https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4BMZ7wfLyno I feel inadequate as fuck about my music, I can never write lyrics on par with my favorites and my chord progressions and riffs are always so simple. The worst part is is that my favorites are fairly simple too but I just don't feel like I'll ever be at their ability :/
I survived being the sexless slave of a feminazi granny who convinced me she was a loving goddesss incarnate and that I had a lot to apologize for because I was born male. My family doesn't know this ever happened, nor will they ever find out. It was as embarrassing as it was soulcrushing.
https://youtu.be/IlyeoNiv4Tw I have a cousin who is completely obsessed with me. He won't stop messaging me. I dont have much time to talk with him, but I feel obligated to. Nobody in my extended family has told him that he has a congenital heart disease that basically spells his death by age 16 or 17 if he's lucky. He's 15. I want to distance myself but he keeps forcing his life into mine and it's (no pun intended) heart-breaking, almost depressing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2AitTPI5U0 >(it's my childhood song)
I suck at making friends. I want to have talk with people, but I suck at holding conversations. When I talk to someone I really want them to like me, so therefore I walk on eggshells on what I say, so I don't say anything dumb. But all I end up doing is sound boring and awkward. It puts people off, and makes me feel so stupid everytime.
>>61889831 She's a selfish greedy and attractive bitch, and Im an unatractive loser so she can just treat me however she wants whenever I see her and she suffers no consequences. There's other stuff to the story but it's long and pathetic and I don't really want to get into it lol
I have intense fears about what I'm going to do with my life if I can't get accepted into any grad schools next semester. I don't really have any backup plans, and I feel too old to go back to school for a different degree.
Also, I vaguely regret never fucking a cute dude I met online a few years back.
>Be me, five years ago >Exploring my spirituality during college >Stumble on this site for special snowflakes that believe they're alien spirits incarnated on earth >I go with it and join >A day after I joined, this old woman messages me >I feel strongly like I shouldn't respond, but I go against my gut instinct and start talking to her >We swap emails and start talking even more >For some reason, I feel a pheremonal pull towards her and become hopelessly in love >We meet up and begin living together >No sex, ever, though >No romance is allowed, either >She brainwashes me into accepting the concepts of male inferiority and a world system created by a male god to supplant female superiority >She brainwashes me into believing that she's a goddess reincarnated >She tells me she is fighting this male god to return the universe to it's rightful design under womanhood >For some reason, without proof, I believe her >Each day I am made to feel worse and worse about my genitalia >Each day, our relationship degrades into a slave and master existence >Each day, under her tutelage, I feel myself becoming less human and more bestial >Eventually I am kept in chains, as that's "all I'm good for"
Finally one day I could take it no longer and fled. It took some therapy to bring me back, but I'm mostly my old self again.
Sorry if it seemed a little short, to give the full details would take quite a bit of telling.
A few weeks ago, I helped an hungarian homeless traveler by offering him shelter for the night at my place. We ended up having sex. Fucking stupid. Fucking fucking dumb. I might have HIV now. I'll know if I'm positive tomorrow afternoon. Idiocy at its best.
>>61890613 Alright. I'll tell what was emotionally the worst part.
>In the last few months I was with her >She meets someone else >A man about 10 years older than me >Brings him in to the house >Oddly enough, she doesn't try to enslave him or brainwash him >Maybe he already is part of her crazy online cult >Instead, they start romancing >When I protest at the unfair treatment, she tells me their love will help break down the will of the male god and bring about "the zero point singularity" >She says I'm unworthy to achieve this with her and that my love and worship of her disgusts her >She chains me to the end of the bed >They fuck in front of me >As she rides him, facing me, the man gloats cruelly, making direct eye contact with me from behind her back >They finish, the man leaves, and I am chastised for crying >I was the world's biggest cuck.
Damn, thinking about it has put me in a suicidal mood again. I don't know if I can handle sharing much more.
i wanna ask my qt.314 friend out but she's not over her ex yet and we can't really click outside of art and music. she's a bit of a shut-in and we can't seem to get a conversation going. sometimes she gets jealous of how easy for some of my other girl friends and i easily talk and bond over the stupidest shit.
>>61891269 Yes, actually - a notion that hasn't entirely left me oddly enough. I highly doubt I ever will, though - I don't have the highest self esteem, but every day I have a penis is a day she doesn't win in my book.
i'm going to be graduating from university in 4 months, i feel like i've learned nothing of real importance. my grades are crap, C+'s mainly and i know it's all my fault because i never do the readings and i skip a lot. i only ''dated'' one girl during my 4 years at this school and i know it was just a rebound for her but i still think about her everyday i have no plans or hope for the future
Because of my poor self-esteem I can only allow myself to express or acknowledge my affection towards someone when I feel trust them. Over the past year or so I've become really close friends with someone but I have to restrain myself from feeling anything towards her, or 'acting weird' because of my conflicting feelings, because she has a boyfriend and plenty of friends as close as me anyway.
I spent my entire teenage years doing nothing with no one because of social anxiety. I wasted this summer depressed after quitting my job due to social anxiety and now I feel like I'm gonna spend my entire life trying to make up for what I've missed out on because of it. I'm studying at university now but it still makes me feel empty inside because I can't bare to be around people/can't sleep at night knowing I'm having to be around people. And everyone just thinks I hate them.
Threw away a relationship with my best friend because I thought I was too busy to just sit around and play video games anymore. Just realized how special and rare that kind of relationship is. Just realized how autistic I am.
