>9PM >really want a McRib >tell mom I need a McRib

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>>25546299
Nice repost

Kek, sounds like me with my Grandma, of course I'm not such a degenerate as to use piss jugs.

Tendies stories just fill me with dread ever since I found I'm going to become a parent

>>25546382

Just hit your child as often as possible so they know who is in charge.

>>25546324
Hello newfriend, what's your name?

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Give me, give me, chicken tendies
Be they crispy, or from Wendy's
Spend my hard-earned good boy points
On Kid's Meal ball pit burger joints

Mommy lifts me to the car
To find me tendies near and far
Enjoy my tasty tendie treats
In comfy big boy booster seats

McDonald's, Hardee's, Popeye's, Cane's
But of my tendies none remains
She tries to make me take a nappy
But sleeping doesn't make me happy

Tendies are the only food
That puts me in the napping mood
I'll scream, I'll shout, I'll make a fuss
I'll scratch, I'll bite, I'll even cuss!

Tendies are my heart's desire
Fueled by raging, hungry fire
Mommy sobs, and wails, and cries
But tears aren't tendies, nugs or fries

My good boy points were fairly earned
To buy the tendies that I've yearned
But there's no tendies on my plate
Did mommy think that I'd just ate?!

Tendies, tendies, get them now!
You fat, ungrateful, sluggish sow!
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I screech while hurling into her eyes
My foul-smell bowel-dwelling diaper surprise
For she who is unpooped on is she who remembers:
Never forget my chicken tenders

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>wake up at 4 pm like usual
>start watching anime
>yell for tendies
>"Mom gimme tendies!!"
>no response
>yell again
>Fucking bitch.
>go into her room and piss and shit all over her bed
>Go back to watching anime
>Hear door opening
>WEAR THE FUCK WERE YOU MOOOOOOOOOM
>I went to Cane's and got you a box of chicken tenders
>Go downstairs, grab box of tendies and run back upstairs
>regret pissing and shitting on her bed

Normies, can't live with em, can't live without em.

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Tendies, tendies on my plate
Never early, never late
At twelve o'clock its lunchie time
And mommy serves them on a dime

Mommy cooks them in the oven
To show me extra special lovin
Add honey mustard sauce to this
To send me into tendie bliss

Good Boy Points are thus required
To get the tendies I desire
And if I wish to go to Wendy's
I must turn in points to get my tendies

I turn in points that I've compiled
From huggies, kissies, and not running wild
"What a good boy you've been today
Let's go to Wendy's so that I may repay"

"But you've been eating way too much chicken
You're getting a burger, no screamin or kickin"
This makes me mad, this makes me bitter
This makes me unleash the contents of my shitter

I stuff it in her mouth and punch her in the head
Until I am sure my dear mommy is dead
I steal her purse so that I can have money
To buy tendies and mustard with honey

I purchase the tendies from the nice lady
(Although these tendies are nuggies, which I find quite lazy)
And as I devour my fried chicken treats
I realize that life has never been so sweet

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>1AM
>be hungry
>go to kitchen to make tendies
>no tendies left
>yell at mummie to go get some
>she doesn't respond
>i break into her room
>yell at her to go get tendies
>tells me to shut up and go back to my room
>i flip over her mattress with her on it then start jumping on it
>start screaming "TENDIES TENDIES TENDIES"
>she frees herself from underneath the mattress
>she goes to get tendies
>brings them back and cooks a bag for me
>then goes to the hospital
>hospitalized for observation
Dumb bitch deserved it.

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Mommy sobs, and wails, and cries
But tears aren't tendies, nugs or fries

What is the current exchange rate for Good Boy Points to tendies? I'm considering investing but not sure if it's the right time.

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>be 32 year old beautiful, happy bouncy baby boy with a bright future ahead of me
>6pm, just woke up, getting my morning cereals
>enter mommy, she sits down in front of me as i happily pick apart the marshmellows in the cereal and eat them with a spoon full of milkies
>"honey, your dad and i have been talking, and we think its finally time for you to get a job..."
>i stop her immediately after that
>"mommy, what are you...?"
>an incomprehensible rage takes over me, i quickly lash out at mommy
>grab the poopy diaper that she hasnt fucking changed since last night
>throw it right at her face, makes a big splat sound and she falls back from the force and velocity of the poopy diaper smacking her
>as she is stunned and wiping the poopies off, i stand over her with my fists clutched, she is cowering with her hands over her face, stupid fucking bitch
>i remind her that baby doesnt like it when his diaper changing bonding with mommy time is forgotten
>start peeing all over her, she probably wants to be washed off by now
>give her a black eye just for good measure so she doesnt tell anyone what happened
>later that night, she comes in with a plate full of fresh KFC tendies and a new diaper, kisses my forehead and tells me to have a good night at 10 am

>>25547256
Me llamo es Anon

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>be me
>be 26
>be NEET
>wake up at 7pm
>mummy has made dinner
>it's vegetables
>i hate vegetables
>refuse to eat it
>"well, you're going to go without dinner tonight, anon"
>she thinks she's won
>go back to my room
>hold myself over for a few hours on mountain dew
>wait till mummy is asleep
>start screaming "I WANT FOOD I WANT FOOD" as loud as I can
>mummy wakes up and stumbles to my door
>"anon what are you doing?!? It's midnight!"
>walk up real close to my door and stop screaming
>"anon, are you ok?"
>mummy opens the door
>me standing right there
>scream "I WANT FOOD!" two inches from her face
>she falls backwards into the hall
>keep screaming "I WANT FOOD" as I head to the kitchen
>start taking food items from the fridge and throw them all over floor
>throw gallon of milk onto the ground and it explodes
>mummy is pleading with me to stop
>"ONLY IF YOU GET ME TENDIES!"
>"GET ME TENDIES NOW. I WANT THEM NOW!"
>mummy crying
>"Why do you do this, anon?!? WHY?!"
>mfw I see her getting her car keys
>mfw she comes home with Jack in the Box tendies
>mfw she'll never get rid of her little boy!

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>11pm, i'm in bed
>wake up with a hankering for tendies
>sneak downstairs even though it's past my bedtime
>see mummy and new daddy watching something on tv
>be extra sneaky as i go past to the kitchen
>start whipping myself up some tendies
>suddenly i hear mummy say something to new daddy, she thinks i'm a burglar because i'm making so much noise
>new daddy rushes out of the room
>he runs into the kitchen and i shit and piss everywhere in fear
>he gets angry and starts yelling at mummy
>'why the fuck do we have to live with this fucking autistic kid'
>things get heated and he hits mummy
>big mistake
>pick up some of the shit and throw it in new daddy's face
>i jump on him, throw him to the ground, then sit on his face (i weigh 300 lbs)
>sit there for a while, new daddy stops moving
>command mummy to make me tendies
>she does
>now new daddy needs a special chair to get around
>he flinches every time i walk past
>mummy makes me tendies every day, no quibbles

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>mummy forces me to get a job or she wont cook me tendies
>first day on the job and i hate it
>boss-man tells me to make him coffee
>nuh-uh, nobody tells mummy's special prince what to do
>take his cup into the toilet and poopoo in it
>bring poopy cup to boss-man
>fired on the spot
>never asked to work again
>mummy now cooks me tendies every night

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>be me
>be first day of high school
>mom is dropping me off today
>she gets my rolling backpack full of fruit snacks out of the trunk
>"are you sure you'll be okay here anon?"
>"yes mommy i am fucking fine"
>have one thing on my mind
>barely make it to the classroom before collapse in desk
>health class
>skinny fucking normies are staring at me
>obviously never played wow
>next few classes breeze by
>finally lunch time
>shove my way through the line
>something smells familiar
>tendies
>holy fuck i cant waddle fast enough as the line moves forward
>lunch lady says "hi sweetie what would you like?"
>"how many good boy points do tendies cost, slut?"
>"excuse me, what did you call me? and what are good boy points?"
>ignore cumdumpster
>i grab 5 trays of tendies and huff to the condiment station
>grab 10 containers of ranch
>take 3 bottles of coke and guzzle one on the way to lay down
>lay on floor
>i eat one tray of tendies and i get the urge to pee pee and poo poo
>piss in coke bottle and shit in the tendie tray
>entire lunch room is staring at me
>jaws dropped
>i fucking hate normies
>principal sprints over and yells at me
>"WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
>he leaves for help
>shove the remaining tendies in my pockets and guzzle down my cokes
>principal and football coaches return and slowly hoist me up
>it took 5 of them
>poo poo the most ever in my life all over the principals shoes
>maintenance brings a golf cart with a bed on it to drive me to the office
>parked outside because they don't want to even try to bring me inside
>obviously normie principal tells me how disgusting i am
>i'm expelled from school and he calls my mom
>mom shows up furious and takes me home
>in the car she tells me
>"anon, I am taking away 500 GBP"
>"but i only have 100 right now you dumb whore"
>"so now you have -400 GBP"
>fucking cunt
>we get home and she sends me to my room
>mfw more tendies in my pocket than i could have gotten in one week
>great success

