Sup guys. Lets have a feels thread going for us all
>Have been going through clinical depression with severe anxiety since September
>Went to NY yesterday to celebrate birthday with cousins (it's on Sunday but it worked out for all of us)
>I honestly really didn't want to go, but this has been a plan for over a year now
>Cousins don't know about depression
>Fake happiness throughout the whole thing while feeling downright miserable
>Listen to Good Morning, Captain
>The best person who understands me is one of my female friends who I have also fallen in love with
>Captain's desire to go home=my desire to go back to my college apartment
>Left my antidepressants/antipsychotics at college apartment cuz my stupid ass forgets things cuz of my condition
>As a result, I haven't had sleep for the past ~72 hours as my antipsychotics help with that
>Suicidal thoughts 24/7=not fun. Even if sleeping gives me nightmares, it's the lesser of two evils
>The "I'm sorry" part in Good Morning, Captain = the fact that I have hurt my friend in the past and I still regret it and hate myself for it even though she has forgiven me
>I miss you part=I miss her
>Basically the song represented the fact that I felt like shit throughout the whole trip, I really wanted to go back home, be able to sleep, be able to talk/hang with this person who actually gets what I am going through
>Really wanted to jump off cousin's balcony and kill myself but I guess thankfully I didn't
>I fucking hate myself and my life right now
I guess that's my story for the weekend. What about y'all? I hope you're all okay and not suffering through bad shit.
There's a problem though.
1. One of the reasons why she gets me so well is because she suffers from general anxiety disorder. It's I guess from a perspective pretty cute how one of us would talk/text how much we suck and the other would help out. But yeah as a result, she broke up with her bf cuz she doesn't know if she can do a relationship right now when it's gotten pretty bad for her.
2. I don't think she sees me romantically. I have drunk texted in a group text involving me and her and another trusted friend of ours before that I love her. But nobody thinks I remember my drunk texts, and she has never brought them up. I'll be quite honest, this actually eats me up a lot. Last week I was at a party for a bit (couldn't stay cuz anxiety just got worse), some girl was flirting with me, but I didn't want her, I want my friend...fuck I guess this is another one for the feels.
>dropped out of college
>lived with my parents
>felt miserable and guilty
>saved up a bit of money, bought a car, moved across country
>have barely $1000 left
>car broke down today
>got a parking ticket as well
>threw it away because I can't deal with that right now
>feel like a helpless failure
>I'm either a NEET or a wageslave
>tfw it doesn't get better, only worse
>tfw I just want everything to stop
>tfw I'll never be a cool anime character
>tfw I'll never be a successful musician
One of my friends is in sort of a similar situation. It actually caused him to have bipolar disorder which I helped him through and now the dude's always looking out for me cuz I have clinical depression. Like I know things look hopeless, but it doesn't have to be that way man. You don't have to be just a wageslave. Maybe you can try college again after working a bit and making money. Or maybe like a technical/plumber school esque thing which isn't college but can make you nice money. While doing that you can have a band on the side or do w/e kind of music you want. Remember not all cool anime characters are some super rich badasses who shoot Kamehamehas. Two of my personal favorites are Nagisa's parents from Clannad cuz if I ever get out of depression, if I ever find anyone I love and can get married with, I wanna be a cool parent like they are. Yet those guys are just peeps who run this small time bakery.
Yo I am glad your depression meds are working cuz my antidepressants have kinda stopped improving things to a certain extent. Like yeah I attend class, see friends, and eat more than half a meal a day now, but after that no more for me :/
Are you a college guy or a post-college adult or still in high school? If in high school or college you can ask her out at the end of the semester or something where you don't have to worry about that. If a full adult, maybe wait it out a bit till you guys get done with whatever lab shit you gotta do together right now. I hope it's not like you can't date with another person in your job or anything.
Yeah dude, np. Situations like yours give me at least a tiny bit of hope at a time when I have none.
I'm in college, so I'll just wait.
I was on Prozac for a while, and eventually it just stopped working for me. You might want to try changing your dose or your med. I don't know how much longer I would have made it if I didn't switch
LMFAO KILL YOURSELVES YOU FAGGOT NIGGER FUCKS, YOU'RE WORTHLESS
I was originally on Zoloft. 25 mg, then 50mg, then 75mg, then 100 mg. Did nothing for me. Then Cymbalta 60 mg, now Cymbalta 120 mg. Again, due to Cymbalta at least I am attending class, seeing a few friends I trust again, actually eating, enjoying something at least (even if it's depressing music only.) But yeah Imma ask my psychiatrist during my next visit about a possible change in meds.
Nice dubs wasted on boring gif and post.
Try telling your psychiatrist/or therapist about that if you're seeing one? Also if you are about music, I would recommend trying to maybe go see live music on occasions. We all obviously like music to some extent, and maybe you can meet with people you can relate with there, too. The ONLY thing I even have excitement for these days is seeing Swans in March. Public Castration, along with Spiderland, Either/Or, and Pink Moon has been one of my albums on repeat during depression, and has helped me sometimes to not cut myself when I feel like it. Gira's my hero, and maybe he's a guy you should check out, too as he's been through some tough shit himself.
Nice dubs indeed.
>doing like shit because I'm constantly depressed
>form some sort of anxiety, can't even attend lectures anymore, I feel really uncomfortable around people
>can't talk to anyone, I have hard time admitting to people how I feel, I'm too proud
>think of suicide almost all the time
>actually climb on top of my flats building one day, deciding to end it
>don't do it because I'm a huge pussy, being sure that with my luck, I'll just end up like a cripple
>return home after first semester, fake reason being 'my course not being what I actually want to study' while it was actually only thing I can imagine myself doing in my life
>hate being in my hometown because it reminds me of how much did I waste my teen years and missed out on so much
>cut off contact with all friends because I'm ashamed of dropping out
>talk to no one, spend entire days in my room
>family forces me to do stuff I feel really uncomfortable doing
>we're dirt poor, me just being a burden
>really don't have a single thing on my mind that makes me want to get my shit together and carry on
>future doesn't seem bright because I'm a depressed, socially inept NEET in a third world shithole
>past sucks, present sucks, future sucks
>the odds of pulling out suicide by jumping from a height don't look so bad suddenly
slint used to be my favorite band but i dont think i can take them seriously after pajo showed he was a cukc and its become clear most of their fans that defended his suicide attempt are also emo cuks with terrible views on women.