After a fitful night of dreams, an impetuous piercing cry emanates from your bedside, wrenching you from your slumber and throwing you, uncaring, into the real. You make out your surroundings. This is your bedroom. You lay under your covers, surrounded by posters of your favourite pop star. Everything appears to be as it was the night before, except for your stomach, which is now empty and nauseated.
Your PDA delivers you a motivational quote.
>"Be the change you wish to see in the world."
>>Some bumper-sticker and not Gandhi
What do you do?
You have no lotion in your room. The closest lotion is in the hall bathroom. Are you really ready to leave your bedroom yet?
While you mull this over, you kick off the covers.
You looked smarter back when people thought that you had an opinion. Now you're just a person who is mistaken about rules that don't really exist. /qa/ has no written rules aside from global rules, (with a lax enforcement of GR8 apparently) and /tg/ has no such rule stating that quest threads belong there and only there. Sorry.
You don't own a sports bra, but you do have your training bra. You don't know how you feel about this thing but you have to wear it because one of these days you're gonna have real boobs and if you don't get used to a bra by then, you're gonna be in trouble.
You always wear spats under your skirt. This is a no brainer.
The obvious next step is to get something to eat to counteract the HP degeneration. I'm assuming that's the cause. Eat something super tasty. Eggs. Or take a shower, showers can be good for the hitpoints. Sexy showers.
(Forgot my trip and then accidentally fell asleep. Sorry. Back.)
You do really need to start your morning routine. Probably shouldn't have started to get dressed already, but it is what it is. You add "Shower" and "Eat an Egg" to your quest log.
This is where you keep your folded and ready school uniform that you arranged the night before. Evening you is very agreeable and willing to do nice things for morning you, but they can only plan ahead so far.
Normally you'd get dressed right now, but perhaps it would be better if we just carried our clothes around with us until we showered?
I'd vote to skip school today and do cool stuff, but she really needs the INT points. Get sexy thong underpants and the uniform and take them into the shower and S L O W L Y undress
I cannot stress that last part enough
Y-you own a p-pair of thong underwear, yes, but... But you... ahem.
While you certainly wouldn't be embarrassed to wear it or anything, it would be against school rules to do this and... And nobody would even see them anyway under the shorts that school regulations make you wear so there'd... There'd really be no point in wearing these!
Nevertheless, you will carry them with you just in case you change your mind later, or they come in handy somehow.
As you leave your room to head to the bathroom to take your shower, you encounter your half-step-sister-in-law, Mika. Mika's weird. You'd rather not deal with her if you don't have to.
Shit, she's talking to you.
>"What're you doing in your underwear, Heather?"
Sure. Whatever. Later.
Sadly, you have neither of these spells. You could make her shirt wet if you were carrying some liquid, but you aren't carrying any right now. We are on our way to the bathroom though. Hold that thought.
This, on the other hand, you can do! You make your best effort at trying to convince her to give you her Ikaruga BlackWhite Blade.
Mika seems to be amused by something.
You successfully flip Mika off so hard she flips off.
You make your way to the bathroom at the end of the hall. You would have asked Mika to join you, but she's a little flipped off at the moment. She's probably just pretending, but you're going to pretend she isn't.
The bathroom door is marked "occupied" at the lock, and there's a sound of running water inside. Sounds like somebody else had the same shower idea that you did. What do you do now?
Get naked beforehand to save time and wait your turn for the shower. Also take note of one of the easier chores assigned to Mika and consider doing one for her so she might join you in the shower later.
we need a game plan here. we clean the temple for her and then wash and eat the egg to recover health points. we do an extra stinky fart from the egg on her, but she can't be mad because we cleaned the temple with her. we offer to share our now empty shower with her, even though we were first, because we did fart on her. we tell mika she has to wash us because we have no arms.
are we home alone?
>I AM FROM /TG/ AND ALL QUESTS MUST BE MY WAY AND ALSO THAT WAY IS SHIT
Fuck off. Story driven, not shit quests are fine, be it text or art. The problem with /tg/ quests is that they have trash writing, no art to redeem said writing, and systems out the wazoo.