>>25547867
That was b-beautiful

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>be me, 37 years old
>one night sitting in a bubblebath as my mommy has a new daddy over
>the sudden need for tendies comes into focus
>as mommy is walking past, get her attention and ask
>"not right now sweetie, you can have some after your bath"
>try to protest but she walks away in a dismissive fashion
>the audacity of this whore, thinking that i've any shame after all these years
>tactically slide out of the tub like a walrus, covered in suds of soap
>stand up and shit a messy shit in my hand, this will do nicely
>go out into the hallway, find them in the dining room eating dindin
>mommy has her back to me, daddy looking down at his food
>thetimehascomeandsohavei.jpg
>lunge into the room with the force of a tank, jumping onto the wooden table and sliding with my shit hand outstretched
>mommy skillfully dodges my first assault, but her first mistake was thinking she was my target
>skid past her and slam shit hand into daddys mouth and face as he looks up and sputters out 'what the fu-'

This is pretty fuckin cringe
>le stubborn chhild meme frogs xD

>>25550583
>as daddy flies backwards in his chair and slams into the floor i skillfully twirl around on my belly and lock eyes with mommy
>i mouth silently to her 'tendies'
>daddy stands up with his eyes closed, trying to wipe shit from his eyes and throwing up on the floor
>arch my legs and kick off from him towards mommy like a graceful swimmer, jetting to her with the residual shit on my hand
>daddy loses his balance and falls face first into his pile of vomit, making him vomit even more
>collide with her and slam into the floor, smearing shit on her face with one hand and reeeing into her ear, leaing bloody piss on her
>stand up, looking down at her and calmly say 'lie in your grave, you've surely dug it, for denying me my chicken nugget'
>she looks up to me with pleading eyes as i silently mouth the word 'no' as i turn around with my ass perched over her
>continue on with my dialogue as i squeeze out a football sized turd, ignoring her pleads to stop
>'i shall not stand for all your lies, never deny me my chicken tender thighs' as the steaming turd flops down
>she raises her hands to try and stop it, breaking it into chunks as it crumbles between her fingers onto her face and chest
>a chunk lands into her mouth as she begins to gag and nearly vomit as i step over her and hobble over to the freezer
>can't find sauce in the fridge, after all these years i make due with my poopy hand, gotta recycle
>devour the entire box of frozen tendies as i howl to the heavens
>daddy manages to get up and tries to scramble for the door
>slips on his vomit and smacks his head into the dining table corner
>ouchie juice starts leaking from his head and forming a puddle on the floor
>tfw it nearly costed all my gbp
>mfw it was completely worth it

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>mom giving me lift to college
>my birthday is on saturday which sucks because it means I wont get a day off studying for mommy's special little guys attention day
>start screaming that it's my birthday TODAY
>mom doesn't even try, simply does a u-turn and drives towards home
>pissed off she even woke me up for this, on my birthday of all things
>piss my pants and wet the seat screaming for my birthday cake
>mom starts crying
>it's a sign she'll give in
>"ANON YOU'RE 24 FUCKING YEARS OLD YOUR BIRTHDAY IS NOT UNTIL SATURDAY IT'S TIME YOU FU-"
>baby doesn't like being yelled at
>and baby needs burping
>"burp me or I'll fucking vomit"
>"NO THIS HAS GONE TOO F-"
>stick my fingers down my throat and vomit all over the steering wheel, her hands and her lap
>"baby is all empty and ready for his cake mommy", I said through a smug little shit-eating grin
>mom gives up and drives to the cake store
>I scream "DONATELLO LEONARDO RAPH-
>she cuts me off and tells me to shutup and wait in the fucking car while she gets me my special ninja turtle cake
>well mom, baby doesn't like being told off, so baby is gonna shit his fucking pants
>She came back to the car, saw the mess baby had done all over the seats and broke down crying
>I politely asked for my birthday cake, and started shoving and stuffing my fat faggot face with it
>"Oh by the way mom, this doesn't mean you're off the hook. I still expect a real birthday cake on Saturday."
>I finished about half the cake, most of it just smeared around my mouth and face, huge chunks melting and crumbing all over my lap
>just to teach that bitch a lesson I smeared the rest all over the inside of the windscreen. that will teach her not to fuck with me
>she wiped away just a little hole to see through and cried all the way home
>"it's baby's birthday, and baby doesn't want to walk"
>and baby needs changing

>>25547867
>>25550339
https://youtu.be/7ERzPFCE7B0

abcdefghijklmnop

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>be sitting in my play pen with my plastic dinosaur toys
>can't find stegosaurus
>RRRREEEEEEEE
>mummy comes running out from the kitchen
>"what's wrong, poopsie?"
>"I can't find steggy!"
>"I'm sure he's around here somewhere, honey. We'll find him later but I gotta finish dinner"
>My eyes light up as she says this
>"Din din? Am I having tendies?"
>"No honey, we're having meatloaf"
>these words stung my soul, it was a slight to everything I stand for
>my disposition changes from happy to vengeful immediately
>"RRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE", I explain
>she panics
>"honey, calm down. I'll..."
>as she was walking towards me, she steps on stegosaurus
>his spine plates cut in to her foot, causing her to start bleeding
>mfw I stealthily planted him there to test her
>she could have prevented this if she had just made me tendies in the first place
>a baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do

holy fuck i love these stories

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>be me
>38 years old
>literal manchild
>3 am
>lying in bed, have to take a shit
>don't want to get up, so shit in my bed
>its getting too stinky for my liking
>get out of bed, stomping on the floor, screaming at the top of my lungs: MOMMY MOMMY, POOPOO, POOPOO !!!!!!
>My mom comes upstairs and sees my shit covered bed
>sighs deeply and cleans up my mess
>ask her if she can take me to Mcdonalds
>''anon, its 3 in the morning and i have to get up early''
>throw a tantrum, take off my pants and start shitting and pissing on the floor
>''ok ok anon, p-please just stop''
>she cleans up and off we go
>make her buy me 3 happy meals
>want a balloon
>they tell my mom they're all out of baloons
>BALLOON, I WANT MY BALLOOOON!!!!!
>make her drive to the nearest gas station (30 minutes away) to buy me a balloon
>we get home
>go to my room to play with my happymeal toys and balloon
>hear my mom crying downstairs

>>25546418
What could possibly go wrong with this plan?

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>enjoying my yummy tummy tendies and masturbating to super princess peach
>typical monday night
>suddenly notice its almost 2:30 am
>icarly reruns at 2:30 am
>there is an astonishing lack of icarly and or tvs in my lair
>call my poopnosed mommy
>she doesn't come in
>wait for a patient 5 seconds minimum
>call again
>no answer, the bitch is still sleeping
>she has no idea who she's dealing with
>hit my head against the wall and start screaming
>i can see her wake up from acoss the hall
>threaten to kill myself again
>finally she comes in
>it's about time
>says some shit about bothering the whole apartment complex and how she has to go to work tomorrow
>doesn't realize i don't care
>tell her to get the tv in here
>"anon, you already have 3 tvs sweetie"
>"no mommy, i want the new tv in here"
>she sighs and tells me to get up and go to the living room myself if i want to watch it
>sheathe my katana
>politely explain that i have 1 tv for each show i watch and none of the tvs are made for icarly
>stupid cunt doesn't understand that watching another show on the wrong tv completes imbalance
>whore didn't learn that that's the reason why i burnt the last house down
>"fine, but only if you clean up your poopoo jugs while im gone"
>that fucking cunt telling me what to do
>while the bitch is gone empty the shit into her bed as punishment
>come back
>she's still struggling to get the damn thing in here
>take another poopoo on the ground to pass the time and show her who's boss
>the staggering wench comes in here
>slips on the poopoo
>tv falls on her head
>she stops moving
>blood comes from behind
>dont care, tv's in my room
>plug it in
>realize ill have to watch the tv from top-down because stupid whore is trapped underneath
>dont care, it's pretty funny
>turn on tv.
>buzz-lightyear of star command comes on
>look at the clock
>it's 2:30 pm
>PM
>Take another shit on my mom for making me fuck up again

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>wake up at 12pm today
>Start up computer to play team fortress 2
>chug root beer
>look over to my food table
>no Mac N cheese
>start seeing stars
>look at computer screen
>no Internet
>everything is turning red
>stump out of room
>yell "Mac N cheese mommy Mac in cheeeese, Internet no interneeeet"
>mommy comes out and begs me to keep it down because the Internet technician is replacing our router
>ask her if he ate my mac N cheese
>N no
>that Bitch she's lying
>take pants off
>mommy tries to stop me
>poopoo in my hand and and smear it across her face
>she starts barfing and crying
>guy walks out of room in shock he tries escape to the door to normiland
>I know a short cut beat him to it and pin him down
>peepee all over him
>get tired and retreat to room to recharge
>just woke up with Mac N cheese and root bee on my table and the Internet back on

I'm mentally ill
Keep em coming

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Some OC for you tendiesluts

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>>25551714
AyyLmao.bat

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>>25551728
[[Certified Original Comment - DO NOT STEAL!]]

