Anonymous
ITT masturbation horror stories. 2017-05-08 07:50:55 Post No.36871579
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ITT masturbation horror stories. 2017-05-08 07:50:55 Post No.36871579
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ITT masturbation horror stories.
Anonymous
2017-05-08 07:50:55
Post No. 36871579
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If anyone out there can beat this, hat's off.
> Assume position of thineself
> In 9th grade. Probably 15 now.
> Paranoid about jerking off until this year for some reason
> Also the last few bits of puberty
> In shitter one lunch period.
> Look down at dong.
> Seems a little bigger than usual.
> Again, the end of puberty and stuff.
> Think my dong getting bigger is the coolest thing in the world.
> get excited over it.
> expandingdong.png
> Edge a little to celebrate.
> Still sitting on the toilet mind you.
> Remember I was new to the wonderful world of jerking yer gherkin.
> Don't know when the point of no return is.
> Thus, suddenly...
> I JIZZ ALL OVER THE STALL DOOR, FLOOR, AND MY THIGHS.
> m'otherfucker.avi
> atleastnooneelsewasinthere.jpeg
> I lose my shit, but again, I'm not very experienced, so I don't know how to clean it.
> Plus I couldn't be late for my next class. Lunch was almost over and I used to care about that kind of thing then.
> Wipe myself off but leave the stall jizz.
> Bust out of there.
> Spend the rest of the week absolutely paranoid that I'll somehow get in trouble for it and the principal or something will know that I did it.
> Mfw
8 Posts / 1 Images
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>>36871579
Are you retarded?
Original comment from an original poster
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>>36871622
Idk, I just had no real idea when I was going to cum.
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>>36871622
>Are you retarded?
Of course he is, what sort of freshman is 15 unless he got held back
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>come home from grocery shopping
>unknown light skin black girl is on your couch
>she says she won't leave until you eat her ass
Your response?
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i eat her ass and pussy
orgiiginal
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Fuck her every which way possible until I'm tired out and tired of listening to her, then eat her ass so she can go home.
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>>36871469
Eat her ass and ask if she wants to stay so I can do it again
Anonymous
Did you save her, anon? 2017-05-08 07:42:08 Post No.36871438
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Did you save her, anon? 2017-05-08 07:42:08 Post No.36871438
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I loaded from my last checkpoint the first time I accidentally let her jump.
> Tfw no Kate Marsh gf
Couldn't live without her.
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>>36871438
No. She was a bitch. Fuck her.
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>there are people that saved Kate only to condemn her to death by later saving Chloe, the worst girl
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>>36871491
No, fuck u.
>>36871538
Doesn't matter, it was the principle if the act, even if at the end of the day the good ending means your entire play through and the relationships you formed were fucking dismantled. You can tell now Max will get with Warren and be an even better friend to Kate.
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Poorfags and wageslaves, what should I spend my money on? I'm quite bored today.
>inb4 a gun to kill yourself ect ect
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>>36871362
Spend it on Ash
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me :3
https://steamcommunity.com/id/dylan___
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Man would you actually buy me a hooker
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Am I supposed to look at cleavage?
What's the point if I'm not supposed to look?
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>>36871343
My ex used to show off her cleavage its for attention from other men.
They love it so just stare.
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>>36871343
Yep! Just stare.
Women who share cleavage like that know their role in life is to be fuckmeat, so they entice men in with their cleavage so she can have those boobs bouncing and her ass clapping within the day!
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>>36871343
its
>orgeganoli
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>tfw ywn have a gf
>tfw ywn lay in bed, hugging her while she lays comfortably in your chest
>tfw ywn kiss her on the head while whispering "I love you"
>tfw ywn hear "I love you too"
>tfw ywn feel the warmth of her body when she hugs you after a long day
>tfw ywn hold her hand while looking into those eyes full of hope, feeling the love and affection towards you
>tfw ywn have the motivation to improve yourself, doing it with a smile, knowing that you are doing it for her
>tfw we can only dream about something that so many people have but pay little attention to it
Why robots... why do we keep going?
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I live with my gf it's ok
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>>36871331
Because it might still happen. Beside there are other things that are fun too.
