whenever im depressed and thats most days i listen to drone music so i can drift off in the everchanging textures and at the same time not really pay attention to it its also great music to cuddle by yourself and thinking/reading i wish i could fool myself forever
>>61854775 When you are depressed, you don't care about listening to music. You don't care about sex, your friends, your family, yourself, whether or not others know you're depressed, where you are, what you eat, how you look, how you feel, where you are, your potential, anything.
>most depressed people fall somewhere between that and normal.
That is simple malaise and ennui - not real depression. Depression leaves you obsessing about your past because as painful as it is it's still less painful than thinking about the future. With real depression you cannot think and plan even if you desperately want to. It's irrational, that is what so misunderstood about it. People approach those with depression like naive utilitarian "motivators" as if they now what these people are going through but they haven't a ghost's fart of a clue.
They listen to the music that resonates with them on the saddest level. Like for me, Life on Mars is possibly the saddest song on the planet, but it's also the song that I was addicted to right when life clicked with me. Just right in the words of that song somehow I realized that life would just be one roller coaster ride that doesn't have any high points.
>>61857749 There aren't really different degrees of depressed. You either are or you're not. If you fall somewhere between, you're sad. Depression isn't feeling extremely sad, it's not feeling at all. /cringe
you can go through pleasant phases with depression, even happy and elated ones. but under it all there is always a driving feeling that it is all hopeless and you're inevitably on your way to total implosion. you just don't know when or how. but you sense it coming.
you can feel when you are depressed, and you often do. in fact those with depression are often deeply empathetic and feel very intensely all the time. it just isn't a healthy sort of feeling. but the feeling depressed people are capable of is very intense.
still, no matter how happy you are briefly you can't shake that feeling of hopelessness deep down. if that feeling sticks around for years without subsiding then it is probably closer to real depression.
those with genuine depression can definitely go to parties and have fun and be funny and witty and charming, but they get emotionally burnt out quickly and need to decompress because the hopelessness is always there on the inside.
>>61858506 no dude thats not how it is i got 3 psycholgy degrees over here tRUST me everything is black and white with no middle area so tired of all these people not being TRULY depressed like me like dude nihilism lmao
>>61854775 Well I had clinical depression a few years ago. desu it wasn't that bad I didn't want to die or anything but I was just very tired all the time and uninterested in everything. Basically onset Neetitus.
I listened to a lot Public Enemy and basically just that.
i disagree with his notion that it's not feeling across the board for all people with it, but this isn't a valid counter-point. we are social creatures, even the really introverted ones. a lack of any kind of feeling on that level for that long could very easily drive you to it. they would become so disassociated that the question for them would be closer to >why should i choose to live?
>>61858421 Correct. >>61858506 >sometimes people are depressed, sometimes they aren't >>61858542 Try harder. >>61858585 Sick opinion. >>61858590 >>61858658 From my experience the suicidal feelings come from wanting out. You aren't looking to punish yourself, it's not masochistic. When I say you don't feel anything at all I mean that you don't care about nearly anything at all. Once everything loses value, it's hard to feel any sort of investment in it.
it sounds cliche but I listen to Loveless, and I do have a fairly severe depression. I feel like I dissolve and distance from everything when I listen to this album, it doesn't make me feel better but it does make me feel, and that counts for something
>>sometimes people are depressed, sometimes they aren't
if you really think that truly depressed people walk around like emotional vegetables 24/7 without the capacity to smile and joke if they need to then you have an overly simplistic understanding of this issue. i am talking about people who have learned to live alongside their depression for years and years.
>>61857573 Depression is when you don't care enough about anything. Anxiety is when you care too much about everything. Having both is a living hell. And if someone calls you a pussy, tell them to go fuck themselves.
>>61858350 >If you fall somewhere between, you're sad. i shower less than once a week, not a day goes by that i dont think about suicide, and i failed and subsequently dropped out of high school years ago. i dont have friends and nothing makes me happy. but i can still get out of bed (though i promptly get back in it) and eat/drink. does that make me simply 'sad' just because i can do a few things that non depressed people can do?
>>61858945 Different guy, I just got my GED last year (dropped out officially in 2014). Right now I just have a part-time job that I hate but it pays the bills. I just go to work, then come home and do nothing all day but eat and masturbate. I'd love to become a school psychologist but I don't really have the motivation or confidence to do anything.
>>61859010 I've been addicted to masturbating since I first discovered it so it's more of a habit/boredom thing instead of being turned on. In turn I just look at more and more taboo porn. I hear you on the isolation, I only have two true friends, only one of them I hang out with, and even those two and I are drifting apart.
>>61859029 I mean I guess it's easier to jerk off if you're a guy, but as a female it's difficult for me to retain any kind of motivation. Isolation doesn't help either because if I think about anyone I have/had a crush on or remotely like, I wind up even more downtrodden at thoughts of how distant I really am from them, so it just spoils everything.
I'd splurge my savings on a vibratory, but you know, I just don't have the energy.
>>61859088 Ah, didn't realize you're a female. From what I've read it is really frustrating for women to try and masturbate so I imagine doing it while depressed is even worse. My problem is I just lust after so many people and realize that I will never get with any of them, so I just give up on trying to better myself or trying to talk to women. In regards to money, I always just waste my money on stupid shit I don't need or eating out and I always feel horrible afterwards.
>>61859066 I would hardly call $200 a week a cash flow but thank you. I know I need to go to school obviously, but I hate the idea of going to a community college and I really don't want to stay in Michigan forever.
>>61857573 If you find yourself staring at a wall for hours on end, not while listening to music or on something, you're in a state of depression. I remember doing that a few times over some months back in 2012 and the only thoughts I'd have are things like "I might as well just kill myself cuz this is a waste of time." and "I should go see some friends", only to then list every bad encounter I've had with friends and then come the conclusion they weren't actually my friends.
