Outdoor Autism Thread
>be seasoned hiker and climber
>organize mountaineering trip up nearby peak (14,000ft/4300m)
>buddy invites a friend of his
>friend is younger, engaging, super fit, skilled with strong technical skills
>one catch: he insists on taking a "fedora summit pic" (not even joking)
>3 day trip, up at midnight for a summit push, placing gear the whole way, roped in, hear seracs calving
>friend's friend is on my rope team the whole way, knows heaps, good mountaineer, great at routefinding through ice fields, prudent gear placements, excellent climber generally
>will not shut up with Disney songs, sings theme to Mulan
>get to summit near sunrise
>sure enough, he busts out a black fedora with flames on the sides, gets his stupid summit pic of himself wearing that with Oakleys
>looks like the hugest autist imaginable
>buys us all dinner on our drive home
I am left speechless by this one.
> A few inexperienced people but okay, I'll come
> "Fuck, my kayak isn't turning right"
> "Fuck, I'm so tired"
> help pull some people's kayaks onto the shore
> one in particular is heavy as fuck
> "Thanks bro."
> Unpacks his kayak
>Pulls out fucking 24 pack of Monster energy drink
>be in boy scouts at a summer camp, 15+ years ago
>one evening, find out that some people want to paddle canoes across the lake and camp on the other side for some reason
>ok, i'll go
>have been canoeing for years and years with dad, and at least know which end of the paddle goes in the water...
>for some reason i end up in the front of the canoe, thinking that my canoe buddy would do all the hard work in the back
>quickly learn that the other guy has never been in a canoe before in his life (he doesn't admit it, though)
>he thinks that he only has to paddle on one side of the canoe if i paddle on the other side
>i am trying to tell him that he needs to paddle on both sides, trading off every few strokes
>he doesn't believe me, blames me for the fact that the canoe is constantly turning left (thinks I'm not paddling hard enough)
>i am doing my best to use pry strokes and back paddling in the front to keep us somewhat on course with the other canoes, whom we are following
>it's getting late, and a fog settles on the lake, completely engulfing our canoe
>can't see more than 3 feet beyond the gunnels, all white
>i've had enough of this bullshit
>i get up and crawl to the back of the boat, indicating for the other guy to switch spots with me in the front of the canoe
>he's pissed, but since he thinks that as long as i'm standing in the canoe, we're at risk for tipping, he obliges
>he still only paddles on one side, but since he's in the front, he does less harm to the straightness of our course
>we finally get to the camping spot with everyone else, miraculously not lost due to the fog
>i find a different canoe partner for the trip back the next day
>Be me, 15 at the time
>on ymca hiking/camping/climbing trip BOLD I think?
> "climbing" easiest mountain in canada
>some parts where you have to crawl
>can walk down from the top on a different path
>it got a lot better but this was really fucking easy
>light packs with water, shit for luch
>we are all roped together
>one kid, lets call him Brandon, because his name is Brandon, decides he is too tired to finish
>"well that's just fucking great Brandon, but we are literally a stones throw from finishing this"
>"and the alternative is climbing back down"
>"and we are all fucking tied together"
>he isnt even breathing hard, but wont move
>instructor threatens to leave him, unclips him, has his bluff called
> I spend 30 minutes stroking his ego and explaining the folly of what he is doing
>eventually we get him to move
He keeps fucking doing this shit, where he just sits and refuses to move, we call them "Brandon breaks" One instructor basically has to be his tard minder so the rest of the group can actually get shit done.
Eventually it comes out that he literally raped some boy, keep in mind that we are all 14,15
He gets deported
Brandon, I hope you turned out ok, wherever you are
Wait but you're wrong. If you're canoe paddling with a partner properly, you are supposed to NEVER switch sides. Using combinations of Jay Strokes, cross body pulls, and Sweep strokes, paddlers can mantain straight forward momentum and precise maneuvering. Switching sides in the middle of paddle is a horribly noob move that throws off rhythm momentum and balance in the cable.