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you're doing gods work anon
original love do not steal

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>Need to poop
>Shit jugs are all full
>Brainwave: if I empty all my shit jugs AND poopoo in the toilet, I get double Good Boy Points and can eat tendies all weekend
>Grab armfulls of shit jugs and head to the bathroom.
>Spill some shit jugs on the way, don't care Mummy will clean up
> Sit on toilet, my big beautiful bottom spills over the side, begin pooping.
>My bowl movement sounds like a pipe being unclogged
>Release putrid farts
>Dump my shit jugs into the bowl until the poopoo is overflowing and covering the seat.
>"MUMMY MUMMY! COME LOOK WHAT YOUR SPECIAL GOOD BOY HAS DONE!"
>Mummy comes in, sees the shit trail leading to the toilet, the overflowing bowl and smells my flatulence.
>She starts crying, obviously proud of her Best Boy.

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>mom needs to bring food into my room because anxiety
>sheets often get dirty and my room smells like shit
>mom cleans my room on a weekly basis
>always accompany mom and hold onto cart when in grocery stores
>get what I want such as chocolates or tendies (literally)
>always fap in my underwear and toss used clothes to a corner in room
>mom comes in to wash them on weekly basis
>she always wishes me good night while she treats my normie sisters like shit
>literally mommy's good boy
>I am 27 years old and my sisters are in high school

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>2am. Hungry
>Grab my bitch summoning stick. Bang it on the wall until Mommy arrives
>She takes ages to arrives. She's pregnant from some Chad who then dumped her
>Tell her I'm hungry and want to go to Burger King
>"No Anon, it's late. I have to work tomorrow
>Tell her it's no wonder Chad left after knocking her up and if she's not nicer to her Good Boy, he'll leave her too.
> Her eyes well up and she drives me to Burger King.
>I get a kid's meal and play with my toys for a while.
>Tell Mommy I want to be the Burger King and to get me a cardboard BK crown.
>She asks the manager but he says they're all out.
>I start screeching REEEEEEEE but Mommy says there's nothing she can do as there's no other Burger King's open at this hour.
>She drives me home. I sulk and watch Kung Fu Panda.
>I get an idea. I hide behind the couch and call Mommy into the room.
> When she arrives I kung fu chop her in the belly
>She rolls around on the ground, crying that she thinks I've hurt the baby.
>I pour my piss jug on her head and demand she apologises for not making me the Burger King and tells me I'm the best at Kung Fu.
>She keeps sobbing so I lock her in the cupboard until she learns her lesson.
>Fucking normies.

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>be me, last night
>mom tells me we're going to a family event, wants me to come
>"it will be good for you to get out of the house, anon"
>"fuck off slut" (im in the middle of minecraft building)
>she UNPLUGS MY COMPUTER, i freak out
>dad comes down and yells, mom is in tears
>im infuriated, facing the other way, but mutter obligation, feeling crafty in order to spite my normie parents
>i shower, brush teeth, and get dressed in normie clothes (jeans, sketchers, and white shirt)
>come upstairs, mom promises tendies, things start looking brighter
>we arrive, people try to greet me and say "its nice to see me"
>typical american slave families all around, i scoff to myself and acknowledge no one
>we sit down, scan through the menus
>only shit-tier food: lobster, crab, grilled chicken pastas and steak
>fuck this, ask mom wheres the tendies
>she says that they dont have any
>lying bitch, i become infuriated
>i throw my menu and stand up, knock over my chair and my water glass (i had asked for mountain dew)
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>all normies shocked, i feel a rush of adrenaline
>try to tear off shirt, doesnt work
>storm out of restaurant with pride
>mom and dad come out, mom is crying and dad is fuming
>mission accomplished
>silent drive home as i snicker to myself in the back seat
>now enjoying a nice wednesday evening on /r9k/ and basking in my accomplishment.
>mfw

Can somebody please post the vocaroo with the kid talking and at the very end his mother goes "who are you talking to??"

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With piss bottles filled,
And tendies amassed,
It's normie skulls I command be smashed!
So grab your cape,
And grab your cane,
It's time the normies knew our pain!
We'll flood the streets
We'll siege their homes!
All Chads and Stacies and Tyrones,
Will fear the night,
Will rue the day,
A girlfriend wasn't sent my way!
The uprising's here,
And they ALL will see,
The end has arrived and it sounds like:

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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extra crispy tendie treats

made of tender chicken meats

shovel them down into my tummy

they are just so super yummy

soon they will come out my bummy

if I need help wiping Ill call for mummy

later I decide I want to cummy

so I exchange my GBP for some money

to give to prosty for her cunny

I filled her tummy with my gummy

next I stuck it in her hiney

to my surprise it made her whiney

this made me mad, I beat her bloody

I have a nice walk home the weather is sunny

Mummy is gone its only her hubby

He is not very nice he never acts chummy

I tell him my deeds, his mood becomes crummy

he grabs his gun and calls me a dummy

out back he takes me to go see some bunnies

Nice stories

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I unfortunately have some baaaaaaaad news, fellow robots. Horrible news actually. I have exclusive information that the GBP system has been abolished and that tendies can now only be acquired via normie currency. What can we do now?

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tB6ONZy8kCc
>tfw not enough GBP for easter basket

>>25557851
Holy fek that dude is /r9k/ incarnate

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>be tonight
>playing dota 2 since 9 a.m.
>it's 11:30 p.m.
>wake mummy up and tell her I want cool ranch Doritos locos tacos and baja blast Mountain Dew
>specifically tell her cool ranch & baja blast
>comes back with pleb tier original Doritos locos tacos and kill me tier regular flavor coke
>decide to get back at mummy
>wait until about 2 a.m.
>take a big watery Taco Bell shit in front if her bedroom door
>it's 2 a.m. Now
>she gets up in 4 hours for work and will step into my shit

That'll teach her to not listen to me!

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>be Wednesday morning
>bed wet from broken pee pee bottle
>scream for mummy
>roll off my bed
>legs no longer support my weight
>slowly inch out of room into hall way
>someone is in the hall
>its not mummy
>new daddy is coming towards me putting his peener back into his pants
>new daddy sees me
>spits in my face
>"if you don't get back into your bed I'm deducting GBP and reverting to pre-inflation earnings."
>can't move to bed
>my body is too large and my tummy wants tendies
>new daddy starts to kick me
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>Grab poo poo pee pee bottle from my neck belt
>old daddy gave me it
>hung me from the fan and played airplane until fan broke
>pull out my peener and spray pee pee over the wall while rolling down the hall
>Mummy comes in and tightens my neck belt until I go to sleep
>mfw wake up to tendies
>mfw no more daddy

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>"m-mummy i need tendies"
>"no, honey you've had enough of your chicken nuggets for one day :^)"
>wait for her to go to bed
>have to be stealthy, so I jump out of the window
>break my as I land
>limp to mcdonald's
>kick the door with my good leg and fall face first inside
>get up with tears in my eyes and walk up to the counter
>the employees are holding back laughter
>"what would you like to order?"
>I want, w-want uh
>face goes red, palms are sweaty
>turn around and walk to the door
>change my mind again and walk back to the counter
>my voice sounds like a high pitched piglet's squeal
>pull out my katana
>"TENDIES, CHICKEN TENDIES"
>"alright sir, alright"
>police come charging in
>"haha alright sonny, no need to do anything stupid"
>I attempt a dash attack like in my animes
>slip and fall
>cop starts laughing and accidentally pulls the trigger
>reach in my bag for one last tendie as I bleed out
>they gave me chicken nuggets

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>be me
>be NEET
>earn enough GBP to go to favorite restaurant
>wait at table with mommy
>qt waitress comes to take our order
>anon, you're a big boy now. why don't you try ordering for yourself?
>sure mommy. could I please have tendies and french fries, miss?
>loses spaghetti
>did I really just say that?
>qt waitress understands my order, but stares at me like I'm a socially awkward faggot
>haha! that's my silly anon :)
>feel better

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>be this afternoon
>been saving up GBP all month for a new 3ds and Pokemon omega sapphire.
>open moms door at 11am (it has to stay closed at certain hours or I lose GBP)
>she knows why I'm there
>"GBP! NEW 3DS AND POKEMON SLUT!" I roared with autistic rage
>I hand her a wad of rolled up GBP checks
>She begins ripping up the checks
>before a single piece hits the floor I lunge at her wrapping my hands around her throat.
>she gags eventually succumbing to the lack of oxygen
>mummy is kill

How do I cash my GBP now? I took her credit cards and some spare cash from her purse but it's not enough for my 3ds and game? Help.