>Also take note of one of the easier chores assigned to Mika and consider doing one for her
Let's see... Mika's three chores are...
- Scrub the Temple Exterior
- Ferry Souls
- Organize Humans
... okay. So the Temple... You're not sure what the EXTERIOR'S size is, but you know that the interior of the temple is a dome with an area of exactly 1 million cubic meters, assuming the monks built it correctly to the standards imposed on them by the old gods. Which they probably did because the gods were there to check their work. Okay. So... 1 million cubic meters... hemisphere... That would be about a radius of 78.159-ish... so the surface area of the inside of the temple would be around 38...38...3...point... 2... Pretty sure. Yeah, 38383.2 so... That would be about... Yeah so you can clean at a rate of maybe 6 meters every zun so... That would take about like... 6397 and change zun to do... which means it would take 64 days...
You could probably ferry the souls if somebody told you how. Maybe Cynthia knows?
You're not really sure what "Organize Humans" means but that shouldn't be hard. Can't be any worse than doing laundry.
We begin knocking. The water is still going, for now, but we'll keep knocking until there's any change in the situation, or until our arm gets tired.
The door to the bathroom finally opens, and look who it is. Look who it ALWAYS is. It's Shiné. Wasting your time. Stealing your eggs. It never ends with her!
>"Oh, Heather! I'm sorry. You usually shower before bed so... I'll get out of your way. It's all yours."
All showered, you get dressed with all of your equipped items.
You decide to try wearing the thong under your spats. What's the worst that could happen? It's not like anybody's going to see it on a blue board.
You could still use the sides. Also LATER, you have to find some eggs right now.
You search the bathroom high and low but you don't find ANY eggs! This is ridiculous! You do find a bunch of other useless garbage though.
- Shiné's makeup set.
- Shædo's makeup set, which is completely untouched.
- Cynthia's makeup set.
- Mika's, yours, Shædo's, Cynthia's, and Shiné's toothbrush.
- Fronzit Charms
- Flata Powder
- Toilet Paper
- Toilet Brush
- Dental Floss
- Cotton Swabs
- Eight different hairbrushes, all with Shiné's hair stuck in them.
Time to acquire egg, (wash egg?) and eat egg.
You collect the scissors. They're a beautiful pair of U shaped scissors for careful, controlled, intricate cuts.
You head out to the hallway. You were just about to knock, but you decide to try the door handle first.
It's locked. You listen carefully and it doesn't sound like Shiné is in there.
The Cat door is the door to Shædo's room. There's no lock or handle on the door and you just push it open. Her room's pretty big and white. Shædo's asleep under her blanket table thingie, whatever it's called.
You added flossing teeth to your quest log. You'll do it later. You also dismissed the shower quest, as you've completed it.
You pet Shædo. You feel at peace. You've been pretty stressed out and angry but petting Shædo puts your mind at ease.
You take the time to update the characters file on your PDA.
Compliment her beautiful hair and pretty face and apologize for being rude earlier. Explain that you're literally dying of hunger (we think, could be some woe onset by celibacy) and can she please help find some eggs, it's very important. Tear up a little to really sell it and hug her and kiss her a little too
You interrogate Mika for information about the whereabouts of the eggs using NATO endorsed tactics. Everything seems to be going according to plan when suddenly Mika shoves you off of her, stands up, stares at you for a moment, then starts walking to the kitchen, calling out to Shiné.
>"Hey, Shiné! Remember that time Heather thought pokémon were real? I think she's doing it again but with eggs or something..."
This mission may have been compromised. What do you do?