I've been dating my girlfriend for three years and its getting more and more obvious she don't love me anymore. I go to a bar every monday at 5:00 to talk with one of the servers that I long for and seems to want me as well, but I have never pushed for anything beyond flirting and friendship because I don't want to hurt my girlfriend who no longer loves me.
>>61892704 break it off. The longer you wait the more it will hurt. If you dont do something about it, she will. The last thing you want is to find out she is cheating. Besides, you already have another girl interested in you. You deserve better.
I've been depressed since I was 16. Went to therapy/took meds but didn't work. It took years to find out that my chronic fapping was the main cause. It's been 2 weeks and I feel so much better. I feel like an idiot.
Im a loser. I stay at home most of the times when I'm not taking my classes. Everyone else is out there having fun while I'll just watch some black and white Hungarian film and feel happy about it. I think I've completely lost the sense of being close to others or I just can't be arsed about trying to socialize. I know I'll die alone someday, just hope I'm wrong and someone is there by my side to hear me out for one last time.
27 years old with no direction. i'm minimalist when it comes to money. i dont need much. i've been trying for years to be a musician and it has failed. being in a successful band is still my plan, but ill have to move closer to a better music scene.
I wasted my last 3 college years being a shut in. I can only really blame myself, but it's hard when absolutely no one gave a shit about me, and made no attempt to help. Things are kinda coming up milhouse now though, so whatever.
>>61892732 Thanks anon. I'll look into it. I don't know what defines it as crippling, but I've went months without leaving the house even though I have friends who invite me out places (I just come up with shit excuses). It goes in cycles.
She talks to me everyday and tells me about how they're constantly fighting, and told me that if they ever broke up and gave her some time to get over him I might have a chance. Yet, she always goes back to him. The jealousy is tearing me apart inside. Sometimes it hurts so much I feel like screaming. I love her so much, /mu/...
>>61893633 thanks buddy, I'm good >>61893687 You sound like me in first year. the best advice I got was that recovering or improving yourself won't be a sudden realization and an overnight change. It's a daily grind. Other than that, seek help also.
When you're depressed, you feel it after brief moments of happiness. Maybe you saw something funny on 4chan. Maybe someone texted you for once. Then that happiness is ripped away from you. You forgot what you were excited about. You realize normal people are happy because they get excited about their future. But you think about your future and see nothing - not sadness - just the same shit. You'd rather be sad. You wish you could cry but you just can't. In the little conversation you have, you dwell on the negative because it's cathartic, not because you're actually concerned with the negative situation you brought up. You could care less. Apathy is your default setting. The other person pretends to care, and maybe he does, but you're only burdening him with your problems. You wish you could tell the person that you really don't give a shit and you're talking just to talk - living just to live. You don't understand how this person defaults to positivity, and why you're not connecting with this person. You just spoke from the heart. He should be drawn to that, right? You were brought up to be an empathetic person. It's been your downfall. You wish people told you about their problems. You'd like it more than a fun story about barhopping last weekend. It's your area of expertise. You'd have a lot to say about it. If only. If only you could talk about how everything is meaningless you'd be happy.
>>61893859 >>61893720 I've been trying my best, I keep thinking about the missed opportunities/money lost and it's disheartening. But I know really I couldn't help it. I'm helping myself slowly, putting myself up to stuff I want to do but always avoided, such as foreign language classes/voluntary opportunities teaching and stuff. It's fun but still extremely scary.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yMaQ8vHQEU&index=67&list=PL9wMdVdowjKnBHMedyzMSiO7HgsRWaAvd >>61891499 Love that song. also, i'm just about to graduate and have only had one gf and am a shit student too, damn
>>61894886 There's a qt I've been thinking about for a couple of months now, we make eye contact from time to time but she ain't in my group so we don't share any classes. Afaik we have no commons friends. Sucks balls.
Just speak too her like any other human being you gigantic melon
I'm absolutely worthless. Life is so grand and complex, and I can't comprehend and adjust to it. I'm scared of the future, and I don't see a way out. I'm told that I'm intelligent and compassionate, but I still feel so absolutely incompetent and scared. I don't know what to do anymore.
Broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago because I was scared my parents would find out, didn't wanna lead him on and tell him to wait because he genuinely deserves better, besides I felt like too much of a burden with my problems. The next day I explain everything to him and make it clear that we might still have a shot in the near future. he tells me that it wouldn't work out anyways. I fucking loved this dude, you know? this wasnt sad but something that's been bothering me and on my mind https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxq0tQRfvNs
>Be me, french, end of November >Going home after a few drinks at bar, because bored >A guy with an accent stops me and asks me for a cigarette >Long story short, we end up bonding on a bench at night, we talk, he learns me some hungarian words >Feel pity for him because he's traveling and has been on the streets since he arrived in France >I offer him to stay. I find him handsome but didn't have any intentions >At home, sitting on the floor, drinking as he talks about women and how french girls are unattractive personality-wise >I tell him I'm a fag, he looks surprised >At some point he just starts kissing me >Wtf.png >He says he just likes kissing and that a mouth has no gender or whatever >We go to bed, he starts groping me under the covers, his mouth is reaching for mine again >I haven't been intimate with anyone since summer, so why not >He turns me over so I'm laying on my side and he's behind me >Uses saliva as lube and enters me >Kissing has lost its passionate twist and is now just... gross >Fucks me until he cums >We both fall asleep without saying a word >Next morning, he acts as if nothing happened >He thanks me and leaves >I realize a hungarian homeless person came in me last night
This is so accurate it actually hurts, god damn it anon I've been trying to say this for months and could never explain myself properly. The worst part is now I know how to say it, I doubt I ever will and that fucking kills me.
