>feel like shit 90% of the time
>black and white thinking
>no friends bc I drive them away
>getting diagnosed with bpd makes doctors instantly hate you
>parents don't understand why I don't just get over it
>literally have to fight myself to not set my best friend's gf's car on fire bc I'm jealous of how much time they spend together
>feel like killing him when he doesn't respond to a text
>feel out of this world good when he compliments me to the point I almost cry
>everyone thinks I'm a two faced psycho bitch
who else here /bpd/, and how the fuck am I supposed to live with this shit
Manic depression here, get help beyond medication OP. I went through the same thing, but now I'm a lot happier. You can make a change.
>10k race runner
Feels good man. Trust me, seek further help.
the first psychologist who diagnosed me bpd had zero (0) suggestions about what i should do. basically told me that therapy could help me control my behavior but that the feelings wouldn't go away. i went for a second opinion and got told the same thing. so i gave up.
>hate being alone, feel lonely
>hate being around people even more
Just fuck my shit up senpai
1. shoo shoo roast beef reeeeeee gtfo and so on
2. I can kinda relate to you, although I am male, I fear I have either DeprNarcPD or BPD. Never been tested, but my life can really suck sometimes with all the emotional thingy stuff whirling around in my brain.
I guess I just have to carry on and see how far down the Rabbits Hole goes.
I'm trying, I started DBT a couple months ago and I start group soon, but it's so fucking slow
th-thanks tho, I think I might try starting some sort of physical exercise regime, my doctors might not want me to because of being bulimic/anorexic but fuck that, from what I can tell it's worth the risk
yeah see that's what it seems like, the dbt thing is focused on just tolerating it and changing behaviour but so far I just feel as erratic, but worse cause I should be improving. Plus I had to start antidepressants which lifted the depression but now the emotions are even stronger and it's just like wtf is this fucked up shit
Bpd is a tough one, I feel for you. Read "how people change" by Allen Wheelis for a realisticly bleak insight into self improvement, maybe "stop walking on eggshells" if you want some additional insight into what effect bpd behavior can have on others. Sorry for your struggles, I know it's hard, because better mental health for you basically involves not trusting your own emotions and reactions. But the hot and cold, black and white world isn't real, so don't spend your whole life living in a delusion. Good luck famm
>tfw schizophrenic cousin
shit m8, that sucks. my cousin, last I checked he thought he was allah and punched his pregnant muslim wife. I think it's better if you aren't around people desu unless you're closer to reality than that
Just do it but don't go overboard anon, I think you can do it. Us humans are meant to be physically active beings. We're build for running, did you know humans are the best distance runners? I've found passion from fitness, that's actually how I met new friends too. The running community is very welcoming. I believe in you anon, don't give up.
eh I saw stop walking on eggshells at a bookstore, I ended up buying "I hate you don't leave me" cause it sounded better
I didn't, I would've thought that was like a dog or something. I do some physical stuff, but it's more like solitary things like cycling or yoga or martial arts by myself
it's probably unhealthy, but isolating myself from other people helps me function better. i can't afford to get attached to anyone because i'm in school and if i get my stupid feelings hurt it's a death sentence for my semester. i've been on antidepressants for most of my life and they haven't done anything for me either.
schizoid is a very different condition to schizophrenic
it's on the same spectrum through, and I am at risk for becoming a proper schizophrenic later in life, if it ever comes to that I'll just kill myself
>death sentence for my semester.
yeah lol, I thought my roommates didn't like me and as a result I got hospitalized for suicidal ideation/threats and ended up dropping out of college. Whenever I go back, I'm sure as hell not having roommates. studio apartment all the way
Well eggshells is more a self help book for those who feel trapped in a toxic co dependency with a bpd sufferer, but it might give you some insight. I feel tackling the codependence tendency, if that is something that effects you, might be most effective in limiting symptoms. Remember too, that bpd isn't something you HAVE, it's just a pattern of thoughts and behaviors people develop, deeply ingrained for sure, but it's not like having aids, it's a problem where the symptoms themselves are the disease.
I did sports in high school (wrestling, football) and was Chad, then I started to notice a change in myself later on, I went onto the internet and and just kinda sat at home, staring at a wall or yelling at my family, and then I finally saw that I needed help and got it. I got back into sports and it got me happier again (also looking better again too, huge confidence booster) I'm in community college right now working on my gen eds and I'm working and doing things again. It really can open a lot of doors in life anon, just don't give up hope. If you have any questions for me just ask.
