ITT: weird-ass album reviews

inb4 that stupid pretentious kid a review

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Obligatory

>>61989684
http://www.tinymixtapes.com/music-review/deafheaven-new-bermuda

>I finally found what I was looking for all along: true enlightenment.
>For just $13.99, you can PURCHASE "true enlightenment" on DVD
kek

>>61989772
Before p4k became niggerlovers.

>>61989805
racist pls go

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any horseshit RYM review written like an AP english poetry assignment or diary entry

>>61989825
who is Ethan P.

guys, we should make a /mu/-official chart or guide to "what-the-fuck-am-i-reading-core" album reviews. all of the ones posted in here should be included in the chart.

>>61989848
I saved a RYM review about some dude taling about his crush on a girl. Shame i canh't find it. It was pretty funny.

>>61989826
May be racist, but, amongst the racism and bigotry, he has a point.

>>61989792
tmt reviews are always the most entertaining to read

>>61989684
What album?

>>61990786
Paul Hares - Astral Travel

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The yo links to blink 182's whats my age again

>>61991769
Portal 2 Nike Adele Facebook, , ,

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>Burn, Piano Island, Burn by The Blood Brothers
>3/10

>mfw undergrads on /mu/ think that writing mediocre poetry about your feelings while listening to album counts as a "review"
If you can't actually analyze the music in concrete terms, or if you don't have the knowledge and ability to recognize and critique individual musical elements, then your opinion is solipsistic gibberish. It's also pretentious but I'm sure you guys are used to being called that by now.

>>61989825

>on hailie's song he sings and it's not great but better than Mos Def

Nothing wrong with this review

>>61992355
are you specifically referring to the review in OP?

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Okay, who of you /mu/tants wrote this?

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Was Pitchfork ever not shit?