In short, Depression isn't just crying all the time (I have done that too, usually over the most inane shit.) It's a complete dissociation with anything that could give you joy.
>>61859123 It's difficult for me because I constantly try to create meaningful relationships (whether friendships/love/attraction/etc.) and they never seem to work out- it's like I taint every connection I have and push people away when I'm trying so hard to keep them even remotely close. So when I lust after them while masturbating it just throws everything off and it's promptly over. Like, it is difficult with us women because it's not like; okay, there's a boner, let's get it done- it's more a mental than physical state for us, which is why the mood needs to be kept. Which is why I fail at keeping even that alive. It sucks, because I used to love masturbating, but I guess it's true that I just ruin everything I've ever liked it loved. What sucks even more is that I thrive off being with others- when I'm isolated from them, when they push me away...it's like all my self-worth and meaning is stripped down and all that's left is a fully functioning body minus real feeling.
>>61859266 I understand where you're coming from, me being depressed as well and all, but don't look at it as you ruining everything. I know it's not necessarily a healthier way of looking at things, but I see it as the world fucking me over on everything, more so than me fucking myself over. I enjoy being around others, and I enjoy making other people feel good, but anytime I'm with people, I am just constantly thinking about how annoying I am and how they're only pretending to like me. Like at work, all my coworkers are really cool and nice, and we even seem to have similar interests, but every time I talk to them, I pick up on cues that I am just being annoying or weird or whatever so I just shut up, quit trying to be funny, quit trying to be interesting, and just go back to being isolated. It's a vicious cycle, and unless we make some serious advancements in mental health, I doubt it will end anytime soon for me.
Elvis Depressedly (lmao), Coma Cinema, Teen Suicide, Western High, Cat Be Damned, also Jeff Buckly, Smashing Pumpkins, Yeah Yeah Yeahs ect. Source: tried killing myself 5 times in the past 2 years, spent a few months in mental hospital listening to mostly this shit
>>61859392 Well, at least we're not alone in these thoughts, that is somewhat comforting I suppose. I didn't mean for what I wrote to come across as extra depressing, but it's honestly just how I feel most of the time. Sometimes I imagine meeting the right women, or winning the lottery, or getting the perfect job would fix my depression, but I just dismiss those thoughts as none of those things will happen to me.
>>61859431 It is comforting that I'm not the only one who feels like this (as mean as that sounds- I'd never wish this feeling on my worst enemies) and yeah, like you I constantly imagine positive, if unlikely, things that could happen in the future. But then I'm let down as they don't work out as I hope, ever. I hate depression. I hate how it rips away everything good and hopeful. I hate anyone who says "your depression is fake", "depression isn't a thing" or "you're either depressed or you're not". Fuck right off. Depression isn't something that is the same for everyone. And those jokes people make - "go kill yourself" - they can be reminders of pain to people like me and you who wrangle those very thoughts every day.
>>61859544 I agree that I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'm very empathetic in a selfish way, if that makes any sense. It's weird but it actually pains me to know that other people are hurting, especially if I am the one who is causing them to hurt. It's why no matter how much I was bullied as a kid, or how weird or disgusting or just dumb a person is, I would never intentionally try to harm them. I always feel like there are two people residing in my head, an idealist and a realist, and the realist seems to win every argument. I wish everyone including me could be happy, I wish I didn't have to worry about money, I wish I wasn't afraid of dying so I could end my suffering, but I know none of these things will ever be so I just continue to live, if you can even call it living. I am probably going to go to bed now. I did enjoy having this conversation, thank you.
>>61859617 Thanks for talking with me too. For once going on 4chan was actually something I don't regret. So thank you very much, sincerely. It is something I do feel sad about; hearing other people feel that way, and I am so sorry that you feel this way too. I honestly hope everything, or something at least, gets better and gives you strength. Surely this world has something good to offer people like us? It's sad knowing that there is no clean way out. There's no reset button, no restart, no replenishing. Nothing I could ever do to escape this would be without aftereffects. Suicide would just hurt those I love. Dying of a natural/unnatural cause would hurt them too. And fading into addiction/oblivion would just cause others to worry. I have something similar, two voices that try to tell me how to react to a situation/how to live, what choices to make. I must be listening to the wrong ones, obviously, if the moves I make wind me dry.
Anyway, this is a thread about music to listen to when ultradepressed, right? Siamese Dream and Loveless for me. Nothing gets me more "calm" as it were, than Soon and Mayonnaise.
>>61859731 Thought I'd reply one more time before heading off. No problem on talking to you, like I said I enjoyed our conversation so I should be thanking you. I totally get what you mean about a reset button, I always daydream about starting my life over at the age of 5 or something like that, but I honestly can't remember well enough to know if I was even depressed back then (I doubt it but I'm not sure).
Anyways, it's not everyone's cup of tea but this song has a way of making me not want to kill myself. It's happy in a sad way if that makes any sense.
>>61855386 >I don't care enough to put any music on This desu, I never leave he house without my ipod and headphones, when I was down and out, I just left them at home, it seemed like a chore because music didn't do anything to me... I'd rather get lost in the ambient sounds of the subway and the busy streets
Nickelback, Brokencyde, Yung Lean, Death Grips, Fall Out Boy, Lil B, Bladee, Avril Lavinge, Kesha, Lady GaGa, Britney Spears, 50 Cent, Bjork, Lil Kim, Fergie, Sean Paul, System Of A Down, Aqua, Eiffel 65, Cher, ICP James Blunt, and My Chemical Romance
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