Bipolar here, started going to therapy two years ago and started drawing. I still get horrible depressions every couple of months but I learned to sorth of deal with them and now its down to one week from a month
I might get it for my senpai/friends then, they might need it. I know bpd isn't something one has, but I phrase it that way cause honestly it gives me some sort of identity to latch onto, even if it is just borderline patient
>parents don't understand why I don't just get over it
My grandma has BPD and was only diagnosed after she and my graddad divorced. My mom certainly has it and is undiagnosed. My sister has some features, but is probably gonna make it. PDs are heritable as fuck, anon. Assuming you're not adopted, they know exactly why you are the way you are, namely, because to some extent it is the way they are and how your relatives are. You are just at the extreme end of the spectrum.
Also, Dialectical Behavior Therapy is the current standard in treating BPD. Find a specialist. BPD is more common as you think, especially if you are female.
the thing is, that's pretty much it
when i got my first diagnosis, i didn't know what it was. i had been diagnosed with depression and bipolar, but never bpd. i did some research and it seemed like it just meant i was an asshole. fast forward a few years, i'm with another shrink and she's asking about my past diagnoses. i ask her, "what's the one where you're just basically an asshole?" and without missing a beat she says "bpd"
one of my fondest memories despite the implications
Thanks ha-ha. I got it back at new years, right in the middle of the dinner but I'm good now again. I think it's somewhat related to either the fact that I didn't have the time to draw or that I was stuck not getting better
Well, it is helpful to have an explanation for what you are experiencing, certainly, but I'm not sure about how I feel about subscribing it as an identity for yourself.
I'm happy you are interested in educating people in your life about what you are experiencing, for those closest to you, it will certainly be helpful, especially if they are unaware about what is happening. If course, then you will have to deal with the frustration of them invalidating your feelings as merely symptoms of your disorder, so prepare for that emotionally when you are in the midst of a swing.
i'm needy and constantly seek validation from others because i have no sense of self-worth. it manifests itself when i don't get the validation i'm after in the form of me lashing out at people who likely have no idea why i'm being that way.
Take heart in the degree in which you are self aware of this process, of course, the key is allowing your knowledge of this to take precedence over your emotions in the midst of its manifestation
fuck thank you, I feel like I'm going crazy thinking my family is almost as borderline as I am when they just keep denying it. And that's good about the DBT, at least it doesn't seem like some gimmicky therapy to make money.
And lol at the female thing, I'm trans and I just absolutely hate it because I think it's neurological in origin, and the only reason hrt works is because it gives the brain the right chemicals it needs, and socially transitioning is beneficial because it has very few downsides for a fairly reassuring validation of what amounts to a birth defect, and yet trannies bitch at me because how dare I insinuate that being trans is part mental illness, part physical illness and not >muh identity. Like I see it like the neurological structures that determine the brain sex matters more in terms of identity only because the self is much more reliant on neurology than biology, like a lobotomy affects someone's personality and self much more than the loss of a limb would, and the pain of the trans patient arises from two main areas, the lack of proper hormones and the disconnect between body and mind. The lack of hormones is easy to fix with hrt, and imo the disconnect is a delusion in the same vein as an anorexic thinks they're fat. The proper treatment should focus on accepting the physical, genital sex as it is, while still acknowledging the neurologic sex, or gender identity and having the two coexist. fuck idk too much of a rant but fuck trans people and fuck normal people and fuck everyone
Theres no crippling stuff, just the occasional sigh, and a lot of thinking. Not much there at all, really.
I want to adopt stoic philosophy, but I couldn't be bothered. I guess that makes me more of a cynic, but I love my country, so I dont know what I am.
Human I guess.
kind of, but only when they feel like it. but they also have the ability to completely sever any emotional connection, totally and instantly, like a flick of a switch. and they do this often. you will literally be erased from their heart and mind and they won't even think about you as you suffer through heartbreak. it's literally inhuman.
>I want to adopt stoic philosophy, but I couldn't be bothered.
>I love my country
I know these feels, brother. I just drink, run, and read, that's it. I considered joining the army, but I'm honestly not sure if it would be a good fit.
>goes on for a week or two
>randomly freak out at 5yr age difference
>totally forgot about him in like an hour
>two weeks later he texts me out of the blue
>two hours later we hooked up
s-sorry for doing that kinda stuff, if it helps idk why I did it
Drink, read, run, lift, shoot, play board games and vidya.
