bit because she was quite insightful for a neurotypical normie.
Anyway, I have digressed but the apex of all that was that being called "weird" feels like such a hurtful thing even if we know we arent like other people.
>>25636066 We're fucked some how some way. Best thing I've ever done in life is just stop caring, but apparently people get mad when your apathetic so if you wanna blend in you have to laugh every so often. I fucking hate laughing with a passion, but its become a habit now to laugh even when I don't want to so now people think I'm one jolly motherfucker.
I'm starting to get really lonely, I have no friends IRL and I've lost who I thought were my new circle of online friends now.
Basically there was this girl that treated me all nice and we talked all day, and I thought that meant we were pretty good friends. I made friends with her friends as well and I had entered their "circle". Well turns out the girl actually doesn't care much for me and she stopped talking as much to me after a bit. After feeling like I lost a really good friend, I went and vented to some people. My choice of words was probably a bit poor, but I certainly didn't have any malicious intent, and venting actually helped me accept things.
Well, she kinda found out because one of the people I talked to actually felt kinda similar to how I did and went and tried to intentionally tell her hurtful things. She forgave the guy next day but as for me, it's been like 2 weeks and she still doesn't talk to me unless necessary and there's no signs of friendship at all.
As for who I thought were my new "circle" of friends, they don't really talk to me at all either. I'm not in bad terms with them, but if the girl is with them, which is most of the time, I won't really get included in anything and all I can do is watch them have fun and enjoy themselves while I feel like a lonely piece of crap.
Some would think it's pathetic to care so much about online things, but I've been alone for way too long IRL. Online is the only place where I can have friends, or so I thought. I really thought these people were nice, and talking with them helped distract me from how shit my life is.
I guess. Really, I just spend a lot of time thinking about all the mistakes I've made, all the ones I'm probably going to make and all the times I'll see that I'm about to make a mistake and then make it anyway.
>>25633872 >Been getting steadily worse for the last 3 years >No real reason, just my brain fucking my shit up >Trying to control it, I have ups and downs but I've been down for months now >Can feel the anxiety that was suposed to be gone appearing again, don't tell anyone but I'm losing control >Obsessing over shit, lately it's my teeth. Really bad feeling, going back to childhood GAD anxiety >Just generally feeling bad
>>25636245 God, I know so well. All of my actions have to be filtered through my "normal filter", so people don't get skeeved out at how pessimistic I am. I wish there didn't have to be such a barrier between people.
I'm sad because we're an accident. We're a biological accident in a stupid universe that is mechanical but has no finer feelings; a vast, pointless gyration of radioactive rocks and gas in which we happen to occur.
>>25633872 I am sad because I threw away every opportunity in my life, because I never had anything resembling guidance. Then I just sort of gave up. Now nothing is the way I had ever dreamt it would be and I can't find any way of ever obtaining the things I once wanted most.
>>25637049 Thanks. It means a lot that someone read and responded. I've been lurking this thread and I've read every post, and I just want to say I feel for all of you as well. I feel somewhat close to you all, and these sorts of threads are the ones that I still come to /r9k/ for. Honest, genuine talking about how we all feel.
I don't know what to say that won't sound cliche and completely meaningless from me, but I guess the best I've got is I genuinely hope for the best for you guys.
>>25637157 I don;t know how I could stand such a thing. I may not be competent enough to get what I want out of life, but at least I have something to strive for, even though my inability to reach such goals only drives me to sadness.
>last year, 21 >finally get gf, first one ever, my first everything, fall madly in love with her >6 fucking months later she dumps me >still feel sad about her even though I havent seen since last xmas and she was a giant cunt who Im much better off without >despite this I still feel a hole she left in my heart because I truly loved her and she just threw it away simply "because" >decide "fuck this" and get fit, groom myself, and get a better wardrobe >since then I havent been with anyone else, not even one date and not from lack of trying >have attempted to ask out numerous women since then, lost count of how many but was rejected by all of them >the few that didnt reject me turned out to be bitches >no interest in casual flings or fuck buddies, only want a committed monogamous relationship >one never contacted me again after making plans to hang out, another turned out to be a raging alcoholic, the next was a raging whore, and one became crazy obsessed after talking on the phone once >most recent one hurt the most though >girl Ive known for a year or two, never really talked to finally starts chatting me up at a family/friends xmas get together >feel a decent connection with her but I keep my guard up >keeps talking to me, seems interested, laughs at all my stupid jokes, touches me when we're talking, always wants to hang out and smoke weed together >start to like her a bit and let my guard down for one fucking second despite the few redflags I see >turns out she has an on and off boyfriend who's 10 years older than her and when asked about it she just says "its complicated" >keeps asking me to hang out >get angry because i know she just wants me as a beta orbiter >get confused because i wonder if I'm wrong and shes genuine >get angry again because i keep going out with her hoping im wrong and that shes a genuine human who actually likes me
I just want someone to love me for me is that so goddamn much to ask for?