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>living with mom in france
>mom is alone and i am adopted
>mom came from germany
>mommy tells me "anon, vous can make beaucoup GBP if vous do somezin for me"
>i get excited and say oui
>mom comes back
>she is wearing a black robe and cap
>has red flag with black signature on her wristband on arm
>cap has a deaths head on it
>she tells me to sit down and takes off my pantalons
>mommy plays with my petite pierre and tells me to shout "je surrender" while she pulls the petite pierre harder and harder
>she is done
>get beaucoup de GBP

having filets de poulet tonight guys

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>Go to school
>See cute heshe I like
>Offer her Tendies at lunch, it declines
>I don't give up
>I head to her house after school and knock on the door, they don't let me in
> I make poopoo peepee bombs and bombard there house until they finally let me in
>I yell a loud REEEEEE and disable everyone
>I go to the kitchen and steal there frozen tendies
>Ayyyyy I'm the memer
>I go outside and call mummy for a ride home
>When we get home I hand her the frozen tenders and demand she prepare them
>She serves me the dank tenders, like a good boy I finish my plate and earn 50 GBP
>at the bottom of all the tenders I find the heshe I likes underwear
>Jackpot REEEEEEEEE

>>25560399

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVSmiasnAuk

>>25547867
Holy shit I had that exact same carpet

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>be me
>33yo living with mama
>neet
>no gf
>decide enough is enough
>take a lot of clonazepam
>wash it down with whisky
>mother find me
>call 911
>wake up in hospital
>"Oh anon, I didn't know you were so desperate, I will do anything to help you get on your feet"
>Tell her I want to become a programmer
>She give me a 3k budget to buy anything I need to pursue my dream of becoming a programmer
>Buy a new PC for gaming

Why didn't you tried suicide yet, anon? If you die, you are free, if you survive, you will gain
more GBP than you can expend.

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>at home watching anime
>mummy comes home crying
>she comes into my room saying that she was fired from her job by her boss for nothing
>tells me that she cannot buy tendies until she gets a new job
>sonofabitch.jpeg
>her normieshit boss has crossed the line by interrupting my tendie meals
>youvedonefuckedup.mp3
>put on my best fedora and trench coat
>Put a couple of pee pee bottles in pockets
>grab cane
>go to her office to see this fucker
>goes inside and finds his office
>go inside
>he says who the hell are you
>i tell him that i believe you have fired mummy, please hire her again
>"fuck no, shes lazy and rarely gets any work done. get out of my office"
>thismeanswar.exe
>let out a mighty REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>he calls security guard to drag me out
>throws pee pee bottle at guard's head
>it smashes against his head and is knocked out
>open the second bottle and spin around spraying pee pee everywhere
>pull down pants and spray poo poo all over office
>POO POO PEE PEE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FIRED MUMMMY POO POO PEE PEE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FIRED MUMMY
>normie boss who is covered in poo poo and pee pee finally listens
>"okay okay I'll hire her again, i'll even give her a pay raise, just get out of my office end never come back"
>success.gif
>go home and tell mummy the good news
>mummy is happy
>mummy gives me 5 tendie meals with extra ranch
>doesn't cost me any GBP
>mfw

>>25546299
>a McRib
->germany

This meme was occasionally funny before ttendies took over.

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>be me
>sitting at Wendy's diner
>mummy is ordering food for us while I stand behind her hiding from the cashier
>"anon, she says they are out of regular tendies, do you want a chicken sandwich instead?"
>no mummy I want tendies
>"but anon, they don't have any."
>mummy you are making me really mad
>mummy asks the cashier if she's sure they don't have any left
>cashier goes back into the kitchen
>I take the advantage
>punch mummy in the face and jump over the counter
>do poo poo and pee pee as the employees race to catch me
>punch the cashier in the uterus
>dash out the back door into the night
>looksliketheylostme.jpg
>put my hood up and go back into Wendy's with my disguise
>"hello I would like to purchase some chicken tendies please."
>they didn't fall for it

Tfw grounded for a week

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I lost my virginity yesterday

>4 AM
>smoking oregano
>pulling my pubes out with tweezers
>tweezing gets me horny
>find fleshlight, its moldy
>godfuckingdammit

>plan b
>go upstairs
>check freezer
>no fucking hot pockets

>plan c
>go to tell Mom to drive me to buy hot pockets
>break in door
>Mom's fuckboy sleeping on his stomach
>bare assed, no covers
>feel a tingle in my dingle
>getting laid tonight

>plan d
>drop sweatpants
>drop shit smeared xxxl Fruit of the Looms
>rock hard, full four inches
>just tweezed, so no pubes
>the foul stench of my grundle fills the
>waddle forward and jump on fuckboy
>10/10 landing, perfect insertion
>fuckboy screams in agony, Mom wakes up
>I am literally crushing that faggot under my impossible bulk
>Mom screams, gets squirt bottle
>"Bad anon! Off!"
>don't care, in it to win it
>squirt bottle provides me with cooling mist
>thrust harder, hear fuckboy gasp for air
>so close
>my jiggling passion vibrates the earth itself
>thisismymoment.jpg
>in the vinegar strokes
>the wet plop and slap of my rolls on his back can be heard for miles
>pores glisten with oil
>thrust faster
>faster
>my bulk reaching terminal velocity
>fastest
>it's the big one
>cum buckets
>cum on walls
>cum on fuckboy
>cum on mom
>cum on ceiling
>wipe my bloody dick on sheets
>fuckboy breathes shallowly
>Mom's crying
>nofucksgiven.gifv
>Waddle back to basement
>give in to exhaustion, pass out on stairs
>next morning mom brings me pancakes with gravy
>decent night

>>25560660
>Pokemon omega sapphire.
Oh, real good boys realize the superiority of Yo-kai Watch, the game of choice for Japanese lovers.
POKEMON IS DEAD

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>ironically started watching gay porn
>always at full volume so mummy hears
>she has to live with the fact that she supports her "homosexual" son
>she already started to cut herself because of the shame
>only thing holding her in this world is her mission to try and turn me "straight again"
>therefore i get constant supply of tendies without having to use up my GBP's
>probably going to kill myself when Im 35 so mummy finally realizes her life is worthless
Fucking normies never learn.

>>25555226
bravo famalaladingdong

>5pm
>heart going up to 68bpm
>I'm not even up from my chair
How dead am I alive?

>>25547867
>>25561093

This
My childhood = that carpet and Thomas the tank engine and dinosaurs
Who else /missestoddleryears/ here?

>>25549438
Hey Anon, friendly spanish lesson. You only need to say 'Me llamo Anon', not 'Me lamo es Anon'.

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>be me
>finally save up enough GBP to get some tendies
>run downstairs to mommy
>new daddy is on top of her on the couch
>werthefuckmetendies.jpeg
>MAMAGIMMETENDIES
>"'I'm busy right now anon. I'll give them to you later"
>flip my shit, run upstairs to retrieve my katana and cum covered mlp plushies filled with poopoo
>run over to new daddy and stab him in the throat
>"ANON WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?"
>iwantmyfuckintendiesbitch.png
>proceed to rip open all the mlp plushies and spill my shit on the floor
>force mommy to make my tendies at swordpoint
>have her take them out of the oven once theyre done
>smear her face in the shit all over the floor
>put my katana in mommies special lady sheath
>shes crying
>stuff my cum crusted plushies into her mouth
>she stops wiggling after a while
>i take a dump on her to say goodbye
>sit down to eat a delicious meal of tendies
>mfw didnt spend any GBP

>>25546299

Fuck yeah I love these threads


/r9k/ at the apex of autism

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>lost all my tendies and GBP in the crash
>decide to earn one billion GBP
>buckle down and start working hard
>clean the piss, shit, and cum jugs out of my room earned 100 GBP
>step outside for the first time in years and go to the barber, earned 10 GBP
>get a shave and a haircut, earned 50 GBP for each
>enroll back in college, 100 points
>keep racking up points for years
>lose weight, get fit 100,000 points
>get a gf 10,000 points
>graduate medical school 100,000 points
>get married and buy a house 1,000,000 points
>mommy awards points for grandkids so I get my girlfriend pregnant a few times as well
>decide to see them through college for bonus points
>fast forward, kids come home for Christmas from unis
>I'm getting close to my goal of 1 billion GBP
>my sons are happy to see me
>my daughter is saying some shit about how stressful college life is
>"I'm having a hard time at college dad, it's so competitive"
>well, honey, I'm sure you'll make it you just have to bee yourself, I have complete faith in you (I've been keeping close count of GBP,. 10 points for giving fatherly advice means I've reached my goal)
>"Oh daddy I'm so glad I have you here to keep me grounded! I don't know what I would do without you
>honey I love you too, belive me life is-
>a smuge smile creeps upon my lips
>IVE BEEN A GOOD BOY FOR MUMMY
>hook my daughter in the face
>shit on the dinner table, ruin the Christmas dinner
>my family looks on in horror
>sprint out of the house all the way to my mommy's retirement home
>kick the door down
>shake her hand and smear i with shit
>IVE BEEN A GOOD BOY MUMMY WHERE'S MY TENDIES
>she stares at me with dead eyes, a single drop in her left one

That was 4 years ago. I've been living off my GBP since.