Heading off to the great lakes for BUDS prep this summer. Im going to be in coronado by this time next year.
Wish me luck.
I like the aesthetic of hussars. Quite nice.
autism spectrum disorder here, concretly asperger syndorme.
>impliying I only present a low degree of this syndyome
>little bit hard to catch the subtle body language
>little bit hard to understand the real meaning of a speech with multiple interpretations
they do it whenever you say or do anything that displeases them. Narcissism runs really deep in borderlines, they pretty much want you to think they are perfect. if you do anything to challenge them, you're out, and even if you don't and they get it in their head that you don't think they're flawless, they will be angry with you. but it's worse than that because they hate themselves too and think they are shit and will try to make you say it, and might leave if you don't say it.
they also do it whenever they feel like you might abandon them. if they have strong feelings for you they will suddenly become terrified that you're going to leave, so they erase their emotions and leave themselves instead. all this is rooted in abandonment issues in their childhood.
>I started DBT a couple months ago and I start group soon
im sorry anon... i have to go to that shit and its so useless i cant even begin to explain. it hasnt helped me in the slightest, in fact each time i have to go to group i am sent into a suicidal depression
Not at all, but it's certainly a deserved judgment in some cases. People who say that have never met a true BPD girl, it's just that all girls have the same traits to a much, much lesser extent. You can easily tell the difference between BPD and non-BPD. If you ever meet a BPD girl, every other girl in the universe is going to be mind-numbingly boring to you, and you're going to be eternally addicted to the BPD girl.
dw it's not like he was a real person, he was irish
>tfw I intentionally misinterpret vauge sentences to manipulate people
idk about that narc thing, I have zero self esteem
fuck I was doing one on one and that seems alright
seconded, its shit : /
>I hate you don't leave me
i have this book too! picked it up at a thrift store, i havent read it yet though, is it any good?
antisocial = sociopathic
>Dialectical Behavior Therapy is the current standard in treating BPD
it has so much potential but the way the execute it where i live is so bad it pushes me to the verge of suicide
My ex had BPD
so many good times
in the end she cucked me
I tried so hard
in the end it didnt even matter
cant stop the feels
>one on one
yeah, i love my one on one therapy sessions and my case manager. its group therapy thats severely fucked. they treat it like preschool, no joke. theyre essentially "teaching" us these basic ass "skills" and they drag the material out over months, when it could be condensed into a week. oh, and we have to sit in there for 2 fucking hours going over the same bullshit over and over holy fuck. throughout the experience i feel myself sinking down and down into the depths of hell in my own mind. then i go into complete dissociation from reality. thanks a lot for the help dbt. for example yesterday i went, they spent 2 hours going over "reasonable mind, wise mind, and emotional mind".
reasonable mind= thinking only with logic, with no empathy or emotion whatsoever
emotion mind= letting your emotions entirely guide your actions and using no logic or reason
wise mind= a healthy balance of both
its that fucking simple and weve been having it reinstated over and over for weeks.
>notice I seem to have a lot of the problems described in this thread
>google bpd symptoms
>take a few online bpd test/quizzes
>everyone of them comes back with "severe bpd"
Should I speak with a doctor about this?
it's an ok book, I read it in one night cause it's kinda scarily spot on, but it's really just a more in depth description of bpd and possible causes than any help
also I'm really lucky that it seems like the way dbt is implemented here is really strict, so you can't bend rules or shit
died at 53, lung cancer from smoking
ex model/actress, single mother of three kids for decades, now an english teacher in portugal
manipulative wanker, walked out on my mum cause he felt like it, started dating a coworker a month later, and eventually got remarried to an ex close friend of my mum's. angry at me for not just "getting over" my problems
deceased as of a year ago, he was incredibly intelligent, a chemist, kind, funny, knew 7 languages, ex nazi sharpshooter
probably borderline, grew up in hitler youth, very judgemental but taught me how to knit and can be pretty chill
parents were pretty bad to her, really kind but overprotective, works as a school nurse
tumblrgendermemequeer art student, drug user, feminist, sjw type who can be pretty fun to hang out with cause we are pretty close
mtf borderline, depression, anxiety, bulimia, good at languages, worked in a hospital ed as a secretary but had to leave bc of suicidal ideation
>bonus best friend
probably narc, captain of sports team, really really close and good friend when he's not ditching me for his gf
fuck my shit up
Good luck man, It probably takes a lot of motivation and discipline to train for BUDS. I hope everything goes well for you. As well as BUDS can go I guess.