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>>36871331
I had every single one of those until she cheated on me and had another man's baby
Anonymous
Sex Sucks, You're Not Missing Out 2017-05-08 07:30:07 Post No.36871240
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Sex Sucks, You're Not Missing Out 2017-05-08 07:30:07 Post No.36871240
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Sex Sucks, You're Not Missing Out
Anonymous
2017-05-08 07:30:07
Post No. 36871240
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As long as us normies are literally completely ruining this entire board like we do with everything that was once good i figured i would give you guys some honest information
Jerking off:
>completely tailored to your desire of the moment
>focused explicitly on your own arousal
>unlimited variations of niche fetishes to provide endless styles of arousal
>can go as long as you want, edging for hours even
>no limit to possible depravity
Sex:
>Have to constantly worry about your partners opinion of your fucking
>All you can focus on is trying to not cum
>I literally think about my grandma more than anything else when i am having sex because shes the least arousing thing i can think of and it still doesnt work and i cum thinking about my grandma all the time which is disgusting to me
>Only lasts a minute and a half
>If i jerk off to last longer i either still cum in 2 seconds or im so desensitized that i never cum after an hour of feeling almost nothing
>Again, all you think about is trying not to cum, dont even get to think about how fucking sexy having sex is because cum in .1 seconds
>Feel shame almost everytime because either cum immediately or have to stop every 3-5 thrusts because about to cum
>as soon as she starts to like it have to stop, never satisfy her because cant keep from cumming
>obligatory condom takes away most of the sensation, i guess thats a good thing though because i would cum even faster
>possibility of babies, get scared every month
>unless it is one of the months that we dont have sex at all
>cum so fast every time that she doesnt ever want to fuck me and hasnt wanted to fuck since the beginning of our relationship
>she becomes visibly irritated every time i mention having sex or try to make a move
>Cunnilingus rips my tongue webbing every time
>still never gets her to make any noise
Jerking is far more satisfying and longer lasting and better in every way
>Idea of sex = best thing in the world
>sex in practice = cant focus on idea of sex
22 Posts / 3 Images
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>>36871240
Sounds like sex doesn't suck, you just suck at sex.
If you'd stop thinking about cumming and focus on your breathing and shit, you'd be better off.
Also, don't just lay pipe 100% of the time, my gf gets off way quicker if I position myself just right and move my dick like, 1/8th of an inch. Know why? My dickhead is literally just rubbing over her g-spot the whole time.
I feel basically nothing because my dick isn't moving, I can keep it up forever, and if I'm on the verge of cumming I can go back to that spot and slow down a little bit and the feeling backs off
There is also way more to think about than your grandma dude.
Do math, think about embarrassing shit you did as a kid, count all the red objects in the room, then move onto green, shit like that.
In the end though:
>unless it is one of the months that we dont have sex at all
>cum so fast every time that she doesnt ever want to fuck me and hasnt wanted to fuck since the beginning of our relationship
>she becomes visibly irritated every time i mention having sex or try to make a move
>Cunnilingus rips my tongue webbing every time
>still never gets her to make any noise
Yeah, your GF is a bitch and you're just shit at sex.
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Which porn slut is that, I forget her name but recognize those tits and teeth
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>>36871743
Never mind I remember now, it's Shae Summers
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*glug glug glug*
*burps*
>Fembot! Fembot! Mommy'sh drunk and horny again, wheresh my good little pusshy licker? Come on, don't act like you're too good for this! I orgasmed all the time when you sucked on my boobsh, how'sh this different?
What the fuck do you do, fembots?
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Fuck her right in the anus?
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>>36871258
But how are you going to get her to orgasm from that? Keep in mind, mommy will punish you if you don't bring her to orgasm like a good girl.
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>>36871446
>Implying fembots like pregnant chicks
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>the year 2020 - 3
>still being racist and not realizing race is not a choice and that you could've been born a "nigger" too
Why are racists so stupid?
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I would dislike blacks just as much if I was black myself. Probably more.
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Being born black isn't a choice, being a rowdy, violent nigger incapable of human reasoning is a choice, and skin colour doesn't have an affect.
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>>36871228
>Being born black isn't a choice, being a rowdy, violent nigger incapable of human reasoning is a choice,
There seems to be a contradiction in this post.
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Hey wageslaves! It's monday, so I know most of you won't see this until a few hours from now *giggles* I just got done absolutely devouring this lasagna that I made with my own abundance of free time, whilst reading a few ciara threads and orbiting some waifus, some crazy stuff been happening lately, ey? Oh that's right, you don't have time to browse r9k HAHAHAHAHA. Oh my..
Anyway, hopefully when you see this you don't turn from wagie to ragie, because I usually get a lot of hate when worker bees see how easy and free my life is compared to them. I have my own Youtube gaming channel that easily makes me 50k a year, living at home with mum and dad makes it easy to save a fat 40k check every year so I can continue to live the good life when I leave the house as well.
*kicks feet up and yawns* Anyway, you should probably go enjoy your leisure time while you still have it, by the time you read this it'll probably be already 6. It's 1:22 where I live, so I know it's a few hours till you worker bees get off work. Enjoy your pay-dirt for the week, and remember, another day another dollar!