Tell Mika that bullying is not okay! Tell Shiné that A) Pokemon are real and so is anime B) breakfast is THE most important meal of the day
also repeat kissing tactics but use a deep tongue-kiss to really get the point across
I did some digging (read: googled remeranAuthor and neWrem) and it turns out OP did a series of threads on /vp/ six years ago, http://old.newrem.com/adventures/ and that they have a webcomic that hasn't updated in a year and a half that feels really experimental. http://www.newrem.com/flavor-text/comics/26/practice
This morning has gone on long enough! You're a growing girl and if you don't eat something soon, you're going to starve to death.
You finally reach the kitchen, there you find Shiné and Mika talking. Shiné is very concerned and worried whereas Mika seems quite amused. Shiné is dressed like she's going to be heading in to work soon.
>>430837 >>430839 >>430896 >>430320 >>430319
Dun dox me.
You spray them both with water! Mika is unaffected by elemental attacks, but that doesn't surprise you. Shiné on the other hand is completely soaked!
You explain that you've been very reasonable and polite with them both so far, but this farce has gone on long enough. You want your eggs and you want them now.
Shiné casts a stupid healing spell like a big stupid fat idiot.
Mika takes a bow and extends a hand with the flair of a jester.
>"I see you've seen through my plot. Yes, all along I have been misleading you. Your eggs are safe, but not for long. I've hidden three explosive charges around the temple, each with an egg inside of the time controller. If you are able to reach the bombs disable the egg timers, you'll have your eggs. If you can't, well, let's just say we're all going to be scrambled."
You realize Mika doesn't know anything about the eggs.
You compliment Mika on her acting and then check the fridge.
- Raw Nymbda with fur still on
- Raw Plucked Tabra
- Flata Root
- Kelschii Ferns
- Human Milk
- Bova Milk
- TABRA EGGS!
There they ar--Suddenly, Mika steps into your field of vision!
>"It's no longer the case that I was joking! You have 5 Zun to find them."
You slap Mika a couple times and tell her to knock it off. Shiné verbally scolds Mika as well. Mika apologizes and says she unplanted the bombs.
While slapping Mika around, you feel her hair a little. It's just regular hair, albeit strangely colored.
Not anything out of the ordinary.
Those aren't house slippers. Those are Nymbdas. Nymbdas kinda look like bunnies. Freezing them breaks down the laughter toxins in their meat, making them edible. Nymbda meat is expensive and valuable since in low doses the laughter toxin is euphoric and freezing it for exactly 550 Zun is the perfect dose for most humans and humes.
Now we're GETTING somewhere! Shiné is practically useless for doing anything substantial, but preparing food falls under "support" duties, and Shiné excels at supporting! You give her clearcut instructions on how to prepare the eggs and sure enough you have your breakfast!
You've acquired the [Egg Breakfast]!
Shine has shown herself to be inept at spelling, grammar, and syntax.
You put four new items on your Quest Log, remove your thong and place it back into your inventory, and leave the kitchen, back into the hallway, but now you're sort of at a loss for what to do next. Trying to find and acquire eggs was the force that drove your entire being, and now that you've accomplished it, you're not sure what's left to do in life. You'd been content with failure and setbacks your whole life, to never leave your comfort zone. Now that you've experienced victory you're baffled by just how hollow it feels. Is this what accomplishment really is? Is this what being a success is like?
Show results of punching the painting. How damaged is it? Was it a favorite of any of your room mates? You feel slightly ashamed, but the unfettered joy of destruction and mayhem overpowers this. You have gained new vigor. Remove 'cure apathetic dread' from quest log. Move to complete objective 'floss teeth.' You've just eaten, you should go clean those pearly whites off.
You pull up a screen on your PDA showing off your personal finances. You always put 25% of your funds at the end of every season into your savings account and keep the rest in a Petty Cash repository which you leave available to yourself if you ever want to spend it on something. It's all psychological effects because you can just remove it from savings at any time, but it's important to be responsible.
I don't want to support this decision but it made me laugh so i have to.
Second for canceling active quests and going to school to lose virginity. Also, add "lose virginity" to quest log
Given the age distribution, it looks like they age at at a much slower rate than we do. Assuming a similar culture related to sex, and Heather's reluctance to wear the thong, I think she's likely a virgin.
