ITT: Talk about things your personally take for granted.
It seems like there is so much depression and negativity in this board, I think if some of you looked on the positive side you'll feel better. Don't be afraid to brag either. So I'll start.
>I'm decently attractive
>I have a loving family
>I was never bullied
>I'm a kind and respectable person
>I don't get angry easily
>I wasn't born with any defects
>I'm not fat
>I have an above average IQ
>I was never raped or abused
Good for you I guess. I've tried looking on the bright side, but there isn't much there.
>have more friends than the average robot
>didn't really experience any tragic events in my life (people close to me dying, abuse, etc)
The positive side? I'm good at fantasizing so when my loneliness gets to the point I want to put a gun in my mouth I can close my eyes and go to another world where there are happy things.
Seriously, though. I've been diagnosed with major depression my whole life, 26 years. One of my oldest memories is going to a child psychologist. There is nothing to look positively at. I've tried. I simply exist.
The reason there's so much negativity on this board is that people realized they didn't feel as good when they were just nice to each other, so they opted to put down anyone who had something they wanted or who lacked something they had, it's a pretty common tactic among people with low self esteem.
>dont have a severe physical medical condition or disability
>can keep my mouth shut
>live in a first world country that isnt an overpopulated cesspool
>try to take the rational approach to everything unless it requires me to work a lot
>Recently engaged to a beautiful girl that is literally my soul mate in every way
>0 dependency on parents
>Cute basset hound puppy
To think that 2 years ago I was living in my dad's basement as a pathetic NEET...
Guys if I could get out of the cycle, so can you.
I've got major depressive disorder, severe anxiety issues and insomnia, and I thought I would be a basement dwelling NEET dependent loser for all my life, all it took was literally getting Vanned for stupid shit I was doing on darknet and then getting kicked out of my dads house to get me to finally get off my ass and get my shit in order. I feel like one of those cliche "you have to hit rock bottom to finally see how to get out of the hole" stories.
Stupid edgy cp shit. Spent so much time on 4chan and the internet that normal porn stopped doing it for me so I started chasing more and more taboo shit in order to get off. Not even a pedo, only have a weird attraction to taboo, and as a result of too many years on /b/ as a teenager, a severe lack of empathy that made it easy not to feel too guilty about the shit I was looking at. I was in a really dark place at the time, and am honestly glad that I got the reality check of the swat raid on my house. There's something about 20 or so armed cops busting down your front door and pointing guns at you as you jump naked out of bed that provides some real intense moments of clarity.
>Even if my family isn't rich, we're well off and our relatives on dad's side are super loaded.
>My parents are both really smart, especially dad, which attributes to how well I do in school
>I go to a great school
>My parents are super comfortable with whatever I do, within reason.
>I have a closer friendship with a friend before I start college than most people will have until they're parents
>Being half Jewish means I get to celebrate all holidays involving gifts
So apparently the FBI managed to take down some major CP site, can't remember the name, and managed to get the IP addresses, usernames, and passwords of every user on the site. It was one of the biggest cp networks at the time so they got a LOT of people. I never used my TOR username on the clearweb, so they must have had some sort of database of passwords as that was the only thing linking my clearweb identity and my darkweb one. Regardless of how they found me, they raided my home at 5 in the morning and marched me and my entire family in our underpants onto the front lawn and made us put our hands on one of the police vans while they searched the house for contraband, weapons, etc. They took every piece of electronics in the house and scanned it with a computer in the van. I had even recently gotten a new laptop so I assumed I was in the clear, but they found some old external hard drive that I hadn't opened in like 3 years that had like 4 zip files hidden deep inside a bunch of movie torrents with bad content on it. They then kept all of my electronics and my dad's electronics, interrogated everyone in the family (especially my little sister) for any evidence of wrongdoing besides the browsing, asked me a ton of questions that implied they thought I was a major distributer or may have had connections to one (I didn't) and then they left, our door splintered open, and my dad took one look at me and told me to gtfo. All I had of value was taken by the cops so I just grabbed some clothes, my medications, got in the car and left.
>I've had a GF, a 7/10 qt FWB (which lasted only a week though), and about multiple girls crush on me all throughout high school (about approximately 10, more or less)
>also got a blowjob in the school staircase by a black chick once
>and I'm not even a chad by any means
>also pic related
>have the money to afford a shit place to live + the odd luxury e.g. new headphones even if this comes at the price of wageslavery
>androgynous looks with the 'marmite' appeal/detestability
>born in the UK not some third world shit-hole
I went to my friends house who was understanding about what I had done and just got a part time job (really rather not say where, hope you don't mind) and through hard work became a department manager, and then after about a year there I got promoted to a sales job. It's 100% commission based, but I'm very very good at what I do. I am a community college dropout so I figured I was a retarded failure, but I happened to find something I was really good at. Somewhere in the mix I met the girl of my dreams, and after combining the money she made when she was modelling as a teenager as well as making some money doing porn together, we got enough money to put a down payment on a house and move in together. All that while I was scared that I would get the fbi knocking on my door again but they just never showed up. It's been more than a year now, and I think what might have happened is they just had so many cases at once that either they lost my file, or they decided some stupid 20-something with no more evidence than a 3 year old untouched external hard drive with a few dozen pics on it wasn't worth pursuing after they found some of the people who were actually making shit. I'll admit I have minor ptsd and get really freaked out any time I hear a knock on the door these days, but otherwise life is really good, and I haven't had a moment's temptation to go back to my old ways. I'm really fucking lucky. If they pursued me, they had a taped confession (you'd be surprised how honest you are a few minutes after having laser sites targeting your face, chest, and morning wood) and a conviction for that would have truly fucked any chances of me getting my life together, but here I am 2 years later actually living better than many other people my age. I got really lucky there and have been getting lucky since with promotions, finding the girl of my dreams, finding the perfect home right within our price range and more, but it's also been a shit ton of work
Just happened to have hung out with the right crowd.
