ok /out/ im sick of this shit
i'm getting bullied alot by bears everytime i go innawoods
one of them just groped me and laughed at me and called me a lardass last time. everyone laughed at me even squirrels.
how do i stop bears from bullying me?
That depends. What kind of bears are bullying you?
Black Bears: Just stand up for yourself. They may look tough but they're all pussies who back down if they encounter the merest resistance. Even your scrawny current self can stand up to a black bear. Yelling is usually sufficient, occasionally a punch or kick may be needed.
Brown Bear: You're going to need to start working out. Once you're strong you need to establish dominance over the bears. The fight will be long and bloody but with hard work and guts you can prevail to establish your self as Lord of the Grizzly Bears.
Polar Bear: You're pretty much fucked. Give up your dreams of being /out/ and go back into the city to cry because you do not fuck with polar bears.
You need to show your dominance, Anon, otherwise the Bears will never leave you be. Here's what to do
>Go to the local bear bar, easily spotted by the amount of foxes hanging around out front
>grab two of said foxes and gently insert your arms inside them from the back, how you do it is up to you
>you how have fury fox fists
>maul the bouncer with your FFFs and wear his body like a furry exoskeleton
>discard the FFFs, they have served their purpose
>walk into the bear club and tell every bear to fuck off
>seeing as you are wearing the bouncer, they'll all obey and leave
>you now have control of the bear club
>exit the bouncer and proceed to shit on every surface you can find
>when the Bears return the bed night, your scent will be all over their prized club, they have no choice but to submit and crown you as their King
>you are now King of the Bears. No bear will dare laugh at you in the woods again
>you can also use you bear legions to wage war on the squirrels
TheYankeeMarshal has a few videos on this subject exactly.