I thought i was the only one who hated this. i don't even want people in my bubble. let alone physically touching me..
My instincts tell me there are only two reasons for anyone to be in my bubble, evere:
a) personal sexual interaction
b) physical violence or assault
its either a sexual purpose or a physical threat. that's my instincts. so stay the fuck away form me unless you are there to suck my dick. if your not sucking my dick Im going Defcon 1 defensive measures engaged.
Humans are disgusting creatures i usually dont want them getting too close
this and this. either way, i hate canoeing with people who have no concept of or interest in the idea of maneuvering the canoe with their paddling. some people just seem to dig in with the paddle on only one side without ever stopping or changing cadence, or they just kind of paddle at their leisure either or both sides, completely at random with no purpose or awareness of what their paddling is doing to our canoes direction or speed.
canoe trips have been the best of times and the worst of times. im going to buy a kayak or a one person canoe so i can do this again but actually enjoy it
Autist can be fun to be around, tbh, intelligent faggots.
But they are annoying as shit sometimes, and you cant tell them because they dont try to be.
A bro in moderation, yeah.
>stay the fuck away form me unless you are there to suck my dick
I like your style
>be me, 15
>spl of big ass troop, at least 40 kids on each trip
>one kid, first year, particularly autistic, lets call him auts, and his friend who is just as autistic, lets call him nauts
>we arrive at a local camp, for some bs COPE campout
>me and the older kids go on high COPE, auts and nauts go on low COPE
>so i dont really have to deal with their bullshit except at mealtimes
>i stand corrected
>i go to the bathhouse to take a shit
>motherfuckers are playing with pony toys
>i try to be nice, considering im the spl and people look up to me
>little tikes put on unicorn masks, start prancing around, at this point im getting a little annoyed
>"hey you two" "ye?" "you should clean up the bath house, its looking pretty dirty" "alright"
>auts and nauts get all the cleaning supplies out and start fiddling with them
>walk away after my shit
>scoutmaster comes over
>"anon did you tell auts and nauts they could make a slip and slide?"
>walk over, not even shitting you, 3 pony toys, two kids with pony masks, a tarp with soap all over it, and these two dense fuckers are in there underwear
>i tell em to clean up
>look in the bathrooms, like 10x's more dirty than before
>i end up cleaning up with the older kids while auts and nauts go back to their tent for a pony orgy
>they both quit the troop after 2 years, thank allah
>If you're canoe paddling with a partner properly, you are supposed to NEVER switch sides.
The paddler in the back has more control over the boat turning right or left by simple paddling on one side. On a lake, two people might be able to paddle without switching sides if they match their cadence - the paddler in back paddling a little easier than the paddler in front - but if you're both switching sides, you can both paddle as hard as you possibly can without worrying about that. Paddling to the best of each of your abilities without switching sides will result in the canoe not going straight, since the paddler in the front, again, has less control over the boat turning. The boat will veer slightly to the direction opposite to the side that the paddler in the back is paddling on.
>Switching sides in the middle of paddle is a horribly noob move that throws off rhythm momentum and balance in the cable.
According to you. I have been canoeing my entire life, and I'm aware of several different styles. The style you're talking about requires a lot of communication between the two people in order to be done right. It can be very physically efficient, but logistically inefficient for the same reason. The style I'm talking about is really best for small rivers, but works fine on flat water when two people want to canoe efficiently without having much experience canoeing with each other before.
>do a few days on the AT for spring break
>bring grass and papers
>run out of papers on day 3
>use coke can we found one night on Blood Mountain
>next day we don't know what to do
>use Nalgene platypus ductaped to a dip can with holes poked through the top to create a hand grav
>MFW a Scout is thrifty
pic related, me being high on Blood Mtn.
Fedora and Disney music aside the fact he has a great climbing technique, did zero bitching about a midnight climb, and at the end buys each and every one of you dinner at the end makes up for any short comings.
Even if you are the biggest faggot in the world a steak dinner goes a long way.