In my clique we were just stoner hardcore-punk guys that were just mostly chads & socialites. I was just the really quiet, kinda awkward guy but I guess it was just the status that got me lucky with girls back then.
>6 to 7 out of 10 for looks , 5'9 height
Family is loving however its like a double edged sword because my mom while she cares has made my life very hard growing up
>as a result I was bullied somewhat even though I could find friends and gf
>i am kind and somewhat respectable
>i dont get angry easily either
>I was sexually harased by cousin who was 9 when I was 3
Overall its the family issues and cynical humor for why I browse 4chan as a poor hobby.
Jesus comment got too long sorry, I'm rambling at this point.
It took a metric shit ton of work to get here. I also went from 200 lbs to 155 in the process and built confidence for the first time in my life through independence.
I never really tried at work before, I would always get into an assistant manager position then coast until I got bored and quit because I knew I could just go back to leeching off my dad and basement dwelling while playing all the video games I wanted.
One thing I've noticed that's kinda funny is that back then, no games ever really satisfied me or were much fun because I had infinite time. Nowadays when I am working 9 hours a day, I appreciate my free time SO much more and the things I do do are much more enjoyable as a result.
...Jesus that took a while to write, I hope someone's still reading lol
This is a pretty good idea. We have talked about the same thing yesterday with my psychologist.
>I'm okay looking
>I'm pretty good at solving complex problems
>I learn languages easily, english is not my native language btw.
>I'm good at computers and other electronics
>I have a pretty high IQ fortunately.
Haha after confessing to having been raided (and subsequently possibly forgotten about by authorities, which is the one thing possibly keeping me out of prison) I'm not gonna post anything potentially identifying lol. I will say we got popular enough on xtube that if you browse there you've likely seen our vids, and I've actually seen other people post my fiancee on here a few times before, as well as me posting us in dick rate/share your gf threads, so there's a good chance you've seen me or her somewhere on here at one point or another.
Porn paid surprisingly well, I wish I could share some of those stories, but again that could ruin my anonymity, so I'll save them for another thread where they may be relevant but people don't know about my history with the guvment.
>girlfriend who loves me, would go to the ends of the earth for me
>her family seems to like me, becoming quick best friends with her best friend so the people that are important to her I get along with
>my family also seems impressed by her, cousin I grew up with literally told me "good job" after having met her
>going to university not struggling in the least bit
>met a nice good circle of friends that like to go out and dance/party which is an actual must for me
>roommate is my best friend he's been going to the gym with me first thing in the morning every morning since he's finished rushing
>I have a ton of nice clothes, been finding excellent stuff at the thrift stores back home since I got a bit of cash for Christmas in addition to the stuff I was gifted
My life is actually pretty great right now
>tfw I scratch the space at the base of my balls before my asshole and sniff the bit of gunk left on my fingers at the end of a long day
Well shit guys, thanks. That actually means a lot to me. I know it's silly to seek validation from 4chan of all places, but this is the first time I've ever opened up at all about what happened and this is the only place I would feel comfortable sharing, so it's nice to get positive feedback.
I just hope someone somewhere who feels like they don't have a chance can read this and know that a whole fucking lot can change in a very short amount of time in ways you would absolutely never expect, so giving up is the dumbest idea possible.
There were a lot of times I thought about taking my life after the raid, because I had nothing to live for, my computer phone and shitty unfinished basement were all I had, and they were taken from me, so why go on, right? I'm honestly not sure why I did some days, but I just kinda put my head down and decided to get to work fixing shit instead of waiting around for things to magically get better for me, and lo and behold, things finally started to work out.
I think my biggest problem before the raid was I just expected shit to work out for me like magic if I waited. I blame schools telling us that any kid could be president if they wanted it enough, they neglected to mention how much hard work goes into getting where you want to go, and it wasn't until I had nothing left that I realized if I wanted anything out of life I was going to have to earn it for myself, not just wait for "my turn"
Sorry if that sounds cheesy and stupid, but I like to think somebody out there might benefit from knowing how I turned my failures into what I would consider something resembling success.
