Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 1397. page

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>finally get a gf
>I let her borrow my 4000 dollar camera
>she breaks up with me
>wont give it back
>I call the police
>she claims its a gift
>they cant do shit

Wtf do I do? I should have listened to you guys. I trusted her I didn't think this would happen :(

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>brother has friends
>i dont

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Only an hour left before I can drive around the entire day to deliver goods for Mr. Sheckelstein

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> turns a corner
> sees this
w-wat do?

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Happy gf day robots, discuss

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Random greentext thread
I'll start
>Be me
>4 years ago
>Brother comes back from his tour in Iraq
>Brings a bunch of MREs(Basically military rations)
>Tells me to try them
>Pick the Pork rib MRE
>Open the bag
>Looks disgusting
>Taste it
>Not bad
>Eat 3 bags of that shit
>Big mistake
>Fast forward 1 day
>Stomach starts uttering a whale call
>Tactical shitstrike inbound
>Book it to bathroom
>Smack asscheeks onto the toilet
>Attempt to shit
>All that comes out is a god awful fart that sounded like a 30mm Gatling gun
>Sat there for around 2 hours attempting to shit
>Nada
>Every time I try, it won't budge
>Realise that if I am to defeat the beast, I must bite the bullet and face the pain
>Push with the force of 2 Rhino tanks
>Nothing
>Start to spread my cheeks with my hands
>Utter a legit battle cry to get my diaphragm to push with enough force
>Brother hears it in the other room
>Audible keks
>Suddenly, I feel sharp pain that can't be compared to any other feeling
>Asshole expanding to sizes beyond human comprehension
>I am in agony
>Tears in my eyes
>I can only assume this is what it feels like to be raped by a big black man
>About to pass out from pushing
>Suddenly
>Kersploosh
>Toilet water splashed my ass
>Let out a long, loose fart
>My god the relief
>It was done
>Afraid to look into the toilet
>For when you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes back
>The log had the length and width of a can of Monster energy drink, and had a considerable amount of blood
>Wipe for about 20 minutes
>Attempt to get up
>Legs are asleep
>Stumble out of the bathroom
>Brother is on the couch
Moral of the story, MREs really suck

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Have you ever unintentionally made a girl fall for you?

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>tfw dad found the inseminated semen sock
It's all over for me. RIP

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I've taken the initiative to expand my interests from solely imageboards to include visual novels and story-driven rpgs. Could you please suggest some that you have personally played and enjoyed? Some gameplay elements would be fine too. So far I've tried VA-11 Hall-A and Katawa Shoujo, loved both. I'm considering LISA and Undertale at the moment. Thank you in advance for your recommendations.

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Pros
>Teeth are hardy, have never had a cavity
>Red hair that isn't overly bright
>Green eyes
>Skin is naturally white.
Cons
>Autism spectrum disorder
>Keratosis Pilaris, skin condition that makes my skin rough and red.
>Joints constantly pop and crack when I start moving
>Teeth are slightly translucent at the edges
>Grow body hair like a fucking ape
>Dick is 2 inch limp, 5 1/2 when when erect
>Not even pure white, my great-grandmother was 1/4 injun
>Family history of diabetes

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well lads. Look like being a neet at age 27 fucked a good social opportunity.
>One of my old friends from waay back asked if i wanted to go to a game club
>don't have money, too embarrassed to go
>tfw
feels bad man, i'm so ashamed of myself, i haven't hung out with anyone for over 10 years. I'll sperg out for sure. I'm scared of going out and making friends, my mother will ask questions about it and it's terrifying to answer them. My parents think i'm gay because never had a gf and if they see me going out with some dude then I'll be fucked and be made fun of. But the person who invited me might use me as a clown and I'll be the ass of all jokes with his buddies with degrees and shit. maybe it's for the best.

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>poop pants at work
>boss makes me wait until break to clean up myself

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Going to Guyana on Friday
You've probably never heard of it. It's the poison kool aid place.

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you wanna know what's the worst fucking feeling a human can experience? self awereness

picture this, you're feeling depressed and anxious, so you go to a psychiatrist seeking help. After some consults of you not being able to find a reason to feel like shit you decide to think, to go deeper than you've ever gone and as it gets deeper you start to notice that the wierd feeling you've got it's part of your very being. it doesn't feel "external" like sadness (in the sense that in order to be sad, something needs to happen), it's not something you can get rid off. no, something in you is gravely wrong and you can't put into words what because it is your very being.

Now here you are, stuck with your own miserable self, which in itself seeks joys but feels at home in sorrow, that wants freedom but can't help but daydream about how'd be nice if everything had an script.
this neverending loop of contradictory needs will drag you down to the very depths of your soul, and that's when you think "hey, this isn't me", not even your soul fits this empty husk you call body, and you can't escape it, never.

when you realize your very existence is the problem, that no one will EVER be able to help you despair sets in. days become nights, you lose track of your emotions, you can't even dicern your true self from the various forms you take in order to face the world, and if you don't even know who you are, you are nothing.

death becomes the only viable option, like a reset of the mind you're freed from yourself, even though you might experience the same shit next life.
in the end, our conscience dooms us from the start, to suffer, to despair, to cry and to eventually give up.

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So i chipped the screen on my friends s8 i put on the floor put my foot on it