Use PDA to determine virginity status of each character met so far.
Yes you are.
You check everybody's virginity using Encyclonet. There was an age check because people under the age of 60 aren't supposed to ask those sorts of questions, but you just route through Shædo's proxy she set for you.
When you checked Shædo's virginity, there was a little note next to it. These notes are usually included next to information that is considered sensitive information to those people to help prevent you from sticking your foot in your mouth, or to assist you in being a troll if you are so inclined. Luckily, most people are nice.
it is spooky that there's an organization which has collected such detailed information about everyone.
Research the people running Encyclonet to see how they acquire such information. We have to find out if they're violating muh privacy.
Encyclonet is a community curated, government moderated, worldwide repository of information. All registered Monster Slayers are catalogued and their equipment is continuously updated, along with their stats and if they're in combat, with whom. Encyclonet also has some information on civilians, but not nearly as much. Your own personal statistics are available to you but largely hidden from everybody else. A given civilian is mostly protected by there just being too many civilians to bother with. People like Mika, Shiné, and Shædo, are public figures, so more people care about what they're up to.
Encyclonet doesn't have centralized servers, but rather stores it in "the honeycomb", using a redundancy mesh, able to be fully restored from any ten thousand PDAs. PDAs are self organizing, intercommunicating, mana powered, Parutaiga Dord Azstmrit devices, with the popular "Personal Digital Assistant" backronym for people who have difficulty pronouncing the Kapra "zstmr" consonant cluster.
When you turn 60 you're going to need to decide whether or not you want to register or undergo MEDS. You're leaning toward MEDS because Monster Slayers don't exactly have the highest life expectancy, monsters are really gross sometimes, and you want to be an architect when you grow up.
"Gender" is more like a series of keywords that conflates the Western idea of gender binaries with sexual orientations. There are a TON of genders, as they build off of each other, but a quick explanation of the ones we've seen so far.
Girl - Female, feminine, and underage.
Woman - Female, Feminine, Heterosexual, Traditional
Lass - Female, Single/Unmarried, Asexual or bisexual and not interested, Neutral
Others include things like "Lipstick Lesbian" or "Butch" or "Tomboy" and all mean what you'd assume they mean. There are some weird ones like "Forji" which some Demons (and eccentric humans) identify as.
Mika's shirt just says "Ki Ku Ri" in Stoic Kapra.
damn, that was really elaborate.
find the hacker known as 4chan and see if our petty cash is enough to pay him to develop a remote PDA exploit that will allow arbitrary code execution, then use that to run code that will overwrite all storage data on the PDA with random data 30 times after sending a copy of itself to every other PDA listed in that PDA's network. Then have the code install a kernel-level rootkit on every 1 in 100 PDAs that will wait to see if the PDA receives an update containing old data, and will then prevent the PDA from forwarding that data, and infect the PDA that sent the data
We're bringing this mesh down, baby. After all, now everyone will know we're wearing a thong! What if Shiny found out? ;_; that would be too embarrassing. better to destroy the whole thing.
also, look up more demon genders.
I'm interested in the geography of our home which apparently has a massive temple nearby. Load up Mapquest and get our bearings.
We're not wearing the thong anymore, we removed it to use as dental floss but have yet to do so. I'm fully in favor of flossing our teeth with the thong in question.
Also, remove shorts and wear thong because you want to be a bad girl today.
>We're not wearing the thong anymore, we removed it to use as dental floss but have yet to do so
true, but it was still in our inventory. shiny or anyone else could have found out at any time.
plus i want to wear it again later
Take off hairpin and enlarge it into an actual sword. That sounds crazy enough that it's probably possible.
No real reason for doing this other than that you look cooler carrying a sword around in one hand.
The waifu discussion for this series is getting so big that I'm thinking of creating a thread for it. We must have intense waifu wars. So that I can tell everyone that Shiné is best girl.
