how do you cope with coming up with conversation topic? how can one be more creative with their topics? should i read more books? watch more movies/shows/stand up comedy and sketches?
Don't try. Don't do small talk. Small talk is awkward. Make occasional eye contact to show you're still there, but stay silent unless you have something to say. Silence is better than awkwardness every single time.
And no, you do not need to enculture yourself. I'm sure you remember some conversations where you had so much to say and not the chance to say it. Once a good conversation gets going it's not hard to hold it (to be fair, most social interactions are just 'hi' and 'hey' small talk, but if elevates beyond that, just force the other person to talk first and start the conversation topic).
also how to be more productive? more physically active? i have a kyphosis and scoliosis to be taken care of but all I do is browse the Internet all day and night, fatigued and worn-out
i want off this ride
i always talk about current, college-related stuff, and it's all uninteresting. i can see others enjoy conversations on variety of topics while i can't come up with anything to interest my interlocutor
the struggle is real
This has helped some people. Think of conversational movement as occurring on two axes; one being topic, and the other being the level of specificity.
My own advice:
>start with an observation about a commonly experienced even (weather is one overused example, if you're in school there's plenty of mutually experienced stuff you can talk about)
>Ask open ended questions over closed ended questions (ex: instead of "Did you like high school?", ask "How was your high school like?".
>MOST IMPORTANT PROTIP: Take an active interest in other people's lives, and get them talking about themselves. Even if you have nothing in common, people will wax eloquent about themselves nearly all the time.
are you the anon i was waiting 20 minutes for? i just want to know whether that's what you wanted to deliver
Right. I never used to have a problem with this until 16, then I sort of forgot how to start conversations. But gradually re learned the ability.
It's far easier when you already know someone at least a bit, because you can just dive straight into topics.
One thing that might work for you is going out in some place your not familiar (so any embarassment doesn't matter) and getting very drunk, and letting the alcohol do the work for you, then you can remember how you started conversations for future reference.
An odd little thing I've thought is that asking how someone is almost kills a conversation from the start. As a britbong talking about the whether is almost the law, so that helps.
This is brilliant, thank you anon
deep, profound and original comment
> I never used to have a problem with this until 16, then I sort of forgot how to start conversations
i can very very very tightly relate
so was the alcohol the only factor that helped you? because it looks like it goes down to this. well i can tell, that i'm more confident drunk, but i can't be drunk everyday, eh
and well, yeah. "how are you" is a dead end
As a general rule, the more you try, the more icy it will be. With the people I'm most familiar with, I will never say "how are you" unless they looks exceptionally happy or exceptionally sad, and even then I'll ask more specifically.
I don't even say 'hello' that often, unless I just happen to bump into them, and therefore are not immediately prepared for conversation.
You know it's kind of funny that I don't know you at all, far less than even my most distant acquaintances, but I feel it's so easy to talk to you.
>and well, yeah. "how are you" is a dead end
Other things to avoid:
>The big three: race, religion, politics. inb4 Cultural marxism, you're not going to go far socially on that pol/sjws soapbox. You can delve into these once a certain rapport has been established, but for most starter conversation, try to avoid.
>don't immediately delve into overly personal questions, or expect them to disclose a lot of sensitive information about themselves without you reciprocating or starting.
>focus on complaining or pointing out how bad something or the other is. It's very easy to fall into the trap of being snarky, sardonic and edgy, but people tend not to like overly negative people.
>Don't start a one-upsmanship contest. If someone tells you how they went to eat at the Italian place down the road, it's not the time to start bragging about how you spent a summer in Florence. There's a difference between relating, and outdoing someone.
>but people tend not to like overly negative people.
lost 2 close friends due to that and i'm about to lose 3rd. i refuse to believe that i am depressed but i honestly feel like that boundary is to be crossed soon. i just can't stop feeling like shit and complaining about life.
People want to be around people who make them feel good, and will generally avoid people who make them feel bad. It sounds grade school tier, "bee urself" advice, but making an effort to be a bit more positive (or at least less negative) does make a person easier to be around.
>I jest but sometimes the best relationships are formed when you're thrown in the deep end.
That's true, however a bit misleading to someone who needs to nail down the fundamentals. Knowing when to bend or circumvent rules like these are a good skill for people already well versed in socializing.