>>61892872 >not jerking it the greatest amount of times to maximize hedonistic pleasure I've honestly never gotten how people get depressed from masturbation Not to say I don't believe it occurs, I just don't know why it does or why people feel negatively about masturbation in the first place
>>61893343 It does for most people, but it's not like outliers don't exist. Personally while I like the idea of having at least one person very close to me ultimately I feel I could probably go without any serious social contact for a long time.
>>61893879 >You wish people told you about their problems. You'd like it more than a fun story about barhopping last weekend. It's your area of expertise. You'd have a lot to say about it. If only. If only you could talk about how everything is meaningless you'd be happy. The unfortunate thing is that people who'll tell you their problems don't necessarily want a dialogue. They are, in some way, unwilling to struggle against their misery, and those who don't want help can't be helped. You are left with yet another static front of melancholy and injustice.
All you can do is find comfort in changing your perspective.
>>61896486 It's nice to see another VDGG fan on /mu/
>>61894886 Theres this one girl in my class thats a 10/10 in my book, she's literally perfect but I don't even know how to start talking to her. Even if I did it would be pointless, she's way out of my league. The only interaction I've had with her was when someone pulled the fire alarm and I said I hoped the lab burned down so we wouldn't have to turn in our mid-quarters, and she laughed, but that was months ago and I doubt she even knows my name now. Fuck, I can't muster up the courage to say anything again, it's pointless, futile. If only I wasn't so goddamn antisocial, the last time I had a girlfriend was junior year of high school, I graduate from college this year and I'm still a virgin. I need some music for this feel, my pleb shit just isn't cutting it
I'm even more delusional now. I can't maintain any sort of normal reaction or thought pattern when someone talks about me in a positive light in any manner. I keep getting told that my grades are good when I have a horrid GPA. Everyone tells me I don't look disgusting, yet I can see that I am a 1/10 at best in every department. I think the world is out to make me well good, just so that it can pull the wool from my eyes later on and tell me that I am what I see. I also lack any conviction, letting even my most adamant plans change, as another sounds better in my mind. http://youtu.be/F5Z7iOxxl38
https://youtu.be/6oz8rzrOEsk (my favorite at the moment)
I've never even kissed a girl, i have plenty of female friends but I'm not able to properly approach them, i don't want it to be in one of those party games or anything since i feel like im cheating. Im not sure if someone has ever found me attractive but my insecurities never let me fin out if someone did. Im scored of fucking kissing or ever having a gf since i think im shit in that Matter. Im taking a Free year after i graduated because i wanted to "relax". Actually its just that im scared of college
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nO5I6XVRhM I've wanted to kill myself everyday for the past four years, but I'm too scared to attempt it and I don't want to do that to my folks. I see so much beauty in the world and I contribute nothing to it and I will never be accepted by it. It's a hostile swirling world we're in. I feel like such a goddamn kid sometimes. I'm going to a therapist tomorrow.
I'm feeling good. Got a new burst of creative intellectual energy after a long-winded slump. Introspection, philosophy, and Kant are now my amicable friends. I'm waiting in anticipation for a medieval-esque, rigorous and academic college. My thoughts are getting sharper, my thinking more precise and I trust my academic goals to be within reach. Sometimes lonely, but always thinking. Grown to accept myself more. After a circumlocuted philosphical process of self-analysis (and some paralysis with that), and meta-analysis, I've slowly been losing my novitiate in the art of systematizing my behavior (in fact, to the point of ableness in seeing humor in the action itself). Fructifying my apathy towards what others think, and talking how I want to talk, no matter how magniloquent or pretentious. Very florid in my elocution, but frank, candid. Sometimes seems like my own existence is an act of rebellion the more I grow to accept who I am.
It's possible to get yourself out of the rut of thinking the way most of /mu/ users think. Shrooms helped me. Some books as well (Max Stirner comes to mind). Music, art, and film have made me see the beauty in everything human. I'd advise to be cognizant of your own faulty systematic thinking. It's a castle in the air and there's no way for you to cut it down at the foundation unless you move on to the next castle 100 meters away in the distance. This castle is beautifully decorated, highly sophisticated, even a little gaudy, but truthful to itself. Hang in there anons.
I need a better diet but I can't convince myself to go through with it. I eat way too much fast food. I am gaining weight very slowly, it has hardly changed in two years, but I fear that won't last long. Either way, I am trying to learn to cook to see if that will help.
I wish I could enjoy other people's company the rare times it occurs. Instead I just make decent enough conversation until the well runs dry and then I have nothing left to say and I feel awkward. Then I try to get out of the situation as politely as possible and go back to my life of loneliness and boredom. Why can't I just be comfortable and not feel like everyone's judging me? There better be an anxiety-free life after this one or I'll be fucking pissed
>>61887241 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzAuXuxD0Oo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmOw-jplSMk Two random songs from my fairly short favorites list.
>something I need to get off my chest I feel like a fucking creep because one of my friends (who is subsequently friends with the girl I really do like) gave me her contact by accident. I know enough to write an essay on her, yet she probably doesn't know more than extremely basic facts about me. I'd like to talk to her, but I have serious anxiety problems, especially around girls I find remotely attractive, making talking to the most perfect girl I've ever met a hard task for me to accomplish. At this point, it's driving me insane, because I acted like a total creep ti her, ruined and chances I might have had, and I can't even work up the nerve to apologize to her in person.