You spend some time searching for words like “4chan”, "kernel-level" and "hack the planet" and find that these are all just pop culture references to various fictional stories like Andy Cush, Cory Doctorow, and Rafael Moreu.
It's not a tiny sword but rather, a tiny dagger. A tiny bloody dagger. It's your city charm, and it's meant to symbolize the sacrifice of Moncrefe when he--wait. School. >>434145 >>434148 >>429436 >>428037 >>426284
No, wait. >>426098
YEAH! You DO vote to skip school today! Hahaha! That settles that! The first 30 years of school are for kids who don't know what vocation they want to take, anyway. You're going to be an architect so you'll start really working hard at school when you get into REAL school that actually matters for life beyond it.
Wait hold on... Is today one of the days we play tennis? You check the school schedule.
... It is. You're late for school! You need to get to school and FAST!
Rather than do that, you pull up Cartographer® to display your Minimap℠ and Waypoint™ route path. Proprietary programs work way better than user curated things like Encyclonet. You only use Encyclonet when there's no better alternative.
Your map shows that, predictably, the fastest route to school involves exiting through the temple. Considering that's the only way outside, that makes sense. You should probably get your Tennis Racket from your room first though.
And your backpack you GUESS.
Add "Forego Use of Proprietary Software" to quest log. We're going to make Richard Stallman proud.
Go to room and grab the tennis racket and backpack, then pack a lunch for school and head to school.
I vote teleport to school. We're living in the rectory for some hypermagical space race, there's got to be someone among the sexy cats and big titty blondes that knows how to do teleportation magic.
Where is it? WHERE'S OUR DIARY?!?
Finding your Diary and teleporting to school are likely accomplished in the same way. You add "Find Mika" to your quest log, along with finding your diary and teleporting to school. It's time to get some answers! You equip your backpack, put your tennis racket into your backpack, and head out to the hall.
First place to look for Mika is her bedroom. You knock on her bedroom door.
Mika's door opens.
She seems to be in one of her plant moods.
You don't have time for this.
You look over your quest log and add "Check Dubz" but you're not sure what that means.
Trick Mika into appearing by enticing her with something that would entice her.
Surprising nobody, the egg bomb at your feet transforms into Mika.
>"Did you just floss your teeth with a thong?"
You mark Find Mika, Floss Teeth, and Check These Dubz off your list of quests. You'll need to research whether or not trips count as dubs or if they're an entirely separate entity.
>You'll need to research whether or not trips count as dubs or if they're an entirely separate entity.
You're one cheecky cunt m8
To answer Mika, say "No. No I didn't.". Make sure to repeat "I didn't" three times, each time more fading and unsecure than the last.
Mika becomes interested in your insecurity.
You check dubz.
Mika leans in, delighted by your embarrassment.
You take a seat on her butt and look over your diary. It's unopened and nothing's damaged. Then you take some time to organize your quest log. You feel like you're almost done with what can be done here at home.
Only thing left to do is Go to school and also teleport to school, which are basically the same thing.
Oh no! We're running out of time! We need to get to school and FAST!
You use everything you've learned over the adventure to get Mika ready to teleport you to school!
You ride Mika onward through one of her portals and out to your classroom! RIGHT ON TIME!
Your classmates marvel at your ingenuity and clever problem solving! Miss Worby will probably give you extra credit for this!
O-oh... Right you need to... Right that's on your quest log. Well you... you...
You are OUT OF TIME! You'll get your flirt on next time, assuming you remember! Ha ha! Well, it's time for class! What's on the syllabus today, Worby?
Until Next Time! Thank you for playing /qa/ - Quests and Adventures!
http://old.newrem.com/adventures/heatherQuest/0001-heatherQuest.html There's an archive. I spent like an hour selecting which posts where me and which posts weren't and making it so they'd toggle on and off with a button. This ended up being annoying as hell because fussing around with an 800kb document made my poor KDE text editor very upset.
I'll make a little index page to list these (and pokemon quest) later.