I've always liked French and Prussian cuirassiers.
oh fug I had to do that with the one on one lady and it took like five minutes, and then we went over how to apply it to daily living, and then we did some mindfulness exercise and then went over the mamalian dive reflex stuff in a forty minute session. Are groups really that fucking slow?
they really are. its awful. oh god. 2 hour sessions going over the sammmeeee saaaaaaaame saaaaaaaame shit over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over until you FUCKING KILL YOURSELDf
based marsha linehan, she realized the only way to fix bpd is to kill the patient, and dbt group is designed to do that without the therapists administering it realizing what they're doing
Bpd or edgy slut?
We're you adopted? Like 90% of people with bpd weren't hold enough as babies and this causes them to see people as objects. If you don't get your bpd fix it can make you into a paranoid schizo, if you get to stressed out. See a therapist and get help instead of telling anonymous your issues. God danm I hate dumb bitches.
>the only way to fix bpd is to kill the patient
i hope this isn't a joke, because this is true. and justified.
i mean, i know you were joking, but yes it's true. people with BPD are literal demons that must be destroyed. if you ever have the opportunity to hurt a person with BPD, do it, and try to make them suicide. you'd be saving the world.
>tfw I'm pretty sure bpd runs in dad's side of the family
>tfw adhd runs in my moms side of the family
>tfw I have both
>you are a rudderless, unequivocally shitty person who will never experience real love or real happiness, who will never connect or empathize properly with another person
>tfw every day you are being crushed beneath cognitive dissonances
BPD is fucking awful. I didn't even know I had it until I was diagnosed a year or so ago, but I've exhibited strong symptoms throughout my life so far. Substance abuse issues, self-harm, volatile personal relationships, persisting cognitive dissonances, all that good stuff.
I'm not even sure I can get better, let alone whether or not I actually want to. My thoughts are becoming increasingly nebulous, to the point where I barely see or understand myself. It's probably been like this for a long time, but I'm only just realizing now how shallow ("empty", if I'm being melodramatic) I actually am.
I've already ordered two books on this so that I can get a better hold of myself.
If I don't see an improvement in myself this year, no matter how small, I'm killing myself.
from what I can tell it's less about getting better in terms of feelings, but getting better in terms of handling them
so basically fucking useless
go see a therapist, don't kill yourself, etc
She never even admitted to doing wrong. I caught her red handed. Then she starts accusing me of cheating on her because I touched a girl's cowboy hat once.
Oh well the guy she left me for is ugly as fuck and lives an hour awayand I doubt it will last.
atleast he wasnt black
the only stable, lasting relationship I've had has been with some with NPD, I think it's a good complement to BPD and I don't see why someone would want to date a BPD if they weren't narcissistic
I'm glad i got out early though I'm actually a better person on this side of her.
I'm not really mad about the whole cheating bullshit. I'm mostly upset because I lost a close friend and I couldn't help her.
The weirdest part is that I guess I never even knew who she was. I just saw a beautiful person (with some daddy issues) at beginning and thought I could find her again. It was all a waste.
>who she was
They're all the same anon, their selfish.
They only care about other people if they make their own lives better-
If you give a person with BPD, 5 dollars a week- they will care about, and hope you don't get hurt- until the end of the week. Then you mean nothing to them.
They're dangerous and terrible
not really, it's pretty much just the same pattern of
>befriend them really easily with charm and stuff
>be super open and friendly
>one day they say something vaguely negative
>think they hate me
>they leave because they're confused
>either let them go and blame them or try to make it better and blame myself
>repeat until friendship/relationship ends
why the fuck would I care about someone if the only interaction I had with them was them giving me money once a week, after they gave me the money that week? five bucks isn't a lot, and it's not next week so I don't have to think about them. Hell, what am I even doing to get the five bucks, having sex with them or something? Cause they shouldn't be getting angry at me for being distant, I should be pissed at them for not giving me enough
yep. by the time I learned what was happening I was already addicted to the dopamine and I thought I could find "her" again. so I kept holdin on
thank god it's over
What is BP exactly?
I don't know if I have something like that because people just shrug my bad episodes off as an emotional explosion that sometimes happens.
>only see things as really good, just normal (boring) or really dark
>manipulate people into getting whatever I want
>put on such a good face people like me and think I do good things for them
>whenever I think about the things I say and do I remember that I feel the most complete when it's an assholr move or going over other peoples' barriers
Sometimes I feel really disconnected from everyone and think all they see in me is a worthless piece of that they'll laugh about later.