I doubt she'll read this, because as far as I know, she doesn't browse 4chan at all, but if you are, I genuinely apologize, Laura. I really do.
i just got back together with my ex boyfriend after not speaking to each other for about 4 months except its not really getting back together we broke up because he didnt love me and felt like he was lying to me for the year and a half prior we were together (which, he was desu) and after trying to be friends for a month i ended everything because i felt super uncomfortable still being in love with him
after those four months i literally couldnt deal with not speaking to him or having any contact with him and he apparently felt very similar to me during the whole thing and he admitted he doesnt really know what love is
one one hand i wish i could help him but no matter what i say i feel like it sounds like im trying to make him love me or make him think he loves me and i dont want to unintentionally be or come across as manipulative but at the same time i feel like he does love me and he just doesnt know it
regardless now we're in some strange limbo between being best friends and boyfriends and the topic is sort of being avoided and im afraid to bring it up because i dont want to make him uncomfortable
i feel like i care more about the topic than him too which makes matters worse because hes kind of just ignoring it whereas i feel like i care a lot more
regardless, i dont know what to fucking do. the Feels
also i really hope he doesnt see this post because i hate vagueposting about people in general but i need to let off this steam because i dont have anyone to vent to
I smoke too many cigarettes and cant make myself quit even though I know I'm slowly killing myself My ex's parents have been abusive her whole life. I just want to show her what it's like to be loved by someone and make her happy but she broke up with me because she's insecure in a relationship. I have tried for 3 months now to make it work out between us but she isn't willing to try. She says she doesnt want me out of her life and doesn't see this being the end of us but I'm so god damned tired from the emotional stress. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this? She gave me nothing to help me move on and I dont think i have it in me. Fuck.
I think I'm fading away. I have a god-awful bone disease that has turned my leg into glass. I'm injured again for the umpteenth time and have been put on some extraordinarily high doses of pretty powerful painkillers. These painkillers combined with my leg pain has made my sleep schedule into an absolute wreck where I hardly get anything below 12 hours of sleep. Since it is winter the sun rises early and goes down early so I usually get 1 hour of sunlight. The medication also makes my memory absolute shit so I'm failing all of my classes in college because no matter how hard I try I can't go to lectures and I can't remember shit.
The lack of sunlight is getting to me and making me lose my mind. Masturbating does nothing for me and I'm constantly remembering that I've never even held a girl's hand let alone kissed one. I'm 21. It's gotten so bad that I've grown a fetish for affection, I just want a girl to love me that's not my mother.
All I can o is take solace in music and games. But those are losing their luster because I've played/listened to too much. I was teaching myself guitar before this but I've had to stop because of my memory problems.
>>61899663 >My ex's parents have been abusive her whole life. I just want to show her what it's like to be loved by someone and make her happy but she broke up with me because she's insecure in a relationship. I have tried for 3 months now to make it work out between us but she isn't willing to try. She says she doesnt want me out of her life and doesn't see this being the end of us but I'm so god damned tired from the emotional stress. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this? She gave me nothing to help me move on and I dont think i have it in me. Fuck. Exact same deal, man. Except now she's shut herself off from all her friends, doesn't even call anymore. Has she decided she hates me now? Is she just being insecure and depressive? I want to go visit her, but I don't want to make things worse if she cut herself off from me because she doesn't want to see me anymore. Damn it, it hurts so much.
I remember being raped by a MILF when i was young. The problem is that i don't feel affected by it, but i'm becoming obsessed with that MILF (now dead iirc) and i often find myself masturbating to that memory.
Also, i can't make female friends because i always fall in love with them and then ruin everything.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POBNQNlAh20 I failed my classes. I lost my job. I want to leave this fucking city where all anyone does is surf and smoke weed. The music scene consists of a bunch of jack johnson wannabes, and shitty metal. I hate living with my mom, but it's been much harder finding a job than I thought. I need to start working out again. I need to get a girlfriend. At least I'm only 19.
Might as well post it now because I don't think he'll see it
>met someone on mu >haven't stopped texting them since >we really click >within the past week we've started sending each other hearts and calling each other baby >saying cute shit about cuddling >I'd given up hope that I'd find someone like this >I'm catching feelings >seriously holding back though because I still have reservations
idk, I just want to meet him. I feel like there's a small chance it will work out and be perfect, and a large chance I'm just going to end up heartbroken. I can't control myself or use rational thought when it comes to him though
>struggle with crippling depression and social anxiety for past 10 years >got really bad 5 years ago >lose touch with everyone in my life except my parents which I live with (lol) and sister in texas >life been at a stand still for the last 5 years but making slow progress >changing my mindset and making minor improvements >found an apartment I can crash at for free til I get a job which is hopefully pretty soon >went from skellington to trim DYEL and improving We'll make it bros https://youtu.be/YqYeTjeRJ84
>>61900825 Would calling it quits with your gf be such an impossibility?
