/mischief/ thread >cashier tells me to have a good day

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>pour tap water into the bottom of the Brita filter
>everyone drinks disgusting tap water without even knowing it

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>>25506928
Who /madman/ here

>Anon tells me to suck a dick
>i dont

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>nobody agrees with me
>rather than realizing I'm wrong, samefag a Subway food analogy at myself
>now everyone agrees with me

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>walking dog other day
>sign in yard
>wooden tombstone reading 'here lies the last dog who pooped in my yard'
>mfw
>kick the shit over
>2 cars in drive at the time, may have seen me do it

>>25507124
You should take a shit in their yard

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>tell customer to have a good day
>I really want him to have a bad day

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>buy a remote controlled landmine that explodes little plastic pellets at 400 fps
>refillable
>plant it at local park where niggers like to hang out
>wait till around 2am when they're wondering back to their caves after a long day of peaceful protesting
>pack of niggers walks near it
BAM
>dindus at maximum peaceful protest mode

>>25506928
>be me
>teleport behind person
>pull out katana

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>Cafe closes in 30 minutes.
>Wait until 1 minute before closing to order.

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>>25507707
Oh also my pic.

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>>25506928
>get mad at my sister
>she tells me to build a bridge
>i actually work in infrastructure construction and am currently doing work on a bridge

>>25507000
Don't suck a dick

>Asian masseuse giggles at my small cock
>don't tell her when I'm gonna cum so jizz her in hair

>Its a push door
>Pulls

Only mentioned this once before on here, but about a week ago I bought a bottles juice tea drink at safeway. The Asian male cashier asked "How's it going, I choked on my words and muttered 'heh' while starting at the wall. After handing my receipt I could clearly hear him say "Happy new year, asshole." But it was so soft that he could just deny it if I asked or complained to management.

Fuck you wagecuck, there's another safeway nearby that has self-checkouts and you need to be replaced by robots that don't judge people, make smart ass comments or get butthurt.

>tfw know you could easily get away with stealing things at self checkouts but have always been afraid to because there could be a guard looking at you from any direction or on camera.

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>>25507789
Jokes on you, i just sucked my own dick

>>25508124
butt thats impossible!

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Who /jaywalker/ here?

>I purposely walk on the left side of the sidewalk to make people look up from their phone and adjust their course to avoid hitting me.

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I got family /mischief/.
>Uncle doesn't like it when I touch his face
>Touch it out of the blue whenever I want anyway
>He always gets mad and bitches about it

>Tells me to wash my peanut butter spoon instead of just putting it in the sink in a cup of water to soak
>Soak it anyway

>Asks me to do the dishes
>"No"

>Mom calls and asks what i'm doing
>Tell her i'm watching a television series
>"What series?"
>"Justified."
>I was actually watching anime

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>stalking girl
>she thinks i'm masturbating to her pictures and want to date her
>i'm just lonely, hate myself, and want to fabricate a concrete reason to better myself

this kills the man

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>splash water all over bathroom faucet and on the roll of paper towels

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>Go to many stores on X-mas day
>"Oh man it really sucks that you have to work today!"

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>purposely clog up toilet at work with 100s of paper seat covers
>drop devilish load and flush

>Have nudes from some camwhore
>Know her facebook page

Could this be /mischief/?

>take elevator
>select level 3
>I actually wanted to go to level 7

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chPJ7x9iMw0

>a faggot tells me that I don't understand customer service
>pause for a whole minute
>he tells my manager that I was rude
>my manager pulls me aside
>manager tells me that the guy was full of shit
>gives me a high five

:^) thanks b0ss

>>25508361
>get in elevator in parking garage
>need to go to level 2
>press every button before i exit
>someone gets in to go down when i exit

>go to public bathroom
>wait till the coast is clear
>piss on every roll of toilet paper.
>think about all the people desperately grabbing for TP and getting a handful of my piss soaked treat.

If I were only brave enough to actually do it

>make fake chad tinder profile
>reject every stacey thus destroying her self confidence

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>ancestors fought for survival for thousands of years
>grandparents fought in war and worked hard to raise their children right
>parents spent thousands of dollars to feed, cloth and keep me entertained
>years and years of hard work and spending to continue the bloodline
>only child and lifelong virgin
>cucking my entire bloodlines work to never have kids and spend my days on a Malaysian jump roping board

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>>25508588
This is a double whammy because I remember reading a study that said that women who get rejected a lot tend to reject others more harshly. You might be creating robots as a side product, anon.

>>25508254
Nice gif. Is that supposed to be Cao Cao?

>ramen says to boil for 3 minutes
>only boil for 2

>food instructions says to leave it to stand for 5 minutes
>eat it straight away

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>home alone and phone rings
>it's grandpa
>don't answer it

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>be me
>waiter at an Olive Garden
>customer is seated, I'm taking drink orders
>"can I have a Pepsi?"
>sorry, we don't have Pepsi. I can get you a Coke though!
>"alright, that'll do, I guess"
>we actually do have Pepsi
>bring them a cup of Dr Pepper with no ice

>be at chipotle
>ask for steak
>actually wanted chicken

>>25507931
chased some beans earlier today. they got away but I got their number because they texted under a camera. kek

cameras everywhere anon
>tries not to look up

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>waitress asks if everything is alright and if i like my food
>i say yes
>actually it was fucking disgusting

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>Sit on train
>See the straps from somebodies backpack underneath seat in front of me
>Slowly edge it towards me
>more
>more
>push it underneath my seat
>more
>guy has to get off
>freaking out about where his beloved backpack is
D E V I L I S H

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>be a depressed, misanthropic, friendless NEET who spends all his time shitposting on a polynesian basket weaving domain
>go to psychologist
>he asks me personal questions
>lie and pretend to be a normie

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>>25509411
>Sit on a train
>Guy in front of me is asleep
>His phone falls underneath his seat
>He gets off the train at his stop
>Didn't tell him that his phone is still under the seat

>>25509490
N I C E
I
C
E

Proud of u

>>25508431
I love doing this

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>having dinner in the living room
>mommy tells me that I don't have to get up, she'll come get the plateand do the dishes
>get up, take my plate to the kitchen, and do the dishes too like a bad boy

>wake up
>don't hope to die

>>25509801
easy there buddy, don't make me get the mods