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>waddle down the stairs after navigating through piss bottles in my room to check the GBP board
>just enough gbps for some tendies and sauce
>roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera
>"mummy mummy I have enough gbps for some tendies!"
>she turns to me with the most disgusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up
>"s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you"
>she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell of my putrid, feces covered body
>she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink
>I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down
>the tendies are done and she puts them on my plate
>she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate
>I can't let these tendies go to waste, so I eat them along with the vomit
>"yummy tummy tendies in my tummy, thanks mummy"

>>25565104
>le

go back to le reddit

>>25564570
Ok, this one got me good.

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>be me
>23 yo
>watching gay porn on my computer
>furiously stroking my 4 inches dick
>mom comes in
>"anon, is that gay porn?"
>"n-no"
>she takes a rolled up newspaper and starts to hit me with hit
>"you know the lord doesn't like when you watch that kind of thing!"
>"please mommy stop" i'm crying
>"on your back, now!" i can't but obey
>she slaps my penis
>i'm begging her
>"now if I see you watching gay porn again, it's 2 months in chastity cage!"
>ohno.jpg, the chastity cage is always painfull
>she removes all my current GBP, and I can't have tendies for all week.
>also she won't change my diaper

mfw lying in bed in a soiled diaper without tendies.

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>Be last monday
>just waking up
>have a fuck ton of notifications
>Fuckme.jpeg
>Local chad from my school wants to fight cause i called him out on bullshit on an alpha streak
>Go to class that day its my calss don't start untill 12:00
>Sporting my fedora so the sun doesn't blind me
>Mom didn't wash trenchcoat so it was still at home
>See chad
>He walks over to me
>calls me a faggot and everyone laughs
>I remove my Katana from my bag
>chad laughs along with the crowd
>in one swift motion i chop chad in half and split the crowd
>Sudden geyser spout of blood shoots out of everyone i chopped
>as each person fell to the ground i got 1000 GBP
>tendies for years man
>all the grills begin to mire me
>turn them away and go home on my scooter
>everyone is applauding me
>mayor promises me a holiday in which we all feast on tendies
>get home sit down on computer and put the drive soundtrack on
>arealhumanbean.gif
>wake up two days later in the hospital
>What acctually happened was chad kicked my ass while i was pretending to pull out a katana and broken my arm and 3 ribs and i had a minor concussion
>now whenever anyone sees me they point and laugh at me
I can never win i'm destined to stay here forever

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>Acquired large sum of GBP after grammy passed away
>splurged on chicken tendies
>mom had to get a costco membership card just to buy in bulk
>one day mom told me that her "little sugar dumpling is getting a bit of a belly"
>triggered
>no one ever made fun of my weight why is mommy the first to?
>started hitting my head while mommy tackled me to the ground to suppress my tantrum
>she whispered in a soothing voice as I was screaming at the top of my lungs
>AWOOOGA AWOOOOGA!!!!!
>"hush it's okay it's okay, instead, I'll let you cash out all your GBP for orange tangies"
>I stopped sperging on the floor
>been 1 month since I've been on tangies
>feeling great
>mom knows her little sugar dumpling really well.
Moral of my experience, go give you mom a big hug because she changed your poo poo pee pee and looks out for you so no one can hurt your feelings, I like tangies, almost as much as tendies, but it's okay, i can deal, and if any of you want to share any post-tendies incidents regarding to weight issues, I welcome all!

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>Really want Chicken Tendies from McDonald's
>Living with Aunt and Uncle in San Francisco
>Aunt says she will get me one on Sunday
>Grabs all of my Piss and Mountain Dew jars and emptys all of them on her
>Anon! What do you think your doing?
>GET ME MY CHICKEN TENDIES PRONTO
>Drives to nearest McDonald's while in Piss smelling and Mtn Dew smelling Clothes

>>25560991
You're story is shit.

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>browsing /pol/ for some current events
>see someone talking about GBP
>say "MY MOMMY USES GBP TOO! I HAVE 15 AFTER TAKING THE TRASH OUT LAST NIGHT AND NOT PEEING IN THE SINK"
>mfw GBP means Great British Pound
not very clear. not pleased, at all. mommy didn't tell me she stole GBP from the britbongs.

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>>25565510
Best one ITT so far tbqh

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>want to eat chicken tendies
>mommy put them at 5 Good Boy points each
>currently have 30 GB points, means I can get 6
>need at least 10 to be fully satisfied
>BBQ sauce costs an extra 10
>beg mommy to give me more points
>she pulls up her dress and says if I can make her feel good she'll give me the extra 4 free
>don't even like girly pee pee parts, but I love chicken tendies
>finally oblige, start licking mommy down there
>after about 10 minutes she says I can have extra sauce if I play with her milky bags
>she finally says that's enough
>gives me 10 chicken tendies + extra BBQ sauce
>says I've earned them for being a good little boy
>don't even use my GB points
>use them later so mommy can give me a blowy joey
>mfw

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>sitting in room
>finish plate of tendies mummy just made for me
>hmm, I want some more!
>decide to play a prank on mummy (might cost some gbp, but fun is fun)
>rig one of my pee pee bottles to pour on whoever opens my door
>position my wittle bottom towards the door as well and pull down my diaper
>bang my steel drum to get her attention (at 30 gbp I simply had to!)
>MUMMY MUMMY, I WAS HUNGRY, NOW I'M FULL SO RUB MY TUMMY!
>Hear mummy coming
>A grin grows across my face as she draws near, my eyes crinkle and a "teehee!" slips out
>Mummy enters the room
>my pee pee pours in a steady stream on her head
>At the same time I begin blasting her with my nasty poo poo, coating her in a thick baby waby green layer!
>heehee! messy mummy messy mummy I say rhymically as she is covered in my nasty
>She doesn't say a word as my prank plays out
>finish my poo, turn and sit bare bottomed on the floor, leaving a wittle poopy stain
>mummy, did you wike my joke? ga ga goo goo!
>I begin giggling and drooling while slapping my wittle feetsies together as applause
>She does say anything
>Mummy, waugh at my wittle joke!
>I can see tears running through my pee pee and poo poo on her face
>Mummy, you don't want to upset your perfect wittle boy do you?
>She is still fighting
>My eyes sharpen and I drop my voice do a gravely, gutteral tone
>Listen you normie cunt, laugh at your sons prank or I'll kill you and kill myself, I'll drag you into the bath and slit your wrists while I fuck your fat whore ass
>Mummy sees reason and lets out a chuckle
>heehee! I think that deserves 20 gbp for being such a funny and creative prank, don't you mummy!?
>She does a sort of weird nod and walks out of my playpen
GBP is too easy to get, even when being a naughty boy!

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>saved up enough Good Boy Points for a new game
>ask mummy to drive me to EB Games
>says she drank too much of her grape juice so she cant drive
>decide to go myself
>pack some chicken tendies for the journey
>go to the garage, grab my bike and TMNT bicycle helmet (leonardo, of course)
>riding my bike, people angry and yelling at me as i make my way through sidewalk (wtf am i supposed to do, ride on the street?)
>see cousin dylan walking home from school with his friends
>wave hello but he pretends not to notice me (lol he's so shy)
>get to EB Games, grab a copy of Super Smash Brothers, and head to cashier
>tell him i would like to purchase this game using my accumulated good boy points
>he gives me a weird look and then asks for my EB Games Edge points rewards card
>huh? i don't have that. its what mummy must use to keep my GBP on
>ask him if i can pay with my chicken tendies
>"uh.. no, you cant pay with chicken, that's not legal tender"
>"WHAT? THIS IS TOTALLY CHICKEN TENDERS, WTF YOU THINK, THAT THESE ARE NUGGETS OR SOMETHING?"
>he tells me he's calling security, so i grab the the game and run, get on my bike, and flee
>get somewhere safe, check out game, THE CASE IS FUCKING EMPTY, IT WAS JUST FOR DISPLAY
>so angry, i take a big meaty shit inside the case and smush it shut
>throw it on sidewalk and watch as some excited kid and his mom pick it up
>lel not a complete loss i guess
>get home, police car there
>mom is hysterical
>"ANON THERE YOU ARE, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??"
>tell her of my adventure as she hugs me
>get tendies for dinner that night