Most of the time I have huge energy spikes that give me a fuck all attitude. I feel as if whenever I have an energy spike, which is often, I am not myself and just act out automatically. When they are over I look back at them and ferl like a fucking idiot.
>every fucking day!
first they sucker you by pretending to be your perfect emotional match.
Then one day something changes. maybe they freak out at something you did or you catch them doing something bad and there is a fight
finally the cycle starts. they act like they did when you met them then the next day they lie and cheat untill you leave because they push you too far or they leave you for no real reason
then after the breakup they try to sucker you back in only to push you away over and over again or move on right away and toss you aside like a used emotional condom. or sometimes both.
all this because daddy never loved them enough and they are afraid you are going to leave tham
I dated a girl with BPD, I dropped her after the first time we had sex.
She did the following
>storm off at me for a snide comment about how I'm not a welfare office not realizing it was meant to be fucking funny
>accuse her father of rape
>send pictures of her cutting
>conceal her fatness by tight clothes
>blame me for hanging out with friends the day before valentines day
At last she called my master in bed.
>Meets a cute girl at a smash party
>immediately hit off well lots of chemistry
>can feel myself start to fall for her
>ask her out on valentines day, super romantic me doing the most normie thing i can think of
>she says yes, we start to hang out later in the month
>a month goes by and i lose all attraction to her
> ends relatonship saying we'd be better off as friends
>The guy who introduces us asks her out
>she says yes
>ignore how i feel for her happiness
>can tell she doesnt really like him
>maybe youre a fucking lesbian?
>not the case, but still convinces her that she does have feelings for me
>we both go to her new boyfriend telling him that she still likes me and its not a big deal
>He tells me "oh so you'd have a harem?"
>this pisses me off but i try my best to explain to him that im not looking to fuck her
>we end up deciding for his sake not to go through with polyamory
>i would be ruining the best relationship she's ever had
>i hold onto this for months
>this still pisses me off to this day
> i keep treating her like shit everytime they are together
>hold grudges playing smash
>she spikes me everytime
>curse her out, out of anger
>no regrets i knew the conciquences
>we probably arent friends anymore
Im a bod, i didnt really realize i had it until this year may. Its been weird because its so bad to where i dont really know when its effecting me until its too late. but i realize i dont HAVE bpd im more of less trying to pull myself from those ruts i put myself in. Im fucking mean and i let everyone know. The person im referencing to in the green text is well aware of my bpd, and has come to realize how bad it is and wants nothing to do with me. Im laughing because i told her this would happen and she told me otherwise.
>Waaah waah I'm such a victim
What the fuck is wrong with people these days.
The way people see mental illnesses as part of themselves is stupid and dangerous.
"Depression", "Borderline", "Sociopathy" etc.
They are nothing more than labels that mental health professionals have come up with to try and categorize the incredibly complex concept of mental illnesses.
They only use it as a guide for treating their patients.
It's not some sort of identity you can latch onto to as an excuse to not try to better yourself.
100 years ago, "sociopathy" was called being an asshole. And it was cured by getting your ass kicked. Nowadays, kids diagnose themselves with it thinking "I'm a sociopath, just like my favourite character from sherlock. Yet another descriptor to put in my tumblr description XD"
Same thing with depression. There was no concept of it in the olden days. It was seen as a problem that needed to be fixed, not something that needed recognition or whatever.
C'mon. It's pathetic. Don't be a victim. Don't snub self-improvement.
>It was seen as a problem that needed to be fixed, not something that needed recognition or whatever.
>C'mon. It's pathetic. Don't be a victim. Don't snub self-improvement.
I mean, I am taking antidepressants and going to therapy 2-3 times a week, it's a problem that I am trying to fix but it's harder to fix what you can't put even a broad descriptor on, the way mental illness diagnoses work are more guidelines than a medical diagnosis of like strep throat or something. The labels are definitely ways to categorize, not just the illnesses, but ways that work to treat them. It makes it easier on the provider to have some sort of rough templates to work with when evaluating and working with a patient, as opposed to creating a comprehensive psychological evaluation for every single patient who walks through their door.
and there's a difference between a legitimate diagnosis based on the opinion of multiple providers and the behaviour of a patient and some tosser posting on a social media site
also fucking hippocrates described what is essentially depression, so gtfo with the "it didn't exist before" shit
tldr gr8 b8 m8, got me really ir8