"This is my condition: Desperate, alone, without an excuse. I try to explain. Christ, what's the use?"
" Read and I left so small. Some words keep speaking when you close the book. Drank and just about smiled. Then I remembered us in that bed. Put my ear to the door. I just heard hot rods and gunshots and sirens. People kill me these days. There's keys in their eyes but they lock from the inside."
I can't get to know anyone, I want to know someone like I do myself. but maybe that's a bad idea, I don't even like that guy.
Spent the last days doing nothing but studying for math exams, eating and "sleeping". Pretty sure I am going to fuck it up hard, maybe even with 0 points looking at the old exams. Feel like a failure right now and really afraid of spiraling into depression again. That would be a death sentence to my education.
>>53635677 >>53635708 Atleast I am obviously not the only one not feeling that rose coloured college life full of freedom and enjoyment.
>current favorite song Neutral Milk Hotel - Naomi >current feels I told a girl on facebook that her eyes were pretty and, feeling like a total beta nerd and completely embarrassed, I flipped out, and apologized to her immediately afterward, and deactivated my facebook and went into complete meltdown mode. I can never show my face to her or have any interaction with her again. She has to be completely dead to me in that I don't think of her or see her or interact with her in any way. I feel sick.
>Song I Ain't Mad at Cha by 2Pac >Feels Exhausted, I have a presentation due tomorrow that I shoulda been working on for awhile, but instead of working on it these past few days, I wasted all yesterday getting ready for a date only to be stood up.
>>53635355 >Song No Spell by Thee Oh Sees.the bass line has been stuck in my head for seriously days on end. >Feelings Very awake. Five hour energy with a monster on top'll do that to you. I'm worried that my boss smokes too much weed and doesn't do work that is valuable. This is important, as the company has only 4 full time employees. I think I'm going to have to take a lot of the lead on our next project. I'm gonna have to give people shit about not getting shit done. Not looking forward to that part, but i'm hopeful that i can manage the others effectively.
Not sure on a song but Devil and God has been on a fucking loop lately >basically girl with a boyfriend is after my dick. I have zero real interest in this girl but really want to fuck her. Mostly out of spite for all my missed chances before with girls I actually cared about. Keep talking myself in and out of it, mostly because one of my best friends gave me a talk where she basically told me "she's free to do whatever, I just don't want you getting hurt".
Feels I am paranoid as fuck. Girlfriend was admitted to a mental hospital just over two months ago now and her mum messaged me late last night saying that she had gone missing and I still have no word as to whether they have found her yet
>>53636583 >>53636581 Listen to this guy here. We may lose ourselves once in a while, but it only gets real bad if you let those things get under your skin. Sit down, take a deep breath, put on a smile and get on with your day. Tell this fucker in your head who wants you miserable and dead to shut up and get shit done anon.
What makes you lose focus is stagnating, as long as you keep walking you atleast have the momentum keeping you afloat.
>britney spears - heaven on earth >trying to get my life together which is an exciting prospect but my mental health is on the rocks coupled with the town i live in is making it hard to keep clean from hard drugs
>favourite song Townes Van Zandt - Highway Kind >current feels Poor as fuck, university constantly stresses me out to the point of mental breakdown, in the last year I've kinda unconciously alienated myself from friends and the like. Starting to develop a problem with alcohol again, mostly because of depression and insomnia. Shit sucks
>favorite song U2 - Running to Stand Still >current feels suicidal depression, tried to off myself in January. I'm extremely self loathing to the point where I avoid things that make me happy since being happy just makes me feel worse about myself. I tend to think I don't deserve anything good. Health is failing, mentally and physically. I'm dying, going blind, balding, chronically ill. If I don't kill myself, it'll either be my heart that does me in or sickness. I'm wasting away and in chronic pain. Just want it to end really.
>>53638461 I can't say that I understand everything that you're currently going through right now, considering everyone has their own story. But I've experienced some crippling events (literally -crippling-, I'm bound to a wheelchair now, as my suicide attempt fucked my spinal cord). I tried to kill myself last year around this time - I failed. I ultimately spent three months in the hospital. I learned so much. I learned to become much more comfortable with who I am. I was put on heavy medication for my anxiety and depression. And most importantly, I learned that everyone, as cliche as it sounds, has a story to tell. They have experienced conflicts, climaxes, and resolutions just like any novels that you would pick up and read.
My life has improved so much for me in this past year. I have a boyfriend, I have a scholarship, I am the first chair sax and guitarist in band - things are just overall so much better. You can't just stop trying to live your life to the fullest because of difficulties. If I allowed myself to just give up because I couldn't walk anymore, I wouldn't have been the person I am today. You can do it, man. I love you, we all love you. You're doing fine. Just push yourself to the finish line, don't quit.