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>I've been a good boy and save up 50 GBP this week
>now I can dine on tendies ALL WEEKEND
>lunch goes smoothly enough. got a nice hot plate of tendies and sauce
>my tummy starts to growl later and I know it time for dinner
>I leave my room and head downstairs
>"mummy! time for din din! its tendie time!"
>mumma is on the couch watching a movie with another new daddy
>lazy bitch. but who cares as long as I get my tendies
>"Sorry anon but you know the rules! tendies only once a day! just heat up some bagel bitez and leave me and my friend alone."
>fucking liar! theres no such rule posted on the GBP chart! and bagel bitez ! what an insult!
>she'll learn
>wait until 2 hours past my beddie bye time
>grab my pee pee spitton and my hidden pair of mummys underwear to wear as a mask
>interrupt her and new daddy playing in her room
>"LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE CHCKEN TENDIES IS WHAT I DESIRE?!"
>start spinning around like taz from loony toons spraying my pee pee all over
>new daddy is screaming and mum is crying

and here i am. eating breakfast tendies in bed like a king. New daddy even said he was going to show me his new gun in the woods

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>at a female classmates house doing our research project

>having a casual conversation until the topic turns to sex

>she jokingly asks "so, are you still a virgin anon?"

>"haha uh yeah i still am" feel embarassed

>she chuckles and moves closer to me(we were sitting at the floor)

>get nervous because she`s too close
>she moves her face right in front of mine
>"you`re cute you know" she smiles before kissing me

>feel her tongue, don`t know what was happening, close my eyes and let her do the work

>is this it, am i finally gonna lose my virginity?
>suddenly my phone vibrates

>reached for it and see who texted me

>it was mom "hi anon, i`ll be home in 40 minutes, i hope you did your chores or you know what`s gonna happen.."

>oh shit. i`ve finished all the chores except one, i forgot to mow the lawn

>i pushed her away from me

>"what`s wrong anon?"

>"uh sorry, there`s uh.. an emergency.. i have to go now bye"

>sprint the fuck out of her house

>bitch i`ve worked hard for this

>reason why i went back to college was for the 1000GBP
>i`ve already accumulated 1320GBP

>mowing the lawn is worth 200 GBP

>not doing a chore will deduct my current GBP

>GBP reward x 2 = total amount that will be deducted

>my mom thought of this shitty system so i`ll always do my chores

>i ain`t gonna lose 400GBP now that i`m 180 GBP close to a brand new wiiU

>drive back to my house using my brother`s car

>mfw i was mowing the lawn at 8pm

>mom arrives 30 minutes later, by that time i was already done

>impressed on how of a good boy i am

>we then went out to buy a wiiU

>still have enough GP for tendies

>everything went better than expected

looking back, did i really made the wrong choice bros?
i knew i shoud`ve used all that GBP to buy a PS4 because my mom thinks that i`m already responsible and there`s no need for GBP anymore

>>25567986
>looking back, did i really made the wrong choice bros?

I don't think that's what you should really be focusing on at the moment, anon.

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>Wake up this morning feeling good
>Pull the special edition Battlestar Galactica blanket off my bed
>Tie it around my neck like cape
>Step over my piss bottles and old food containers
>It's an autistic ballet as I tip toe to the spots on my floor that aren't covered in garbage
>Finally make it out into hallway
>Rush to look at Good Boy chart on the wall
>MFW only 10 more points needed for a Double Tendie Dinner!
>Run downstairs so fast my cape floats behind me
>Do a running slide onto kitchen floor to tell Mummy the good news
>Mummy just looks at me sternly
>Says to bend over so she can check my diaper first
>"You know I have to check every morning, anon."
>"Nooooo! I don't wanny!" I cry out defiantly
>Tears start to well in her eyes
>She startsr walking away from me
>"Wait...Ok..." I say as I lean over the table for her inspection
>Pull down my pants
>The smell of day old partially digested tendies and cheese diarrhea wafts to her nose
>She instantly vomits into the sink
>"That's minus 50 GBP!" she screams with her chin covered in puke
"I screech and rip off the diaper
>Throw it onto the dining room table as hard as I can
>Orange and brown chunks splatter everywhere
>Some gets on the ceiling
>Mummy curls into a ball sobbing uncontrollably next to the sink
>She reaches up for a towel but accidentally cuts herself on a kitchen knife I left out
>She's bleeding and covered in vomit while screaming how I'm a bad boy
>Quickly put on my shoes and stuff my pockets with frozen tendies
>Run to my car crying because now I'm late for class at community college

>>25548016
You fucked up bad m9.

>>25548181
This story is fake becaus
>i flip over her matress with her on it then start jumping on it
>implying robots have physical strength

>>25546299
>mcrib
>no rib meat
just a pork patty with bbq sauce

>>25569246
Oh yeah? Ever heard of a thing called "retard strength?"

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>been saving up GBP for over two weeks now
>gone without tendies the entire time
>finally going to taste the sweetness of tendies and I'll even be able to afford honey mustard
>as I'm leaving my room my older brother Chad jumps down from the top bunk of our bunk bed
>he pushes me as he says "Hey poophead, I saw you saving up your GBP, well they're mine now!"
>I only managed to hid 5 GBP in my diaper
>next thing I know he's redeeming MY GBP with mummy
>he spent them all on an extended curfew so that his playdate with Stacey from down the street could last longer
>he even brought over tendies and her favorite seasoning, cummin
>he'll pay for this
>not thinking, I shit in between his mattress but it falls on my bed underneath
>mummy comes in and says "did my little baby make poopsie again?"
>no I didn't mummy, stupid Chad deserves this
>"Aw well I'll have to deduct 5 GBP from you, you know the rules"
>"But good job honey, you made it an entire three days without an accident, that's a new record"
>not only did I lose all of my GBP but he took my tendies and my pride as well
I hate Chad so much, he a dumb dumb.

>be me
>in the hole for over a hundred gbp
>haven't had a tendie in weeks
>the dt's got my hands shaking as I play smash
>yell for mommy to bring tendies
>she eventually brings me a half eaten salad
>starts yelling about my baby fat
>I grab my poopoo jug I have been saving for this moment
>start flinging my poo trying for the money shot
>she pulls off her rhinestone belt and slaps each turd out the air like she was playing poop ninja
>she tells me that since our last incident she has been studying shitflingfu
>I smile and say I guess it's come down to this
>I reach back and grab my katana off of it's cherry wood stand
>try to unsheath and it wouldn't come out
>she tells me she glued it shut
>she then proceeds to unleash her rhinestone fury on my bare bottom
>I can still feel the dimples on my butt as she strokes my hair afterwards

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>>25568997
Wow your mom is a Bitch

>chew TENDIE
> bless these trendies
>mommy eat my poo!
>no my little dumpling
>mamma why
>*pisses*

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>order 2 large pizzas, 2 boxes of chicken tendies with bbq sauce, and fries
>go into mummys room to get money
>wait for pizza tracker
>anticipation rising
>pizza tracker is close, Close! CLOSER!!
>door bell rings
>heart drops
>open door awkwardly
>"Hey, heres you're two pizzas. That will be 40 bucks".
>stare at him
>"uhhm?"
>hand him 10 dollars by accident, almost trembling
>"uhm sir, you gave me 10 dollars. The bill says 40 dollars"
>i say "y-you to--no wait"
>pull out 5 dollars from pocket and hand it to him
>"sir..."
>say again "w-woops my bad im SORRY!"
>pull out rest of change and give it to him
>"Sir this is 70 dollars, are you sure about this?"
>slam the door against his face, too close that i hear a bone crack noise when i did it.
>hear him in pain, broke his nose
>don't help him, run into room under bed waiting for mummy to come home
>too afraid to go up and bring the pizzas down to eat cause the pizza man can see me through the windows