>>61901821 in that boat man and it isn't a yacht surprisingly, it's like a canoe with a bunch of holes in it and like an anchor preventing you from moving toward the shore and stuff and it's raining too
>>61901910 idek if anyone cares about this but since it's on the subject i actually said yes to something on new years eve and made out with a girl. it was my first kiss at 20 years old i did not find it enjoyable and i felt a bit shitty the next day cause the whole thing was kinda gross but i still do not regret it because now at least i know what it's like and even if it was shit i know i would regret it if i hadnt tried it
i know im a sham of a friend, but you know just as well as i do I'd never hurt anyone on purpose. i get it if you hate me and all, but for whatever its worth, im sorry. Im so used to being so careful around you because for some reason, i feel like if im not careful youll break into pieces. i know i messed up and its redundant to say it again, but from the heart, im sorry
>>61887241 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPhTzXAS_WY I was severely abused as a child, doomsday prepper parents raising their children to be perfect soldiers. My brothers are both about a decade older than me and are terrifying, dead inside sociopaths. Ran away from home. Tried so hard my whole life to escape those people and just be free of that evil, live a basic comfortable life and not have to be afraid all the time. My whole life has been one bad living situation to another. Just a big mess of abusive crazy people. At the age of 23 start finally getting a sort of basic normal life. Shit tier job, safe house, savings.... it's nice. Then i got diagnosed with a degenerative bone disease. Spent the next year in a wheelchair. Fought hard. Overcame that with hardcore meds and determination. Taught myself how to use my legs again because i have no private health insurance, no car, no drivers license and i live in a town so small there isn't a physiotherapist here. Then it turns out the disease has reached my organs. Again sick for a year. Determination, willpower and drugs and i can function...... But i'm so tired. I'm just so fucking tired of having to fight for everything all the time. I don't understand why i'm alive. What's the point? I contribute nothing to society. I just exist in a constant state of pain, poverty and despair. My entire existence has been a lemony snickett book. Why the fuck am i here /mu/?
Thinking about enlisting because I really want to go back to college and I see no other way of affording it. Went for a semester after high school and promptly fucked up, now disqualified for Federal Aid of any kind. I don't want to work a piss-paying retail job for the rest of my life, but I'm also not relishing the thought of giving my golden years and potentially my life to a handful of old men that couldn't give two shits for four shits about me.
>>61893763 i wanna say move on i know it's hard though... please try though buddy that is rly shitty and no one deserves to deal with that there are so many amazing girls out there. that bitch can keep crying about that guy alone while you go and find one that actually makes you feel like you're in heaven instead of hell. granted you won't just find someone in a few weeks or even months but until then just distract yourself and have fun with life. Go out with your friends, get drunk, go to concerts, get comfy at home watching a funny movie etc... you'll make it bud i believe in you
>>61902227 Well, on the bright side, you'll be in the best shape of your life and learn some really interesting stuff. On the downside, life in the army is 90% boring sitting around in a desert and 10% getting shot at or blown up. If you really have no chance of going to college, then I'd say go for it.
I have self-harmed for over a year and absolutely nobody knows. I do it on my shoulders to hide it easily and essentially never take off a shirt so that no one would see. I am afraid about if they found out, my family and few friends would think I`m psychotic or something, so I`ll probably keep my body covered for years to come. I`m not good-looking or charismatic either, so people would rather feel more disgust than pity towards me. Music is pretty much the only thing I enjoy, and the only reason I did not kill myself yet is because I`m too much of a pussy to do so.
https://youtu.be/oTElF0d3_Xk I still love her, at least I think. I pretend to hate her and give her the cold shoulder, but she still draws my attention no matter what. I feel like I could pick her out of a crowd of a million people. I wish I knew how she felt because I've caught her staring on multiple occasions before, and she never looked away, she just kept staring, not with a smile, a frown, or with a look of disgust, anger, hatred, or even sadness, she just looked at me blankly, as if she was staring off into space. I think she was looking right through me.
>>61901687 I'm the person you replied to. I would regret being so negligent with my heart as to get hurt again. Last year was really tough and I'm barely hanging on sobriety as it is.Don't get me wrong, I want to be with him. I just know how hard these things are
>>61902388 im really sorry you're going through that anon please don't kill yourself though try to work on yourself maybe go to the gym to get in shape and try to go out with friends often to be more active (im assuming you don't do these things cause people who are depressed usually don't) if you dont take my advice at least i hope that maybe this comment can give you a little bit of comfort i think it's always nice when someone shows empathy even if it's just some dude on the internet... im hoping this might put a smile on your face even if just for a split second.
>>61889880 People can sense restraint in conversation, and that creates doubt and suspicion. Honesty can be offputting but so long as it's not absolutely horrendous, is refreshing and people tend to gravitate towards to those kinds of people, regardless of whether they say stupid shit or not.
I think I still love my ex, but I have a girlfriend who's funnier, smarter, more beautiful, and just all around better who loves me deeply and I love her as much as I possibly can. https://youtu.be/e2RY26wQkc8
>>61902526 i understand. im sorry you're having a hard time and i hope things get better for you though. whatever you do just make sure you never stop trying to be happy i believe you will be even if right now it seems hard ive had bad and good times in my life but you just have to keep going and just see what happens next really... hang in there.
>>61887241 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wI8GcdW5AeA finally told my closest friend how i really feel after 5 years of being ultimate beta, she's decided to stay with her boyfriend (asshat, cheats on her, the works). it's been a couple months since i told her and i pretty much act as though nothing happened. I still feel the same and i don't know what to do, i'm at a community college in my hometown, moving to an actual uni next semester, so for now im just gonna wait and hope to meet someone new
This thread is making me want to hug all of you and appreciate my life more. Sometimes i forget i have a great life while some of you are in some actual shitty situations. Hope you all can sort your shit out just keep moving forward
I don't know if I'll ever really get over her; I don't form emotional bonds well, but when I do they tend to be lifelong, and I fully saw myself spending my life with her. It still doesn't feel real, and now I don't really know what to do anymore because I've just all direction.