>>53638729 Thanks anon, I actually posted a bit in the "describe your sex life with a song title" thread. Basically my health is completely fucked and I'm probably not going to live very long, I also got crippled in a horrifying leg injury that about liquefied my knee. My leg was fractured in 18 places, twisted around, and pulled over my shoulder. I walk with a permanent limp now and I can spin my foot around backwards as a result. Good for party tricks, but some days the pain is just unreal. Hyper light sensitive so light triggers migraines and seizures, I have to wear sunglasses outside at all times. Almost blind in one eye. Extreme self loathing. Lost my dad recently too. Can't keep a job due to health, can't get insurance, about to be homeless, terrible acne, overweight due to fragile heart not allowing me to exercise without blowing up, open heart surgery every few years, fucked up quality of life overall. Attempted suicide twice.
>Current favorite I´m kind of obsessed with the new Unknown Mortal Orchestra song: "Multi Love", its super catchy. >Current feels Semester just started. I have to write three fucking huge qualification essays. How do you think I feel? I feel ok.
>current favorite song I Hate Myself: ...And Keep Reaching For Those Stars >current feels I still love her, but she just ignores me now, and I know if she ever tries to come back I'll just go back to kissing her feet. What are some recs for wanting to forget about/hate someone you love?
>>53638164 No, I'm really not a normie. I went on facebook just this past September as a way to keep myself more grounded in reality, but it's ended up giving me more anxiety. I used to have a facebook that I deleted when I graduated from high school in December, 2012, and I went into a deep depression in 2013 derived from a crippling form of OCD that made me unable to leave my house without screaming and making weird vocalizations and clawing at my cuticles, which lead me to start drinking daily to numb myself. I spent all of 2014 recovering from my alcoholism and OCD through a 48 hour stay at the hospital in January 2014 in which I was detoxing from Vodka and then months of being on the wrong medication (in this case, I was taking Zoloft) which made unable to feel anything other than occasional bursts of rage. I finally switched to the right medication in September, and thought that going back on facebook would be a good sort of indication that I'm better, but it made me feel stressed out again. I feel kind of like I'm repeating the cycle again. Right now, though, I'm properly medicated, and am currently still enjoying the NEET lifestyle...for now...
the past few nights have been weird. was supposed to spend all of valentine's day with my gf, but the snowstorm killed those plans so we only got to see each other for a couple hours. same thing last night.
ended up spending the weekend alone with my parents. played videogames, danced to drake in my bedroom. cant even go outside its so fucking cold. would have a breakdown if i had to go through another day of this
p much obsessed with suicide in fact i have an idealised version of myself i fantasise about and atm he's tried to kill himself (he can't succeed or i'd be alone). probably been idealising suicide for about a year now
listening to motion city soundtrack atm which is p cool but kind of teenagerish.
>ctrl+f "feels" >just worked up courage to go to local frame store and get a backing put on a couple rolled up concert posters so I can hang them on my wall >know full well im going to have to talk to a qt early 20's quiet, sweater-wearing girl >put pants on, drive there, walking in parking lot >random van in the street rolls down one window a little and yells "pussy" at me >so shocked that I dont even react and just walk in >why do i even try >didnt spaghetti too bad with the girl tho
The Sufjan Stevens tickets are sold out in my town and I'm pissed about that, but otherwise I've been living out the happiest years of my life. I have a perfect girlfriend, I'm on my way to a good college, and I'm finally getting the time to work on projects that interest me. I'm starting to really figure out who I am.
Gave a girl the cold shoulder today for thinking she could get away with being a cheeky wee cunt. Now she's asking me variations of "What did I do wrong?" And "Why won't you talk to me?" Probably gonna keep it up until she apologises of her own accord.
>Current fav song: Iceage - plowing Into The Fields Of Love >Current feelio that I must dealio: Moved back to my mom like an autist, same hick town as my ex gf which I miss like fuck. My life is a mess, somebody save me.
>Feels Just went to a store and the qt at the checkout was really nice to me and seemed to know who I was, calling me by my first name. She was really sweet, I don't think I had ever met her before in my life though and was pretending to know her :x
Wish I had been less beta, she clearly liked me...not like any other girl i've met recently
I just feel like every time I talk to a girl these ays I just end up feeling worse about myself
>Current Fav song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHNgjqQXWsM >Feels Basically nothing. I'm completely indifferent to everything these days, everyday is the same boring circle of wake up, work, procrastinate. I wish something exciting happened
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