In the long run I suppose yes it did since that's how I wound up on TOR lol, but actually one of the things that allowed me to work so hard was that with my computer taken away, I wasn't wasting hours of each day browsing 4chan and reddit, which is what NEET me was doing as a lifestyle. You'd be shocked with how much you can get done in a day if you don't open Reddit or 4chan once, I just utilized that newfound time to get to work, get really good at what I was doing at work, and make more money than I ever had in my life while still having time to look for and find a girlfriend, then maintain and cause that relationship to flourish as well (I legit lost a girlfriend once because I spent too much time gaming and browsing 4chan, one of my greatest shames, and I'm a dude who was raided for cp.)
>I'm white( European white though to be fair, I'm a german immagrant)
>I'm considered pretty average looking by most people here, and cute by alot of girls.
>Despite being an autistic sperglord, had several relationships in highschool that went were ok.
>I'm in a very serious relationship wih a qt latina normie, who treats me like im her world and helps get me into normie stuff.
>I got laid and done things most people here have wished they could do.
>have a chance to leave the NEET life I have for a wagecuck life in the ghetto, which is better than nothing
Despite all this, I'm still suicidal and hate myself to the extreme, I just can look past my negatives, and want to die.
Thanks for that I kinda needed it. I think I'm going to follow in your wake anon. I guess that's the best to do just put your head down and fucking do it. Maybe dump this place for a while to.
Why would they send a fucking SWAT team to pick up someone for a non-violent crime? Two fat guys in a squad car would have done the job.
Oh my god never seen someone with a similar story. I was 15 and torrented CP of other teenagers my age. Woke up one morning to banging on the front door and "Police department search warrant come outside!". Went outside and my older sister and mom were handcuffed in front of a police car.
Got adjudicated (juvenile version of a conviction that is less harsh) of two CP-related B felonies. Was in a program for a year and a half before they realized I wasn't following the rules, and took me out of my home. Got put in a group home a couple hundred miles away from home and couldn't even call my family for the first month or so. I hated it every step of the way but fuck that straightened me out. Got my first job then, finished school, and got my shit the fuck together.
I get to get relief from registration this year, too.
Honestly man, go for it. Block 4chan/reddit/whatever other places are sucking your time away, and get to work. If you show ambition, you will get into management soon, and even if it's not a job you love, that's resume building. Take that improved resume and trade up jobs, rinse lather and repeat until you are making the money you need to make to be independant. If you can live at home, do so until you've saved enough for a down payment on a house. My mortgage payment is $1200 and my condo is bigger than my neighbor who is paying $1500 in rent, and at the end of the day I'll own my home and be able to sell it for a profit instead of throwing money away on rent with no returns. Once you have a home of your own, life drastically changes for the better.
Tell that to all the houses that get raided by a swat team because a cop smelled weed. We have a vastly overmilitarized police force that feels the need to flex its muscles as often as possible.
Also it wasn't SWAT, it was a team of local LEO's led by 2 FBI agents operating out of the local satellite branch. Apparently some had come from the town over as a "favor" because not enough people wanted to wake up at 5 in the morning to bust down my door in my district. It's also worth noting that their raid seemed kinda like a shot in the dark, like I said earlier they were asking a ton of questions that implied that they thought I was a major producer/distributor or something or had ties to one. They had around 2 dozen other raids around the country within a few months of the site going down that I could find on the news where they actually arrested people, I'm not sure how many other people got raided then forgotten about though.
Damn, I'm both kinda glad to hear I'm not the only one out there, and sorry to hear that happened to you. I also got started with ephebophilic stuff as a teenager, just got away with it longer before getting busted. I'm glad you got shit straightened out too man, and once you are relived a whole slew of new opportunities are going to open up for you too! I wish you the best of luck!
>pretty much perfect genes besides height, which i fucked up on my own by stunting my growth with caffeine
>sometimes girls talk to me
>fit enough to run a half marathon
>go to a top tier university
>tfw highly above average intelligence
>can solve most problems thanks to it
>can be good at most things thanks to it
>no real issues ever thanks to that
>everything I focus on turns out good
>bright future almost secure just because of my brain
>will never lack money
>will always have a good job
The only thing I don't have figured out is how to get a gf. Everything else is so easy that it has no meaning.
>never raped or physically abused
>family is pretty poor but I always had an xbox and some form of roof over my head whether it be trailer, shitty motel, house etc which is amazing considering how low our income is
>parents love me a lot and sacrifice a lot for me
>never did drugs
>about to finish up school
>despite being in a non ideal home situation I've made it farther than a lot of kids like me
I mean I still get depressed and anxious and shit but I have a lot to be thankful for. I wish my mind could remember that every day I wake up. Seems like I forget my blessings quickly and I'll probably be pissed and sad tomorrow morning.
>800 SAT math score in 2007, 34 on ACT math
everything else is bad. literally everything
>Dudes say I'm a bro-tier guy
Sucks that those dudes never want to hang out with me.
Also sucks how I'm extremely depressed.
Also sucks how I have this problem in my back that prevents me from lifting.
Also sucks how tonight the girl I really liked for a while pretty much shit on me emotionally.
Also sucks how I'm running out of money since my back problem pretty much has me crippled.
Everything is fucking awful, I feel myself getting physically weaker and I relied on my physical strength to feel better about myself.