>>61902536 Thank you so much man, my past couple of months have been on the low and I hope to get back up before spring comes around and it`s not so cold outside anymore. I do work out often and run in the summer, but I just can`t help feeling inferior to everyone. I do most things on my own, and I just feel like a background character in other people`s lives. Worthlessness is a feeling that followed me everywhere no matter where I go, if only I knew how I would try my best to get rid of it.
haha sorry for the rant, I`m tired af. Have a great evening
Trying to find a job, and plan the rest of my life is the worst thing I've ever had to do in my life. I don't see the future getting any brighter without me planning it out, and I hate planning. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcbvamRJZvw
>>61902893 do you do therapy? i think that is always a good thing. also its great that you work out and you are welcome man i have to go to sleep now cause it is 5 in the morning where i live. btw you are definitely not inferior to everyone. just by reading your comments here i can tell you're a pretty intelligent guy so yeah you sound better than most people out there and you seem like my type of person unlike most of the shallow fuckers that i have to deal with when i go to uni. Good luck getting back up i know you can do it!!
im not sure if i will ever truly love anyone. at this point i dont think ive ever loved anyone, i've just been in love with the idea of them and gotten emotionally attached to them. i can distinguish real love from fake love. but i think my first love was genuine, it started out fake, and became real over time. but after i told that person, they somehow got the idea that i was obsessed with them, and broke off contact with me. which fuckin hurt let me tell u, considering days before our last contact i'd attempted suicide (which they knew about) and my father died about 4 months before (which they also knew about). now i think that event fucked me up and im never going to love again in fear of being abandoned.
>>61902345 Depending on my ASVAB score, I'd go for something like Intelligence Analyst or Horizontal Engineer. Not really aspiring to be an infantry grunt, mostly because I want to bring back something to qualify me for a nice civilian job once my service is up.
I fucking hate my body. I want to start lifting but I'm way too fucking shy to even go to a gym. I've been thinking of doing this for like a year, but yet I could've made so much progress in the last year.
I'm 100% sure I'm bi, but I don't want to tell any of my family that. None of my friends know either. Everyone in my family is conservative Christian as shit, heterosexual, goes against abortion, is for gun laws, and doesn't really support LGBT rights. I'm planning on telling them when I don't live with them, but that can't be anytime soon because my dad has cancer and probably isn't going to outlast the decade. So as of right now, I can't move.
I want to quit everything and just fucking play music. I don't want to go to college, I don't want to work in a company and have a shitty work job, and I don't want to raise a family. I at least try to get my musical stuff as popular as possible Internet wise, but I never go out to the art district because it sucks here and I still have a fuckton of schooling left. I just want a cult following.
>>61903375 The in-shape and boring-desert parts are the same regardless of what job you get (although for techies you can sometimes get air-conditioned rooms at least). Probably wise to avoid infantry; all my family members who've been that do not recommend it at all.
>>61903498 Just buy a pair of dumbells, man. Or a resistance cord, either one is fine for a beginner. Do bodyweight exercises, pushups are great for any level of bodybuilder, especially when you go into variations of it like diamond and one-handed. You can do squats without weights to thicken those glutes and quads up. There's a bunch of shit man, just google "bodyweight exercises". If you have enough dosh, get a bench press and a treadmill if you don't want to run outside. Do run though, running is good for you. Also check out the sticky in /fit/ and then get the fuck out.
>>61903537 I'm pretty in-shape as is, from what /meg/ tells me I won't have too hard a time in basic. I've just gotta do more research, I don't wanna get in for like a month and then regret doing so for the next six years.
>>61903498 >>61903606 Yes to bodyweights, yes to benching, yes to squats; no to running if you're severely overweight. I was doing pretty good losing weight with just strength training, then I started trying to run while still extremely fat and twisted my ankle (hit a tree root I didn't see on the trail) and was out of commission for two weeks. Completely derailed me, I haven't been nearly as active since. Stick with STR training till you're at a normal weight so you don't fuck up your bones and joints.
Things are finally starting look up! My life is far, far, far from perfect and I'm still a very flawed person but if I'm still alive I can't really complain. Got a new job, lost some weight, and finally started to focus on school. I used to think that 'stay positive :)' shit was for moms and school guidance counselors but it's really been helpful in getting me out of awful, self-deprecating mindset. All I need now is a gf and a raise.
>>61903498 >>61903606 Also, DIET. Pay attention to what you're shoving into your gullet. Start counting calories, start counting sugar intake, protein intake, everything. Drink water. Cut out soda and fast food. Eat oats, nobody eats enough fucking oats.
I'm a high school senior. I have these incredibly surreal dreams where my school is being swatted or something, and everyone is hiding in rooms like code red shit. In real life, i don't think i'm depressed or anything. I have people to talk to, people who seek talking to me, i have a pretty ok quality of life. But in these dreams i get this opportunity to sacrifice myself for other people and experience pain and do something awesome, and in reality everything is so safe and stale sometimes in comparison. There aren't threats or real dangers in my life, and i have become addicted to this feeling of completely running head on into these terrorists portrayed as completely black clothed figures with armor and fully automatic weapons, they also turn into these really fucking trippy monsters, kindof like some of H. P. Lovecraft's shit. In my dreams I just throw everything i care about aside and tear these people apart and then kill them again in their secondary form as a monster. It's a real massacre, sometimes they even tell me to stop and shit and there is so much blood. Sometimes i lose, sometimes i actually completely eliminate them all. Every time though, i get this rush like no other. The feeling is so damn addicting in these dreams. Anyways the confession is that i stay home from school sometimes just to sleep and experience this, its a real problem.
