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Tom Cruise made it. Why can't you?
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>>37614274
>im no lvl99 scientologyst
that's why
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>be me
>17 yo
>summer camp on Catalina Island California with the boy scouts.
> I fall in love with this tube of peanut butter and jelly substance called Squeezers: I eat them for every meal, at first with bread.
>by Wednesday(summer camp was one week) I am so addicted to this shit I eat it without the bread, literally consuming mounds of it 5 times a day.
>last day, we all go on a morning bike ride.
>make it up the mountain, at the top. Start to feel funny
> half way down the mountain, stop for a water break, "guys, I, I gotta take dump"
> go behind a bush, pull down my pants, and out comes fucking hell itself: a continuous jet of shit bursts out of my anus.
>I scream as the shit storm leaves the cap Canaveral that was once my rectum
(pic related: what squeezers look like)
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>>37614194
part 2:
> I pull up my pants and am officially terrified
> this same event happens about seven and a half more times down the mountain
> I say a half, because as I was pulling my pants down, half of the unholy load dribbled down my pants prematurely in one instance.
> we get to the bottom.
> medic gets called in from camp
> he has a brand new car
> when he arrives he says "listen here shit kicker. I'll fucking murder you if so much as one speck of shit lands on my seat. got it?"
>still shocked and eyes sweating (not crying) i say: "okay"
>we hop in his car, make it to medical center
>luckily no incidents.
> we go inside, and before I can see the real doctor, shit hits the fan.
legend has it to this day, that camp still has one of my shit stains on the chair of the doctor's office.
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Has anyone here been slimed? What did it feel like? Was it as cool as it looked back then?
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I was in the studio audience for one of those slime events and some got on my shirt. I tried to file a complaint but they said my parents had signed something making them not responsible for the slime so nothing happened
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>>37614083
I read on reddit that it's just sugary water.
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> in big city
> driving on highway
> hungry for lunch
> find chick-fil-a
> neighborhood's sorta rough around the edges but screw it
> a bit nervous anyhow
> know what I want
> get to front to line
> accidentally ask for mcnuggets
> manager laughs in my face
Anyone else screw up at the ordering counter?
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Wendy's I asked for a 1/4 as a fraction... I felt retarded
Anonymous
The moment of all truth 2017-06-10 03:14:17 Post No.37613840
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The moment of all truth 2017-06-10 03:14:17 Post No.37613840
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It happens when you hate yourself so much, for everything that you are, because you realize you're always getting in the way of yourself. And then in a single moment, which becomes now, you say you love yourself and mean it. The space between the instance of the hate turning into love is the moment of truth. For the first time you see what you really are. And then you understand what is reality, what is fear, what is pleasure, what is timeless and eternal. And that which has no name. Afterwards you will know what true love is. And all your suffering just vanishes. Because you know all about suffering, and don't see the point of it anymore having known the point.
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Ironically started doing a PE exercise newbie routine about 3 weeks ago just for shits and giggles and because I have 30 minutes to kill before bed.
Just did manual stretching and slow, safe jelqs (because I read some horror stories)
My penis is actually 1/2" girthier and 1/3" inch longer now. WTF, guys, I thought this shit was supposed to be a meme.
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...does it hurt?
aboriginal
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>>37613713
No, I read on PEGym thought if you feel pain you're tugging too hard or firmly. I d everything gently.
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https://youtu.be/wWoP8VpbpYI
I fucking hate numales so fucking much holy shit
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i was so jealous of the android when harrison ford was forcing himself upon her
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hey /r9k/ im 22 and ive had sex a bunch of times AMA
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does your ass hurt afterwards?
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>>37613643
the first few times, now I just relax
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>>37613630
wow dude like double digits even??? you're so cool!!!!!
fuck off retard
Anonymous
Times you failed made people think you're normie 2017-06-10 02:47:28 Post No.37613495
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Times you failed made people think you're normie 2017-06-10 02:47:28 Post No.37613495
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Times you failed made people think you're normie
Anonymous
2017-06-10 02:47:28
Post No. 37613495
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>5 years ago, be me in hs In sex ed
>ohboy.jpg
>Look around and start sweating; assume that people are thinking about the fact that I'm HKV.
>Learn the four types of sex (digital, oral, anal, and vaginal)
>recall last night on the computer having "digital sex" by myself.
>planhatched.exe
>tell my friends about the hot digital sex I had last night
>they ask who it was with
>thought I could pull a fast one
"Sasha Gray"
>Friends crack up, gets around school
>I was known for 2 more years as Digital David
>mfw
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>there is a form of rabies out there that kills you slowly over the course of years by fucking with your brain and nerves
>mfw I cant sleep at night thinking I might have it
what if all depression and madness is caused by slow rabies?
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>>37613480
>There is a form of autism that kills you slowly over the course of years by fucking with your brain and feels
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>>37613511
Stop reading sonic fanfics and get a gf and you mite b fine
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>have to ride around with someone all day today to fix a units
>why are you so serious
>you're gonna shot up a school
>you need to laugh more
>you're so quiet it's making me nervous
I wish I was dead
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>you need to laugh more
h-heh
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Anon, what skills do you have thats actually useful for us?
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>>37613437
>I think my resume speaks for itself! Look at the pic!
>>
>Tell me about yourself :)
Haha! Jokes on you interview HR niggers I know your game and can interview perfectly now.
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>>37613437
sucking cock i suck really good cock and swallow al lth e time
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>Average of 95F degrees today
>sister decides to bake bread in the oven
FUCKING
STUPID
CUNT
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>stand on top of cardboard box to see what it feels like to be over 6 feet
>life finally feels worth living
>everything just feels right
Why did we have to be born Manlets guys?
Why do we have to be the unlucky ones while some people just get it all?
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>>37613394
HEIGHT IS A FUCKING MEME, you dumb normie.
Non chad short guys are called manlets, non chad tall guys are called lanklets.
Anonymous
I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2017-06-10 02:34:40 Post No.37613328
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I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2017-06-10 02:34:40 Post No.37613328
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I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous
2017-06-10 02:34:40
Post No. 37613328
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FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOP BICKERING AND GET OFF THIS BOARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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>>37613328
stfu senpai lol
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lol wtf i hate this board now
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>>37613328
When I was doing homework, I would periodically check anti-Trump subreddits to get a poor man's Two Minutes Hate. I honestly think /r9k/ is better for me than that shit.