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>>36871123
>>36871123
>>36871123
Bro, you went a bit too ham.. Wagies are pretty fragile creatures, due to the amount of abuse they have on their psychology from working every day for slave labour and shekelstein boss making them lick his toesies.
You might put the wagecucks on suicidewatch with this, go easy on 'em NEETbro!
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you nerds are getting kind of annoying at this point, it's funny because most of you idiots are probably working anyways and projecting lol
going to work every weekday and collecting fat 3000$ checks every two weeks isn't hard if your not a mindchild.
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>>36871185
Aww, l-*BURRRRRP* Mmm, sorry. That was rude, pardon me... That chicken fried steak is really giving me some tummy issues lmfao. You wouldn't know about having tummy issues this time of day though, would you wagecuck?
Aww, poor little wagie turning a bit ragie, LMFAO.. Wagie turning ragie! Most wagecucks get pretty triggered when they see real alpha NEETs living off the bounty of freedom. It's okay Wagie, maybe one day when you retire you'll see what you missed out on.
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>cousin I avoid seeing for a decade is trying to break down my door
mum please come back
mum please come back
mum please come back
mum please come back
mum please come back
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What the fuck?
A little elaboration is in order.
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>>36871105
U stll alive Anon? Pls don't die.
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you alright?
oregano
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>year and a half ago
>be 21
>spend about 5 hours a day on 4chan since I was about 15
>decide to send in janitor application because why not
>get selected to janitor two boards, kind of happy af
>have a lot of fun in the janitor chat, after only a short while realise people there feel quite similar to me
>starting to spend more time daily just chatting, spending even less time "irl"
fast forward a year
>change universities for my masters degree
>used to study from home, now in a dorm with 40 other people
>for two months don't talk to anyone, just stay online talking with my janitor pals
>one day the girl in the room next to me knocks on my door to ask me something about her internet
>freeze the fuck up having to talk to an actual human being, barely get out any words at all, visibly shaking
>she's only 18 while i am 22 years old so its not only autistic but just embarrassing as fuck as well
>decide this can't go on any longer or Ill fucking kill myself
>go on to lose a ton of weight over the following months (not thin yet, but at least Im not "that fat guy" anymore)
>start awkwardly forcing myself into social events and become less autistic
>go full normie and ask my crush out on a date, on which we went (she wanted to stay friends, but still, major step for mankind and all that)
>suddenly realise I haven't janitored in like two, three months
>realize that I haven't talked to these great people who really "got" me in so long
>feel like crying because I've probably been deactivated by now, and I don't get on 4chan enough anymore to ask for my position back
>I can't make enough time to talk to people I actually connect with because I'm too busy failing at being a normalo
Seriously considering killing myself because I can't seem find friends in the real world, and can't be satisfied by just having online friends either
oh and if anyone of you guys is reading this, I really truly miss you -your MB
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>>36871019
>can't seem find friends in the real world
>beter kill self before trying to improve self & try all other options life has to offer
wew, I know you are lonely, I am too, but there are SO MANY things you can enjoy! also how can you wish for firends if you can even be your own friend?
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>>36871201
If you read what I wrote, I did try to improve. I was all but on the verge of normie-ness, but I just can't take the plunge. It feels like there's nothing for me there, like I have to choose between living while constantly wearing a mask, or living from behind my keyboard.
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>>36871253
you don't have to be a normie to be happy. there is somethng for you there, you just have to find it, it will probably come to you on it's own too.
I was considering suicide a year ago, was really thinking about it for a full year, I concluded it's completely retarded thing to do. I feel it's really impossible to describe my epiphany to you and talk you out of such thoughts, some things you have to realize by yourself. also I'm laughing now at how weak was I considering suicide over some shitty completely irrelevant problems.
p.s. my best friend killed himself years ago, you can't even imagine the pain he left behind. where is he now?
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>every store in town is sold out of fidger spinners
Have you been able to get one, lads?
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>>36870996
>muh adhd
>muh anxiety
drop dead nodrmalfag.
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Insert edgy reply here
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>>36870996
Just got one 30 mins ago famalam
Rose gold looks cool
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Have a good day, anonymous!
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thanks OP, you have a good day too
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That apu makes me suspicious of your intentions
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>>36871095
You are reading too much into it. Apus are simple creatures, not capable of trickery or cunning.
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Will this be the most robot-core movie of the year?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCcx85zbxz4
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>>36870901
Yes, Ryan Gosling and Harrison Ford are total robots. They may be Hollywood actors who fuck tons and tons of beautiful women but deep down they are robots. Ryan Gosling make make girls swoon for him.. but he's still a robot.
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>>36870901
Bump so we can get true robot opinions on this matter. I'm looking forward to it, senpai.
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I actually didn't like the original Blade Runner that much