A mysterious stranger approaches you and offers you a cell phone.

I call myself three minutes ago and tell me to ignore a stranger if he talks to me on the next couple of minutes.

Steal his TARDIS

>>25549132
>Call me circa 3 months ago
>ditch your phone, keep driving, don't go back

>2009
>21 years old
>invest everything in Bitcoin & sell when it hits 1000 on November 2013

>I call
>my past self screens the call like a dick

>>25549201

>laughs devilishly as paradox tears spacetime apart

Lose weight, for fucks sake JUST LOSE WEIGHT. Being fat in your puberty is gonna fuck up your development and gonna rid you from your Chad status. JUST DO IT.

>>25549132

>realize if the device worked i would of know this man would give me the phone at some point in time

>if i use the phone it that means my current self would of never obtained the phone in the first place.

>contemplate if i use it then this reality is then changed and not the current I lived in thus breaking it down

>the phone is a super weapon for destroying the current reality and it's known universe

in the end i would probably end up using it. I don't feel like existing anymore in the first place

>>25549132
>call myself 8th grade
>STAY ON TOP OF YOUR GRADES AND YOUR LIFE WILL BE A BREEZE YOU STUPID FUCKING FAGGOT

>throw phone out a window

>>25549132
>High school freshman year
>you're gay just makeout w/ Mike already you.

>2008, year 7
>Fucking ask her out you moron, this is literally the moment where you could have changed everything, a few more people would still be alive right now if you hadn't fucked this up

>call to myself
>Hey faggot, kill yourself
>hang up

>>25549622
This is pretty good desu.

>>25549132
>15 year old me
>STOP FUCKING ABOUT IN SCHOOL AND STICK WITH COLLEGE YOU CUNT

>>25549132
>call myself in 2007
>"don't goto that 4chan site, it's an absolute waste of time and will make you a worse person"
>">implying I'll listen to a faggot like you!"

I don't think there's any hope honestly.

how long can the call last? also what if your past self doesnt have one?

>call self any time ago where I did something wrong
>correct myself on doing such
>the man comes again, but this time for my past self in the parallel universe
>he corrects another mistake
>continue correcting mistakes going back through time because of this loop
>eventually become perfect
>smile knowing that there's a younger version of me living in a parallel universe that has the perfect life

>>25549929

What if youre a cunt and dont listen to your future self.

What if fixing your current problem leads you into an ever bigger problem that you can't possibly predict.

Do a Mcfly and give my past self the numbers to every lottery that wins over $100,000,000

>>25550627
I believe you would be pulling a Tannen in that case.

Hey you stupid fucking naive sophomore faggot. Don't take out a $10000 loan and move into hosting because you can't make any friends you faggot. Cut your hair, stop being autistic, and be more active in your club.

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>>25549132
Ask him to be my boyfriend

>>25550710
*housing

>>25550627
Lottery is the most obvious answer.

>>25550688
I OWN THE POLICE

THIS IS MY TOWN

>Hey, yeah it's me. It's obvious enough, you angry midget.
>Three years forward and it doesn't get better. Just desist, spend your time playing vyidia instead of worrying about girls and friends
>Who? No, she's just teasing you to laugh at you. That never happened, only in your imagination. And that won't happen no matter how nice and friendly you are
>Also, for fuck sake, shave your head you look like a faggot. Have a nice HS experience

>call myself circa Jan '09
>Do you feel blame? Are you mad? Uh, do you feel like wolf kabob roth vantage? Gefrannis booj pooch boo jujube; bear-ramage. Jigiji geeji geeja geeble google. Begep flagaggle vaggle veditch-waggle bagga?

>call myself c. August 2012
>scream "JUST FORGET HER AND JOIN THE ARMY YOU FAGGOT SHE DOESNT LOVE YOU"
>Fortunate Son plays in the distance as I fade out of existence

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>>25549768
kek

only valid option here

Call myself at age 22. Get as far away from that crazy bitch as possible. Then move to Boulder and fuck every undergrad @ C.U.