I only ever fell in love with someone once, and it turned out she has a boyfriend of many years. So I figured cutting her off entirely would be less painful then hanging around pretending to be complacent with our friendship. If anyone needs someone to rant to, I'll be here for at least the next hour to bounce thoughts off of.
>>25638144 That entire route was an emotional rollercoaster. I highly recommend the muvluv series. starting with muvluv extra into unlimited, than doing alternative. Even now when I hear this it still fucks me up. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5JICa_ZxBk
>>25633872 I just kind of wish I was dead like all the time. I sleep like 13 hours a day, less time for loneliness. I want to self-terminate but I know it would destroy my mother, that's about the only thing that keeps me going. When she passes away, I guess I'll see what happens.
>>25638173 Damn that makes me so much more enraged that she's dating someone a decade older as well. And yeah both situations are awful, we will overcome though. Its better off to just take the pain now and get it over with than to let ourselves get dragged through the mud waiting for something that won't happen.
>>25638287 Yeah it's pretty shitty. It's a really weird situation all together though, I mean the guy's 33, she's 23 but she leads him around by the nose and he is a total beta pussy. He's a nice guy, I've met him a couple times but he's extremely quiet and she's always bossing him around, it's just odd.
But yeah you're totally right. Even if it were to happen with that particular girl, in your situation or mine, it would just be a fucked up relationship because you and I both know these types of women and it'd be fucking doomed from the start.
>>25635608 Fuck. I feel that, anon. The only way I've found to cope with it is by letting go of my own interests and hanging out with other people, doing what they like, basically just going with it. But it kinda leaves you wondering who the fuck you are. Especially when you have to mould your opinions based on theirs because you want to fit in.
>>25637845 Or maybe you're just hanging out with shitty people. I used to think I was boring as fuck because I literally could not hold a conversation but when I met the right people, we found common ground easily and I couldn't stop talking. Go out, dude. You're not boring.
>>25638571 This. You're purposely secluding yourself with these people. If they find you boring you clearly had nothing in common. Ghost these people and stick with people you entertain. You have nothing to lose because you were just an acquaintance in the first place.
Maybe two months ago at the start of uni i got along great with a girl from the same major. In the introductionary week of my uni i always talked to her and i thought things went great personally. In the first few weeks of uni i still talk to her and again everything went great. After a couple of days we watched a movie together and had dinner at her place. I got sick by the end of the movie and vomited in her toilet. I left and she felt sorry for me. Most painful train ride back to my town i've ever had. Fast forward a week and i tell her there's a carnaval in my town and we should go together since it'll be fun. She agrees and we decide to go after classes in the afternoon. Again, i get sick and vomit. I didn't even make it past the campus. After that she got more and more distant with me, responded later to my texts and started talking less and less to me. Even to the point where she started to ignore my presence. I don't get why she did this. Even though i don't talk to her anymore i still think about her everyday.
>>25633872 I feel like I have some potential but I simply can't get to it. I just waste time all day playing vidya, watching movies and lurking. I have no close friends and I don't know what I'm good at or what I enjoy, since I always get bored/tired of anything I'm interested in.
>>25633872 I have a disease, it's called heroin addiction. I want to stop but I can't. Everyone tells me to stop like it's a switch I can flip. I've resolved to quit many times but every morning when I awake and the withdrawal begin to set in, I run to the dope like a good boy that I am. It's as if something overcomes my thoughts and controls me. If God doesn't save me I'll lose everything or die.
>>25635348 Oddly enough for this board, I don't like being mean, I hope it's cool if I stick to being nice. Feel like talking about a few of the things that are going wrong? Or at least mentioning if it's girls, family, personal problems or whatever. Maybe we can relate and be sad together
>>25638720 When I turned 17, about a junior in high school, a friend of mine shot himself the same day. That coupled with a shitty home life snow balled into what I am today. I had to wait until I moved out to get any help because my parents, both nurses, refused to believe me when I told them I thought something was wrong.