I have been having these dreams ever since the day this song came out pretty much. Weird, right?
I think I'm in love with my best friend. We fucked last summer and both of us found it awkward but as of recently, it seems she's started showing some signs of affection and at first I didn't care but I stayed thinking more and I actually care for her and love her. If us fucking didn't break out friendship, then that should say something about our bond.
>>61903874 it's not hell, its really awesome. I just feel insecure talking about it to other people, i mean i skip school and occasionally a social event to go to fucking sleep, it's pretty pathetic, but feels so good. The only thing about it that makes me feel bad is that i feel like it all means that deep down i don't want a future or anything, i just want one moment that defines myself, like in my dreams. like what if iit happens in real life, what if i die in real life from this? would i be happy? would people respect me for doing something like this? am i a dangerous person who seeks thrills fulfilled by murder? (probably not) it just is so weird and i don't know how to feel about it all actually. maybe it will stop if i stop listening to rattlesnake everyday.
>>61903948 That is a very good thing. You should aspire to be in love with your best friend. There is a reason they are your best friend.
>>61904082 you said she started showing you affection, that's huge. i'd just spend lots of time with her before you make it apparent that you really love her. Take her out, it's not like she'd say no, you're best friends.
>>61904060 Believe me, I can see through your eyes the very things I once did. Call it an event repeating like an echo throughout existence - though I never expected there to be another one in this dimension in my lifetime.
Maybe you'll do better and succeed where I failed, kid. Go for it, and don't give up, even if it kills your soul and turns you into the very thing you fight - you can always forge a new soul and change back.
Oh, and let nobody sway you. Not even me. Not even anyone you love, no matter how much they beg. Or you'll end up like me, a washed up has been that regrets how everything turned out.
I'm considering deciding to be gay, not because I am attracted to the male form but because I just fucking give up and if I don't find someone that I can be close to and confide in I am going to spiral down to my death.\.
I've been in a long-distance relationship for a while, but we've each been lucky enough to visit many times (it's not a huge distance), sometimes for long periods. We've developed fairly strong feelings for each other.
I mentioned on my last visit that, in a few years, my studies will be over and I'd be able to move wherever she was working or studying. She liked that prospect a lot. But I've since switched programmes (for other reasons) so now I'm only tied to my home town for another year, after which employment is fairly easy to obtain.
I haven't made her aware that I'm able, and very willing, to move to be with her at that time, but I'm planning on saying so in a couple of weeks during her next visit. I'm pretty sure she'll be overjoyed, but if things go that way then it'll be a slight challenge to move and I'll miss this place.
>>61904210 so its not a big deal i skip school whenever i want so i can keep having fun in my dreams? cool. i hope that's what you means though sorry it was really hard to tell what you even mean is that like from a movie script or like a copy pasta? sorry
I think I found the one but I don't know how to tell her without sounding desperate. She likes me but I don't think she feels the same way. And in case it worked out it would be a long distance relationship.
I was "unschooled", which basically just meant I played videogames and browsed the internet all day until the inevitable yearly evaluation would happen, at which point my mom would freak out that I hadn't done anything all year and we'd just cram things in for the test and other parts of the evaluation. To this day, I am the worst person when it comes to studying that I know, but I'm really good at tests so I ended up getting through college in a tough major with honors and shit. I kind of fucked up the last semester because I was working on an undergraduate thesis and drinking a lot so I got a B and an A-, but other than that I aced most courses. All of this has set up a precedent in my parent's mind that I am some super-great-at-my-subject guy and I think they are expecting me to get into a great grad school, but I fucked the subject GRE so hard because I didn't study for it, and, unlike most college tests I've taken, it's not something you can just not study for until the night/a-few-days before. I might not get into anywhere, and I keep not submitting applications because I can't stand writing personal statements, and I dunno what will happen if I don't. After graduating I have gone weeks where I just drink heavily every night and I have basically destroyed my bank account, while at the same time trying to keep my drinking (and smoking, and other drug use) a secret from my parents because I'm uncomfortable talking about literally anyone I know about anything serious and specifically my parents. I'm drinking right now. I dunno if I even have a college app' with a due date this week or maybe even today because I hate to even check. I am not that passionate about anything. I just sit at my computer each day and then drink at night. I have never dated, and have never been able to confide to a person in real life about my feelings. I can't kill myself because my family would be sad. Also, what this guy said >>61889880
>>61904513 >And in case it worked out it would be a long distance relationship. Oh, anon. When you say long distance, does that mean a few hours drive that's a hassle sometimes or does that mean so long distance that you can't realistically see each other in person?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYEAflCO4Eo >/mu/core I can't help it, it's cute.
I haven't had friends, real or casual, in at least 5 years. My relationship with my family is poor. My siblings say they really love me but they never answer them when I do call or call back. I'm not an /r9k/ faggot who hates women and normies, but I've been tired of life for so long. All I have are books and music. Also, I have unironically loved an anime girl for years. I await the inevitable replies.
I hate where I'm at in life. I've wasted so much time that could have been spent towards creative pursuits. I've spent so much time studying in school knowing it made the most sense in the long term, but I really wish I had just spent all that time trying to do something creative.
>>61904741 >My siblings say they really love me but they never answer them when I do call or call back. I've struggled with this my whole life with my older brother. I spent all the way up to our 20s trying to impress him and make him proud of me but he just doesn't care. We get along well on the occasions we see each other and I love him, but I eventually came to terms with the fact that I may never completely make it out of his shadow, no matter what I do.