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>wake-up at 2PM
>Subconsciously shit in my little pony jammies while sleeping
>scream at the top of my lungs "MUUUUUUUUUUMMMYYYYYYYYYY"
>mummy silently lurks into the doorway to my room
>"y-y-yes, dear?"
>scream "GIVE ME CHANGIES AND FETCH ME CHICKEN TENDIES"
>mummy silent weeps to herself and walks over to my adult-sized crib with a fresh new pair of magic school-bus jammies
>start kicking and flailing my arms and legs because my tummy rumbles for tendies
>start to screech while mummy tries her best to not have another mental breakdown session
>start chanting "CHICKEN TENDIES YUMMY YUMMY FOR MY TUMMY"
>"Anon d-dear, you've already used all of the 20 piece bag from last night in one dinner, I-I...I..have to go get m-
>spring up and smash my body into hers, she screams and starts sobbing
>she pushes me out of the way as she runs downstairs
>yell "OUCHIES, YOU HURT YOUR GOOD LITTLE BOY" and start crying frantically
>chase after her, mummy locks herself in the pantry
>start beating on the pantry while screaming and crying "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE YOUR GOOD LITTLE BOY"
>Mummy is weeping loudly enough for the neighbors to hear
>cry even louder and accidentally shit new jammies
>use up all of the engine I had for the day crying
>crawl over to my scooby-doo playroom and roll up into a ball and fall asleep
>wake up at 9 PM, tucked in bed with clean jammies
>note from mummy: "I'm sorry anon, I never meant to hurt you, always be my good little boy! I love you!"
>fresh plate of tendies on trash-littered computer desk
>fall asleep satisfied

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>be me
>48 yr old with wife and kids
>general manager of company
>fuck my family and my job. All I care about is the GBP
>one day get random call at 5am
>is da hospital. mummy is dying
>ohshit.jpg
>break my GBP piggy bank with an inflatable hammer
>gather all my jars of cum shit and pee
>load everything into car and drive to hospital
>see my mummy and tell her if she dies on me I will throw my cum shit and piss at her
>she cries and dies from a heart attack.
>I had nearly 1 billion GBP and she pulls this shit
>go to work tomorrow
>make company create a time machine
>it takes many months but it's complete
>go back in time for many times to find cure for mummy
>find a cure and save her
>she gives me 1 bajillion GBP
>i cash in for and infinite amount of chicken tendies
>immediately sign divorce papers and give kids up for adoption
>quit job and shit on ceo's desk
>eat chicken tendies for ever
>Happily ever After
>MFW typing this with one hand because I've been eating tendies for seven years now

i'm terrified to have children because there is a chance they will grow up to be like you guys beyond my control

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>be me
>be in mummy wummy's attic
>hear mummy and new daddy making the Forrest Gump sounds
>decide it's time to cash in GBP cache
>503 GBP
>this means soooooo many tendies
>Swing open mummy's door and see new daddy pumping cucumber in mummy
>"mummy i need tendie-wendies!"
>"fuk off m8" screechies new daddy as he spews mayonaise
>begin to cry
>run to attic
>spirit broken
>get on tumblr and read about self harm
>time to show mummy how much i love the tendies
>take katana and begin James Franco-ing my limbs ie 127 hrs
>ketchup & bbq all over
>bread myself in pee pee jars and baby powder
>roll to mummy's door
>mfw she's at the door crying
>mfw im human tendie

>>25547867
Great poem friendo! I saw this on r/4chan and just had to come by to see if there were any other dank memes on this site! I'm liking all the green I'm seeing! (I mean Green Text and the green frogman)! Keep at it, Lord Byron!

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>yesterday
>wake up around 5pm
>hungry as FUCK
>look around the kitchen
>shit tier food (cereal, leftover spaghetti, chicken, various vegetables, etc)
>tell mom to get me some mcdonalds
>"we have plenty of food, eat some of that first"
>turn around without saying anything
>stomp my feet while going up the stairs
>slam bedroom door
>scream in to pillow
>10 minutes later she brings me a quarter pounder, 4 piece nugget and says there's a mcflurry in the fridge

>>25572518
Just punch the girl in the womb regularly. Problem solved.

Thanks for all the free upvotes and Reddit gold, everyone. :)

>>25573227
Karma train?

>>25572916
I want to believe this is true I really do. Your mom is a hero.

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>wake up early in the morning covered in piss because my bottle busted open while I was cuddling it
>pull myself over the bars of my crib as I roll towards the GBP board
>all my points are gone and my retarded brother with downs system is the only name on the board
>scream as I throw myself down the stairs screaming at mummy
>she runs over as best she could with her thin, frail legs since she thought it was an accident
>as I pop my leg back into place I start beating her yelling about my GBPs
>"a-anon you're getting too old for gbps, le-let your brother have a turn"
>just as she mentions that fat fuck he comes in from the kitchen covered in tendie crumbs
>let loose and hobble over to him screaming about my tendies
>mummy's boyfriend chad comes in and puts me in a sleeper hold as I thrash around
>wake up in the shed behind the house covered in poo poo and pee pee

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>watching my favorite anime naruto while enjoying some tendies I just bought with hard earned gbp
>mummy busts open the door screaming about caa caa on her brand new dress
>don't know what she's talking about since I'm a good boy
>she says it smells like my caa caa and runs over to grab my tendies from me
>my switch flips and I let out my war cry and I bash her head in with the remote
>drag her limp body into her bedroom because I want to finish watching naruto
>look at her dress to see what caa caa she was talking about, smell it a little bit
>it smells exactly like my retarded brother's undies
>see him walk past the door with a shit eating grin as he eats the rest of my tendies
>mfw

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>mum's home after a day of shoppin at the market
>she wasn't alone
>"I got you your favorite snacks"
>pizza rolls and mozzarella sticks
>is she fucking serious?
>"Don't worry, no charge for them dear"
>"good because i'm not wasting my hard earned GBP on SHIT"
>try to keep my cool
>"Why would I want them?"
>"Don't worry I got you a surprise!"
>"How could I forget your favorite..."
>she pulls out a bag
>"WENDYS?!"
>this dumb fucking cunt bought TYSON CHICKEN NUGGETS.
>i hit her over the head with the frozen pack of nuggets until she started to cry
>"WHO TOLD YOU THAT I LIKED TYSON CHICKEN NUGGETS YOU DUMB WHORE"
>she's holding back her tears, trying to act big
>"ATLEAST DAD BOUGHT ME TYSON TENDIES"
>"A LOT OF LOYALTY FOR A SHITTY STORE BRAND"
>"Or perhaps she's wondering why someone would beat her over the head with a bag of Tyson nuggies before she could get tendies for her precious little boy"
>with my mom being a stupid cockslut I didn't realize the front door was still open
>"W-who are you..?"
>"It doesn't matter who I am."
>I slowly turned my head.
>it was him.
>it was dad, with a Wendys bag in his hands.
>"You didn't care who I was until I got you your tendies"
>"if I use all of my good boy points can I have those sweet delicious tendies?"
>"It would cost a lot of good boy points"
>"i'm a good boy"
>"For you."

bump brump cant bump trump

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I wrote this a while ago tbqh familia

>>25561570
9/10 desu senpai famapamlan

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>Today is the day
>Mommy is taking me to go get tendies
>Stop at Zaxby's to get tendies
>Mommy gives waiter GBP after I gourge myself on tendies feast special
>On the way to Schlitterbahn now
>Want tendies again
>Go to in-water-park tendies joint
>Get tendies
>Mom now low on GBP
>Don't care
>Leaving Schlitterbahn
>Want tendies
>Suck mom's dick until she stops at Zaxby's again
>Get another tendies special feast
>Honey mustard
>At home now
>Laying in bed
>Need to shit
>Sit on toilet
>Throw up on wall
>Back to bed
>Need to throw up
>Running downstairs
>Grab throw up bowl
>Throw up so much it fills up half a gallon of milk
>Want tendies again

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>Trying to not soil myself, waiting for mummy to come home
>Eventually the door squeaks open, the sound of hesitant footsteps follow
>At last.
>"MUMMY!" I yell, "I HAVE SOME GOOD BOY POINTS TO SPEND!"
>Really audible sighs come from the door.
>"Okay Anon, I had a very rough day at work today and..."
>Canyoubelievethisshit.tendies
>"KINGBOY IS GETTING HUNGRY MUMMY, AND IF HE DOESN'T GET HIS TENDIES NOW HE WILL HAVE TO FIGHT YOU!"
>Empty tears start flowing from her eyes.
>"Ten minutes Anon, that's all I need, I'm begging you...."
>"BABYBOY KNOWS THIS IS WHY FATHER LEFT YOU MUMMY, BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS FAIL TO DELIVER THE TENDIES.
>Laughter erupts from my gut and fills the room
>Almost shit myself, but stop before it's too late.
>Shitty pants = fewer GBP :(
>Time is running out for poor Mummy
>"IN FIVE SECONDS I WILL HAVE TO FIGHT YOU IF TENDIES AREN'T IN MY HAND MUMMY."
>Niggers don't even get treated this badly
>"Go die already, please Anon" says Mummy.
>Obviously I can't die, not before I have my tendies.
>"FINE MUMMY., YOU'VE MADE YOUR DECISION, PREPARE TO FIGHT."
>"F--fine..." she mumbles. She barely has the strength to breathe.
>"ATTTAAACCCKKK!!" I scream
>Go slowly through the hallway so I don't lose GBP for running in the house again
>"AT LAST! PREPARE FOR TROUBLE! MAKE IT DOUBLE! PROTECT THE WORLD FROM DEVASTATION UNITE ALL TENDIES WITHIN OUR NATION!"
>I recite all of Team Rocket's motto even though I lose some GBP for doing so.
>Never got my tendies though.