>>25638789 Don't you have anyone who could help you? With more than just words, I mean. Trainspotting-like, where the guy's parents locked him in his room (and tied him to the bed, I think). I've never been through it but from what you and others have said, I doubt it's something you can pull off on your own.
>>25638822 I'm in my last year of high school and it's the same thing, shitty home life + parents refusing to listen and putting lots of pressure on me for irrelevant shit. I guess the only thing to do is wait until I move out. How is your relationship with your parents now?
>>25634885 I used to feel like nobody liked me too, but it was more due to anxiety and my own paranoia. I know it sounds like a shitty motivational cliche that your mom would share on facebook, but I swear that things get better when you have a more positive mindset. I mean, hell, I'm still depressed as fuck when I get home, but at least I can socialise like a normal human being when I go out.
>>25638873 They moved to Florida and I stayed in Missouri for college. I try to avoid talking to my stepfather because of other stuff that also went down, but I still am pretty chill with my mother. They're pretty much opposites, my mom being understanding for the most part and my stepdad being a total dick, the thing is my mom is afraid of him so she just goes with whatever he says.
>>25638922 >I used to feel like nobody liked me too, but it was more due to anxiety and my own paranoia I used to think this way, but then after not being paranoid and being able to handle socializing more I still always ended up being the odd man out, the third wheel, and never really getting invited to anything by anyone. Ended up with no friends again. Haven't really given it another try since then.
Sometimes I feel like I can handle what life is throwing at me. School seems interesting and exercising is fun and I'm not so averse to socializing every so often. Then other times I hate school and I just want to be alone and do nothing all day long. I don't talk to my friends and all my games are boring and my family irritates the shit out of me and I just want to leave everything
I have goals but sometimes they feel like too much to work towards. I've got dreams but some days I realize that it doesn't really matter what I'm working for because it still won't make me happy
I don't know what I need in my life to make me whole. Jobs are pointless and the only reason I need money is so I don't starve and so I can distract myself with useless shit until I die, I feel like I can't have a genuine connection and understanding with another human being, and I'm hopelessly pessimistic and sardonic
I just wish I didn't have these cycles. For a few weeks I'll feel like a new man who can take on the world and I think I'm leaving all my old thoughts and habits behind, and then one day it all comes crashing down and I have to start picking up the pieces all over again. I'm just a hamster on a fucking wheel going absolutely nowhere and I'm sick of it
>>25638972 Do you have any Internet friends? You know, the kind you spend hours with on Skype playing vidya and talking about shit. It's pretty cool and it helps. I still feel like the odd one out but I don't give a fuck anymore honestly, I just try to have a good time nevertheless
>>25638831 I've gotten clean in the past. I was clean for 3 years and I had such zeal for life. Now that I slipped back into it, I just can't stop. Like the shame from relapsing in the first place and comparison of my current mental status to the one I used to have tells me that it's impossible. I've been to numerous detox places. I just came back from Washington like 3 months ago where I was clean for a month and a half prior to 3 years of usage following the 3 years of sobriety.
Trainspotting, in my opinion, is the most accurate representation of heroin addiction movie wise. But you only tie someone down if you want them to rage(because it's impossible to be still during an opiate withdrawal) themselves into insanity and drown in their own pool of diarrhea and vomit.
All the people that have numerous times tried to help me have given up on me.
Fuck, this thread makes me want to talk to everyone and try to help everyone out. I thought mabye having a chat to share feelings in would help, since this thread will 404 soon. Join if you feel like it. tlk dot io slash sadnons
>>25636705 This My brain upgrades according to my achievements in life, so that I will never be happy. If there is no plausible excuse to be sad (social rejection, tfw no gf, virgin etc) I'll just be sad for no reason. Great
>>25639094 I think that way too but when the bad parts of the cycle hits it doesn't matter what I enjoyed or thought was important during the good parts. Nothing matters to me at that point, and having somebody that's important to me see this happen would probably destroy me desu. When it gets bad I isolate myself and retreat here without fail. Longest I've been away must have been almost a year
It never stops though
>>25639248 It's a nice thought but some people are beyond help through just talking. I've talked and thought with tons of people and none of them were able to help no matter how bad they wanted to
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