There are times where I wish I could cut all emotional ties out of my life and work up the courage to kill myself. I think about purposely alienating myself from them all the time so I wouldn't feel as bad for leaving them when I die.
As I've matured, and gotten fit over the winter season, I'd say I've grown into a rather handsome young man. I love my gf to death, I've been with her for over two years, and I can't imagine leaving her, but I fear ive grown out of her league and now that I'm actually starting to attract truly gorgeous women, its killing me knowing I could have one of them. I just wish my gf was prettier, so I didn't have to feel guilty telling her she's beautiful.
My woman believes I am not fit for our child, though she doesn't say. It's all on display through her face. Exhaustion from work I do makes you mad for some reason. I love my baby and her so much, but how could I keep going if all that which I am doing to preserve my family is seen as wrong? Death won't be a way as it leaves my child without me. If I leave she might be okay, but I don't know for sure. Probably not.
>>61905597 >>61905621 Sorry nigs, it all seemed like something to get off my chest. >more academically successful me Probable. My undergraduate career was more successful than most by definition. >we will overcome and such Less probable. >Nobody wants to read all that shit. I don't want to be like a fag, like "why didn't you read my blog", but a single post on 4chan is not that long. The character limit actively does not let you make a long post. I mean, I get that it is longer than two lines, but c'mon.
How hard? That is a really vague question. I have made more serious attempts to meet people online that share my interests, all to no avail. See >>61889880 In real life I guess I was in bars very often in 2014, less so once I graduated and came back home. Even drunk I have a hard time talking to people as an instigator. The closest I have come is I think I went on a date recently with a woman I met. It did not feel like a date and I don't know that we will talk again. I think I have multiple memories of sitting at places while drinking and considering talking to a girl and then not. It feels dishonest to talk to people that I want to fuck; there's an ulterior motive set out from the start, and I can't move past that.
>>61905621 Oh, I guess I should mention that I have friends. About three very, very good ones, and then some others. In penitence for making another post, here's a song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VaZm6dpDS8
>>61905743 >I don't want to be like a fag, like "why didn't you read my blog", but a single post on 4chan is not that long. The character limit actively does not let you make a long post. I mean, I get that it is longer than two lines, but c'mon. When there's this many people who have shit to say, your post looks too long by comparison. I know it only takes a few seconds to read, but maybe you should try different formatting, because your post just looks like a big wall of text. Maybe more people will read it if you do that next time.
Anyway man I hope it all goes well and you can find it easier to open up to people in the future.
>It feels dishonest to talk to people that I want to fuck; there's an ulterior motive set out from the start, and I can't move past that. I can maybe understand this line of reasoning if you're talking about chatting up women at a bookstore or something, but you shouldn't feel this way in a bar at all. Everyone knows that sex IS the context in that setting. There is nothing "ulterior" about talking to a woman at a bar with the intention of maybe having sex with her. They know that's exactly why you're talking to them.
>>61905852 >Maybe more people will read it if you do that next time. I guess. Honestly, it is not a big deal, since I was half joking with >>61905547 and I doubt there will be a next time. >They know that's exactly why you're talking to them. I can understand that on a mental plane, but it gets a little bit harder to put into action. Either way, it probably isn't important. I don't think I've seen a person that I would get along with enough to feel comfortable enough to have a physical relationship that wouldn't deteriorate quickly.
She told me not to get my hopes up again. There's a lot weighing on both of us to not do this to ourselves. We're adults now and she has her life set for her, and yet she still wants to have me around. Our conversations are super comfy now - we can literally talk about anything - and there's really never any awkward moments between us anymore... unless he's around. He doesn't trust us. He's got good reason not to as well. I know if i were in his place i'd be furious. But the difference is they have a romantic past together, and we've always been only friends...Maybe we did have a few moments where something could have happened, but that was years ago. She said not to get my hopes up. I haven't.
But NOW... she's starting to smile at me for what seems longer than usual and she drops these weird jokes about sex that I would normally make; not now that she's in a relationship but i used to. And we only ever hang out when he's gone, which makes me feel guilty as hell but she's willing to have me around and feed me and i just can't stand being alone. I want to make it end. I don't want to lose anyone over this, but i'm afraid its only a matter of time before it all goes wrong. Horrifying as the prospect is, I just have to go find someone else that i could never love as much as her. Someone who probably couldn't even love ME as much as she does. I hate it. None of this is fair and I want to move out of town without telling anyone.
>>61906734 I think you've got to leave that situation, dude. If it hurts that much then sticking around won't do you any good. If she's made up her mind then she's made up her mind.
The thing about women is they need to have both their boyfriend and their best friend, and if they have that they're set, even if they know their best friend loves them. If it makes you miserable, you can't continue in that dead end relationship. It's hard to comprehend now but if you love her that much, then you can love someone else that much too, and if she can love you that much, then so can someone else.
>>61893879 >. You wish people told you about their problems. You'd like it more than a fun story about barhopping last weekend. It's your area of expertise. You'd have a lot to say about it. If only. If only you could talk about how everything is meaningless you'd be happy. fuk
>and told me that if they ever broke up and gave her some time to get over him I might have a chance
This stuck out to me the most. That is absolutely a sign that you don't deserve to tolerate that. First of all, she's not going to go out with you even if she does break up with him. She's saying that just to keep you around. Second, that would be an awful premise to start a relationship on, that you'd be the consolation prize. You're a person, not an insurance policy waiting in her back pocket in case everything doesn't go the way she planned.
You deserve someone better, anon.
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