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>finally amass enough GBP for tendies
>scream at mummy GIVE ME TENDIES GIVE ME TENDIES BE THEY CRISPY AND FROM WENDYS
>mummy asks me to calm down
>slap that bitchy cunt int he face
>scream at the top of my lungs TENDIES I EARNED THEM GIVE THEM TO ME
>mummy huddled in corner crying, nods yes
>go back upstairs to play Tomodachi Life
>mummy leaves to go shopping
>mummy finally home from shopping
>feel my fedora vibrate, senses tendies
>sprint downstairs, fall on staircase and hit head on floor
>tendies too tempting, get up, bloody nose
>mom looks at me
>h-heres your tenders anon
>punch her in the stomach
>THEYRE CALLED TENDIES CUNT
>grab bag
>McDonalds
>the bitch got me mcdonalds shitnuggets and not wendy tendys
>flop on the ground and start crying
>I EARNED WENDY TENDY MOM
>mcdonalds was closer anon
>start shitting on the floor in rage and biting my moms ankles
>she finally breaks free and locks herself in the closet
>can hear her crying

i threw away the nuggets too fucking slutty cunt

anyone else gotten non-wendytendy?

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>at the store
>so exited because i racked up a whopping 10 GBP for returning all my mummys panties
>mummy is texting new daddy Chad
>smiles and puts this green bottle inside the cart
>w-wait, theres less room for my tendies
>rip cart from mummy
>she sprains her ankle and hits her chin on the Kroger floor
>I sprint and slide in my red onesie (with buttflap) into the tendies isle, while shitting.
>pour bags upon bags of succulent tendies into the cart.
>mummy shows up, limping towards me, bloody face.
>scares me
>i filng open the freezer door
>probably cracks her forehead
>put some frozen tendies on it.
>because im a good boy
>too hungry so i start eating the frozen tendies
>still good
>an hour later mummy wakes up
>looks really mad
>i get scared
>try and run away
>slip in my own shit
>get a HUGE boo boo on my knee
>scream and cry until mummy carries me back to the car.
>driving home
>still bawling
>dont stop crying until she cooks me more tendies.
mfw she forgot to reset my GBP

So what do you guys ask your mummy to pair your tendies with?

I always ask for arbys curly fries.
It was my 28th birthday so i got a free bag!

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>at 1000 gbp i can take a shower with my mom
>being forgoing tendies and saving my gbp
>she's catching on to what i'm doing
>stopped giving me gbp or suggested i spend them
>stuck at 968

What can I do?

>>25576907
Like her kitty while she sleeps. It always works

>>25574341
10/10 tendiepost
Tendies threads are my reason for living anymore. Nothing makes me smile and laugh more. I wish I was creative enough to make my own.

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>go to shitty arcade with family
>sister and little brother are there
>see some shooting game where you sit in a booth
>little brother doesn't want to play
>plays Flappy Bird arcade instead
>why.mp3
>sister and I get in the booth
>she sits on my lap
>i'm intrigued
>she starts grinding on my dick
>OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.wav
>she's wearing yoga pants
>i can feel it all
>take my dick out
>she grabs it hard and I splooge everywhere
>tells me she wants to fuck me
>get home, about to fuck my little sister
>get into my bed, nice and cozy
>wait a bit, no sister, just a familiar smell
>smells like home
>realize i've fallen asleep
>wake up
>i panic but i realize i'm safe and secure
>my shitjugs surround me, like guards watching a beautiful prince sleep
>my fedora waits for me, like my crown, waiting to sit a top my greasing locks
>my gaming chair is still stained with my cum, ready for me to sit my un-wiped ass on it
>there's that smell again, so cozy, so familiar, what is it?
>feel shit leaking out of my diapee
>FURIOUS
>WAKE UP TO NO FUCKING TENDIES
>NORMIE MUM SPENDING TIME WITH NEW CHADDY!
>LAST FUCKING TIME I GO WITHOUT SLEEP UNTIL I GET MY FUCKING TENDIES AND GBP!
>GO UPSTAIRS, KILL CHADDY, MAKE MUMMY MAKE MY FUCKING TENDIES
>SAVAGELY RAPE HER WHILE SHE FEEDS THEM TO ME!
>"NO ANON, NO MORE!"
>"TELL ME MY DICK IS BIG MUMMY. TELL ME! I WILL GO BATTY!"
>SHE DOESN'T RESPOND!
>UNACCEPTABLE!
>I FUCKING THROW HER IN THE OVEN!
>MAKE HER INTO A CHICKEN TENDIEE
>"NO MORE GBP! NO MORE GBP!"
>I SLOWLY RAPE AND EAT MUMMY'S CORPSE!
>wake up, realize it's just a dream
>open the fridge to eat some leftover tendess
>find leftover mummy
>delicious
>rape her dead mouth
>feel tired and sickly after a whole week of no GBP
>i've made a mistake
>i crawl back into the warm, disemboweled corpse of New Chaddy
>fall asleep
>never wake up

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>I've been saving up my GBP for 3 years
>Have well over 14,000
>My goal is a whopping 20,000
>It's a Suzuki motorcycle
>Had a rough week last week
>Splurged and spent 5,000 GBP on pizza, alcohol, and heroin
>I'm distressed about the whole blunder
>Talk with my dad about it
>He offers to loan me the misspent GBP if I pay him back two fold a month later
>I accept
>Get a diabolical idea to double my GBP
>Go to casino, walk up to roulette table
>"I'd like to exchange these for chips, please"
>Open my briefcase cuffed to my wrist, revealing the mesmerizing, glinting GBP
>Dealer says "I need chips for 14,420 Good Boy Points"
>They slide me a mountain of chips
>I casually slide the entire pile into the table
>"All on black, my kind sir"
>The wheel spins, the ball slows, slows, stops
>It's on black
>"That's 28,000, but I need to pay back my father, 10,000"
>"Fuck it, LET IT RIDE"
>Roulette spins again, I take a sip out of my gratis pina colada
>The wheel spins, the ball slows, slows, stops
>It's red
>Oh dear.jpg
>Walk out GBPless
>Try to come clean and explain the situation to my father
>He just looks at me and says "Ten thousand good boy points, or I break your legs. Your call"

What the fuck do I do? Not only am I never getting my bike, but now I'm indebted to my dad who's going to cripple me like a loan shark. I'm scared.

I've been burned by the good boy points one time too many...

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>mum forgot to give me my GBP for the day
>pick her up from her sleepy slumber place
>drag her away from the shed, across the garden, and into the house
>standing infront of GBP board
>"mum, mum, wake up, I been a golly good boy today!"
>she doesn't respond
>get angrier "mommy! mommy!"
>grab knife from the kitchen table
>remember that I have to be a good boy, even when others are being naughty to me
>pick up her hand
>drag it to the GBP sticky stickers (haha)
>drag the hand to the board and carefully place them
>put mama back to sleep

It was a good day today. I was a good boy, and I really do derve those chicken tendies.

Even though mama wasn't nice, I gave her a kiss when I put her back into her coffin.

>>25549576
DEVlLlSH
E
V
l
L
I
S
H

>>25546324
>repost
>re
>post
>re
>reeeeeeeeeee leave

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>mama says that she'll stop with the GBP
>I yell that she's a stupid slut, and that this is exactly why dada left when I was in High School
>burst off into my room
>think about why she'd hand out GBP in the first place
>come that to the conclusion that it's all an elaborate ruse set up by the Jews to control ME
>post on /pol/ about the Jew's mind controlling devices
>realize that all morals are relative, and that the only just punish is to punish those who hurt you
>go down the first few steps on the staircase
>dumb slut watching TV
>"mommy, I have forgiven you"
>ask her whether she could make some chicky tendies
>mama actually makes them
>sneak into kitchen
>stab her and cut her open like the stupid fucking goose she is
>grab a tendie
>eat it and blink into her dead face
>poop my pants
>"poo poo pee pee, now mama has to change me"
>take off shit-stained underwear
>force it down her throat
>good job, mama!

>hankering for tendies
>shout downstairs to my mother
>MOMMY TENDIES NOW I WANT TENDIES
>mom walks upstairs into my room
>anon I'm so exhausted from work and still have so much to do around the house and i need to be up early for your brother's thing tomorrow
>stare mommy right in her eyes
>you're right mom, I'm sorry. I'm being ridiculous
>help mom with chores
>make double batch of tendies
>eat tendies with my mother while we watch Criminal Minds

>>25580596
KEK
U
C
K

YOU ARE A KEK

>>25548167
nice poem, dude. How many GPD did you spend that day?