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>>25549132

>call myself at 19

Solve your internet addiction NOW YOU FUCKING FAGGOT. You do NOT have it all figured out, you are NOT enlightened on how reality works. You only think you are because you're so tripped out on your own ego and have never faced a day of hardship in your life.

It's going to get much, much worse. Your energy is going to go away, you're going to slowly break down and endure fatigue. I'll repeat again just in case the message wasn't clear enough: YOU DO NOT HAVE EVERYTHING ALL FIGURED OUT, YOU ARE SO FUCKING CLUELESS ABOUT HOW YOUR FUTURE IS GOING TO TURN OUT.

You're going to become me. You're going to become a strain on your family thanks to your shitty habits and self-loathing that you think you solved. Guess what buddy? Depression never magically fades away. It's going to get a hell of a lot worse. And it's because you spend your time sitting on your lazy ass all goddamn day without a fucking care in the world.

CARE NOW MOTHERFUCKER. This is your 23 year old self, and I'm letting you know now that you have to change things before it all goes to shit. The point of no return is closer than you think it is.

DO NOT BECOME ME. YOU HAVE FOUR YEARS TO GET IT RIGHT. DON'T YOU FUCKING EVEN THINK ABOUT TURNING INTO ME.

You have four years...don't stall. I love you...goodbye.

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>>25549132
>dont panic when she propose and refuse her, dont resist, do what you want to do, instead of the right thing

WHY I ALWAYS WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING
WHYYYYYYYYY
(and ultimately backfires in my face)

I call my younger self and tell him to move out against my mother's wishes

I tell him he will in fact be happy but he has to have the guts to go through with it

>>25549132
>Appreciate her

Original comment

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>>25549842

This. I'd probably get into a verbal shitposting fight with my past self.

>>25549132
>call myself on November 4, 2008
>"Kill that nigger."
>click

"You're gonna make it, man. Just keep holding on".

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>>25549132

>Time: September 2008

>Advice: Get swole

>look up lotto numbers
>call myself back to that time
>tell them a secret that only we would know
>give him the lotto numbers

I'd call myself a few months back, tell me my project will be fine and a dude will come up to him and give him a phone so he can call himself in the past and he should call us earlier in the past to abuse the future with what we know

tl;dr tell myself to make minecraft at around 2002

DON'T FUCKING GO INTO TEACHING! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? GET INTO ACCOUNTING OR COMPUTER SCIENCE, THINGS YOU ACTUALLY WERE CONSIDERING BEFORE YOU WASTED 3 YEARS OF UNIVERSITY ON BULLSHIT! YOU ARE 26 NOW AND ONLY GOING INTO A FIELD YOU LOVE NOW BECAUSE YOU GOT TOO ATTACHED TO A SCHOOL SETTING!

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>>25554359

Is it really that bad?

>tfw on the same path

I wouldn't change anything. The older I get, the more I realize things get better.

>>25549132
>2011
The depression will be temporary. School matters. Your friends matter. Your family matters.

You matter.

Don't ride that bicycle today! You will have a terrible accident that will change the rest of your life! In fact, better don't ever ride a bicycle at all!

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Accept phone, and call my past self so I don't spend all my money on a watch

I'd use it to win the Lottery honestly.

>>25556436
what watch did you buy and why?

>1985

"abort yourself"

>>25549132
Go through with suicide you pussy

>>25555114

You don't get paid much, if your country has unionized teachers, they will put you in the shittiest schools to start you out (think middle of nowhere or in the middle of an all black school). You can't discipline students these days since parents freak out when you do. The best part for me was, as a Canadian, you aren't allowed to give failing marks anymore. Literally have to pass dumb asses on because "they might fall behind socially" or some non-supported shit like that.

Teachers have no power these days.

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Hey man, do NOT do that set of squats you fucking amatuer idiot
That set of squats will fuck up your body and life for 1.5+ years

You probably feel like you almost made it. That one chick actually liked you autist. If you do that set of squats you will set yourself back further than you've ever been before.